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2beBreanna

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Good morning all.  I am Breanna.  Or will be soon i hope.  I just rediscovered  my inner girl over the last 2 years.  I'm 41 y/o.  I am married for 17 years to a great women and have 2 children. 

 

Over the last 2 years my wife and I played with feminization.  I ran with it as much as I could.  I loved it from the start.   I have since been thinking non-stop about why it felt so right.  After lots of soul searching I brought up buried memories of wanting to be female when I was younger. 

I guess when I younger I told myself it can never happen and pushed those desires to the side.  I tried hard to be a man.  And failed on many fronts as I look at the last 2 decades. But I must have done good enough that even i forgot I am not meant to be a man.

 

Anyways....  I finally talked about this to my wife who went way over board saying we will be divorced and she is losing me.  After some talks and letting her know I won't make any moves until we discuss and she is OK with it.  She is still having a hard time but warming up and has told me I can explore it more with a counselor and doctor to see what steps I can start. 

 

So later today I get to call insurance  and come out to them and see what is covered.

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  • Forum Moderator

Salutations Breanna and welcome to TransPulse!

 

Your story runs parallel to a lot of girls here. For example, I was terrible at being a man too. Also bad at being a boy. Dad tried to force me into Boy Scouts. It was not pretty.

 

I'm sorry your wife isn't taking the news well, but she's willing to let you seek therapy and see how it goes. There's a good chance she'll come around once she's had time to think. My wife doesn't consider herself a lesbian either, but she's adjusted her preferences to "Men plus me." I couldn't ask for anything better.

 

I'm looking forward to getting to know you, so feel free to jump in as the mood strikes you.

 

Hugs!

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  • Forum Moderator
1 hour ago, 2beBreanna said:

Anyways....  I finally talked about this to my wife who went way over board saying we will be divorced and she is losing me.  After some talks and letting her know I won't make any moves until we discuss and she is OK with it.  She is still having a hard time but warming up and has told me I can explore it more with a counselor and doctor to see what steps I can start. 

Good morning @2beBreanna you're among like minded people here at TransPulseForums. My wife is not on board with my transition. She is battling with the loss of a Husband and 44 year Marriage, we're working through couples counseling. Give your wife time to adjust to the transitioning you.

 

Hugs,

 

Mindy???

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5 hours ago, 2beBreanna said:

Good morning all.  I am Breanna.  Or will be soon i hope.  I just rediscovered  my inner girl over the last 2 years.  I'm 41 y/o.  I am married for 17 years to a great women and have 2 children. 

 

Anyways....  I finally talked about this to my wife who went way over board saying we will be divorced and she is losing me.  After some talks and letting her know I won't make any moves until we discuss and she is OK with it.  She is still having a hard time but warming up and has told me I can explore it more with a counselor and doctor to see what steps I can start.

 

Hi Breanna,

 

As Jackie & Mindy have stated your wife's reaction is similar to many of us. My wife has no desire to be lesbian. I am not socially transitioning, but am having bottom surgery to fix a medical issue from a botched prostate surgery. My wife was actually OK with the surgery until she realized I was transgender. That started a roller coaster ride with my wife I didn't know if we could overcome at first. We've been married 40 years. It has got much better recently, but maybe not to "men plus me" yet. One can hope?

 

Just remember, this is new information to your wife and it will take some time to process. By letting her know she will be involved in each move you have already taken a step in the right direction. It is a transition for her just as much as it is for you. Keeping her involved can make all the difference and help keep your relationship alive.

 

Hugs,

Mike

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Thank you for the welcome and reassurances.  I feel that my wife is slowly coming to as she she thinks back to my more male/not so friendly being compared to the feminine gentler being.  I try to get her to realize that if i am happy with who I am, I will be the gentle lovey dovey person she wants now more.   

 

For now my goal is to start HRT slowly and possibly an orchi since that is my biggest dysphoria spot.  I have been hoping for a few years to get rid of those things.  

 

I called insurance today and got what I feared would happen...Transgender care  is excluded from the policy.  I have a good insurance plan but I guess they decided the employees would not be open to others transitioning.  Working in a "mans" job sucks, but it pays the bills.  Now i need to research what steps i can take to get on HRT or even just T blockers.

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  • Forum Moderator

Welcome Breanna!  I hope your journey with your wife goes smoothly.  As to insurance, I think that is a common response.  I'm retired but I don't believe my employer covered any TG services.  My current insurance doesn't provide coverage either.  After starting therapy, you may find HRT to be reasonable in cost.  

 

Please join in the conversation.

Jani

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1 hour ago, Jani said:

After starting therapy, you may find HRT to be reasonable in cost.  

Thanks for the reassurance Jani. 

 

That is my hopes, I would hope the meds wont be much of an issue.  Its just hard hearing that when you finally open to the idea of pursuing this when there is a strong chance of it completely changing life.   I think I have other avenues to take to get the one surgery I want/need.  it will just take time and lots of appointments complaining about issues i have mostly ignored after being told its no big deal.

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Welcome Breanna I also feared the insurance company. When I called them originally they said no transgender coverage. I went to my endocrinologist and met with her and they were able to push it through. I have been on hrt for 6 months and have had a mammogram and insurance has covered everything including the majority of my prescriptions. When or if you decide on hrt talk with your endocrinologist. Working in a male dominated field is hard. I’m not out to my union and employer yet. Eventually I will get there hiding is proving harder than coming out.

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  • Admin

Welcome to Trans Pulse, Breanna.  I hope that your wife comes around to supporting you.  It often takes a while, and a lot of conversation and facts, to reassure a spouse.  With my wife, once she went out with me and saw that people treated me as a woman and there was no drama, she started to warm up to Carolyn.

 

Before CA changed its insurance laws to ensure that transition related care was covered, I paid cash for HRT and office visits.  After the initial exams and blood work, HRT turned out to cost about $20/month.  Obviously surgery will cost much more, but its not an ongoing expense for many people, especially if limited to an orchi.  But I'm getting ahead of things.  Therapy and HRT come first.  I wish you all the best.

 

HUGS

 

Carolyn Marie

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    • VickySGV
      We have had some real dillies come out as the initiative sort of thing, but as @Carolyn Marie said, very few make it out of the petition signing seasons.  I am not surprised at the origin site of this thing, it is probably one of only 3 regressive leaning counties we have in the state. We actually had one of these initiatives started to make it mandatory for police to shoot dead on site any Gay behaving individuals wherever they found them.  For the most part the matters are poorly written in ways to be unenforceable even if enacted.  Thus most never become law or get to the voters.
    • Carolyn Marie
      You make some good points, AYS.  But there are usually already too many ballot propositions each election, so the proponents know it's best to wrap it all up into a nice package.  Plus, it's easier for the signature gatherers.  Otherwise they have to have a separate clipboard for each proposition.  Too much paperwork, dontcha know?   This kind of proposition is a loser in CA, so the only possible way the proponents can succeed is to give it the scariest title imaginable and try to put one over on the voters before they get wise.  Bottom line; an ice cube on a hot summer sidewalk has a better chance of success.   Carolyn Marie
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Reading that article, it seems like the attorney general gets to call it whatever unless its an outright lie.  Given the nature of politics in CA, it seems like one side has the bully pulpit for sure.  Labeling it "Restricts Rights" vs "Protects Kids" is very much a matter of perspective.  Unfortunately, that matters since many voters don't bother to read.  Perhaps a better (unbiased) way to handle it would be to simply give the ballot measure a number with no title, forcing folks to read it.    I think it would have been better to handle the various issues covered by the ballot measure separately, rather than all at once.  For example, issues relating to disclosure of medical and social information to parents.  That could be its own ballot measure, rather than lumped in with everything else.  Besides, shorter and more succinct measures are more likely to be read completely. 
    • Carolyn Marie
      https://calmatters.org/education/k-12-education/2024/04/trans-youth/     Yup, the existing title sound perfectly appropriate and accurate to me, too.   Carolyn Marie
    • Adrianna Danielle
      Seen my hrt specialist this morning and nothing but good news,estrogen levels looked good.Boyfriend was with me and I admit he has been learning well about my transition showing his support.Our relationship is going great and we both see each other much happier now.
    • Abigail Genevieve
      This reminded me of an individual who, due to child sexual abuse, lived as a woman for 15 years, detransitioned and noisily insists that all trans people have his story.  His name comes up fairly often because it fits the narrative.   I don't know that anyone actually has been railroaded.  People may say it, they may look back at what happened and decide that happened.  It's a he said / she said, but it feeds a narrative that is useful for those who are already convinced that trans people are abuse victims first and foremost.  That the detransition rate is so low tells me that railroading is not actually a problem, and I regret giving the impression that I thought it was.  That so few detransition is a success story.   What is pertitent at heart is that people hear and believe all the stories out there, and the story we have to tell is not heard, because TG folk are, after all, untrustworthy in their view and unworthy of an audience.  Somehow it needs to get out there as to what the real situation is. 
    • Ashley0616
    • Ashley0616
      I'm not saying that Christianity is wrong but at the same time there were more than 30,000 changes to it. The Bible doesn't state anything against transgender. The only point that can be proven by them is that people are giving into their desire. 1 John 2:15-17 ESV "Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever." I would love to challenge them by asking who watches a movie, reads books, and listens to music that isn't Christian based because then they would be guilty as well. 1 Corinthians 10:31 ESV "So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. Probably not a single hand would still stand that they don't participate in everything they do gives glory to God. "
    • VickySGV
      My neighboring state got lucky a couple years ago. 
    • VickySGV
      https://www.wpath.org/soc8   I had been looking for this to respond to a member and could not find it .  Pinning it for now.
    • VickySGV
      @Abigail GenevieveSomewhere in the Forums here, we have a link to the World Professional Association for Transgender Health's Standards Of Care, now at revision 8 but it is available in plenty of places.   https://www.wpath.org/soc8.    These are the canons for the allied medical fields that deal with Trans people and are the guidance for those professionals.  I personally know members of the Association and have toyed with the idea of becoming an associate member since I am not a medical professional but because I like to keep on top of what is going on medically.  There are a number of Trans people who think they are overly oppressive as far as the gatekeeping goes, but the medical / psychological profession members who follow these guidelines for there patients WILL NOT be forcing their patients into unneeded or harmful surgery or medications.  I read my first pitiful and heart-rending  "detransitioning" story 60 years ago when I snuck a tabloid newspaper behind a comic book down at the neighborhood convenience store when I was 16 years old and reading it off the rack which should have been adult only.  I am afraid that it was the first thing I ever read that told me about Trans and Transsexual people, it would be another 30 years before I actually figured out my own story.  The story I later found out, was NOT written by a Trans person, but a well known Porn scribbler who wrote many fantastic and gory stories about what he thought Trans people were.  We are not anything like his imagination, but he was a "press agent" for Trans people of the time.  We do have some well known and noisy, negative view Detransitioners who have been found to have gone to multiple psychologists and lied their way Transitioning, one of the most infamous actually hid Dissociative Identity Disorder, right therapist wrong Identity that was being counseled.  It is a messy story.  The public, like my first encounter, was NOT getting their information from the scientific journals of the time, they were getting it from Adult Entertainment and Tabloids   We need to be careful of where we get some of our ideas from. Evidence is good that the person at the heart of this thread gets most of his information from us from the slanted and non-scientific sources most people get theirs.   OOPs, I( may have sent this off track here, but but but.    
    • Ivy
    • Ashley0616
      Yet another failed attempt. Glad to know that we are more important than education or health care to them.
    • Mmindy
      I agree with you.   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
    • Mmindy
      Well said, and I agree @VickySGV   Mindy🌈🐛🏳️‍⚧️🦋
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