Coming Out To My Wife And Other Strangeness

[Guest Kara Michelle]

Hiya! Its been a while since my last post but I could use a bit of cheer soo... I came out to my wife shortly after my last post. I used all the tips I was give like saying gender issues instead of gender dysphoria and all. That went better than anticipated but still not a great outcome. I started hrt the following week, and within days began having abdominal pain. I went to my doc who quickly pawned me off on my endocrinologist. She ordered a ct of my abdomen and an ultrasound. Naturally I was a bit worried. It seems all my worries are for not, the problem I am having is that I have a nice pair of functional ovaries, and according to the doctor, if I have my testicles removed, I may be able to go off the premarin completely! Here's the wierd part. Now my wife is more standoffish and seems to be freaking out even more because I am genetically hermaphroditic, or so they say. Any suggestions to help? She seems to think that if I have my ovaries removed instead of my unfortunate appendage, that all will be back to normal to normal

[Guest Kara Michelle]

Further elaborating, my wife believes that my newfound biology is the reason for my being trans. My endoocrinologist says that with the premarin backed off and my continuation of test blockers that my transition should go smoothly as my ovaries are beginning to produce their own estrogen. So the question is, how do I make her, or help her rather, understand that this is not the reason for my feelings? What do I need to do to help her to see that this is just who I am, ovaries aside for a minute?

[Guest again]

Wow Kara, that is quite a discovery. I'm sorry, I do not have any advice for you, but I do have a question---before you were started on hormones, did they do blood tests to determine your levels?---you would think they would have seen something in the blood tests that would cause them to investigate further before putting you on the hormones. The reason I ask is that my FtM son had blood tests done before starting on T and was told that the hormone levels were in normal range for a female & that was to ensure that there were not other issues, such as being genetically hermaphroditic. I wish you well in your quest for answers!

[Guest Charlene_Leona]

Wow this could actually be a blessing for you, finding out you are inter-sexed could get your SRS done without having to go through what the rest of us have to with transition. I would tell you wife that you are female and by having your ovaries removed are only going to make you miserable by trying to pretend to be a man. It sounds to me that you already know this or you wouldn't have started to transition. I don't know what else you could tell your wife other than you just need to reaffirm yourself as the lady you always were.

[Guest Amanda joan]

Kara,

I have dreamed of that happening to me. I think you are blessed to have that special asset. Your wife needs just to hear your truth. I know it is hard to be honest with these feelings because we are not always comfortable with what we are thinking about our selves. Lying will only make her pain worst in the long run. I have learned the hard way that keepping things from a woman is just as bad as lying to her face. I am able to be completely honest with my wife, or should I say Ex-Wife. I love her very much and respect is part of loving someone. It will be hard to state your truth, so think about how to best express what you are feeling and let her know that this has nothing to do with her. Accept that your needs have and will change the dynamics of your relationship. I hope and pray that your loving friendship will survive this.

Peace & Love Amanda