Hmm There Is This Person....

[Flint]

Okay...I know...I've probably made a massive mistake.......But....erm....I'm paying for it...Paying for it in the fact tha teverytime after i get riddled with guilt. See...There this girl...i really like......she like me too.....however she doesn't know i'm trans....I well...I know i shouldn't have but certain conversations have happened through msn....that maybe i should have stopped and told her before it all happened....But i convinced myself....That if i...well that if i let her know how much i care about her and if i let her get to know me, maybe she wouldn't react to bad....But....I realise this was wrong.....I'm not gonna go into detail about the conversations lol.....but i have made a mistake...Well...it's not her tahts the mistake its...me....it's the way i've gone about this. I just for once in my life wanted to be seen as a real man. I keep telling myself, it's okay...but i..... dont know. I really dont wanna lose her. But either way now i'm gonna loose her i guess. I keep telling myself to stop it when the convos get further....But everytime.......i just......i fall into the trap that for that time i forget cause well..... i guess i'm just weak. I can't resist. I'm a 17 year old lad......of course i can't resist but...I know i've done wrong....Okay i dont know what your supposed to say...but...i dunno i coudl really do with some advice right now. plus support.

Thnaks in advance

MB.

[Guest GoldenKirbichu]

I can try to give more advice... but there's not a lot I know about this sort of stuff. :/

[Guest brandt]

hey mb,

i've been in this situation. when i first met some girl over the internet i didnt even think of tellin her i was a girl because it was the first time when i actually can be a guy and actually meet a girl that could like me. well heres the story. i met her and we talked and talked everyday. IM after Im and she never would have thought i was a girl. i pulled off being a guy. i acted like one, and i sure did pull off lookin like one too cuz we had myspace and stuff. i was young enough to pull off that i was still going through puberty when we were talkin on the fone and i had a really high voice which i hated so much. well it was a year later and i finally told her. and we both were so in love with each other and i felt it was the right time to tell her. i was afraid. but i had the courage to tell her. she woulda found out sooner or later anyways. and i was tired of hiding it from her and trying to hide it from my parents that i was acting like a guy with some girl and so they wouldnt get so suspicious. well when i told her it took her awhile to accept it and think about it. she didnt break up with me because of it. but i always asked her if it bothered her. and she always said yes. and i always felt bad. but eventually she broke up with me kinda cuz of that and distance even though we lived an hour and a half away. so you'll never know what happens. just give it time. see if you really like her and become to like her. then if she really loves you for who you are im sure she will accept you. and i know what kind of convos you get into. i got into those too. it felt good though even though the things i said about me werent true. that me being a real boy wasnt true but i told myself it was fine. just go with your heart. she's gonna love you no matter what if you are just ur self. its just that she is gonna know that you are a girl now and it might get in the way. but dont let it.

im out. peace. good luck man.

brandt/kayden

[Flint]

Well i told her......and it went okay..she is okay with it.......She keeps tryin to reasure me she's okay with it.

[Guest Huff]

Well i told her......and it went okay..she is okay with it.......She keeps tryin to reasure me she's okay with it.

really? wow. amazing. I still think I'm going to be stuck celebate the rest of my life.

my advice: if she said and reassured you that she's ok with it, then tell her you're willing to talk about it if she ever needs or wants to and let the issue drop for now... otherwise it's all about your own insecurity. she'll bring it up again when she needs to accept you on increasingly deeper levels as the relationship goes on.

just my 2 cents.

[Guest Darrel]

Guess it's pointless to give advice now that you've told her and everything is fine. This is to anyone else who is interested, I suppose.

It's always important to tell someone -- if you are feeling dedicated to them -- a deep and dark secret up at the beginning. If they are offended by the idea, and will leave because of it, it's better to have them walk out on you before you become attached. Also, if you wait, even if they would not have had a problem with it, they may feel betrayed because you had lied to them for so long.

Lovers shouldn't keep secrets from one another regardless of how long they've been together. If they are disgusted by dating a transsexual, then fine! You don't need them; you deserve someone who will accept you. It gives you more time to find the right one for you, anyways.

[Flint]

See this is why i think i should just turn completley gay. All the girls i've been out with have turned out to be using me. and this happens to be the same. But what makes this worse is i was lead to strongly believe she was the real thing And it turns out she wasn't. I always knew i was worthless. Thats why i've been used all my life. This has hit me more than before cause for some reason i believed just this once i wasn't being used.

[Guest Marco]

being used sucks[believe me, i know] but you aren't worthless. and hey, if all else fails[or not] there really is nothing wrong with being gay.

[Guest Huff]

I always knew i was worthless. Thats why i've been used all my life. This has hit me more than before cause for some reason i believed just this once i wasn't being used.

huh... unfun stuff. and, your brain is lying to you. You are NOT worthless. People are never worthless, even when they are broken, depressed and frustrated. The funny/awful part of our mind is that it often believes the illogical and erroneous bad stuff that our brain comes up with about ourselves. The tricky part is getting the mind to recognize when my brain is telling me a bunch of crap. Sometimes, I just remind myself that I have an 'itty bitty s*itty committee' in my head trying to get at me and start laughing as I imagine that wherever that committee is in my brain is actually a smear of disgusting, smelly poop. I mean, who wants to listen to poop? I dunno... it works for me, but I still think a like a little boy. If I'm real down, I'll actually say "hey buddy, you're doin' all right." and then I name some things I'm actually proud of doing.

do you have a counselor or therapist or even just a really balanced, mature friend that you can go over what happened and what you might need to do differently in getting into future relationships? sometimes even just talking that stuff out can help "reframe" the situation in a less self-hating light.

Just a couple of thoughts on what's worked for me. Take 'em or leave 'em.

MK