Jump to content
  • Welcome to the TransPulse Forums!

    We offer a safe, inclusive community for transgender and gender non-conforming folks, as well as their loved ones, to find support and information.  Join today!

Hi - I'm New To The Forum!


Guest janey

Recommended Posts

Hi, everyone. I'm please to join this forum and talk with people who "get" me.

I'm a 46-year-old woman who's very androgynous, perhaps a FTM, and all my life I've had trouble fitting in. Most of the time I feel like I'm from another planet. I live in a southern state, in a university town, and when I look at all the college girls I definitely feel that I'm of a different species.

I've always felt masculine and would love to have a male body. However, I've thought about surgery and feel it isn't right for me. Apart from the prohibitive cost and the sheer physical trauma of major surgery, I feel I'd only be trading one set of problems for another. When I was younger I tried to twist my normal, healthy, functioning male mentality into something it wasn't. Now that I've accepted my brain, I don't want to take my normal, healthy, functioning female body and make it something it isn't. I guess that means, not only have I accepted my body, but I actually like it and feel protective about it. Thus, I'm now trying to figure how to reconcile my female body with my male brain.

I've always had warring dualities inside me; for instance, my English, stiff-upper-lip heritage is usually battling with my passionate Italian heritage - I want to sit back and listen but I also want to take center stage. A therapist once told me to think of these aspects as colors on a color wheel. These dualities lie on opposite side of the wheel and are thus complementary colors: mixing them would only produce gray (a color I find dull and lifeless), but allowing them to stand side by side can produce a brilliant, vibrant effect. I found the analogy positive and helpful, and now I think I should simply consider my male mind/female body the same way. I could certainly be happy this way living in a vacuum, or living in a world populated with just us, but I live in the South where people have very narrow ideas.

If any of you is going through/has gone through what I've just described, I'd love to hear from you. And of course, I welcome everyone's thoughts and comments

Thanks!

Janey

Link to comment
Guest ~Brenda~

Well Hello Janey and Welcome!!

Yes you are right!! We are of like mind and soul. We do get you!!

Just come right on in and know that you are with us!! Soon others will come by and say hello too.

In the meantime, just sit and relax. I have just made a batch of chicken wings. Hey want a cold one? Here catch!

Love

Brenda

Link to comment
Guest Donna Jean

Hello, Janey....

Wonderful to meet you.....

How about a slice of pizza and a cold drink while we get you all settled in?

As I read your intro....I was struck by the "Color wheel" analogy....that's very interesting....

And I can totally see it that way....

Well, don't you worry, Honey....there are a lot of wonderful people here to talk to and share with and lots and lots to read and do...

So, just get comfy and some of the others will be right by to say "Hi!" too!

It's so very nice to have you here!

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

Link to comment

I smell pizza!

Thatcan only mean that we have a new member, there you are!

I see the post says that your name is janey, oh don't get up - those chairs are far to comfortable, once I sit doen I'm sound asleep.

I enjoyed the color wheel analogy as well.

I am glad that you have decided to join us, welcome to the family.

Love ya,

Sally

Link to comment
Guest Evan_J
Hi, everyone. I'm please to join this forum and talk with people who "get" me.

I'm a 46-year-old woman who's very androgynous, perhaps a FTM, and all my life I've had trouble fitting in. Most of the time I feel like I'm from another planet. I live in a southern state, in a university town, and when I look at all the college girls I definitely feel that I'm of a different species.

I've always felt masculine and would love to have a male body. However, I've thought about surgery and feel it isn't right for me. Apart from the prohibitive cost and the sheer physical trauma of major surgery, I feel I'd only be trading one set of problems for another. When I was younger I tried to twist my normal, healthy, functioning male mentality into something it wasn't. Now that I've accepted my brain, I don't want to take my normal, healthy, functioning female body and make it something it isn't. I guess that means, not only have I accepted my body, but I actually like it and feel protective about it. Thus, I'm now trying to figure how to reconcile my female body with my male brain.

I've always had warring dualities inside me; for instance, my English, stiff-upper-lip heritage is usually battling with my passionate Italian heritage - I want to sit back and listen but I also want to take center stage. A therapist once told me to think of these aspects as colors on a color wheel. These dualities lie on opposite side of the wheel and are thus complementary colors: mixing them would only produce gray (a color I find dull and lifeless), but allowing them to stand side by side can produce a brilliant, vibrant effect. I found the analogy positive and helpful, and now I think I should simply consider my male mind/female body the same way. I could certainly be happy this way living in a vacuum, or living in a world populated with just us, but I live in the South where people have very narrow ideas.

If any of you is going through/has gone through what I've just described, I'd love to hear from you. And of course, I welcome everyone's thoughts and comments

Thanks!

Janey

You sound like you are in an awesome place mentally ! Congratulations. Focusing on your statement about "people have very narrow ideas" I guess my question is what aspect of youself it is you think needs assistance? Figuring out a way that both is comfortable to you and not going to cause problems to dress/present? Or is it actually an orientation based issue you're struggling with and think its a gender one? Cuz you sound like you have a good deal of the gender stuff sorted. People live everyday having "a male brain" and a female body. I knowingly did it for over 15 years. Some people do it and have no need to even present male (appearance and mannerisms). If you need that though then yes (cuz I was in this group) it likely will "cause problems". And thats just a reality because of location. Where I live it was "problematic" . When people are young, a lot of things get written off as "youth and fad". Once we get to about age 30 though people start "looking". Judgements. Comments. Deciding you are no longer "right" for employment.

I'm 41 by the way. So if ever want to talk privately about somethin pm me, I have no "excluded" list of peeps on my pm box and have in past "lived male" (appearance, how I interact with people, how I see myself and asked my partner(s) to see me) prior to going into transition.

I do admit, the last year has been "a relief" for me because I needed to see the body changes. I needed the surgeries also But I know PLENTY of people who don't want to do that. They site the same stuff you did. Not wanting to go through the physical costs in pain and recovering and the cost. Some of them don't "feel they should have to" . Another valid reason.

In any case, its why I ask what it is exactly you're afraid of. And what you want to "know how to accomplish"

Hope to see you around

E

Link to comment
  • Admin

Hi, Janey and welcome to Laura's. I see you've already met some of my favorite people here,

and they're doing their best to ply you with pizza and chicken wings. Its a good thing virtual

food only has virtual calories. lol (smells good though).

There are many here who share your thoughts and have similar experiences. Check out

the forums and see for yourself. You will be pleasantly surprised, I'm sure.

Carolyn Marie

Link to comment
Guest Jean Davis

Hi Janey

Ohh chicken wing, Thanks Brenda ;)

Welcome to the playground. So nice to meet you. :P

I'm sure you'll make a lot of new friends, the people here are just fantastic. :D

Hope to here from you soon. B)

LUV

Jean

Link to comment

Thanks for the warm welcome, as well as the chicken wings and pizza! Anyone got any Diet coke?

I'm new to forums, so here's hoping I don't make any faux pas. I'm also a bit new to the terminology, too, so if I use a term wrong, please let me know.

You all have made me smile!

Janey

Link to comment

It's Janey again...

...and the major issue for me is that I'm attracted to guys, but guys just aren't attracted to me. I feel like one of the toys from the Island of Misfit Toys (from Rudoph the Red-Nosed Reindeer): nobody wants a train with square wheels, nobody wants a "Charlie-in-the-Box." This has caused me so much heartache and grief...I've never tried to commit suicide, and I certainly don't intend to do it, but there may come a day - way down the road - when I just can't take the pain and despair anymore.

I ran across the terms androphilia and gynophilia - as you all probably already know, being androphliiac (which is how I've come to describe myself) means you're attracted to men and/or masculinity, but the term says nothing about your own gender or sexual identity. I like using this term rather than describing myself as a gay man in a woman's body, because I find both men - whether straight or gay - both physically and mentally attractive. If I could really be a man - just magically be plopped down into a man's body with properly working parts - I'd do it, and go ahead and live as a gay man. But as I said, I don't think surgery would be right for me. Which means I'm in a limbo: I'm neither fish nor fowl (no puns intended), and can't seem to find my place anywhere. I'd like to find a guy who isn't put off or frightened by a masculine woman and who is equally unafraid of his own femininity. A couple of years ago I met a gay man who found me attractive, and I felt genuinely comfortable both mentally and physically around him. Unfortunately, because of circumstances, we couldn't be a couple. He was in my life and then gone, and I felt even worse then, because I'd gotten a taste of total acceptance both within my self and from someone else, and now I feel I'll never find it again.

I do so wish that the world didn't think in terms of binary but instead let everyone exist on the spectrum where they were the most comfortable, and then we could simply describe ourselves as andro- or gynophiliac - or both or neither as the case might be.

Janey

Link to comment

Evan,

How do I pm you (I'm so new to all this)? I think your experience and insight could go a long way to helping me figure out my own stuff. My second post was about my "issue," and I wanted to post it to just you, but I also figured other people might be asking the same question and could benefit from a public posting.

Janey

Link to comment
Guest *Elizabeth Anne*
Hi, everyone. I'm please to join this forum and talk with people who "get" me.

I'm a 46-year-old woman who's very androgynous, perhaps a FTM, and all my life I've had trouble fitting in. Most of the time I feel like I'm from another planet. I live in a southern state, in a university town, and when I look at all the college girls I definitely feel that I'm of a different species.

I've always felt masculine and would love to have a male body. However, I've thought about surgery and feel it isn't right for me. Apart from the prohibitive cost and the sheer physical trauma of major surgery, I feel I'd only be trading one set of problems for another. When I was younger I tried to twist my normal, healthy, functioning male mentality into something it wasn't. Now that I've accepted my brain, I don't want to take my normal, healthy, functioning female body and make it something it isn't. I guess that means, not only have I accepted my body, but I actually like it and feel protective about it. Thus, I'm now trying to figure how to reconcile my female body with my male brain.

I've always had warring dualities inside me; for instance, my English, stiff-upper-lip heritage is usually battling with my passionate Italian heritage - I want to sit back and listen but I also want to take center stage. A therapist once told me to think of these aspects as colors on a color wheel. These dualities lie on opposite side of the wheel and are thus complementary colors: mixing them would only produce gray (a color I find dull and lifeless), but allowing them to stand side by side can produce a brilliant, vibrant effect. I found the analogy positive and helpful, and now I think I should simply consider my male mind/female body the same way. I could certainly be happy this way living in a vacuum, or living in a world populated with just us, but I live in the South where people have very narrow ideas.

If any of you is going through/has gone through what I've just described, I'd love to hear from you. And of course, I welcome everyone's thoughts and comments

Thanks!

Janey

I DOUBT you live any farther SOUTH than I do - New Orleans - unless you are in thMiami or lower Texas!

And a girl in a male body (me) and a guy in female body (you) how'd that happen? I have a first cousin - she is five years younger and FTM - darn it - I kept trying to get her to trade when I was a kid - never could figure it out! She's 57 now - yikes!

Oh well - you like the female body enough to keep her around - so perhaps you can make it work. I never hated my male body that much - but I am willing to modify it a bit. Surgery is just one of the options.

So glad you are posting - there is a huge diversity of people here. You are NOT ALONE! That's worth a lot, I think, knowing that. And side-by-side? That's not such a bad thing...

Lizzy

OH - you need five posts or more to be eligable to PM. It will add to your options automatically.

Link to comment

Yeah, I use to hate this body, and my privates use to disgust me. But that's starting to change, which is nice, because I think one's body should be an ally, not an enemy.

Living in the south is probably half of my problem - I might find life easier on the west coast - but moving is not an option.

I don't know what New Orleans is like, but Georgia is NOT a hotbed of tolerance and acceptance.

Link to comment
Guest Donna Jean
I don't know what New Orleans is like, but Georgia is NOT a hotbed of tolerance and acceptance.

I know how you feel, Hon......

I live in Ohio and it's the same way....

Just like Georgia with an "O" on each end!

HUGG!

Donna Jean

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Who's Online   4 Members, 0 Anonymous, 319 Guests (See full list)

    • Carolyn Marie
    • Stefi
    • Petra Jane
    • The Lake
  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
  • Forum Statistics

    • Total Topics
      80.8k
    • Total Posts
      770k
  • Member Statistics

    • Total Members
      12,092
    • Most Online
      8,356

    The Lake
    Newest Member
    The Lake
    Joined
  • Today's Birthdays

    1. Britton
      Britton
      (53 years old)
    2. chipped_teeth
      chipped_teeth
    3. james-m
      james-m
    4. jenny75
      jenny75
      (34 years old)
    5. KASS13
      KASS13
  • Posts

    • Carolyn Marie
      https://www.nbcnews.com/nbc-out/out-politics-and-policy/18-states-sue-biden-administration-transgender-worker-protections-rcna152239     When the R's are in power they love having the EEOC promulgate rules favoring employers.  But when the D's are in power, they just hate it when the EEOC makes or enforces rules that favor employee rights; most especially trans employee rights.  Then it becomes "government overreach."  Funny how that works out.    Carolyn Marie
    • Carolyn Marie
      Wholeheartedly agree.  Whether a compliment is backhand or forehand, I take it gladly.  They are offered rarely enough these days.    Carolyn Marie
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Wow, a shop that actually respects a customer's truck?  That seems like a miracle!  My husband does most of his own work, because he really, REALLY hates people who mess with an interior, with grease spots or footprints.  His personal truck is old, but super clean.  And since he's the transportation manager for his company, he's pretty picky about people respecting company equipment.  "Take care of it, and it will take care of you" is the motto.  Drivers should be able to go through a DOT Level 1 inspection without worry. 
    • awkward-yet-sweet
      Literally the word means "hatred of women" and so I don't think that's quite the right description for what you encountered.  Possibly chauvinism?  Or maybe just not wanting to bother somebody he figured wasn't interested or capable of doing the job?  Who knows.   But on the other hand...be glad you're passing
    • VickySGV
      Finally found a site that gives the definition of defemination as a process of loss of feminine characteristics or continued loss of them.  Not a word I would use every day, although I can see where it would be a problem for some who value those feminine characteristics.  Yes I have seen it happen and now get the idea, and yes, not in so many words, but yes I have been up against others who do put down my femininity as being a pseudo female at the most polite and I cannot use the words hear for what it is at the worst.   Online, there is little to do about it except leave and block the people who do it and the places it happens, since it affects you much more heavily and negatively than it does the person doing it, and you need freedom from the stress.  The rules here which our "powers that be", namely the staff say we do not put up with members denying the authentic identity of other members. 
    • VickySGV
      I still maintain my "male" skills and almost have to laugh when that sort of thing happens to me with Cis males, and it does happen.  On the other side there, I have activities with the Trans community  here where I live including Trans Men who love to show off their new lives.  I have had a couple come over to my house and I have done some shop teaching that is always fun.  When they offer to help me by doing "male stuff" in a group, I do not take it as misogyny .
    • Thea
      This guy asked me to help with his tire.  So when I turned around and he saw that I'm a woman he's like,  oh nevermind
    • Betty K
      I think that’s an important point. In my case, I’ve found transitioning to be such a relief and a joy that I have no difficulty focussing on the positives. Maybe in your case you could make a practice of noting when you are gendered correctly? Do you keep a journal? I find doing so is major help.   After saying I rarely get misgendered, it actually happened to me yesterday in a local store. After recovering from my shock (the salesman called me “brother”, which to me is about as bad as it gets) I wrote my first complaint letter to a business w/r/t misgendering. That felt good. I also reflected that, to a degree, for those of us who don’t pass, I think gendering is correctly can take a conscious effort. Some Folks seem to automatically see me as feminine, others have to work at it. So if you’re often surrounded by people who have no desire to work at it, that may exacerbate your problem.      
    • Betty K
      I don’t know why anyone would go to the effort of advocating for trans folks only to charge people to read their articles. It seems so counterproductive, and I seriously doubt they’re making more than pocket money out of it. 
    • KathyLauren
      Oh, how I wish we were over-reacting!  But I don't think we are.  The danger is under-reacting. 
    • Ivy
      I understand your feelings. I have the same fears.  NC has made a swing to the right as well, and I'm not optimistic.  I want to tell myself I'm over reacting.  But seeing what these people are  saying, and doing when they do get into power can't be dismissed.  It's proof of what they will do if they take over the federal government. I'm getting kinda old now anyway.  It took me over 60 years to get here, and I'm not going back.  I suppose they can revert my gender markers, but I will still be legally Ivy.  And I have every intention of dying as Ivy Anna.  If I can't find my hormones somehow, I'll do without.  The physical changes I do have are permanent.   Trans people have always existed.
    • Willow
      @KymmieL I think we all have had to deal with a person who would not apologize when they were wrong no matter what.  In my case it was my MIL. Actually called me a lier I front of my wife.  Even when she realized she was wrong she wouldn’t admit it to my wife, nor would she apologize to my wife for any of the things she later admitted she had done that affected my wife.  I had a boss that accused me of saying things I did not say in a manner I did not use.  Even another employee told him that I had not said the things nor used the words but he still refused to back down.     Unfortunately, all too many people in this world believe they are always right no matter what.  Some are very famous.  lol   Willow    
    • KatieSC
      I wish I could cope as well as others. I feel very defeated in that all of the consideration, and then treatment to transition, could all be wiped out by this time next year with the united effort by the R party to eradicate all that is transgender. I fear that the national election could turn out to our detriment, and we will face a national push to eradicate us. Tracking us down will not be that hard to do. Once they know who we are, forcing the legislation to reverse our name changes, gender marker changes, and other records, will not be that hard. We saw an example when the AG in Texas was data mining the driver licenses for those who had gender marker changes. Who will we appeal to? The Supreme R Court? We would have an easier time trying to convince a Russian court.    We need to get out and vote in November. There is not enough Ben & Jerry's to improve my outlook on all of this. In some ways it is a cruel thing in a way. In the early 1930s, Germany was working hard to hunt down the LGBTQ population and eradicate it. Now Germany has better protections there than we have in many of our own states. About 90 years ago, Germany was seeing the rise of their very own dictator...Now the US is on the verge...Oh never mind. What a difference 90 years makes...    History may repeat itself, but sometimes it shifts the focus a little...
    • Nonexistent
      I have the same problem as you, my face is the main reason why I get misgendered I'm pretty sure. I think it's mostly up to genetics how your face will look (T can help, but still genetics will determine how you end up). You can't change your facial structure really, you can get facial masculinization surgery but it's expensive so not an option for most unless you're rich lol.    Experimentally (I haven't done it but want to), you could see if any plastic surgeons around you will give you Kybella in your cheeks. It is an injection that removes fat, and is usually used underneath the chin/on the neck below the jawline, but some may use it off-label on the face. The only potential problem with this is that if your face would naturally thin out at an older age, it could thin out extra and make you look older (though I'm not certain on this). Another option is to get filler in your jaw/chin, which would make your jawline look more square and your face more masculine. I want jaw filler but I'm poor lol, it only lasts one year up to a few years depending on what kind you get, so it would have to be done every so often and can get expensive. I did get chin filler once, only 2 small vials so it didn't make that big of a difference. I would recommend going for the jaw if you can only choose 1, I wish I had done that.   Those are the only options I know of that will bring legitimate noticeable changes.
    • April Marie
      Welcome to the forums, Blake!! We are happy that you found us!!
  • Upcoming Events

Contact TransPulse

TransPulse can be contacted in the following ways:

Email: Click Here.

To report an error on this page.

Legal

Your use of this site is subject to the following rules and policies, whether you have read them or not.

Terms of Use
Privacy Policy
DMCA Policy
Community Rules

Hosting

Upstream hosting for TransPulse provided by QnEZ.

Sponsorship

Special consideration for TransPulse is kindly provided by The Breast Form Store.
×
×
  • Create New...