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@Mmindy I'm so glad you're thoroughly taking care of yourself. I hope you heal soon. Consider getting some arnica cream which helps with inflammation and bruising. @Hannah Renee CONGRATULATIONS! I feel for you @Elizabeth Star & @NashySlashy . It's not easy. Speaking from personal experience, (C)PTSD can be painful & quite a nuisance, frankly, for every day functioning. I was walking on the beach with my friend two days ago. We stopped to sit on a concrete slab. There was a backhoe driving back and forth, raking piles of seaweed. The driver seemed to be positioning the truck to drop the rake/hoe thing as close to the concrete slab as possible, but instead slammed it down on the slab. My friend and I both screamed. I felt extremely light headed, as if I stood up too quickly x10, but I was sitting. I felt so sick from the sudden rush of adrenaline - I was trying to collect myself, but kept seeing stars be felt sick. I commented to my friend, well there goes all my cortisol for the day. Next day (yesterday) I was in bed half the day - just had no energy. I did manage to make it to choir rehearsal last night, and I'm doing a bit better today.
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Btw, I hope y'all don't mind me dropping in on this thread from time to time - I don't ID as a man, but as nonbinary and possibly a touch of trans masc. I just appreciate a place to talk about our intersecting issues. To wit, an update on chest dysphoria. The shirt I was wearing in that photo which triggered the recent dysphoria went right into the donation bag - bye bye. I decided that if I'm seriously considering any kind of top surgery, then I can certainly be disciplined to lose a few pounds, and that will reduce boobage to some extent. I'm not overweight, but was about 8 lbs more than the weight I prefer to be at the time the photo was taken which triggered me. I've lost 2 lbs so far. I gained weight, ironically, not because of the pandemic, but because concurrent with that, I started having issues with my feet which prevented me from walking as much as I usually do. That's getting a little better, but since I'm not as mobile as I used to be, I'm now making a concerted effort to limit calorie consumption. Also, I've been collecting a few light weight short sleeve button downs to wear over a tee shirt - this hides the side boob watermelon effect pretty well and makes me feel more handsome. Overall, I'm feeling more hopeful about the situation. Question. When you're presenting masc or masc-ish and you're not out to family (or friends), do you ever wonder or worry what they think? I'm pretty sure people in my life have noticed a change in my appearance over the last few years. When I was younger and presented masc or androgynous (not knowing I was trans, but just because that's how I liked to express), I frequently got pegged, and sometimes got made fun of, for being a lesbian, which I'm not. (Trying to refrain from going off on a tangent regarding how conflicted and self-loathing I felt for so long...) Moreover, I know my husband accepts me (this took an awful lot of strife, but we're there now...) and thinks I'm cute, but I sometimes get paranoid that others feel "sorry" for him that "I've let myself go" or some such. I'm very much working on not caring what others think - it goes hand in hand with greater self-acceptance. However, I still struggle with it when it comes to my husband - I feel haunted by the past in ways - things from when I was younger & things he's said to me before he learned to be more accepting. Please forgive me if this brings up anything painful for anyone. I really need folks to talk with about this because I don't have any trans guy or trans masc friends irl. Thanks for listening.
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For me it's not having to deny myself anymore.
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I am going to go out as my true self and create some new music and relax. How about you?
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kind of in a Zep mood.....
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LGBT veteran care from the VA web site
KymmieL replied to KymmieL's topic in Military Veterans and Active-Duty Service Members
I would highly encourage anyone going to VA or even considering going to the VA to go. While like @Jandi has said. it isn't perfect but nothing in this world is. The VA has really embraced the LGBT community. When I go to the Cheyenne VA I feel accepted and cared for. It is a safe place for us. Those looking to start transition. Talk to your primary provider or mental health provider. That is what I did. I actually wrote a letter. I was just about done with my session with her. When she asked is there anything else you want to talk about. I gave her the letter. Wound up talking for another hour, she even called one of the gender specialists to come visit with me. That got the whole ball rolling. Only regret I have is not doing it sooner. Kymmie - Today
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For you, what is the best part of being trans?
NashySlashy replied to Jaycie's topic in General Transition Issues
Same!! I enjoy the empowerment that comes from being trans, but I can't be open about it. Everyone still refers to me as my birth pronouns because they don't really understand. My family is very conservative, so they wouldn't get it. My husband's family is a bit more liberal, but they refuse to really...correct any of their behaviors. My sibling-in-law is genderfluid and they (the family) still refers to them by the wrong pronouns and even deadnames them. I told my husband that I was questioning my gender a while back, and he still refers to me as "wife" when talking about me to others. It's a mess lol. -
What was the most difficult thing to overcome to accept your true gender?
Jandi replied to Heather Shay's topic in General Forum
Some of us fight it far longer than that. But realizing who we are is a tremendous relief. -
For you, what is the best part of being trans?
Rosie. replied to Jaycie's topic in General Transition Issues
Aside from living authentically, I’ve overcome a lot of fear I’ve had broiling in my gut for a long time. Coming out as a professional in a highly conservative area, was absolutely terrifying. But I’ve managed to survive! Being trans is a gift in many ways. Hoping you’re filled with trans joy! *hugs* Rosie -
Thank you for sharing that Vicky. Hugs, Charlize
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As a person in recovery in AA i have found that Christianity has never been forced down my throat. It was suggested that i find a higher power. I'm still in looking 15 years later but that search never took me to Christianity. It has helped me accept\, know and love myself and others. Some may well take the path of Christianity but there is certainly no requirement to do so. "The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking" Hugs, Charlize
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Fun Friday Fact - hope you respond weekly to give us all a smile
Marcie Jensen replied to Heather Shay's topic in General Forum
There's an urban myth connected with this that Adams' last words were "Jefferson still survives. The republic is safe." His actual last words were "At least Jefferson still lives." He was mistaken as Jefferson died five hours earlier. -
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"You don't need to be perfect to inspire others. Let others be inspired by how you deal with your imperfections."
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Fun Friday Fact - hope you respond weekly to give us all a smile
Heather Shay replied to Heather Shay's topic in General Forum
The 50 star U.S. flag was designed by a man in Lancaster, Ohio Americans eat 150 million hotdogs on The 4th of July. There is something written on the back of the Declaration of Independence (it was written on parchment that had been written on earlier during the Revolutionary War. Both Thomas Jefferson and John Adams died on the 50th anniversity of the the Declaration. -
What was the most difficult thing to overcome to accept your true gender?
NashySlashy replied to Heather Shay's topic in General Forum
I know this is an old post, but it really resonated with me. I'm 29 and didn't realize I was trans until a week ago. The dysphoria has always been there (bottom dysphoria, in particular). I also hate my chest...but I don't know if that's more related to trauma than dysphoria. Possibly both? This is all still very new to me. And I guess that's where my barriers lie. Self-doubt. I'm never sure of myself. But what makes me sure of this is the fact that I feel empowered by the realization. I feel like a new man...because that's precisely what I am. Once I can start presenting as such without judgement, then I'll be much better off. -
@Elizabeth StarI had to go in person (which I preferred anyway) since that e-file system is so convoluted. Being in a small county helped that process. I'm sorry you're having to go through all this stress. I also know that you are a woman of strength, and you will get through this. Hugs
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Jaycie changed their profile photo -
Thank you so much!!
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Good morning, everyone. I didn't sleep too hot last night (nightmares galore!). And my husband has me worried because he's panicking over the Supreme Court ruling and is having conversations with his parents that don't involve me at all...even though I'm the subject of the conversation. It's making me a little uneasy. I know he's worried and doesn't want me to worry, but he doesn't realize that by not including me in the conversation, it's making me worry. I tried telling him that and he just changed the subject. I'm so sorry you're going through that, Elizabeth. As someone with CPTSD, I can certainly relate to having automatic trauma responses. You are doing the right thing by seeking treatment. I wish you the best of luck!
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Good morning everyone. @Hannah Renee Congratulations on the name change. The process in our state is a little weird but at least changing your gender marker is easy peasy. @MmindyI'm sorry to hear about your mishap and thankful you're, more or less, OK. I know I've been pretty quiet here for a while. I've had a LOT of traumas surfacing. Thankfully, my GT actually specializes in trauma and since I'm in a holding pattern with my transition right now we decided to switch gears. I've come to find out that I'm full of automatic trauma responses. Just the simple action of my supervisor calling me into his office fills me with anxiety and triggers a fight or flight response. Just normal, everyday things are setting me off and I can't keep going like this anymore. It's going to be a long and emotionally painful process but it needs to be done. I can't keep running from my problems.
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Thanks, awesome! — Davie
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Hi @Purple8. Welcome. Yes, I identify with your feelings. I think it is tough to "find" yourself when you identify as somewhere in the middle, such as non-binary. It's a process that for me, took time, and reflection, and writing about it and, yes, talking to a gender therapist, too. You're doing great by finding this TGP site. Keep coming. We're here all night. -- Davie
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Snow Princess Sophie changed their profile photo -
You are in a pretty common place with a lot of us here. We are not Gender Counselors, but almost all of us have been through Gender Counseling and found that it really helped us. When we tell the rest of the world that we are not their idea of what we should be and are going to be our own self, it can be a bit rough, but it is freeing.
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Hello everyone! I am a 32 year old person who was assigned male at birth. Generally fine with the pronouns he/they. Most of my life I have identified as a cis-man but lately have been really questioning how much that truly describes who I am. Throughout my life I have always had discomfort when I’ve been grouped with guys or asked to do things because I am a “man.” When I was a kid in school and I would be grouped with the boys I would always feel out of place. I used to justify this feeling because I’m gay and most of the boys I knew growing up were straight. Even as an adult now I feel pretty alien generally when I am around a group of typically straight men. As an adult I find myself pretty comfortable presenting pretty “masculinely.” But I still find myself experiencing a lot of friction when people have certain perceptions or expectations of me because of that presentation. And recently I have had interactions with a guy where while we were together he complimented how masculine and manly I was which felt incredibly uncomfortable to me. Which, has now lead me to self reflect and I feel I truly don’t relate to the terms masculine or manly other than my very surface level presentation. I also don’t consider myself really feminine. Though I do feel that with whatever feminine traits or qualities I do have, I really enjoy when those are complimented or affirmed. I definitely don’t identify as a woman, though. A couple weeks ago I finally was just like “maybe I am non-binary” and once I sat with that for a second and I realized I could just remove myself from having to wear the label of “man”, I felt as though a giant weight was being lifted off of me and it felt pretty amazing. So this is still very new for me. I’m still exploring this and have so far enjoyed the journey. Though, I do have a kind of imposter syndrome feeling as I still currently really am fine and enjoy presenting more masculinely (however sometimes with a little queer flair.) Really for me it’s mostly dealing with the general discomfort I feel from people’s expectations of me because they look at me and think “man.” Anybody with similar experiences?
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@Carolyn Marie Minor Confession -- I am in it as well. I am in an unusually shy mood at the minute though. I know, I know, not my usual self.
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Who's Online 9 Members, 0 Anonymous, 40 Guests (See full list)
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- Jaycie
- Cyndee
- Jackie C.
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Total Topics76.7k
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Total Posts720k
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Posts
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By Vidanjali · Posted
@Mmindy I'm so glad you're thoroughly taking care of yourself. I hope you heal soon. Consider getting some arnica cream which helps with inflammation and bruising. @Hannah Renee CONGRATULATIONS! I feel for you @Elizabeth Star & @NashySlashy . It's not easy. Speaking from personal experience, (C)PTSD can be painful & quite a nuisance, frankly, for every day functioning. I was walking on the beach with my friend two days ago. We stopped to sit on a concrete slab. There was a backhoe driving back and forth, raking piles of seaweed. The driver seemed to be positioning the truck to drop the rake/hoe thing as close to the concrete slab as possible, but instead slammed it down on the slab. My friend and I both screamed. I felt extremely light headed, as if I stood up too quickly x10, but I was sitting. I felt so sick from the sudden rush of adrenaline - I was trying to collect myself, but kept seeing stars be felt sick. I commented to my friend, well there goes all my cortisol for the day. Next day (yesterday) I was in bed half the day - just had no energy. I did manage to make it to choir rehearsal last night, and I'm doing a bit better today. -
By Vidanjali · Posted
Btw, I hope y'all don't mind me dropping in on this thread from time to time - I don't ID as a man, but as nonbinary and possibly a touch of trans masc. I just appreciate a place to talk about our intersecting issues. To wit, an update on chest dysphoria. The shirt I was wearing in that photo which triggered the recent dysphoria went right into the donation bag - bye bye. I decided that if I'm seriously considering any kind of top surgery, then I can certainly be disciplined to lose a few pounds, and that will reduce boobage to some extent. I'm not overweight, but was about 8 lbs more than the weight I prefer to be at the time the photo was taken which triggered me. I've lost 2 lbs so far. I gained weight, ironically, not because of the pandemic, but because concurrent with that, I started having issues with my feet which prevented me from walking as much as I usually do. That's getting a little better, but since I'm not as mobile as I used to be, I'm now making a concerted effort to limit calorie consumption. Also, I've been collecting a few light weight short sleeve button downs to wear over a tee shirt - this hides the side boob watermelon effect pretty well and makes me feel more handsome. Overall, I'm feeling more hopeful about the situation. Question. When you're presenting masc or masc-ish and you're not out to family (or friends), do you ever wonder or worry what they think? I'm pretty sure people in my life have noticed a change in my appearance over the last few years. When I was younger and presented masc or androgynous (not knowing I was trans, but just because that's how I liked to express), I frequently got pegged, and sometimes got made fun of, for being a lesbian, which I'm not. (Trying to refrain from going off on a tangent regarding how conflicted and self-loathing I felt for so long...) Moreover, I know my husband accepts me (this took an awful lot of strife, but we're there now...) and thinks I'm cute, but I sometimes get paranoid that others feel "sorry" for him that "I've let myself go" or some such. I'm very much working on not caring what others think - it goes hand in hand with greater self-acceptance. However, I still struggle with it when it comes to my husband - I feel haunted by the past in ways - things from when I was younger & things he's said to me before he learned to be more accepting. Please forgive me if this brings up anything painful for anyone. I really need folks to talk with about this because I don't have any trans guy or trans masc friends irl. Thanks for listening. -
By Heather Shay · Posted
For me it's not having to deny myself anymore. -
By Heather Shay · Posted
I am going to go out as my true self and create some new music and relax. How about you? -
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Today's Birthdays
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Estevan
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Julielynn
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lewlew
(28 years old)
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