For Those In Our Lifestyle

[Guest mia 1]

Went to a "pirate" party every one dressed in pirate clothes..the host's sister is a lesbian and she was dressed compleat with beard and moustache.

I called her over and told her I was a member of the LGBT community..

I explained that I was a crossdresser and androgynous and had just recently come to terms with who I am and had ''Outed" myself to my wife and two best friends and a couple members of the Gay community.

I explained how my wife was unsetteled by the entire situation and that we were still in a "don't ask, don't tell"holding pattern, and that things were still a little rough around the edges in our relationship.

She told me that the more you bring things out in the open the better and easier things will be. That things were tough with "Mom and Dad' and her siblings at first but that the relationship that she has with her own wife and daughter has brought her back into the mainstream of her family.

So the point of the story is the more you reveal yourself to people you love and care about the more you will be comfortable in your own skin.....

That's the way I see it.....What do you think?

[Guest Charlene_Leona]

I refuse to hide who and what I am, it's kinda hard to when you have a catalog of art and photo's with my male name on all of them. I've come to the conclusion that he was a big part of my life and I shouldn't hide from the world because of it. I'm even out to everyone I went to school with on Classmates and reunion.com with my senior picture and a Picture of myself now. You have to come to term's with yourself and when you do you will find it much easier loving the person you are becoming.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Mia,

I think this is the most honest and important topic I have ever read. My experience has been this...

Unsure.... but feeling that something is wrong.

Hiding... guilt/shame..

Crossdressing... hiding... guilt/shame...

Crossdressing, not hiding, but not accepting.... shame...

Crossdressing...accepting.... no shame

Crossdressing.... accepting.. coming out...

Coming out... realizing more... Female

Female... no shame... transitioning... loving.

Coming out is a very important step!!! Without coming out, you can never be you. To be you, you must let others know you.

Brenda

[Guest skyy]

i totally agree. freedom is the way to go. i feel so happy these days, even if i am sick right now

but yea, the freedom of being free far outweighs the complications that occure, though it may or not seem like it at the time. living a lie is no way to live.

love and huggs to all

[Guest Penelope]

Thank you, Mia, for starting this discussion.

I feel that Bernii’s experience is a path that I have followed for part of the way.

I now accept that I am a cross dresser. I am no longer ashamed of it, but I have not progressed to coming out; except to my SO. She is, at best, ambivalent about this and does not witness most of my activities.

I don’t know how much further I will be going. It is not just a matter of courage, or lack of it.

I know I am part female, but I am also very comfortable being male. By dressing, or not, one or other is given prominence. Most of the time both are present.

I don’t think I will ever get near wanting to transition. I feel no urge to do it. But, until I have allowed my suppressed femininity to become fully manifest I cannot know for certain. This might not be possible unless I come out completely.

Penelope

[Guest Zabrak]

I think this is a very good concept. "Pretending like it never happend" or "ignoring" something that has a big impact in a relationship of any kind improves nothing, some time or another one of the people have to talk about it. The more its talked about the less it becomes "new" and "scary" and at some point it becomes "old news" and "normal". Unless of course...the person is a bigot.

[Guest mia 1]

'Zabrak' date='Aug 30 2009, 01:24 AM' post='105002']

I think this is a very good concept. "Pretending like it never happend" or "ignoring" something that has a big impact in a relationship of any kind improves nothing, some time or another one of the people have to talk about it. The more its talked about the less it becomes "new" and "scary" and at some point it becomes "old news" and "normal". Unless of course...the person is a bigot.

Excellent thought. Bravo! Like your Mom Sally says.."When did you get so smart?

[Guest ChloëC]

This is my own personal feeling and others may have valid other thoughts. I think this is a very difficult and involved subject with no really easy answer. Yes, I am familiar with the saying 'The truth will set you free', but life doesn't always work conveniently like that. Sometimes the 'truth' is hurtful to other people and they really do have just as many rights as I do. Sometimes telling young children (or even adults!) the 'truth' is not always beneficial because they haven't yet had the learning and life experiences to put that information in the proper context. I know that I and many people I have come in contact with, have sometimes shaded the truth a little to avoid causing problems to other people. I've heard it called 'little white lies' and such, and I think most people don't really like doing it, but I also understand that they (and I) have to deal with whatever the situations call for, and try our best to cope.

I agree that keeping things hidden is not necessarily the best way to live, but I also know that I have to think long and hard about when and where and to who and at what time, I open up to, and even more importantly, how to tactfully explain what I am, which is doubly hard for me because I have such little understanding of being tactful (like this response for example)

I do applaud others who are in situations that have allowed (or will) complete and open dialogue with minimal confusion and hurt feelings and can then get on with their lives.

[Carolyn Marie]

I agree wholeheartedly with the idea that coming out at least to your S.O. is an important step towards

self acceptance and self discovery. The stress and guilt of hiding cancels out much of the enjoyment

and fulfillment I might have felt from living, even briefly, as my feminine self.

Even grudging acceptance by my partner would allow so much more freedom to explore who I am

as Carolyn, and to see how far I want and need to take it. Self-esteem would also improve, I

think, with being more open about my feminine nature.

Thanks for this post, Mia. You always have something important and thoughtful to contribute. You are

very wise.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest mia 1]

'Carolyn Marie' date='Aug 30 2009, 09:44 AM' post='105069']

I agree wholeheartedly with the idea that coming out at least to your S.O. is an important step towards

self acceptance and self discovery. The stress and guilt of hiding cancels out much of the enjoyment

and fulfillment I might have felt from living, even briefly, as my feminine self.

Even grudging acceptance by my partner would allow so much more freedom to explore who I am

as Carolyn, and to see how far I want and need to take it. Self-esteem would also improve, I

think, with being more open about my feminine nature.

Thanks for this post, Mia. You always have something important and thoughtful to contribute. You are

very wise.

Carolyn Marie

Thanks Carolyn. Oh how I wish you were right about being wise, but I am so naive and so wide eyed always looking for the "right" answers..

All of us working together is what gets us through ..Love to you all...Mia

[Paula ult]

At every stage of my coming out process i get more comfortable in my own skin. The more people that i told that needed to know and got either acceptance or they are ok with it the more comfortable i got.

Like Charlene I refuse to hide who and what I am, i will not become a hermit and give up the things i love doing, like bowling just because i am transitioning.

Paula

[Guest Evan_J]

When I came out about my orientation, I was then free. Honestly. It was the best thing because then I could just be. You liked me if you like me, you took a walk if ya didn't. With going into transition, I admit to having a lot more hesitance because I still felt it was the kind of out that could spawn highly volatile hate based reactions HOWEVER since running into a friend of mine from grade school at a trans picnic last week (a straight, married, cis gendered friend no less) I feel MUCH better. The line I cracked during the picnic was "I guess this means my life is finally catching up with me, eh?" And we each laughed and it was great. I do agree, there's a relief in "being alright" if my best friend from high school (example)"finds out" ; it means I'm who I am no matter who's there or who leaves.

[Guest Amanda joan]

Hi All,

This is a great topic. I have been coming out over the last two weeks. I have told my Mother and Step Father, no problem there. My brother and Sister in Law, she was fine he was ok but not sure I should" tell anyone outside of the family". I have told close friends and they have told me they will love me how ever I decide to be. Now this took a lot of courage and that 1 or 2 seconds before they resond in hades and you get instant joy or sometimes something less but, mostly people are just happy that you felt close enough to them to share this intimate part of your life with them. And I have had a few people tell me things about their lives that have me feel that I am dealing with my issues way better than some others have

Peace & Love Amanda

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

I agree that coming out is an extremely important step; however along with the nerves on your part you have to realize that there are always going to be those who will NOT accept what it is that you wish to tell them. This group can do one or several things. Curse at you and tell you that you are an abomonation before god, walk away and never talk to you again, sit there and nod quietly then insist on calling you by your old name and pronouns (if youre trans). The one thing you can never predict is just how someone will respond to the news.

I know of some who were initially accepting, or so it seemed, only to find out that they really dont want anything to do with me anymore. Such is the lot of those of us who bend sociey's rules and mores, more often than not we will face hostility since people dont tend to like their apple carts upset.

[Guest AllisonD]

When I came out about my orientation, I was then free. Honestly. It was the best thing because then I could just be. You liked me if you like me, you took a walk if ya didn't.

Evan's philosophy has worked for me since I was very young. Many people walked, but I did not miss them because plenty did not. By being out, I was able to grow up without this huge secret, and was able to deal with the pains of transition while I was young, and resilient, and invinceable. I hear the pain in the stories of those people that are afraid to come out and I am so glad that I did it young, got it over with. Being trans is a gift if you can cope with it.

Allison