So Maybe I'm Not Trying To Be Manly

[Guest Johnny]

I was speaking with a friend that other day; she's one of the few I talk about my problem with. We were talking about all the subtle differences between males and females and finally my friend confessed that she didn't think I would make a very good guy. She pointed out the way I always sit with my leg "elegantly crossed" and the constant "prancy kind of swing" when I walk and most of all the fact that when I talk my hands never stay still. Instead of becoming defensive about this which was my first reaction I sat and thought about it for a moment. I found I couldn't deny any of those things and how hard it would be to attempt to change things that I did without even thinking about them, and even more surprising was I thought about all these little things that make up the larger picture of who I am and I didn't want to change them. I finally responded by saying that I would simply be a very flaming male. I've never been a very masculine person and never really wanted to be. I like the "almost drunken way I move"( her words not mine) and my funny flamboyant gestures, I also like how small and slender that I am and I believe that after I go through the change I'll be the prettiest little boy any ones ever seen. I like this idea very much that even though I might be male I won’t have to give up being beautiful in my own small famine ways. I don't think I'll stop crossing my legs after I've changed, I think that when I finally get a flat chest (the thing I’m looking forward to the most) I'll let my hair grow out again. I've always liked seeing boys with long hair. All this also brings me to the question of whether I'll even bother with some type of physical therapy to learn how to move as a male. I like the way I move, my body just isn't the way I feel it should be.

[Zufrieden]

Hi Johnny:

I like your thinking, especially that you are thinking. Just because you are a transsexual doesn't mean that you have to stick to any stereotype.

It sounds like you like a lot of things about yourself, which is nice. I can certainly understand why you don't want to give up things that feel natural to you.

I, too, don't like certain aspects of my body, they will get changed. Other aspects of me feel natural and I will keep them as they are.

Just keep on with an open mind. If you feel something needs to be changed, OK, if not, just leave it alone.

People with question marks have questioning minds. More power to you.

Z.

[Guest Johnny]

I'm sorry after reading this over in the end I found this all sounded little a pretty pointless ramble. What I wanted to know is if anyone else found themselves feeling the same. And if I’m so happy with myself in this way doesn't anyone see any point in getting therapy to change it after becoming male?

[Guest GoldenKirbichu]

We sometimes fall into the trap of stereotypes within stereotypes - that you have to abandon every shred of femininity if you want to be a "REAL" transman. It's commonly thought that we all have to be bodybuilding, grunting, sweating, beer-chugging football watching macho men.

Not so. If a bioman can be flamboyant and feminine, a transman can too! And if it's who you are, accept it with pride, and be yourself.

Nothing worse than climbing out of the hole of stereotypes to jump right back down into another one.

There are feminine things and masculine things and androgynous things in EVERYONE. No matter how far to one edge of the spectrum they are. It's what makes you who you are... I have a male friend who is one of the most feminine people I know and he is heterosexual and very comfortably cisgendered. I have feminine traits that make me who I am. They're just as much me as the masculine parts... so what if I identify as male but still cry at sad movies?

You are as legitimate as the bodybuilder macho type transman, and the androgynous transman, and the infinite variations in between. Don't let yourself be dissuaded into thinking otherwise.

And, if it ain't broke, don't fix it - if you like your walk, you shouldn't need therapy to correct it. Likewise with anything else. Keep whatever you like, change whatever you don't. It's your body and your identity, and you can do whatever makes YOU feel like ~you~.

[Guest Darrel]

Well, seeing as how we have tried so hard our whole lives to be something we're not (females), then of course we have some feminine traits that are hard to get rid of. Sometimes we may even like these traits. Just remember that if you keep a flamboyant look, and keep many feminine features, people will continue to call you a girl. Not as in a girl girl, but many of my gay friends are called 'girl's. (Only because they act feminine and like men.) Hopefully being called one won't upset you if you wish to retain most of your features.

Best of luck, and kudos to liking who you are.

[Flint]

I say good on ya really. as we all get lost in the "Must be perfectly masculine thing" i admit i have slight lost myself in this. But i dont think i am to lost tehre as i'm just naturally very masculine in the way i act and such things. for me i've never really had to try as such. maybe a few things i've tried to change slightly to make me come across more masculine but normaly i'm just naturally masculine. Just like there are femminme bio men there can be femininme Trans men. <<sorry about speling. I think because of the trans issue though trans men feel they have to be more manly to compensate for the fact they are in female body.

[Guest tbd]

I also like how small and slender that I am and I believe that after I go through the change I'll be the prettiest little boy any ones ever seen. I like this idea very much that even though I might be male I won’t have to give up being beautiful

Man, you must be reading my mind. Your post made my day. I want to stay short and thin and have long hair, and I was afraid it would invalidate my trans feelings or something. Thanks for the reminder that being transsexual is about getting your body to match what you are/want to be, whether or not it is stereotypical of your target sex.

My slender, long-haired, beautiful bio-male boyfriend and I salute you.