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Petra Jane

Transsexuals and Partners

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Too often in the Transsexual Community spouses are overlooked. Ts's often don't understand what they are going through because they are dealing with their own issues. The purpose of this forum is to give Significant Others, Wives and families a place of their own where they can discuss their issues and concerns with each other.

Transsexualism occurs when the mind and bodies gender don't match. Ts's often feel they were born into the wrong body. Most report that their first remembered thought at the age of 4 or 5 is that they were the opposite of how they appeared to be. Often they played with toys generally reserved for the opposite sex.

Ts's have a strong survival instinct initially and most, quickly learn to hide how they feel. Most pray and hope daily for it to go away. Many seek partners who they feel may cure them. Sadly there is no cure, only treatment. The transgender suicide rate is 31%. Over 50% report having had their first suicide attempt by the age of 20. A gender Therapist is often the first step in treatment .

Being the partner of a Transsexual is vastly different than being with a CD. While Crossdressers are all male after dressing the Male to female (MTF) Transsexual does not feel male after dressing. Though there are defensive male parts in the mind it is really female in nature.

Transsexuality is inborn. The hypothalamus in the brain which governs sexuality is female in size. In the FTM or Female to male it is male in size. It is not a choice. There is often confusion until hormones are taken for two years and Gender Reassignment (GRS) Surgery is completed and the mind and body become one.

Most marriages to Transsexuals do not survive as they do with Crossdressers. This is because once the Gender Dysphoria takes a firm hold and becomes unbearable the TS is no longer effectively the gender of the person you married. This is severely hard on the partner. Many cannot deal with this. If you married a male this person is slowly changing to a female.

Those that do survive do so with a strong love bond and are usually able to let the marriage become almost Genderless. Its the person who becomes important not the gender. This is hard to do for most. If you can't, don't blame yourself. In no way is this your fault. Most will end up as very supportive friends. Older partners tend to stay together more than younger partners.

If you still wish to have children an MTF should save their seed before starting hormones as hormones will make your partner sterile.

While many Transsexuals usually retain their present sexual orientation for some it can change the longer they are on hormones. Usually after 2 years it is set. You need to keep this possibility in mind as it can happen.

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