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Recent Posts
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By Amy LeBlanc · Posted
Looking at my natural hair growth and I see why my hair is just growing so slow. It is cause my hair is just so naturally curly. I am going to have some thick natural curls. So my hair is growing long, but it is growing long in curls. -
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By Amy LeBlanc · Posted
Welcome to the form Zack. There is alot of nice and warming individuals with many different stories -
By Kirsten · Posted
Well I hope they raise things up here ASAP. I am only like 2 months behind you Amy. It’s not a time thing right now. It’s dosage I’d guess. Maybe my T is still too high too. Idk yet. But with no change in 6 months something’s gotta give. -
By ToniTone · Posted
Also, is 32 an ok age to start? I've heard the younger the better (like, younger than 30), and I've heard it's never too late. But will I be able to be pretty at this age? Or at least stop the devolving into a repulsive beast any further? -
By ToniTone · Posted
CW: discreet mention of "down there", breast, pretty much every stressful thing someone considering transition could worry about... Well, I got an appointment set up for the 2nd of April at a local transgender clinic to consult about starting feminizing hrt. It's informed consent and I hear they can get the ball rolling pretty quickly. They do check ins and labs like monthly, and I'm in pretty good health still. I'm pretty excited. But as the date approaches I'm beginning to get apprehensive. I've established myself as hetero cis-male and I have a little fear of shattering that facade (though I'm rebuilding my life from the ground up anyway). But I really don't want to be that anymore. Change scares me, even good change. I'm taking a big step here. Here's a list of my percieved pros/gains or benefits from starting hrt, and negatives/fears. Bare with me here, some of these considerations are vain, and some are more vestigial possible effects I'm taking into consideration: Pros: -a more feminine body shape (or at least less masculine, face too) -hopefully some impact on androgenic body hair however small (even if not, I'm already in a compulsive routine of grooming, whether I transition or not) -reduced androgens (namely dht). I can't explain it, but I can ~feel~ the toxicity of these masc hormones effecting me, they ebb and flow -"the feminine side" I already feel within me. It's definitely the dominant part of my duality. I don't even have a masc side, more androgynous than anything. But I've read so many reports of mtf transitions who said they inexplicably felt more feminine inside on hrt, and felt more content with it. -preservation of my head hair. My mane is a big part of my identity. I love hair! Without settling as the hetero cis-male facade anymore, I can't just be accept the fact that I'm biologically a male and I might go bald. It's so vain I know. And frankly at 32 my hair is holding on strong. But I consider it a bonus that hrt will most likely aid in perserving it. -prostate health. Despite being only 32, there's some signs my prostate might be growing. I hear most of the treatments/preventatives for this and other male sex health issues are also components of feminizing hrt. This certainly isn't a deciding factor in my decision to pursue, but perhaps a healthy side effect of it. Big Grey Area of reservation: -about "Down There" (I'm not interested in any (eg bottom) surgeries in the near future)... I used to be very sexual, but for the most part I've burnt out and lost interest. For the most part. I still get very aroused physically often, though I'm not in the mood. This is VERY distressing and uncomfortable and I hate it. One way or another I just can't wait until it goes away. On the other hand, when I'm attracted to someone (myself included), I can be 'aroused' pyscho-emotionally without the need for physicality, if that makes any sense at all. More than anything I desire romance and sensuality, and to be able to love myself. It'd be nice to know the faculty for physicality still functions. Summer is coming up, it gets hot in the city. Sex is pretty low on my list of priorities though. Actually, I think the idea of becoming a disinterested woman is kinda hot... -also "down there" <.< size. For a 5'5" shorty with size 11 shoes... well I'm alright, slightly above average. Anyway! I don't know how I feel about the idea of shrinkage. I kinda want it to and kinda don't. I kinda also don't care! How can someone really want it, really not want it, and really not care, all at the same time!? This is dumb... Negatives?: -not knowing what is reversible or not, too what degrees? If I take this step and get scared, can I turn back? As much as I hate being cis-male bodied, it's all I know. -will I ever be able to be intimate (not necessarily sex) with cis-females again? I'm demisexual, panromantic. But I worry though I might be closing the door on the possibility of having a relationship with a cis-female ever again. Will I not be "man enough" I mean surely there are cis-females whose preference includes transfems too, right? At the end of the day I gotta be able to love myself first. -breast. I'm really only attracted to flat chested and small breast (a-cup, maybe b but that's pushing it), on other fems or foreseeably myself. Females on my mother's side are like all a-cup as far as I know, don't know about father's side (never met him). My sister is almost a d-cup I think, but she's only 5'1" and her father's side females are all short, obese and big breasted. So I might be immune? If they start growing too big can I cease taking hrt and bail out? Would I be able to afford a reduction (most likely not)? If they got to a b or larger would my ma be jealous (lol)!? Well thanks for baring with me this far. I got a lot to think about... *sigh* -
By killjoyaiden · Posted
DO IT literally so many of our friends are applying. You don't even do an interview bc they're CRAZY desperate for weekend people. We'll probably have the same shifts most of the time 🙂 -
By Jani · Posted
Lets hope it gets through the NH Senate and on to the Governor! -
By DeeDee · Posted
Katelyn, the reality is that what we like to do and what we like to wear as individuals are simply our preferences. Society as a whole has some very definite unwritten rules about what things are boys and what things are girls - it isn't that liking polished nails makes you girly and liking motorbikes makes you a boy, any more than what colour the bedroom wall is painted determines a baby's gender - it is simply that you are using those common measures to try and help justify your other (probably big) feelings about your gender. By wearing makeup and clothes designed for women I feel more like the woman I want to express myself as at the time, if I could look in the mirror and see the same thing in my guy clothes - with or without stubble, then I would have no doubts at all about my need to transition. I can present as a man to a function in a kilt and woman find it attractive, even though technically it is a pleated skirt - if I turn up at that same function in an obviously female skirt I will either be laughed at or beaten up. I would dearly love an instruction manual or some kind of A to Z of "how to know if you are trans and what to do about it". That's why I am here - I figure if anyone is likely to know if I am genuine or not it is a place where other people are asking or have asked the same types of questions. Theoretically how you choose to express yourself should make no difference, but as Aiden says, we are just as susceptible to the hypocrisy and pressure of wanting to fit in to societal norms even if we know they should not matter. 💛 -
By Jani · Posted
Your therapist should be fine, if she is comfortable with writing a letter. The question is do you think you are making progress? If so continue, if not then look for a GT. Jani -
By Jani · Posted
Greetings Zack! Welcome. I think you'll find a lot of like minded folks here. Please join in. Jani -
By Susan · Posted
Hiya Kirsten. That is low and your doctor is right. It should be between 150 and 200 and I am sure it will work out for you. Hugs!!! -
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By Amy LeBlanc · Posted
Just finished my workout on RIPT90. This Body Fat Burning was tough. During the workout, my HR got up to 122bps and now cooling down and letting my HR come back down to normal -
By Amy LeBlanc · Posted
Good to know where your numbers are at. It will get better @Kirsten. I felt the same way in the beginning when I was on patches but moving to injections my numbers are better. But it just takes time. My E is finally in the normal range for what my Endo wants it to be where I am in mid 400's and my Endo wants me between 400 - 500 range. -
By Bad · Posted
Like others have said I think it's smart to take things one at a time, and slowly. This will probably be the easiest way to go about it without a war starting at home. It's good you started seeing a gender therapist. I'm in the same position but with a single parent (not accepting, etc). I'm on the same wavelength as Mary though-- it's about you, and no one else. Others will be affected but it's your life. Family in particular is difficult to deal with, and maybe your parents will eventually come to accept you. But in the meantime you need to take care of yourself. So I'd say do what you need to do to make it bearable, whether that's being open with this or completely stealth; just be smart about your choices. -
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By Kole Rickard · Posted
Of course I'll visit you. I might as well apply too, yeah?? Haha! (Not kidding I need a job, man.) -
By Kole Rickard · Posted
Aiden! You're super talented! It's amazing how talented you are. If you went through with that AGT thing you would have made it and be on track to become some star. That's a fact! Damn I'm so jealous of your voice. -
By Kirsten · Posted
I got some of my test results back today. Most things are fine. All of my levels for the regular stuff are firmly in normal ranges. But my E is still really low. 82 right now and from what I understand I should be closer to 150-200+ right now. Idk. T results should be back today or tomorrow as well. I really hope this all gets straightened out soon. I want to get my levels dialed in before I miss out on results. 😔
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