It Just Never Seems To End

[Guest terra]

hi, im new on this site and this is my first itme ever speaking out so forgive me if this is not how its done around here.

for a long time i knew that i wasn't a typical boy. I could not quite put my finger on what it was, i knew i wasnt 'gay' but there was no way i could be 'straight' either, until i eventually stumbled upon the transgender world. it, at the time, was all the explaination i needed and i felt calm and good. but slowly the questions crawled back again and i was forced to delve deeper into trying to find out what i am. am i a crossdresser? a transsexual in hiding? an androgne? so eventually (like 3 years later) i found out what androgyne means and thought thats what i am; but lo and behold more questions come up, but faster and louder and all the more endlessly this time and it doesn't seem to fit right and maybe its a bit stronger that that. which brings me to the present where i can hardly concentrate or anything because my mind is always fogged in indestict questions that i cant possibly answer not only because i cant make sense of it all but because i am quite honestly petrified of what it may mean if i'm to find out what i am.

not only that but if i were to show this side of myself to ANYONE over here i may aswell just walk into a boxing ring and ask to get the snot beaten out of me for eternity.

it just seems to get worse and incessently worse

does anyone understand me?

love terra x

[Sally]

Terra,

I understand all of your questions and your fears but I am not a therapist and I don't have all of the facts so I will give you a bit of motherly advice.

It takes a long to work out exactly who we are and where we belong along this gender spectrum so dont' be in such a hurry, take some time and if you can find a therapist who works with Gender Identity Dysphoria then you will be better off.

For now come on in and sit with me and I'll bring you so me hot cocoa and fresh baked cookies, when the others smell the cookies they will know you are here, I am moving your post to the introductions forum so more people will know you are her so ask questions and offer advice, you are a member now so get involved.

Just talking to the others here may offer insights into your true nature.

Welcome to the family.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Jean Davis]

Hi Terra

Nice to meet you. I'm glad you found the playground.

I see Sally is here with some cocoa and her famous cookies, can I offer you a nice comfy chair.

We'll keep you company until everyone else gets here.

LUV

Jean Davis

[Guest Donna Jean]

Hello, Terra!

How nice to meet you!

Sally is right, you know.....

Therapist is the way....

But, Being here will really help a lot...the love and compassion and the knowledge that you can gain!

Welcome to the Playground, Honey....

And, stay out of that ring!

Huggs!

Donna Jean

[Guest NeverSayNever]

Hey Terra, welcome to the family.

I'm so glad you decided to join, here at Laura's you'll meet great people who will always be there for you no matter what.

Nice to meet you and I hope you enjoy your stay.

- James

[Paula ult]

Welcome Terra to Laura's, we can only guess at your age but as others have already said a gender therapist can help you determine where you fit under the Transgender umbrella.

HUGS!

Paula

[Guest LottieZero]

Hi Terra, welcome to the forums! I kind of know how you feel, with all the questions spinning around in your mind, and the fear and everything... But honestly, you don't have to be stuck at a dead end in terms of how you express yourself. Don't let the neds drag you down! I'm not sure whereabouts in the country you are (I'm of the Aberdonian variety, btw), but there must surely be somewhere you can go where you won't be bothered? I mean, you don't have to move if you don't want to, but you know what I mean...

...yeah, I'm rambling again. Just ignore me ^^;; Welcome anyways.

[Guest NatalieRene]

hi, im new on this site and this is my first itme ever speaking out so forgive me if this is not how its done around here.

for a long time i knew that i wasn't a typical boy. I could not quite put my finger on what it was, i knew i wasnt 'gay' but there was no way i could be 'straight' either, until i eventually stumbled upon the transgender world. it, at the time, was all the explaination i needed and i felt calm and good. but slowly the questions crawled back again and i was forced to delve deeper into trying to find out what i am. am i a crossdresser? a transsexual in hiding? an androgne? so eventually (like 3 years later) i found out what androgyne means and thought thats what i am; but lo and behold more questions come up, but faster and louder and all the more endlessly this time and it doesn't seem to fit right and maybe its a bit stronger that that. which brings me to the present where i can hardly concentrate or anything because my mind is always fogged in indestict questions that i cant possibly answer not only because i cant make sense of it all but because i am quite honestly petrified of what it may mean if i'm to find out what i am.

not only that but if i were to show this side of myself to ANYONE over here i may aswell just walk into a boxing ring and ask to get the snot beaten out of me for eternity.

it just seems to get worse and incessently worse

does anyone understand me?

love terra x

Hi terra welcome to the playground. Here's some fresh double chocolate cookies and hot coco. You are among friends.

Yeah I understand you and here's my advice; find a therapist that is familiar with the standards of care (SOC) and get yourself some help. Think of the therapist as a guide to help you sort and sift through your feelings.

Don't let your fear of others and how they judge you dictate you how you are going to live your life. I tried to bury my feelings and drowned myself in work for three years out of college and I was miserable. In time you will realize you know exactly what you are and then you will be left with a choice, do you accept it or fight it and deny yourself.

Speaking from personal experience denying it and struggling from within leads only to heartbreak, pain, and a sad lonely existence. Even with the problems of acceptance and tolerance I feared when I was younger I still wish I would have come out sooner and saved myself so much heartache that I caused all on my own. Be yourself and to hell with anyone else that would look down on you for it. You're not living your life for them.

Natalie

[Carolyn Marie]

Hello Terra and Welcome to Laura's. You've really come to a special place, where a lot of answers can be found,

and more importantly, friends can be found. Friends that understand you and won't judge you. Those kinds of

friends are hard to find.

Sally is absolutely correct, you need to take your time and not pigeon hole yourself with a label just to have

something to call yourself. Read the posts, talk to people here, see a therapist, and get the answers at

the speed that's right for you. They will come, trust me.

We're glad you're here.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Dearest Terra,

Welcome hon, Welcome to Laura's, and yes!! WE UNDERSTAND YOU!!!!

When you get the chance read this...

http://wpath.org/Documents2/socv6.pdf

You will understand so much more.

You are now safe, we will help you sweetheart.

HUGS and Love

Brenda

[Guest terra]

hi everyone!

thank you so much for all your kind words, coco, cookies and the comfy chair.

it makes me happy and helps so much to have the knowledge that there are people who genuinly care.

and to LottieZero, i be a falkirk bairn myself, i shall not let the neds win this one \m/!

i'll try my best to take all the advice that has been given to me it is graetly appreciated. i can most certainly feel the love!

love terra x

[Guest NatalieRene]

It's good to se you feeling so chipper today.

[Guest Jessica22450]

Hi terra, You're right it is good to know there are people in the world that do care