I am opening up for the first time to someone other than myself. A bit about me; I am an Asian Indian male, 45 , married and dad, working professional from Portland. I have very mixed body features. I don’t have much hair on me and I wax so have a smooth body all over, light wheatish skin color, nicely done eyebrows and definitely size B manboobs, 6’2” tall and slightly curvy body, so I look like a tall woman when I am all dressed up. Growing Up; At a very young age , I got very intrigued with Wigs and Bra’s. I used to try on Bra’s starting age 14 and stuffed them up with socks. I used to roam wearing panties , and gown , usually taken off my dryers from my neighbors laundry. I remember this one weekend , I was all by myself and tried makeup for the first time and did my best , let’s just say it wasn’t bad for my first time. That was my best weekend being in woman clothing’s all day long around the house.  As I moved out of the house for college , I started freely and frequently cross dress, I bought my own silicone breasts , bra’s , panties  and dresses. I used to go to thrift stores and Ross, pick up the best in the lot, 44DD size and go into changing room and try them on with my Silicone boobs. I used to look for slightly worn panties , to make me feel I have been wearing them for ages. I got some cheap makeup, eyeliner, lipstick, foundation and the whole Shabang and 4-5 beautiful wigs. I had a closet full of items . Every Sunday, I would spend 3 hours dressing up , and sneaking out in public in my best woman attire, I used to get compliments all the time, many guys even approached me , I was flattered but never felt aroused for guys. Only when woman would stare , I would get a bulge .  Today: I still have a collection of cross dressing items and really good stuff from Sephora. I still cross dress and roam around in the streets of SF during my work travels (when I am off work) , you may run into me on one of my work trips. My wife and kids go on trips to visit my in laws for a month in summer, that’s when I am always dressed like a woman all around, with nail polish done too. I so feel in my element dressed as a woman. Sexual preference: I am into Woman, dominating woman that would control me, dress me up and take me on a girls night out. Make out with me in ladies room . Am I wrong in doing so? Should suppress my desires to cross dress? 

Here’s the Apple Podcasts link: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/tranzmission/id1676048463?i=1000657096844

Yesterday I appeared on Brisbane community radio station 4ZZZ discussing the Cass Review, the recent NHS-sponsored review of gender-affirming care for kids in the UK. This is a seismic event for trans kids and their families worldwide, or as I said yesterday, “a world-class piece of anti-trans propaganda”. I have researched this solidly for the past month and will have waaaay more to say on the topic, but for now I hope you’ll listen to this quick overview. The episode is available to stream as a podcast via Spotify and Apple Podcasts.   Trigger warnings: transphobic healthcare, sexualisation of children (touched on briefly, but it is upsetting).   My heart goes out to trans kids and their families in the UK and anywhere else these policies are being enacted.   https://open.spotify.com/episode/3LAHs3VZB8zuGWGt41rzaL?si=BRUHUvz3QmWr5cyCEYyB0Q&context=spotify%3Ashow%3A3Jay63nMJ67bBMI9M59tKe

No, though I am generally happy with my life. Transitioning later in life has left me in a position where I don't pass, and it sometimes confuses people, which makes me sad. I am able to live quite normally due to a supportive community, but I neither chose nor wanted to be trans, so I do hold a level of conflict with it. Early in my transition, my psychologist told me I needed to come to terms with my new role (but she had no advice how to do this) or I wouldn't find peace, and I doubt I ever will. I have learned to live with this, and I am trying to make the most of my time, but true peace and happiness has eluded me.   Hugs,   Allie

I love the shadow work on this one

Stunning! That's awesome!

My wife and I love to cook together, so we have started to create a recipe book to collect all the great flavors we've cooked over the years. These are amongst my favorites.  

This is some art I made out of a minneapolis protest photo

Thank You

lol Now logarithmic is a word I haven’t heard since I was in High School in the mid 60s. @Mirrabooka.  We used to use logarithms to be able to do higher level math.  Of course this was before calculators,  we also used slide rules.  The first personal calculators that were capable of more than more than simple math cost hundreds of dollars.  And only came out in the mid 70s.   Today you carry a very capable computer in your pocket or even on your wrist.      

These are all wicked cool!

Some of my drawings.

Welcome to this community, @BLACKSPARKLES. Despite the loss you've experienced, it sounds like you've also made a lot of progress. Do you desire community in real life? If so, there are measures you can take and investigation you can do. Breaking out of a solitary existence can be very intimidating and nerve-wracking, but extremely rewarding beyond imagination. You did not share details of your health challenges, but presuming you have much life yet to live, just consider that it's never ever too late to start living in a different way. That is, if it's your desire. Please forgive me for any presumption. Much love.

On a side note.  Since i've had some issues with the undies I decided to keep a bra on to be atleast expressive until I can resolve the problem.  I've learned I love wearing a bra and will def incorporate this into my attire (I present as male).  Thanks all again for the wonderful suggestions!!!

Thank you all for the suggestions. These are all avenues I can explore. I appreciate greatly!!!