Dating As A Woman

[Guest NatalieRene]

Actually, that "all guys want is sex" thing just makes being with them even better. If you know how to play your cards right they'll do almost ANYTHING for you. I have a friend who got her boyfriend to buy her $700 worth of clothes $1000 worth of jewlery and an iPod just so she would have sex with him on Valentine's Day (and all she did was say "I want to go shopping" and he took her, and bought her everything she wanted). But, he didn't take her for a nice enough dinner, nor did he buy her chocolates on Valentine's Day, so no sex for him (even though he bought her $2000 worth of stuff just a week and a half before.)

And that kind of ties in with my next point. Guys are GREAT emotionally, because they know if your angry, sad, or in pain they're not getting the prize. I've had bfs go to great lengths to make me feel better just to get lucky (massages, letting me cry on their shoulder, telling me I'm perfect / gorgeous, etc), and I'm still a virgin. Whenever they've asked, I always said "maybe later" than gave them a nice kiss to leave them wanting me little did they know that "maybe later" meant once I'm an adult. (And if any of you have a problem with that, it's MY body and I control who gets to do what with it.)

Woah .... um I think that exploiting a person like that is very unethical and mean. Exploitation to the degree of thousands of dollars like that could turn ugly if he catches on. And yes while men are emotionally shallow most of the time you still shouldn't toy with their emotions like that. You're setting yourself up to be a victim and you're treating him horribly. Don't promise sex if you're not ready for sex.

[Guest cjnoble71]

Thanks for the advice, but I'm not that worried about a guy assulting me, becuase I keep in pretty good shape. What I worry about is guys cheating on me because I refuse to have sex with them (again I will not have sex until I'm 18. PERIOD.). One of my bfs did, and after crying to my friends for 2 weeks they then told me that if guys are gonna hurt me that much, I should at least get an equal amount of enjoyment to offset the pain. Luckily, with the help of my friends karma bit the guy in the butt and he hasn't been able to have a relationship since. I actually don't ask for gifts too much. For me I tend to ask for massages and to be my rock.

As far as my friend goes, she treats her boyfriends like property, so I doubt she'll take any advice of that sort (besides, she actually DOES have sex with guys, but only if they meet her every demand). For some reason, they'd rather sacrifice their money and their pride just to have 10 minutes of fun. Everyone who dates her already knows what they're digging themselves into (spending every dime they have on her, obeying her every command, listening to how much they annoy her the second they do something she has the slightest problem with) but they are that pathetic that they play along.

Please, be careful. You may be in "pretty good shape" but that does not mean you want to put yourself in harms way. I am big, grew up in a bad neighborhood in which I felt the need to overcorrect (that is, be a tough guy) and was in the Army, and I still make sure to stay out of harms way. You never know just how someone will react, or if they have a weapon, or if they will bring friends. Situations can snowball pretty quickly. Take care.

Christine

[Guest ricka]

Well this thread has taken an interesting turn---no criticism meant here. The fact is the bottom line is being honest, up-front and real with anyone you are dating. No one likes to be tricked or manipulated for any reason. If you want to be with a man just for sex or whether you have no intention of having a sexual relationship honesty really is the best policy. No guy likes a p---- tease. And that can put you in harms way.

That said, one thing I am finding is that I have a lot more confidence dating men as a woman than I ever did as a gay male. I am sure this is partially because I have always had female breasts and as a male I was very self-conscious about them, while as a female I feel proud of them. And on a sexual level I don't feel I need to perform like I did as a male---so no "performance anxiety" I do enjoy being treated like a woman and being pursued as it were. And as politically incorrect as it would be for other women I take it totally as a compliment when a guy comments about my breasts (sure make me go sit with Ashley in the very *friendly* person section! ---scoot over, Hun!)

ricka

[Guest ricka]

Other interesting things I am discovering along the way dating as a woman. Well the down side is sitting at home waiting for a guy to call or email me. bernii---like you I do like a hottie, but oh hun! Are younger guys squirrelly! I've dated several and being undependable seems to come with the territory. I am finding myself getting more interested in mature men for this reason, especially men who have some experience being with a woman. Mostly I want a man to be romantic and that's hard to find at least in my limited experience. If his motivation for being romantic is sexual, well he is a guy isn't he!

ricka

[Guest Linz21079]

Men are not important to me now as they once were. Perhaps it's my independant nature, years of hormones, me getting older or a combination of all three. When I was young and first starting my transition, I was so excited with my increasingly feminine appearance that I felt getting a man's attention amplified my feminity. I loved going out, wearing revealing clothing and flirting with anyone who would look in my direction. During that time period, I never had a relationship last more than a couple of months.

At the age of 24, I started in what would become a 3 year relationship with a great guy. It was a truly awesome relationship and taught me a lot about myself, life and love. For the past 3 years, I have dated only casually. I don't want commit to something unless I know it's going to be better than my 3 year relationship, but because of that relationship, I know that there are great guys out there. I've had several promising leads, including a second date with a great guy just last night, but it's just not at the top of my priority list.

In short, I think that over time, we all change and dating becomes easier to deal with the furhter you get into your transition.

[Guest krisspykriss]

I am just starting to date (men) as a trans-woman. Exciting, not really scarey but feeling tentative sometimes. Anyone here finding themselves in this place? My biggest issue is ferreting out the married guys and kicking them to the curb! The next thing is finding guys who are not just out for sex. Now that is even harder. I actually went out with a guy last night who just wanted to talk---that was soooo nice.

ricka

I know exactly what you are talking about. I started dating again a few months ago and do it as a transfemale. Out of about 20 prospects, half were married, three quarters were out for sex and about a third were in financial dire straights. I found two decent men to date out of the whole bunch, and the one I picked ended up being possessive and a cheater. So dont fret, just keep you head up and keep saying "Next!"

I haven't kicked the current guy to the curb yet, but after this ast weekend together I am planning on it.

From the girl talks I have with genetic girls, this is about how dating is for them as well except I seem to get a few more of the wrong guys and a few less of decent guys attention.

hugz

Chrissy

[Guest LottieZero]

Actually, that "all guys want is sex" thing just makes being with them even better. If you know how to play your cards right they'll do almost ANYTHING for you. I have a friend who got her boyfriend to buy her $700 worth of clothes $1000 worth of jewlery and an iPod just so she would have sex with him on Valentine's Day (and all she did was say "I want to go shopping" and he took her, and bought her everything she wanted). But, he didn't take her for a nice enough dinner, nor did he buy her chocolates on Valentine's Day, so no sex for him (even though he bought her $2000 worth of stuff just a week and a half before.)

That sounds horrible! What kind of a relationship is that? I don't know how she can live with herself, playing with her boyfriend's emotions like that... mind you, getting $2000 from your partner for doing, well, nothing, might be satisfying for some people, in a sort of sadistic way...

Charlotte

[Guest krisspykriss]

That sounds horrible! What kind of a relationship is that? I don't know how she can live with herself, playing with her boyfriend's emotions like that... mind you, getting $2000 from your partner for doing, well, nothing, might be satisfying for some people, in a sort of sadistic way...

Charlotte

Some would call it sexless prostitution. Other people call it financial domination. I would call it paying with fire and begging to get raped and or killed.

Just saying.

Chrissy

[Guest Natalie92]

That sounds horrible! What kind of a relationship is that? I don't know how she can live with herself, playing with her boyfriend's emotions like that... mind you, getting $2000 from your partner for doing, well, nothing, might be satisfying for some people, in a sort of sadistic way...

Charlotte

It really is horrible, but then again she never cares about any of her boyfriends so what can you expect? The problem is she has major PMS 24/7 and if you do the slightest thing to annoy her (boyfriend, friend, or anyone else) you'll find out really quickly how mad she can get. We (her friends) always wonder why guys keep flocking to her when she has areputation for doing this sort of thing.

[Guest AshleyRF]

That sounds horrible! What kind of a relationship is that? I don't know how she can live with herself, playing with her boyfriend's emotions like that... mind you, getting $2000 from your partner for doing, well, nothing, might be satisfying for some people, in a sort of sadistic way...

Charlotte

If the guy is foolish enough to fall for something like this, then it's their problem for being so ignorant. No one looks so good that they are worth spending that kind of money on just for the fact that they might give you sex.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

After I was divorced and long before I joined Laura's, I lived a very wild life. There were a few years there when my life was bars, anonymous sex, and other distractions. I will tell you all this.... it is an ugly life style and nothing to be proud of. I'm glad that I am past it now. Things can get really out of control really fast.... really fast.

Don't go down that road of sex, sex, and more sex. If it does not kill you, it will leave you empty.

Brenda

[Guest Lizzie McTrucker]

I seem to be getting the "You deserve someone better than me" line, which I would like to think is their guilty conscious after getting to know me and thinking "she's too sweet to just use for a one-night stand". The guys who seem to be attracted to me are only after one thing and that's it. No dating, nothing long term, just a one-night experience and that's it.

..and like the ladies mentioned before me, many of them are married. (which is an automatic 'no')

Oh, yeah, and that's the other reaction I get. They get to know me, blah blah, and say "well, I wouldn't date you now but maybe once you get your surgery." Uh huh...I'm getting the rejection letters ready for all those guys who suddenly come knocking once they found out I had SRS. I wasn't good enough then but I am now? Take a hike, pal.