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New Class, Fresh Chance


Guest AlexanderG

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Today was the first day of school (I have 2 hours of that a week go figure).

My hair is cut. I wore my most male clothes. My name is male enough.

The teacher told us he has a transsexual son & used the correct pronouns.

Of the other students one knows me from previous semester. Other than that, no one.

I am this close to asking the teacher to 'put me with' the guys (there's 4 of us then, among some 20-odd females). To take this opportunity and doing something like a RLT for at least this class (I also have to unrelated-to-but-located-at-school theater groups); take for granted that yeah, people will know what's going on and pass or not pass their judgments. In six months I'm graduating & I will probably move after that (job-related). So what's the worst that can happen, really?

On the other hand

I couldn't bind and won't be able to due to physical problems (old sports injury, weak back. I tried last weekend and after an hour it took a day for the pain to wear off). So, even though I'm only a moderate B chest-wise, I'm gonna be recognized as a girl (saw the teacher doing a chest-check today, so that's given me away). Plus it makes me quite self-conscious knowing these things are sitting there in, so to speak, full view.

And maybe I'm not capable of overseeing (possible) consequences. I'm very impulsive and I might be underestimating things.

"So what if they know? I'm 'weird' in any case (this is not to be disputed, even all my friends agree; I am a bit of an odd personality, and I'm fine with that). I'm not looking for 20 friends - if there's 2 or 3 people I get along with I'm content. Students, and in particular the Dutch, are tolerant. The University environment, if there is ANY environment in which one is free to be... 'different', is IT." --- those're my thoughts, basically.

Ugh. If only I could bind. I'd be totally presentable as a guy. But alas.

What do you think? Any simple solution to the binding problems? Any advice as to if and how to approach the teacher, perhaps the student who already knows me (I'm not sure she likes me a lot)? Even if I feel I want to, for now, keep this all from friends and family (who'll never meet any of these people, most likely)?

Thanks for any thoughts on the matter.

Ruben.

PS on a sidenote; I've sent an e-mail requesting an appoitnment with a transgender-specified psychologist, still awaiting the response.

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Well, forst good for you with the teacher that will understand and E-mailing for a therapist.

I wouldn't worry bout being wierd in a class with 20 odd women! :lol:

It doesn't pay to take life completely seriously.

I cannot help you with any binding problems but I can say that coming out is up to you, if you feel that you will be in no physical danger then it could be great - if you would be fearful - don't!

Love ya,

Sally

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Well, forst good for you with the teacher that will understand and E-mailing for a therapist.

I wouldn't worry bout being wierd in a class with 20 odd women! :lol:

It doesn't pay to take life completely seriously.

I cannot help you with any binding problems but I can say that coming out is up to you, if you feel that you will be in no physical danger then it could be great - if you would be fearful - don't!

Love ya,

Sally

was gonna edit; am tasting less-tightly-binding as we speak. still would be paranoid though.

But yeah... since when do I care about being 'weird'?

*ponders*

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just a possible interesting thing:

don't know where exactly you live, but once a month or something there's a transgendered youth meeting in amsterdam :--) i've been there a couple of times ^^ there are quite a lot of young ones that come there :--) (that is a group untill the age of 16 and a group for 16 to 22 or something)

just a thought, If you would like to meet others like yourself :--)

it's called: "Transvisie" the site is www.transvisie.nu I think...

grtz & hugs,

Sarah xxx

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just a possible interesting thing:

don't know where exactly you live, but once a month or something there's a transgendered youth meeting in amsterdam :--) i've been there a couple of times ^^ there are quite a lot of young ones that come there :--) (that is a group untill the age of 16 and a group for 16 to 22 or something)

just a thought, If you would like to meet others like yourself :--)

it's called: "Transvisie" the site is www.transvisie.nu I think...

grtz & hugs,

Sarah xxx

Thanks, Sarah, I've been checking out the site & trying to figure out where & when. I read there was one yestrday but I already had plans then, so maybe next time. I'm near enough Amsterdam.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I didn't. I'm a girl in this class.

Right now... man where to begin. It's so over my head, all of this. One day I'll be thinking, gosh I WANT that male body... the whole package from chesthair to penis. The next I'll be thinking I can live with being a girl - I can be me in the body I have, and, and - well love society with its gender-standards. But then again... what about... *20,000 questions*

I wanna pull my hair out and wish I'd never come up with the notion.

I'm more or less making an appointment with a Transvision-expert or whatchamacallit, but I half feel I'm just making ... a fuss over nothing... being, hypochondric, if you will, becuase I'm so convined there's 'something wrong' with me.

Can't I just make this whole thing go away and be my merry self, and accept that, hey, after all your body is just part of who you are, I'm agonna be 'weird' anyway (which I don't mind), and... well... if God made me like this...

Argh!!!

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