It Can Happen

[Guest angie]

I was just blown away,

A real good friend of mine was just in IM with me.

She( I cannot call her a he) told me that the heat of all the negativity and

her family disowning her,made her make the momentous decision to detransition.

I was stunned,shocked,bewildered and unbelieving.Until she asked me to accept

her webcam invitation.What a mind blowing change in the woman I have known

since we both went fulltime.She says she is gone for good,never(never say never)

to return.I know her well,and know that one day,when her time is right,Jazz will be

be back again.I told her that Jazz is only on indefinent hold.You can not cure transsexualism

just by cutting your hair,changing your clothes,taking back your birth name.

She is a real friend,and I will not turn my back on her,I will be here for her when

she needs a shoulder to cry on,or someone to talk to.But it came as such a shock,

I am sitting here crying as I type this out.

So as you can see,it can and does happen.Not everyone can or will be successful

walking this long difficult path.

Sadly,

Angelique

[Guest Jean Davis]

I truely hope your friend finds the path that will make her happy.

LUV

Jean

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Angie,

I am sorry for your friend. I hope your friend finds peace in life. I have heard of this before, and not just from Laura's. I have heard about people de-transitioning in real-life too. I do not understand the total dynamics that are involved with someone who transitions and then de-transitions. All I can say is that I wish them and your friend well and I hope that they find themselves and happiness.

Love

Brenda

[Guest Kayliegh]

Angie –

Sorry to hear about your friend –

I just discussed this very same issue with my GT last week, and we talked about Dr. Becky’s site, where Angela, Dr. Becky’s roommate, did the same thing, only to realize that she couldn’t do it even if she wanted to.

The discussion I had with my GT is that I don’t even want to go there – I’m me and I’m willing to accept that even if it means I don’t have everything I hold dear to me.

I hope you’re friend comes around sooner than later. It makes the road much more difficult to travel when you “think” you can overcome what you’ve known for years.

If we could have “turned off” our desire to be women, then I think many of us may have done it for family, etc. – But we all know that it won’t happen (nor do I want it to!)

The path is right, it’ll just be a bumpy ride!!!

Love - Kayleigh

[Guest AshleyRF]

I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I hope she is okay. I know this was a tough decision for her to have to make. I wish everyone's families and friends could just be open and accepting. This is not something any of us asked for or ever wanted to be.

[Guest angie]

I am just so upset and I can't stop crying.

This like a serious blow to the stomach for me.

I am finding it so hard to believe it happened to one

of my very good friends.She was always so positive,

so go for it,so sure of herself and her place as a woman.

Sigh,let it go Ang let -it-go.Not all of us have the fortitude

to take the heat and rejection and still land on their feet.

Now I know it is for real not just something I read about.

Angie

[Sally]

Angie, dear,

Sometimes the pressures from family and so called friends (the ones who like the dummy but will not accept the ventriloquist) can be overwhelming but to succumb to that pressure and try to regain the life before is even harder than trying to live it in the first place.

The journey is hard enough without the pressures placed on us and to transition back into a life that she hated before is more than I can imagine.

I am transitioning and when the physical changes reach the point where my family notices then they can disown me if they want to but they were the very ones who taught me about tolerance and accepting.

I hope that she can make this work or doesn't waste too much of her life in this attempt - either way I hope she can find happiness and peace.

Love ya,

Sally

[Sakura]

its sad but happens alot my therapist said that more transsexuals quit or give up transition than actually make it she went on to tell me that out of the 120 or so she has seen only 30 made it to the legal portion of transition name change and such and only 12 or so of those continued to live that way the rest she said detransitioned in her 25 years of being a gender therapist she said out of all of her clients only 2 have ever asked for letters for srs and 1 of those took her own life after completing it

her and i have this talk every so often "did i make the right choice ?" am i making the right choice ?"

as we all know and are well aware there is some things that never go back to normal once you come out you are out there is no putting that genie back in the bottle imean you can go back into the closet but your out to friends family if your lucky enough to have kept any of them at all then they are changed toward you in some way just by knowing this secret

then there is hormones after a very short time they ruin you as a man somethings go back but alot will remain damaged never being able to have children in some the impotence remains rather sever the breast tissue you grew may retract a little but will never go away totally

then on the surgical side after you cut it off put it in or reshape it you are stuck with it orchies and srs are the most final on that road

and sometimes even with FFS and SRS and breast implants there are just some that cant fit them selves into a female life or realize it was a terrible mistake then you are left with a tattered life a tattered body and not much hope of getting it back in any way shape or form to what it was before all this

my awnser to the doubts that i have when i have them is "its right for me " but then i am also quickly reminded by my therapist that she has heard many tgirls before me say the same thing 5-6 years into transition then one day they show back up at her waiting room as chuck or bill again so it could happen to any one of us at any time

the way i see it is " if you are not ready to rip the hearts out of every one that knows and cares about you if you are not ready to completely shatter your life and the lives of your family and friends (cause as we all know we arnt the only ones effected by this) if you cant drag your self threw hell and back take being insulted or called names and made fun of or being phyisically hurt or worse then your not ready to transition "

transition is simply not for every one and you have to be 110% sure that the pros far out wiegh the cons before you even open that closet door

Sakura

[Guest Robin Winter]

That's terrible I'm afraid I don't know what to say that might make you feel better. Nobody should have to go through that...it's so hard to come out...but to be pushed back again...is tragic.

*Big Hugs*

Shi

[Guest ~Brenda~]

That is why it is so important to be honest with yourself and honest with your therapist. Transitioning does not mean that your old life goes completely away. Life is continuous, so therefore, all of the baggage that you accumulated in life follows you into your transitioning. Transitioning can be a very tough and lonely road without the proper support. Paula's topic on "Baby Steps" has been one of the most beneficial topics at Laura's I have ever seen. Take each step carefully and deliberately. There are many people who are completely satisfied and pass wonderfully without SRS. Just look it up on Google. You will see how many transgendered people do make it without SRS. For those who opt for SRS, I do hope that the decision is made after much thought and advice.

For everyone....

Take your time, take your therapist's advice, but most of all be honest with yourself. Transitioning is not a contest nor is it a panacea for all that whoes you. Don't compare yourself to others. Be yourself. If SRS is for you, it will be made clear to you. If you have any doubt, any doubt at all, then wait.

Love

Brenda

[Paula ult]

Angie,

If this is the same Jazzy i know this is a huge shock and blow to me as well, not sure if you knew she was my first online friend and we would IM for hours on end, we helped each other thru some very difficult times in the past, and she was instrumental in giving me the courage to make those first few crucial steps. After she moved i only talked to her once or twice but each time she seemed happy. Not sure what caused her to de-transition, i know she tried it before and just could not do it after a couple days, i hope she can find that inner strength and peace to be successful this time if that is truly what she wants.

Paula

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Angie - my heart goes out to you! I don't know your friend , but I can sense your anguish. Personally I doubt anyone can truly de-transition. She may find a differnt comfort level, but she will always be what she is.

And yes - my therapist also told me the 'full transition' rate is smaller than most know. Her job is mental health, not to foster transexual transition. Therapists only show us the optins and we test them to see where we want to go. I cannot imagine not fully transitioning and would do it myself - legally or otherwise, kitchen table knife if I had to, but I am one of those with a great need to be myself at last.

And my therapist has treated over 100 transpeople, and says only one ever fully 'de-transitioned" in the sense she reversed everything, She was devoted to her wife and her wife was so distraught, she felt she had to. And she was older, 65 I think, so felt she could just make it a few more years play-acting then die.

I know - heartbreaking to see someone revert to misery and sadness. I know you feel she was sorta kidnapped by a cult, brainwashed, and now sells flowers on the side of the road.

So sorry Angie - oh my

Lizzy

[Guest Donna Jean]

Angie - my heart goes out to you!

As does mine....

I read this yesterday and never commented on it because I've been thinking on it a lot!

I'm having a hard time processing it in my mind.....I suppose that we all tend to look at it from our own perspective, and I'm no different there...

I have to say that I, with all of the struggle, pain, soul searching, crying, misery that I've expended so far in this transition, I cannot comprehend going back....or even considering or attempting it.

I guess that we all apply it to ourselves....I never knew this person....but, God help them....It must be horrible.

Love

Donna Jean

[Guest Leigh T]

Hi Angie,

I truly am sorry for you for your friend's decision. I also have a feeling I know how your friend feels as well. Before this last transition, I had six others (only one of them was major). I first started back in 1979 when I was still married. I was too afraid to be totally alone, if it came to that. Though the 'detransition' of those five smaller attempts were painful, they were nothing compared to the pain I went through when I 'detransitioned' in 1990. At that time I was four years into my transition. Everything seemed to go wrong and I felt that I was making no progress plus I hadn't even told my family what I was doing (too afraid to). That transitioned ended with a suicide attempt that landed me in the hospital for nearly two weeks. After I was released, I went straight to my therapist and had the biggest cry of my life. I then made a promise to myself that I would stay male for as long as I could. I lasted nine years but had four more suicide attempts during that period.

Your friend Jazz weighed her options at the time and took the road less strewn with sinkholes. If she really needs to transition, she will. Just be there for her as a friend during her time appeasement. I know this sounds so cut and dried but she's doing what she feels is neccesary right now, regardless of how painful this is for her. She needs your support and love during this critical time.

I'm sorry if I sound like a know-it-all but I've been there and know pretty much how she feels.

Sorry for butting in,

Leigh

[Guest NatalieRene]

I got a sense of what it would be like this weekend, I'm sorry your friend had it so rough Angie. The best thing for your friend is for you to stick with them no matter what. This is one of those things I don't think will ever get easier. I just wish the people that forced her to go back to the way they idealized her would realize what they are doing to her. I would hope that they cared about her feelings.

[Guest angie]

Your friend Jazz weighed her options at the time and took the road less strewn with sinkholes. If she really needs to transition, she will. Just be there for her as a friend during her time appeasement. I know this sounds so cut and dried but she's doing what she feels is neccesary right now, regardless of how painful this is for her. She needs your support and love during this critical time.

I'm sorry if I sound like a know-it-all but I've been there and know pretty much how she feels.

Sorry for butting in,

Leigh

Not a problem Leigh,

I told Jazz I respect her wish to be who she must be,address her as the (man) she(thinks) she is.

And will be her friend regardless,for mine is a true friendship,that an incident like this can not break.

Your life story of the many attemps to conform,the suicide attemps for the effort to maintain.

And the eventual self acceptance of self is a story that all here should have a chance to read.

Finding and accepting who I knew I must be,took a suicide attempt and hospitalization for three

months,and intense therapy for years.I am truly happy,have found myself and love who I am.

This peace came at the cost of everything I loved.But those I lost are coming back.And the person

they love and accept is the real lady that I am today.Not the person who I used to be.

Much Love,

Angelique

[Guest angie]

I got a sense of what it would be like this weekend, I'm sorry your friend had it so rough Angie. The best thing for your friend is for you to stick with them no matter what. This is one of those things I don't think will ever get easier. I just wish the people that forced her to go back to the way they idealized her would realize what they are doing to her. I would hope that they cared about her feelings.

No sweety,

She could not take the ridicule,the laughing,pointing and jeering.Being isolated from her family.

For she came from a mid size city in Alabama,where she was the only trans in the city.

She thought life would be a bed of roses if she moved away and started all over.

Reality stepped in and slapped her in the face hard.I know she will be back,for this

doesn't just go away.But it will take regrouping to refind herself and the patience to

do this all over again.This time the right way,without running away from her past.

Angie

[Guest erikka2046]

Angie,

I am sorry to hear about your friend, hope you friend can find happiness and peace from her decision.

Luv Erikka

[Guest cjnoble71]

I am just so upset and I can't stop crying.

Angie

Big hugs for you hun. You've been there for so many of us, know we are here for you. Sometimes the pressure is too much. Even I feel it sometimes and my sibs are super supportive, so I can only imagine how it is for someone whose whole family comes crashing down on them. Big hugs again.

Christine

[Guest NatalieRene]

No sweety,

She could not take the ridicule,the laughing,pointing and jeering.Being isolated from her family.

For she came from a mid size city in Alabama,where she was the only trans in the city.

She thought life would be a bed of roses if she moved away and started all over.

Reality stepped in and slapped her in the face hard.I know she will be back,for this

doesn't just go away.But it will take regrouping to refind herself and the patience to

do this all over again.This time the right way,without running away from her past.

Angie

Poor girl, I feel terrible for her. I hope somehow she finds peace.

[Guest mia 1]

Family pressures can only hold you back for a brief time. The need to be you is not a 'pop culture' , jump on the Chasity Bono bandwagon. It is inherent in our DNA from cross dressers to post-ops, we have been experiencing this gender dysphoria since our memories allow.

She'll be back. This isn't a smooth ride, full of doubts, fears, and yearning for approval from family and love ones outside of our community.

Soon little Angie your friend will return.

Soon is a relative term,but she'll be back.....

[Guest angie]

Family pressures can only hold you back for a brief time. The need to be you is not a 'pop culture' , jump on the Chasity Bono bandwagon. It is inherent in our DNA from cross dressers to post-ops, we have been experiencing this gender dysphoria since our memories allow.

She'll be back. This isn't a smooth ride, full of doubts, fears, and yearning for approval from family and love ones outside of our community.

Soon little Angie your friend will return.

Soon is a relative term,but she'll be back.....

Oh I know Mia,

And told as much.

Angie

[Guest Zenda]

Kia Ora Angie,

First of all I would like to say that you make a really good moderator- you take to it like a duck to water [and so do all the other mods too]...

Well as far as your friend goes I wish her/him all the best and hope that she/he can find a balance - a level of contentment...

I'm not saying that it will be easy, but I think that 'some' people do have the ability to 'de-transition' and find a balance...

Remember Angie, in the long run it's her/his life and he/she must do what he/she feels is the right thing to do...and you just contnue to do what you are doing that is, supporting her/him regardless...

Metta Jendar

[Guest angie]

Paula and I are friends of Jazz,

And know that ( I will not use the male pronoun) she has things she must

take care of, inorder for her to be able to try this again.She is very confused,

trying to maintain a facade of someone she let go of in 06.She has to develop

the think skin it takes to be a woman like us.She got hurt to easily by peoples

outing her,jeering at her,laughing at her.That is something that takes time and

life experience to take,blowoff and over come.We can't let others remarks stop

us from meeting our destiny.And I hope Jazz gets her act together,decides that

a woman is who she is. That she is not,can not,and will not ever be the man she

is trying to project as her way of coping.I know she will be back,it's only a matter

of time.

And she knows we are here for her and know she needs us too.

Angelique

[Guest Zenda]

Kia Ora,

I know it can be quite hard for most to contemplate ever going back...

I know it's hard, but one should just respect and accept what it is that Jazz is feeling right now-If she/he makes a mistake it's her/his mistake...

When one really accepts a person,[i'm talking about adults here who for the most part are capable of making decissions] one also should respect the decissions they make, even if you feel they are not the right ones...

Jazz still needs your support regardless of which road she/he goes down...

I don't think that to be hounded from 'both' sides would be at all a pleasant experience...

Metta Jendar