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  2. Sally Stone

    Hi everyone, I'm Dani

    Hi Dani, Welcome to the TransPulse forums. Thanks for sharing a little about yourself. I think you'll find great friendship and support here.
  3. Today
  4. Dani LeFae

    Hi everyone, I'm Dani

    I am a 52 year old bearded newly gender fluid AMAB. I have closeted since about age 10 when I realized wow I felt when expressing myself through clothing was wrong. I think like many I first used my moms night dress around age 9 and remember it felt so good. I was home alone and stayed in her night dress all day simply playing with my toys in my room. Around age 10 I got caught and was shamed for it. I went a few years before the impulse to dress became to strong to ignore. I began, occasionally dressing in secret. Around this time I had a secret boyfriend and I would use his sisters clothing once in a while until he said it was weird, so back in the closet I would go and stay. I never connected sexuality to dressing. The feelings I experienced were more around comfort and pretty. After several failed relationships, 1 failed marriage, and 2 children, I met my current partner at age 22. I had 2 children, she had 2 children, we married, and had another. I did not fully dress for about 8 or 9 years but the impulse was strong. Around age 30 or so I came out to my partner. We were members of an internet group that was often openly sexual in nature. I had offered a questionnaire into one of the forums and one of the questions was "Have you ever warn clothing of the opposite sex?". We each answered the questions together and she was surprised by my answer. I was to find that, though she was surprised, she was supportive and encouraging. At the time our children were between the ages of 5 and 10, so I was limited to dressing only in our bedroom at night and/or when our children were at school. I would love those days. I would get up in the morning and see my wife off to her job, get the kids off to school, and get changed to spend the day as Dani, well back then it was Emily (long story). This went on for about 4 years off and on. I never really felt confident in how I looked to dress when alone with my wife except a few times or at night. After we bought our new home in 2009 I stopped again. The house was smaller, the kids were older, and we hit kind of a lull in our marriage. I was worried my kids would catch me or that my partner would no longer accept me. For the previous 13 years I have hid myself behind a mask of "gentle masculinity" is what my partner calls it. My partner and I have worked very hard at becoming each others best friend, support, lover, nurturer, and partner. We have a relationship that I never thought possible, but I stilled harbored shame, guilt, and fear about this masked part of who I am. Recently, last month, I had a dream which left me feeling conflicted. It involved me being dressed as Dani and helping my partner prepare for something hurtful to myself. I felt conflicted because I felt hurt by what was going on in the dream, but I also felt excited about having been dressed and the impulse was again strong. I spoke to my partner about the dream and all of the feelings associated with it. I still struggle quite a bit with the shame and stigma that was instilled in me as a child. Again my partner was not only accepting and supportive but also encouraging. I have a hard time sometimes trusting it is true, but she has never lead me to know otherwise. So, here I sit today, about 3 weeks later next to my partner watching TV dressed as Dani, well as much as I am comfortable with at the moment. I shared with her a picture from yesterday. Yesterday while she was at work I wore my new burgundy tights and shirt, plaid skirt, and shoes. I am able to dress and be who I am and someday I will be be able to share that with her in person. I am still very self-conscious and sometimes feel fear and shame around it, but she is helping me work through it. Anyways, that's me. I am not thrilled with having a full beard and mustache, but I am a Santa during the Christmas season with a couple of good paying accounts, so, well at least for now, I am a full bearded genderfluid project in the working.
  5. Lindsey_D

    Ready to come out but…

    Thanks, but not really my words, just a summary paraphrase from Gal. 5:22.
  6. Rose

    Ready to come out but…

    Well said Lindsey! Exactly what I meant
  7. hi, sorry there are so many replies to my thread and i don’t know how to fully reply to most of them besides saying i appreciate the support <3 seeing so many older trans people talk about their experiences really helps. i want to ask people on here if i pass as male or not, should i make another thread for this? or is there one already set up. once again, i’m clueless. i have used forums before, but i’m just unsure as to how this particular one works. i hate to say it, but the cat photo i’d attached isn’t even mine ☹️ he’s just a reaction image i like to use and i put it there to lighten the mood. BUUUUT,, at my grandmother’s house in turkey we do have kittens. i’ll show you :D i mainly just want to medically transition, find a nice partner and stuff. maybe pursue music? i think i want to be a GP, but i’m not sure yet.
  8. Yesterday
  9. christinakristy2021

    Leggings! Leggings! Leggings!

    You're very hot in those leggings hon.
  10. KymmieL

    Ready to come out but…

    I wish we had that at our VA. The LGBT coordinator is my current therapist. Kymmie
  11. Lindsey_D

    Ready to come out but…

    Exactly. Straight in your own mind about who and what you are and where it might be leading before trying to explain something to someone else. Part of my preparation was to be ready to spend several days in a hotel or with friends/family if wife needed the space and time to process. Not to sound all Scriptural, but you are asking for faith, patience and understanding &c, in so much as you ask these of her, be willing to extend them to her in kind.
  12. hailey

    Good morning All. Coffees on.

    It has been a good day so far. Decided to go to church as Hailey once again. One church member asked me where I got the skirt I am wearing and told her.
  13. Rose

    Ready to come out but…

    Dear Kyleigh, I do understand that yours is not an easy situation, as I have been through this myself. I read your post one two hours ago, and I’ve been wondering since what could be the best advice I could give you, in order to help you. I think the most important thing is for you to be well prepared in your mind about what you will tell her. First of all, I think the most important is to speak from the deepest point possible inside you heart: if you know that you are a trans woman, it’s better to say it frankly than to begin with a “softer” presentation of things like “I like to dress as a woman”. The most sincere it is, the easiest to understand and to accept IMO. Because if it’s a condition you really experience in every part and moment of your life, it can’t just be ignored. Someone who would just like to wear women’s clothes for fun is obviously not in the same situation. You can resist and manage an addiction, it’s much more difficult to do it with a real mental condition. Another important thing also is to be sure that the way you will say it is not biased by other problems in your couple, or she may not be able to think about what you said with an open mind. For example, you being a trans woman can explain some aspects of your behaviour as a husband that don’t please her, but make sure that when you talk about it, she won’t feel like you are trying to blame her for anything. In my own story, understanding my being a trans woman explained a lot of frustration my wife had because she thought I wasn’t acting like a normal husband in numerous circumstances. Actually, she was right to think what she thought, as I wasn’t a “normal” husband. And I can’t blame her for thinking this. Actually my coming out helped a lot to ease our relations. Now she knows what she can’t await from me and why, and she also enjoys a more relaxed state in our relationship. So it’s important that you have a clear idea of what you want to say and how you want to say. How you will introduce the subject, how you will formulate it. For all of this, a therapist is a good person to work on it with. Plus it’s important that you take your time to be able to speak in a relaxed and peaceful way, and also that the moment is adequate for her to be able to really listen, and not be bothered by material worries. It there is stress whatsoever, if there is a time schedule, is there are upcoming social obligations, the risk is that you won’t have time enough to explain the things in a coherent and most possible depassionate way. Or that she won’t be present enough in the situation to receive a sincere message coming from your heart. Or that she won’t have enough time and peace of mind to be able to understand what you are telling her, to receive it, to process it, and to be able to understand what she thinks of it. And to ask you questions. And to listen to your answers. And so on. So the best would be for example an evening when you have no obligations, and several hours in front of you, that you would have usually spent dining, talking and watching tv. So the answer to your initial question would be: talk to her -as soon as you are clear about what you want to tell her, and you are sure that it comes from your heart and is not biased by other problems in your couple -when you think you will have enough time together discuss it, i.e. she has time and peace of mind to receive what you are telling her, and you have time and peace of mind also to receive her reactions. If you manage to do so, I think the fact that she can have some days afterwhile to think it further can be a good thing. Sorry for the long post, but yours was not an easy question!!! All the best, Cheers, Rose
  14. Heather Shay

    What are you listening to today?

    Last member of my nuclear family, besides me, passed away yesterday. I remember seeing the following album in his collection and although not top on my list, it was interesting.
  15. Heather Shay

    What are you listening to today?

    Thank you - sadly he passed yesterday. We planned to visit on Monday but that was not meant to be.
  16. Heather Shay

    Six Word Stories

    Last member of nuclear family passed.
  17. What is your favorite thing to do when you are alone?
  18. Heather Shay

    Emotion of the day

    Emotional stability is the ability to manage and express emotions in a healthy way, even in stressful situations. It's often used interchangeably with emotional intelligence and emotion regulation. Here are some ways to develop emotional stability: Practice self-care: Prioritize your well-being and recharge your emotional batteries. Reflect on your emotions: Develop self-compassion, which can reduce anxiety and depression. Learn to express your emotions: It's natural to have a range of emotions. Practice empathy: Try to understand the perspectives of others and respond with kindness and compassion. Set boundaries: Set physical, mental, and emotional limits to protect yourself and others. Emotional stability is often considered one of the big five personality traits, neuroticism.
  19. Emotional stability is the ability to manage and express emotions in a healthy way, even in stressful situations. It's often used interchangeably with emotional intelligence and emotion regulation. Here are some ways to develop emotional stability: Practice self-care: Prioritize your well-being and recharge your emotional batteries. Reflect on your emotions: Develop self-compassion, which can reduce anxiety and depression. Learn to express your emotions: It's natural to have a range of emotions. Practice empathy: Try to understand the perspectives of others and respond with kindness and compassion. Set boundaries: Set physical, mental, and emotional limits to protect yourself and others. Emotional stability is often considered one of the big five personality traits, neuroticism.
  20. Welcome and I see you've already met some of the amazing people here and have been given answers that I hope will help. Glad you are here.
  21. Heather Shay

    Ready to come out but…

    Welcome. i see you've met some of the incredible people here who have helped me. I can understand what you are going through and some aspects I almost felt like it was my writing. The situation with your wife is such that if you truly regard your marriage as something you treasure then have compassion as she hasn't been exposed to your journey nor might not understand it. They say if you want your marriage to last, there are no guarantees but you must do what you must to be happy with who you are and if you can compromise that is a good things.
  22. Lindsey_D

    Ready to come out but…

    I'm not sure I would say there was really anything wrong here except the duplicity. That was what troubled my conscience. The past six years have been really pretty darn good, and the last year I think the best yet in recent memory anyway. that's for the relationship; for my mental state, things are sometimes quite a lot more unsettled.
  23. Birdie

    What are you wearing today?

    What I'm wearing today is my jumper.
  24. awkward-yet-sweet

    This is why.

    Well, I certainly question things. So I looked up some things about Ad Fontes Media and its founder. As I suspected... its run by somebody who likes Hillary Clinton. Of course they're going to show the mainstream media as being centrist. Its just part of the recent trend of "fact checking" which is mostly done by leftists as manipulation. Of course, I also believe the Left/Right paradigm is flawed itself. Some other sources I've seen add two other dimensions of Libertarian and Authoritarian to form a quadrant graph. But even on those graphs, results vary. I can't find it now, but a while back I posted a thread with 2 or 3 different "where do you fall politically" sort of graphs and described my results of taking their tests. Wildly different. I guess it shows there's not much of a way to independently rate a person's or a source's Leftness or Rightness. The ratings you get depend heavily on the questions asked. And as @Ivy correctly notes, the shifting Overton Window is an important concept. So, I prefer to look at our history. How people viewed the importance of national sovereignty in the past vs. today. And compared to 100 years ago, things are very different. And I don't believe that's a good thing. I absolutely agree with this. The biggest problem with the typical GOP voters is that they are conservative. Which means, basically lazy. Talk the talk, without walking the walk. Complaint without follow-up, meekness instead of power. They often lose because many of the folks on the left are radical true believers. Political activism is primarily on the left. In my tiny corner, that's changing as we consider the potential of bringing a new, small republic out of the mess that's happening. Locally, we've moved in the direction of independence and self sufficiency. Diversification of agriculture, greater local manufacturing, even some energy production. The changes in the last 4 years have been huge. It seems like our area is so much more vibrant than before, because of an independent identity and people who actually got off the couch to get involved. My husband has often said, "We don't need conservatives. They're not conserving anything. They're hedonistic and compromised. We need reactionaries, revolutionaries, willing to do the hard tasks using hard ways." And the more I learn, the more I believe he's correct. I'm an artist, not an industrial worker or an economist. I have a bare-bones knowledge of history. It seems to me that the USA was stronger and more stable when we were able to produce everything here. Two World Wars were won primarily on the back of US industrial power. We simply don't have that anymore. Even stuff with a "made in the USA" sticker on the side often has the caveat "assembled from foreign components." Is our prosperity greater today? By some measurements, yes. But it is a hollow euphoria. We throw away things that break, and get in massive debt to buy new things which also end up in the landfill later. We import way more than we export, and we are the largest manufactured goods importer in the world. Meanwhile, the price of basic necessities is increasing, partly because we're shipping those things out to other nations. People pay more for pork because we're sending lots of pork to China, for example. Meanwhile, we get cheap stuff in from China that undercuts domestic manufacturing. What would happen if we kept our pork at home and put high tariffs on Chinese imports? In the near-term, yes it would absolutely be both painful and crazy. In the long term, it would make our domestic economy much more stable. "Free" trade and imported goods act on a national economy like drugs in a human body. I would prefer to experience the symptoms of withdrawal to gain freedom. But many people don't want to make that choice.
  25. Oh, and I do have a question. If you could have one wish, what would it be? Or, if that’s too hard, do you have any goals or hopes for the next few years?
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  • Posts

    • Sally Stone
      Hi Dani,   Welcome to the TransPulse forums. Thanks for sharing a little about yourself.  I think you'll find great friendship and support here.   
    • Dani LeFae
      I am a 52 year old bearded newly gender fluid AMAB. I have closeted since about age 10 when I realized wow I felt when expressing myself through clothing was wrong. I think like many I first used my moms night dress around age 9 and remember it felt so good. I was home alone and stayed in her night dress all day simply playing with my toys in my room. Around age 10 I got caught and was shamed for it. I went a few years before the impulse to dress became to strong to ignore. I began, occasionally dressing in secret. Around this time I had a secret boyfriend and I would use his sisters clothing once in a while until he said it was weird, so back in the closet I would go and stay. I never connected sexuality to dressing. The feelings I experienced were more around comfort and pretty. After several failed relationships, 1 failed marriage, and 2 children, I met my current partner at age 22. I had 2 children, she had 2 children, we married, and had another. I did not fully dress for about 8 or 9 years but the impulse was strong. Around age 30 or so I came out to my partner. We were members of an internet group that was often openly sexual in nature. I had offered a questionnaire into one of the forums and one of the questions was "Have you ever warn clothing of the opposite sex?". We each answered the questions together and she was surprised by my answer. I was to find that, though she was surprised, she was supportive and encouraging. At the time our children were between the ages of 5 and 10, so I was limited to dressing only in our bedroom at night and/or when our children were at school. I would love those days. I would get up in the morning and see my wife off to her job, get the kids off to school, and get changed to spend the day as Dani, well back then it was Emily (long story). This went on for about 4 years off and on. I never really felt confident in how I looked to dress when alone with my wife except a few times or at night. After we bought our new home in 2009 I stopped again. The house was smaller, the kids were older, and we hit kind of a lull in our marriage. I was worried my kids would catch me or that my partner would no longer accept me. For the previous 13 years I have hid myself behind a mask of "gentle masculinity" is what my partner calls it. My partner and I have worked very hard at becoming each others best friend, support, lover, nurturer, and partner. We have a relationship that I never thought possible, but I stilled harbored shame, guilt, and fear about this masked part of who I am.  Recently, last month, I had a dream which left me feeling conflicted. It involved me being dressed as Dani and helping my partner prepare for something hurtful to myself. I felt conflicted because I felt hurt by what was going on in the dream, but I also felt excited about having been dressed and the impulse was again strong. I spoke to my partner about the dream and all of the feelings associated with it. I still struggle quite a bit with the shame and stigma that was instilled in me as a child. Again my partner was not only accepting and supportive but also encouraging. I have a hard time sometimes trusting it is true, but she has never lead me to know otherwise. So, here I sit today, about 3 weeks later next to my partner watching TV dressed as Dani, well as much as I am comfortable with at the moment. I shared with her a picture from yesterday. Yesterday while she was at work I wore my new burgundy tights and shirt, plaid skirt, and shoes. I am able to dress and be who I am and someday I will be be able to share that with her in person. I am still very self-conscious and sometimes feel fear and shame around it, but she is helping me work through it. Anyways, that's me. I am not thrilled with having a full beard and mustache, but I am a Santa during the Christmas season with a couple of good paying accounts, so, well at least for now, I am a full bearded genderfluid project in the working. 
    • Lindsey_D
      Thanks, but not really my words, just a summary paraphrase from Gal. 5:22.
    • Rose
      Well said Lindsey! Exactly what I meant 
    • derkgof
      hi, sorry there are so many replies to my thread and i don’t know how to fully reply to most of them besides saying i appreciate the support <3 seeing so many older trans people talk about their experiences really helps.    i want to ask people on here if i pass as male or not, should i make another thread for this? or is there one already set up. once again, i’m clueless. i have used forums before, but i’m just unsure as to how this particular one works.  i hate to say it, but the cat photo i’d attached isn’t even mine ☹️ he’s just a reaction image i like to use and i put it there to lighten the mood. BUUUUT,, at my grandmother’s house in turkey we do have kittens. i’ll show you :D i mainly just want to medically transition, find a nice partner and stuff. maybe pursue music? i think i want to be a GP, but i’m not sure yet. 
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