Hi From Australia

[Guest merlinux]

Hi all

I can fear this is going to be one long post but at least I would have presented myself!

So, Im 28yo, born male and I currently live in Australia although I am from this tiny french island in the south pacific called New Caledonia. I have had a gender problem for as long as I can remember but I only recently found out that I am actually androgyne (to be honest I didnt actually knew such a term existed until 2 months ago!). Since I have known about androgyne I feel so much better. I should mention I have quite an androgyne look (slim body, long hair, no body hair)...

When I was a kid I used to look at girls and wonder why I was born as a male. I always had in a corner of my mind a regret about being born the way I was but I was an extremely shy kid and there was no way I woukld have expressed it to my parents. I grew up very happy at home not so at school until I reached High school... I was always feeling different than other boys but didnt know anything else than what I was told (that I was a boy). My hobbies hardly involved sports , I'd rather be playing playmobils (lol), reading (verne especially in my early years), playing lucasarts games on my atari (the one you never die) and dreaming of love. I was bullied extensively when I was in middle school as I prefered mathematics than sports. My mother also used to be a teacher there, mathematic teacher hum hum... Anyway I had never been attracted to guys when i was young and I felt in love numerous times with girls in those years, once I kissed a girl (must have been 10). And I always admired the look of girls and was a bit jaleous. Also I had no idea about hormones back then and if I knew I would probably have told my mother I wanted to be a girl.

My parents divorced and my mother bought a yacht after selling her house and I spent 2 years sailing while I was in the midst of my puberty. My mom the other crew member and books became my only friends during this time (when i was 13 till 15). I was very happy and I grew up accepting of my gender but I knew I wasnt like any other boy. I started growing my hair then too and never had short hair again.

When I came back to high school I was a different kid. I had much fun and socialised a lot. I was very attracted to girls but became interrested in guys also in my last years although I did not try anything then.

I went to uni in France and this is where I started crossdressing secretly I also experienced with a guy but was not very impressed. I became very depressed and started doing heroin. It was very confusing in my head (it's still is lol) back then. I was a boy but felt in large ways like a girl and I was very attracted to girls yet I phantasized also on guys...

2 years later after confiding to my mom about my heroin addiction, she flew me to malaysia where she was living to help me stop. It worked and I staid there until 2002 when I made the girl that changed my life. I crossdressed more and more but still secretly.

We fell in love and we decided to live together in her natal australia and I arrived in Sydney soon after. Our relation was so beautiful but I couldnt stopped crossdressing even though I tried to stopped. I was very depressed because of it and tried to tell her but I was too scared of whatever her reaction may be. Then I did the worst thing any male could do to the person they love, I actually tried to cheat on her (never doing it but actually trying to meet guys on internet). I was aware the whole time about my action thats why I was backing off and never meeting anyone at the end. loving testosterone She found out about it and it was a nightmare. We spent another year together before breaking up trying to repair things and experiment. She even tried with a girl. There was so much love but it never got back to what it was... we broke up at christmas 2006.I havent seen her in 2 years. sad At least I learnt something. Cheating sucks...

For the last 3 years I have been thinking so much about changing everything and going on HRT, but yet again I dont have the guts to come out and im doubting if its what i should do. I have also: crossdressed even more, had a girlfriend who left me because she discovered she was a lesbian, experienced a bit more with guys, felt in love with another lesbian :/

Until 2 months ago I though I had a sickness... The type of one you could cure with treatment. Now I know im androgyne and there are other people like me! Its wonderful.

But Im still very confused... What I understand is that the girls Im attracted too are so similar than me except that they are girls. They all are feminist (and me too with the mother i had heh heh), arty type, loves the same music than I, and generally openly bisexual. But I think I actually dream to be like them physically. Im lucky in a way to have a feminine body but I do not want to grow older and get more masculine. At 28 I havent fully finished my masculinity I think. I have no body hair on torso, very few under my arms and my beard is not covering a lot of my face.

Id love to come out but Im very afraid of my family's reaction. I can imagine them believing im a different person and attracted to guys while the fact is I just want to be a girl who likes girls I wish I had more guts... I have come out to a few selected friends about my bisexuality but not about crossdressing.

Anyway here is my story.

Much love to all!

Alexis (yay I have an androgyne name )

[Guest Jean Davis]

Hi Alexis

So nice to meet you. More of us will be here shortly to meet you.

Until then feel free to read the forums and articles, they are very informative and you'll find that many of us have shared very simular experiences.

Also make sure to post any questions you have , we'll be happy to answer them to the best of our abilities.

Your among friends here so don't be shy.

LUV

Jean Davis

[Carolyn Marie]

Hi, Alexis. Welcome to Laura's.

Since its just about late morning down there by my reckoning, you can have a plate of Sally's

world renown chocolate chip cookies and a glass of apple cider while you browse through

the forum's and the chat rooms.

We have a wonderful site here filled with amazing, friendly and helpful people. We welcome everyone

and pass no judgments on anyone. Feel free to speak your mind, ask questions, and learn.

The Moderators are here to keep this site safe for everyone.

We're glad you found us, and you join many others from Australia and New Zealand.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest LightNebula]

Welcome. Cheating/betrayal does suck, a lot... I hope you'll be able to build up confidence here to eventually tell your friends about "crossdressing" and that they'll be accepting.

[Guest rachael1]

HI Alexis,

Welcome to the playground.

You have certainly lived an interesting life, I would love to hear about some of your sailing adventures with your mum sometime.

Rachael

[Guest jamo-chelsea]

AUSSIE AUSSIE AUSSIE!! hey! groovy to have another Australian on board.

in the same boat kinda, atleast the courage bit

[Guest mynw]

Hi Alexis,, you are always welcome,,

hope you will find your self soon,,

I think you need to think wisely honey ,,

if you still making too much test ,on your self and people,,

you will reach to destruct your self as will as your soul

speak openly kindly logically with your family, mum,,

don't waste more time,,life and time are so worthy,,

for your soul day by day pass everything will going more hard to your soul,,

hope to you good luck as will as happy life,,

<<hugs>>

[Sally]

Hi Alexis,

Welcome to the forums.

I am so glad that you got off of the heroin because if you hadn't you would probably not be here now.

Look around, ask questions- never be afraid to ask here we are all in similar situations and in various stages of working thriugh our fears.

We all fear the unknown but for some strange reason we all seem t think that we know what the future holds for us in our bith gender.

Welcome to the family.

Love ya,

Sally