Choosing To Be Out,and Helping Brothers And Sisters

[Guest angie]

I being a very out woman,remembering where I came from not all that long ago.

Reach out to new trans,being very friendly and supportive.And if they(woman or man)

are looking for a doctor that is very accepting,knowlegeable and friendly,I point them to

my doc.I have refered so many,that she knows who sent them.That girl Angie.lol

I also set out to educate the world about the truth of who we are.After meeting a woman in

deep stealth that refuses to reach out to me.She is so standoffish,afraid I am going to out her

with just my presence in her company. So I made it my mission to live openly,reject the lure of stealth.And I am making head way,first at church,as the only openly transsexual woman to attend.

Then in public,where if asked,I will tell the truth about who I am.Now it's the social networks.

Where I say I am a TSwoman,have befriended many women and a few men.The responses

have been very encouraging.Expressing how brave or how much courage it takes to live so openly.All have been positive,some hoping to meet me one day and myself them.I don't consider myself brave or courageous though.I am only doing what so many others are doing,paving the way,opening hearts and minds.Letting the world know we are just regular people,having to

follow an uncommon path.Choosing stealth is understandable,after all that I have gone through,

I understand why one would choose to live that way.That just isn't the path I was given to follow.

Out open and proud,

Angelique Michelle

[Guest mia 1]

Nice path Angie..certainly not the easy way to go ,, the road less traveled, and all that, bu the most interesting item is that you are loved and treated with respect in your church..how great to find a loving and open church that not only accepts you but welcomes you with a warm heart.......Your church reflects your personality......Mia

[Guest AllisonD]

Angie,

Very well done. I admire you.

I was guilty of being one of those stealth people for years. Never reached out, never helped anyone else. I was completely unaware of the trans community. It wasn't until trans women at work came to seek me out that I even became aware of the community on the net.

Now I find that I have become a mentor. I have actually been talking with some people here about a new class of volunteer, the long term post-op mentor to assist others along the path that we ourselves have been traveling for so very long. People that I help actually find me useful, and that makes my participation worthwhile. I have a number of regulars that I converse with daily or better, and it seems to be working.

I also like meeting people face to face. The connection is so much more solid when you can see, or even touch, the person you are talking to. Some of my people talk to me using webcams and microphones so that we can at least appear to be in the same room together. A year ago it would not have occurred to me to even try.

I have always taken the attitude that I am read constantly, so on the rare occasion when I was actually asked a leading question, I spoke right up. My general response has been that it is OK to ask me anything you want, but be sure you want to hear the answer, 'cause I will tell you the truth. That actually has turned out to be enough for the few cisgendered people that have actually approached me. It confirms what they wondered about, and they didn't want details. Like you, some have told me I have courage, and like you, I don't think so. Is it courage to do what you have to do to breathe?

I ran into a trans woman the other day, an obvious newbie, and I introduced myself and it turned out OK. She appreciated my approach and my thoughts for improvement and didn't seem to resent that I chose to speak with her. I have an essay about that here somewhere, and it will show up on my author's page one day. That success encourages me to pay more attention to my environment, and to make a point to carefully (quietly) say hello to the next trans person I meet.

I take your meaning to heart. We, who have traveled this path, should not forget where we came from; that there are others on the path, and that they may find an experienced hand or some guidance of use. I am not the public advocate or educator that you find yourself to be, but I am happy to say that I have begun to play a small part in the community I belong to now that I am aware there is a community to join.

Allison

[Paula ult]

Angie and Allison, i too am an out trans-woman though not as far along as you two, i came out to over 140 people in my two bowling leagues and that has given me allot of confidence, i never stood before groups of people before and do public speaking, after i had lots of people tell me how brave i was... if they only knew how scared i was, not scared of what anybody thought or would say but scared if i would screw my presentation up, i was essentially selling my change to 140 people.

At my last TransFamily meeting the founders were looking for people that would be willing to do public speaking at schools and at events so i volunteered, i figure if i could get up and tell 140 people that had no idea what i was going to say that i could tell groups that already know what i am going to talk about.

Maybe at some point in the future when i retire i will move and live the rest of my life stealth, but for now it is not possible so why not educate the public when i can.

Changing peoples views one person at a time.

Paula

[Guest angie]

The coolest part of the friends I am making on the social network

I belong to,is that all the women who have put me on their friends

list,I went to school with.I have remade friends that remember me

as my old self and me being very shy and quiet.Not anymore I'm not!lol

One contacted me that knew and went with my brother for a short

time and asked if I remembered her.And I did and do.Another was a real

good friend that told me who she is when I asked because she looked

so familar to me.She remembered me and gave me her home phone number.

I am working towards not being a stranger,not feeling alone,looking

forward to going to my reunion,anticipating meeting and making friends.

And hopefully meet some at a few mixers beforehand,so when I walk in that

door dolled,I will feel and know I belong.That in itself is worth being out for.

Huuuuuuuuggggzzzzzzzzz,

Angie

[Guest N. Jane]

I thought about any possible advantages and disadvantages of being "out" (after 35 years of 'operational stealth') and concluded that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.

I did my fighting to advance transsexual understanding and treatment back in "the dark ages", the 1960's, and I would like to think that I opened a number of doors that benefited others in the years that followed. After 'transition', SRS, and going stealth I was a crusader for women's rights and there to I think I had a very positive effect and opened doors for other women.

I did my bit and feel I earned my humdrum life as an older woman.

[Guest angie]

I thought about any possible advantages and disadvantages of being "out" (after 35 years of 'operational stealth') and concluded that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.

I did my fighting to advance transsexual understanding and treatment back in "the dark ages", the 1960's, and I would like to think that I opened a number of doors that benefited others in the years that followed. After 'transition', SRS, and going stealth I was a crusader for women's rights and there to I think I had a very positive effect and opened doors for other women.

I did my bit and feel I earned my humdrum life as an older woman.

Sweety,

My day will come when life living female will be just a mundane existance,just not yet.

But I do thank ladies like yourself that come forward on sites like this excellent site to

lend support and about the long term life of being a woman many years post op.

I researched everything I could for months.Then it got to living life post transition,and

there really isn't anything out there,so it's women like you that have filled in the missing gap.

Hugs,

Angie

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

I am outing myself in quite a different way. I dont know why or how but Transgender rights seems to have become a cause for me, over the last couple days I have written out governor and all of my state reps with essentially the same letter outlining concerns with the law and how i feel some of it can be addressed.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Angie......

First off, I really do admire you! What a wonderful, selfless thing...to give to our community...

I know that the goal of so mant people is to transition to their true gender (sex) and completely dissapear and live their real life.

That is admirable for ones that are young enough to be able to do it...

Some of us that older will have a hard time going "stealth" having transitioned so late in life...

I live in a small community and I know that I'll be out to everyone....but I'm not going anywhere...I've lived here 20 years and own my property and house....

So, my plans are to also take up the cause....I won't kid myself...I'll never go stealth....

Heck, if I had done this 30 years ago, I'd have a husband and kids and all that goes with a normal woman's life...

But, the key word there is "If"....

Geez, "If" my uncle were plumbed differently, he'd be my aunt!

Life goes on!

Good on you, Ang....

You are a real Sweetheart!

Donna Jean

[Sally]

As some of you might have guessed I am not really entertaining any thoughts of going stealth - I am getting my book of Poetry ready for submission to a publisher that seems interested and if it sells more than a copy or two - I will be pretty much assured of not going stealth but if it helps make one person understand us better or helps one more lost soul find their way then I cannot complain.

If we each reach two people and help them to understand that we are people and deserve the same rights and protections as everyone else then our numbers triple - and then if we can get them to educate two more each - look at that progression!

1+2=3, 1+2+4=7, 1+2+4+8=15, 1+2+4+8+16=31, 1+2+4+8+16+32=63, 1+2+4+8+16+32+64=127

127 people if it is followed to just 6 levels!

Activism does not have to be large, grandiose, expensive or even flamboyant just persistent.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Zenda]

Kia Ora Angie,

I was thinking about this earlier and you girl beat me to it - dammn you’re fast…So excuse me while I hog your thead and spread my 'propaganda'....

Well from what I gather the vast majority of trans-people ‘want’ to be seen as their affirmed gender[in other words to be seen as ‘normal’ =nothing special=nothing out of the ordinary]…

Now for the ‘oxymoron’…If one is fortunate enough to just ‘blend in’ [or if you like ‘pass’=be seen as ‘normal’], it becomes quite difficult to live a ‘normal’ life and at the same time ‘openly’ be active in the campaign for trans-rights…For example a trans-female who looks like a genetic female to walk about in the bible belt of America with a T-shirt that says “I’m transsexual god loves me as much as you!” how long before she is attacked by some bible bashing nutjob who believes they are defending the name of Jesus Christ ? [or Jesus the Christ as Sally likes to say] Bibles can be deadly weapons in the hands of the ignorant …

How many would stand up in their place of worship and preach ‘transsexuality’ is a gift from god?

At this moment in time many members here who are just coming ‘out’ feel the need to be trans-activists-for some it’s because they feel that they may never pass as their desired gender[i’m being quite blunt and honest here] - others may just be struggling with the whole concept of living in a different world from the one they’ve been use to, and perhaps at times society give them a hard time [possibly due to their somewhat ‘androgynous’ appearance =the in between worlds look - fashionable for some but not for others ]…

I would think that the vast majority of trans- people would prefer to live a ‘normal’ life=blend into society and if the opportunity does arise they will jump at the chance-not that they will all want to go deep stealth-they might still maintain some form of contact with the transgender community…

I guess I would be what one would call a ‘stealth’ trans-activist,[or semi stealth] I write letters to the newspapers attend Human Rights meetings and am a member here at Laura’s, but I choose not to wear the ‘T’ shirt which in my opinion to do so would be like volunteering oneself as a target [cannon fodder] for the narrow minded = bigots…My simple philosophy in life is-If and when I can, I’ll help ALL those I meet who are suffering regardless of their gender and sexual identity-transsexuality is no longer a big part of my life-

For the rest of your life would you really wear your heart on your sleeve and pass up the opportunity of being seen as ‘normal’ ? Would you really want to live the life of a trans-crusader? Would’nt it defeat the whole purpose of transitioning???

Thanks -You can have your thread back now Angie..

Metta Jendar [a member of the ‘love the mundane life’ brigade]

[Guest AshleyRF]

I'm living in the Bible belt currently and I'm always afraid someone will hurt me so I do not think I could openly announce that I am trans and I pray every day that no one will "read" me. I've been lucky so far and managed to just fly under their radar or I've just been lucky enough to not run into one of those ignorant people yet. I try my best to be stealth and hope for the best.

I am always looking for fellow sisters/brothers in the area that I would be more than willing to help any way that I could. I know how tough it is for us living here without any of the resources some other states have and we need all the help we can get here.

[Guest Jean Davis]

For the rest of your life would you really wear your heart on your sleeve and pass up the opportunity of being seen as ‘normal’ ? Would you really want to live the life of a trans-crusader? Would’nt it defeat the whole purpose of transitioning???

Hey Jendar

This all depends on if your willing to trade one lie for another. Personally, I just want to live with a body I feel comfortable with and if anyone asks I want to tell them the truth. I hate lieing about stuff almost as much as this body I'm stuck with and to have to lie after I change wouldn't sit to well with me. But that doesn't mean that I'm going to write that I'm a transwoman across my forhead neither. If someone asks I'm going to answer them truthfully and be proud of myself.

Jean

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Hey Jendar

This all depends on if your willing to trade one lie for another. Personally, I just want to live with a body I feel comfortable with and if anyone asks I want to tell them the truth. I hate lieing about stuff almost as much as this body I'm stuck with and to have to lie after I change wouldn't sit to well with me. But that doesn't mean that I'm going to write that I'm a transwoman across my forhead neither. If someone asks I'm going to answer them truthfully and be proud of myself.

Jean

There always have been those of us who are willing to take the risk for those who can't. What pushed me that way was one line in the New Mexico Human Rights code which makes it illegal for us to use the bathroom appropriate for our gender presentation. To the Cisgendered it is not a big deal but to the transsexual population it is not only a comfort issue, it is a safety issue. I have started the fight here, and written to organizations like the HRC (Human Rights Campaign) for information as to where to go from here.

New Mexico is often cited as one of the trans friendly states because of their Human Rights law, but it is obvious to anyone who takes the time to read the entire law (it's not that long) that some of the exceptions limit its trans friendliness. It is those exceptions that need modifying so that we can use the appropriate bathroom with out fear of being arrested. We all use the proper one anyway but to have that exception removed or modified would go a long way to improving our comfort level while we go.

[Guest Charlene_Leona]

I too have been working as an ambassador for the trans community. For a long time I'd say 2 years I didn't pass but I refused to give up. But at the same time I was working to explain to others why I decided to transition. To teach them that this so called choice is not and my drive to do this was so primal that it was not a choice. I would try to tell people that the desire was stronger than any addiction one could ever have. I decided early in my transition that stealth for me was not an option. Another thing that I ran into as an artist and photographer, I have thousands of photographs with exif data with my old name and dozens of original pieces of art that have the old name on them as well, plus their prints. I am also in the ramp up for my biggest art show to date where I will be showing and maybe selling my original Pen & Inks. The owner of the gallery and myself have decided to live with my past and not hide the fact that I'm transsexual. She actually said it makes me and my art more interesting and I agree. This will I hope make way for the next transsexual artist, photographer life that much simpler and gain them some acceptance without having to work at it as I have.

[Guest angie]

My best friend, who left everything in her past,

Is a recent postop and told me that she wants to go stealth.

I can understand her desire.All she wants is to blend in,not

be seen as anything but a normal woman.She is from another

state,since she has no family here,and few friends from her old life,

She has that option.While I,stayed in the same neighborhood,

have too many family members living near by,wish to connect

and develop a good relationship with my daughters,plus I worked

in the area for the last sixteen years.I have history I cannot escape.

So stealth is not an option.I do not advertise I am trans,do not need

my picture in the paper,or my face on tv.But am one that would if

given a chance,standup in front of a full congregation,and tell them

who we are,from one who is walking this path with her head held high.

One doen't have to be a public figure,one just has to be willing to reach

out and help the non trans understand our journey a little bit clearer.

And if that means one person at a time,then so be it.At least you are

doing your part to further the cause.

Hugs,

Angie