I'm a bit overwhelmed

[Darci]

Hi! I'm Darci, or I'm hoping to be Darci.

I'm 45, an Army Vet, and I live in the Atlanta metro area. After decades of not realizing it was possible, I'm taking another bite at the apple and going for transition. The first time I tried was back in 1995 and I got shut down pretty hard. After seeing so many people starting their transition, I'm trying again. The Lovely Wife™, my father and my brother are all chomping at the bit to support me on this road, as have so many of my friends; I'm a bit overwhelmed.

 

I'm still about a week out from my initial counseling appointment and I'm excited and nervous.
 

I'm hoping that this will be one of many posts along the way and I look forward to reading your success stories.

 

-Darci

[Jackie C.]

Salutations Darci and welcome to Transpulse!

 

I started transitioning at 48 (in 2018). I see from my mad math skills, you tried to transition when you were 20. May I ask what happened?

 

In any case, feel free to ask us anything. We've got a lot of members from all over the place and at all stages of transition. If you need an answer, we can probably help you find it. Perhaps, in time, you can become simply "whelmed."

 

Hugs!

[Carolyn Marie]

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Darci!  Thank you for your service to America.  it's great to hear that  you're family is supportive.  That will help immensely as you move forward, and is a fairly rare thing, even in these more "progressive" times.

 

Please look around the forums and ask all the questions you want to ask.  One thing I can assure you is that everyone is or was just as nervous as you are when starting out.  It's natural.  Best wishes to you, and know that we'll be here when you need a hand.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

[KathyLauren]

Hi, Darci.  Welcome!

 

I am happy for you that your wife and family are with you on this journey.  That makes it so much easier.

 

Relax and enjoy your appointment next week.  It is the first step on the most amazing journey you will ever take in your life, so it will be something to look back on.  I hope it goes well.

 

I am 66 and ex-RCAF.  There are all kinds of people here, in all walks of life, but the one thing they have in common is kindness and a willingness to help.

 

Regards,

Kathy

[Darci]

2 hours ago, Jackie C. said:

Salutations Darci and welcome to Transpulse!

 

I started transitioning at 48 (in 2018). I see from my mad math skills, you tried to transition when you were 20. May I ask what happened?

 

Absolutely you can ask... here's what happened.
I was seeing a psychiatrist near ATL for ADHD, and back then I didn't have the linguistic skills I do now. I described how I was feeling and after a few sessions of talking about it, one of them including my parents, he got me a diagnosis. I will never forget it. "You have a significant fault in your core gender identity." He went on to tell me that I did not make the threshold for transition under the DSM-IV. I felt weird about it and it never got mentioned again.

I did what most Gen-Xers do, I got good at coping, but I kept feeling like every time that it would come back I felt like a drill sergeant was looming over me as I was doing pushups... and here we are.

 

[Jackie C.]

Well, that sounds incredibly arbitrary. Shame on him. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

 

I can't identify with the drill sergeant though, I'm like 5-G. They had to come up with a new classification of "unfit to serve" for me.

 

Hugs!

[Darci]

1 hour ago, Jackie C. said:

Well, that sounds incredibly arbitrary. Shame on him. I'm sorry you had to go through that.

 

I don't think he was being arbitrary, I mean under that edition of the DSM, the rules were different. It sucked, but it opened opportunities that I wouldn't have had.

 

 

[Jackie C.]

OK, fine but the rule was arbitrary. How do you define level of trans-ness? It's not like they can point a trans-ometer at you and say, "Nope, you only scored a 53, no transition for you."

 

Hugs!

[Darci]

Ya got me... but the DSM-IV has been replaced, I'm working with a different therapist, so hopefully we'll be off to the races. Now I just gotta get the VA to play nice.

 

[Jackie C.]

From what I've seen, the VA has been really helpful to my trans sisters that have served. Again, I can't speak from personal experience, but most of the girls report smooth sailing.

 

Hugs!

[Lee H]

Hi Darci, and welcome. This is a pleasant place to spend some time.

The VA is being very good to me, too. The Reno VA seems to have gotten the message: "Treat transgender folks with respect and dignity," and they are. 

I think they are following the WPATH guidelines for gender therapy, which eliminate the "gatekeeper" approach in earlier trans treatment. It has been the newer "informed consent" approach for me so far, including getting started on HRT. I have had conversations with a few MD's, PhD's and Social Workers, but none of them have "grilled" me about "prove you are really transgender." The vibe I've gotten really is quite the opposite. I'm quite satisfied, and I'm enjoying participating in everything (except the frequent blood draws at the Vampire Lab).

 

[Darci]

1 hour ago, Lee H said:

Hi Darci, and welcome. This is a pleasant place to spend some time.

The VA is being very good to me, too. The Reno VA seems to have gotten the message: "Treat transgender folks with respect and dignity," and they are. 

I think they are following the WPATH guidelines for gender therapy, which eliminate the "gatekeeper" approach in earlier trans treatment. It has been the newer "informed consent" approach for me so far, including getting started on HRT. I have had conversations with a few MD's, PhD's and Social Workers, but none of them have "grilled" me about "prove you are really transgender." The vibe I've gotten really is quite the opposite. I'm quite satisfied, and I'm enjoying participating in everything (except the frequent blood draws at the Vampire Lab).

 

Thank you so much for the heads up.

I have no idea what the Atlanta VA will be like. I already have an initial counseling appointment with someone in the private sector. I'm going to need to work with the VA to coordinate care, and hopefully the ATLVA got the same message as the Reno VA.

Bless all y'all for the help. It relieves not only me, but The Lovely Wife™. She's been worried the VA would be *resistant*.

 

[Sally Stone]

Hi Darci, welcome.  I wanted to say hi and let you know you are among many vets here. Like you, I am an Army veteran.  I served for 20 years.  This is wonderful group and I have no doubt they will provide great support as you transition.  I wish you all the best.  The best thing you have going for you is the support, especially your wife, that's priceless.  

[Darci]

1 hour ago, Sally Stone said:

Hi Darci, welcome.  I wanted to say hi and let you know you are among many vets here. Like you, I am an Army veteran.  I served for 20 years.  This is wonderful group and I have no doubt they will provide great support as you transition.  I wish you all the best.  The best thing you have going for you is the support, especially your wife, that's priceless.  

Thank you so much, Sister! It's good to know I walk shoulder-to-shoulder with many of my former comrades.

 

 

[KayC]

17 hours ago, Darci said:

The Lovely Wife™, my father and my brother are all chomping at the bit to support me on this road, as have so many of my friends;

Hi Darci!  nice to meet you and Welcome!
Congratulations on your commitment!  And having the support of a spouse/family and friends is so important.  Looking forward to hearing about your progress❣️

[Lee H]

Me too, Darci. Thanks for being here.

Your post got me wondering if there's a feminine form of "comrade," and if so, whether cis women troops use it?

Surprisingly obscure question, muddled by the Russian use of "comrade." Best answer I could find was that in English, "comrade" is an ungendered noun, and a tangent that led me to "girl." I don't know about you, but I call the MtF transitioners on this site, "girls." Well, I guess some cis women consider it demeaning, as in disrespectful or diminishing. I don't, but who am I to have an opinion? 

I followed this rabbit hole because I would like to become as authentic a "girl" as I can be, irrespective of PC. So, Darci, to me you're a "girlfriend," and I like it like that.

And, thanks for your service. Welcome home.

~~Here's a military hug, by the numbers -- Lee

[Ivy]

On 10/26/2020 at 7:00 PM, Lee H said:

The VA is being very good to me, too. The Reno VA seems to have gotten the message: "Treat transgender folks with respect and dignity," and they are. 

Hi Darci

My experience with the VA in Asheville has been good as well.  I would expect it will be the same for you.

[Darci]

3 hours ago, Lee H said:

Me too, Darci. Thanks for being here.

Your post got me wondering if there's a feminine form of "comrade," and if so, whether cis women troops use it?

Surprisingly obscure question, muddled by the Russian use of "comrade." Best answer I could find was that in English, "comrade" is an ungendered noun, and a tangent that led me to "girl." I don't know about you, but I call the MtF transitioners on this site, "girls." Well, I guess some cis women consider it demeaning, as in disrespectful or diminishing. I don't, but who am I to have an opinion? 

I followed this rabbit hole because I would like to become as authentic a "girl" as I can be, irrespective of PC. So, Darci, to me you're a "girlfriend," and I like it like that.

And, thanks for your service. Welcome home.

~~Here's a military hug, by the numbers -- Lee

I'm glad you found your pronouns. I'm taking a very laid-back approach. I was in a Fraternity my first go at college, and our chapter eventually went co-ed and Brother was used to refer to males and females, so that's what I prefer. Most of my Army buddies will likely wind up using my last name, which is cool.

"Comrade" just doesn't sit well with me. Growing up under Reagan and Bush, Sr. and the last trappings of the Cold War has that word giving me the heebie jeebies. Until I start hormones and start assuming more of the mantle of my feminine identity I'm still going by my birth name.

[Ivy]

I'm fine with being referred to as one of the "girls".

I pretty much consider myself a "transgirl" myself even though I'm kinda old.

And of course I do kinda feel like a teenager.  LOL

[Emily michelle]

Welcome Darci! Great to have you here. That is really nice that you have family to support you.