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Helllo From Erikka


Guest erikka2046

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Guest erikka2046

Hello everyone! Its amazing to come across this site as I always think I am by myself and many people seems don't understand me at all. I am so glad to come here and I know I am not alone....

I started feeling I am not the same as other people since I was a little kid, why I didn't like to play with boys, like to play with girls, chose many things and preferences suppose to be for girl without a heart beat......but there was no choice at that time but to live and grown up as a male. However, a girl is a girl and there is no way to supress it permanently. This girl eventually found her way and woke up after thirty something years in a full blown.

I started transition a few months ago and my life feels much more calmer, comforting with my increasing femininity. I would let my transition go slowly, hopefully to start hrt this coming spring. Seeing my psychologist seems very good as he helps me to think a lot in many perspective and if I am doing the right thing in the right direction.

Fortunately, my girl friend is quite comfortable to see my changes this last few months. Although she knows I am seeing a pschologist but I have not told her the big thing yet. Her acceptance of my gradual changes makes me lot more confident to tell her very soon. She actually shopped with me for my first girl's boot the other day! Small step seems like a big one for me now...and love you all ;) !

Erikka

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Guest Donna Jean

Hello, Erikka!

Welcome to the Playground, Honey!

How about some nice hot coco and some of Sally's cookies to take the edge off?

Just sit over her and get comfy!

It's a hard existence for many of us and by being here together we can help hold each other up and give love and support!

And we always say that the best way to transition is "Baby steps"...For the most part, that makes it all go smoother!

So, get comfortable and read all that you can here...you'll meet lots of incredible people and make lots of friends!

It's so nice to have you!

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

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Guest ~Brenda~

Welcome Erikka!

It is so wonderful that you are here now. I am glad to see that you are building confidence!!!

Post to the forums hon!! Just so that you know... your girlfriend would be welcome here too if she wanted to talk with us to help better understand what you are going through :) There is an SO forum for people who are family or significant others of whose who are transgendered.

Love

Brenda

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  • Admin

Erikka, I would like to join the chorus and welcome you to Laura's.

This is a wonderful site full of supportive and caring members who look after each other.

I know you will find friends here. Actually, you already have! :)

Please do look around the forums, post your questions or responses to other's questions,

and have fun.

We are a moderated site so we keep all the looky loo's away. After five posts you can send private

messages to other members.

See you around the site, Erikka.

HUGGSS

Carolyn Marie

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Guest Amanda joan

Hello Erikka,

I am glad you have joined us here. We are alway happy to welcome a new sister into this wonderful community.

Tell us your story. We will be happy to help you on your journey.

I am also looking foreword to starting HRT in the Spring. I am now working on growing my hair long and on feminizing my voice. I have started sharing my real self with family and friends. It is a very hard thing to do. Being honest with your Girlfriend is very important. You will be suprised at how well many people will take your news but, it is also very normal for people who love you to have negative responses. It is because they need time for this kind of news to sink in.

You seem to already have a good handle on what is here so continue to enjoy.

Peace & Love Amanda Joan

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Hi Erikka,

It is a wonderful feeling to know that you are not alone and then to find out that "those people" are really nice is even better.

This is a wondrous journey so do't rush, take your time and enjoy all of the changes as you watch the facade that you had spent so long building crumble away and like a butterfly from its chrysalis emerge as the beautiful woman that you are.

Welcome to the family.

Love ya,

Sally

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Guest erikka2046

Thank you so much for everyone's lovely and warm welcome! I am so delighted here and looking forward to talk and share wilth you all :D

Luv

Erikka

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      Post 12   “First Kiss”   It was October 29th, 2003.  My dear friend Willa had purchased tickets for the two of us to attend “Red Hot Halloween,” a public Halloween party held at the Sanctuary in downtown Pittsburgh.  The event was a fund raiser benefitting the Pittsburgh AIDS Task Force.  It was a great cause but it was also the perfect opportunity to let the adventurous side of my feminine persona have a little fun.    My first question to Willa was: “What should I wear?”    “Are you kidding?” She responded.  “This is your opportunity to be the Sally of your dreams.  I suggest you dress to impress.”   My first thought was to dress naughty.  It was Halloween, so it could be the perfect venue for something with an erotic edge to it.  I thought about going as a dominatrix or a naughty French maid.  After we talked about it, and weighed the pros and cons, Willa and I decided against naughty, and instead, chose to wear the fanciest evening gowns we could find.  Willa bought an expensive, silver sequined gown, and matching high-heels just for the event.  Me, on the other hand, I couldn’t justify spending big bucks on an evening gown for a single event, so I took a less expensive route.  It is amazing what you can find on the sale racks at big department stores when you look hard enough.  For a mere 30-dollars, I found a black, sleeveless column gown with matching bolero jacket.  The dress had a slit up the right leg, and it went all the way to my upper thigh, very sexy.  Being a column dress, it was form-fitting, and hugged my curves like a glove.  To complement my dress, I wore black patent high-heel pumps, a long blonde wig, and a set of long red fingernails.  As I recall, it took me three-hours just to do my makeup.  The end result, though, was worth the effort, because I felt like a million bucks.  It’s so obvious, why girls love dressing up – it’s an unbelievable high!   Inside the club it was a sea of bodies and the costumes were amazing.  At one point, I was standing on a balcony that overlooked the dance floor.  I was nursing a cocktail and watching the crowd.  Suddenly, there was a gentleman standing next to me; I didn’t notice his approach.  He told me I looked fabulous and he offered to buy me another drink.  I declined his drink offer, but we struck up a conversation.  Being a little slow, it took me a while to realize he was hitting on me. I never imagined anyone would ever actually be attracted to Sally, which I think contributed to my cluelessness.  So, I was shocked, and initially, a little creeped out as well.  After all, I wasn't into guys, and this was new to me.  As we continued talking, and he kept throwing accolades my way, I went from being uncomfortable to actually being flattered.    The event, being an AIDS fund raiser, had me assuming this guy was hitting on me because he was gay, and he thought I was, as well.  I wanted to set the record straight, so I casually mentioned that I wasn’t gay.  To my amazement, he responded by saying: “neither am I.”  Okay, now what was I supposed to do?  I didn’t want to be rude, but I didn’t want to send the wrong message either.  While I was trying to decide how to tell him I wasn’t interested, he asked if he could kiss me.  Not sure what I was thinking at that moment, I said “okay.”  He kissed me, and as strange as it was, I gave into it, not pulling away or disengaging.  It wasn’t a super passionate kiss, but it was more than a friendly peck on the lips, and I actually enjoyed it.  When we separated; however, I got the sense his passion had cooled.  I could only assume that my response to his kiss sent some kind of message that I wasn’t interested.    Whatever it was he picked up on, it let me off the hook, and I didn’t have to rebuff any further advances.  For this I was grateful, but at the same time, I was actually a little disappointed.  Clearly, I wasn’t going to lead him on, but it was so gratifying to know I had sparked his interest.  Despite his diminished passion, and his obvious realization I wasn’t going to be his girl, he remained the perfect gentleman.  We chatted for a few minutes more, then he gave me the nicest smile.  Again, he commented on how terrific I looked.  Then he added, “maybe I’ll see you later.”    It was hard for me to reconcile how I could have garnered the attention of a man.  In my mind’s eye, I knew my feminine presentation didn’t completely mask my birth sex, so why would a self-proclaimed straight guy actually be interested in me?  Had it been the only time something like this would happen, I would have chalked it up to random chance.  But it wouldn’t be the last time a man would hit on me.  It doesn’t happen often, but it still occurs more than I would have guessed, and I'm always surprised.    I have never asked, but I have always been curious to know my would-be suitor’s motivations.  Were they hitting on me simply because they happened to be fond of trans women, or was their attraction triggered by connecting with my inner woman?  And, however unlikely, did they mistake me for a cis woman?  I guess it really doesn’t matter much one way or the other, because ultimately, I’m not looking for any kind of a relationship.  However, I’d be fibbing if I said I wasn’t at least a little interested in another opportunity to get kissed.   Hugs,   Sally
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