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[Guest Robin Winter]

Hiya. Call me Shilo. I'm kinda new to the whole "talking about it" part of this, so if I seem awkward, well, I'm sure most of you get this. I'm 29 years old, and tragically, I have a penis, but I'm working on that. Currently I have both feet in the closet, but my tongue is defiantly poking past the door(I often say and do things that I probably shouldn't if I intend to keep my secret). I've been seeing my shrink for a bit, and he's fully planning to give me all the referrals necessary, but not until he feels that I have all my plans in place, so at the moment, I'm pre-everything. Hopefully not much longer. I guess my biggest obstacle right now is that I live where I work, so I'm unable to present as a woman, pretty much at all. I'm married and we have kids, so I can't just walk away from it, without finding another job with similar or better pay. Very depressing.

I guess I've always been feminine, as far back as I can remember, which is about 3 years of age. It wasn't until about puberty that I kinda clued in to why I felt so out of place, but I spend the following 16 years or so in denial and fighting depression, in large part, I think, because I was raised in a very strict religious atmosphere, and quite frankly, I was terrified. I've only recently come to terms with it all, and I think in the end that made it harder for me, and those I care about. Currently I've only confided in my wife, one of our more open-minded friends, and my shrink. I plan to talk to my mother about it as well, the first opportunity I have to get her alone. I suppose if I didn't have the work thing to worry about, I'd just say screw it and come right out. That's really what I'd like to do. I'm so tired of bottling up.

Mmmm....along with my history of depression, I'm also a cutter, though I've not cut in a few months now, and went several years without cutting before that last couple times. Don't think this means I'm always a dark and depressing creature though, I'm sure I have my redeeming qualities :oP

I suppose that'll do for a basic introduction. I'm not particularly shy, though, so if you have any questions, feel free to ask. I don't have much in the way of support system at the moment, so I'd be delighted to get to know you all, and offer what I can in return.

*Hugs*

[Sally]

Good Morning Shilo,

I just got here and I noticed that your intro kind of slid down the list of furious posting last night - so I will offer you a friendly welcome and an invitation into the member's lounge.

Now get all comfy and I will bring you a fresh baked Cinnamon Roll and a cup of hot tea, I have all sorts of sweeteners and milk or flavored creamers.

There is plenty of time to discuss so many things but the first thing is for you to post a little bit more and ask questions in that way we can learn more about you and it will help you to form a support group from here in the playground.

After five posts you have access to the PM system and you can have private chats with your friends.

welcome to the family, we are all here for each other.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest EricaG]

Hi Shilo,

It is so nice to meet you I am sure glad that you found this little piece of sanity in this chaotic world. I see that Sally has been here already and brought out all the goodies YUM she is a peach and has nothing but love in her heart. There will be more folks coming around soon to help make you feel at home this is such a great place with lots of help and good advice. I know that I was very awkward at first but once you get your feet wet, the rest gets easier. It is good that you have come out to your wife, it was very hard for me until I did it does relieve a lot of stress and negative feelings. I am anxious to know more about you and look forward to hearing from you soon.

Hugs & Kisses

Erica

[Guest Kayliegh]

Hi Shilo -

Nice to meet you!

Glad to see you've found Laura's - it's the best site for folks like us!

Poke around, see what's being said and if you have any questions, please fell free to ask.

I've met some wonderful people here and I know you will too!

Hugs! - Kayleigh

[Carolyn Marie]

Shilo, its great to meet you, Hon. Welcome to Laura's.

It seems like you are on a good path. I'm glad you are seeing a therapist and will get a referral to a G.T.

They will be a great help as you travel on this path.

We have a lot of resources here to help you get past those dark times if they come again. We have a

forum for people who self-harm, and our chat mods are truly wonderful at helping folks get past

crises should they arise. Take advantage of those. We don;t want you to ever have to do that to

yourself again.

This is a wonderful place full of caring people - you've already met some of my sisters and more will be

showing up. Talk to any one of us if you feel lonely, depressed, or just need a shoulder to cry on.

We will be here for you.

I wish you all the luck in the world.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Welcome Shilo!!

Sweetie, you have many many redeeming qualities, so don't worry. I am so glad that you have decided to join us.

As you can see, we all have a lot in common Look around in the forums and read the various stories. If you read the Introductions forum, I am sure that you are going to hear stories that are very similar to you own. The point is that you are not alone.

Keep posting to the forums hon, and know that we are all here for you

Love

Brenda

[Guest Robin Winter]

Sally - Cinnamon Rolls are a weakness of mine...Yum!

Erica - Coming out to my wife *was* hard, one of the hardest things I've ever done. I'd said something about it 2 years prior, and the reaction was not pleasant, so I went back to bottling it up. She had the same reaction again this time, but is now supportive, as much as she can be. I know it's not easy on her, though, and she's still working through it herself.

Kayleigh - *Hugs* to you too, and thank you

Carolyn Marie - I can tell already that this place is full of caring people. I've been lurking for the first day or two, as I generally do when I'm working up the courage to speak, and found myself smiling many a time. Plus I almost got hit in the eye with a cookie once or twice when the pages were loading *grins*

Brenda - Your confidence in me surpasses my own for the moment. Thanks =D

Thanks all for the warm welcome. I think I'm gonna like it here.

[gennee]

Hello Shilo and welcome to the forum. You're not alone so feel to share whatever on your mind.

Gennee

[Guest Shane_82]

Welcome Shilo

~ Shane

[Guest Jean Davis]

Hi Shilo

Welcome home.

LUV

Jean

[Guest Robin Winter]

Awwww, thank you Jean! *kicks off shoes and reaches for another cinnamon roll*

[Guest Elizabeth K]

SHILO

Good responses already - so read though them and see if you got answers you need (unlikely - we are complicated). You can post and post and post - people respond well her.

BUT

The most impostant thing is you are at the right place. I am married and trans - and in transition... I have a psychologist for a therapist and she is wonderful! So you you are also in good hands... but you MUST have support and guess what...

We will be here for you!

WELCOME

Lizzy

[Guest Robin Winter]

Yah, support is really what I'm looking for, and maybe a heaping helping of courage. I think my answers are only to be found with time. Just need a place I can talk, vent, make friends, that sort of thing. I don't expect a miracle fix-all