It Can Happen

[Guest angie]

Kia Ora,

I know it can be quite hard for most to contemplate ever going back...

I know it's hard, but one should just respect and accept what it is that Jazz is feeling right now-If she/he makes a mistake it's her/his mistake...

When one really accepts a person,[i'm talking about adults here who for the most part are capable of making decissions] one also should respect the decissions they make, even if you feel they are not the right ones...

Jazz still needs your support regardless of which road she/he goes down...

I don't think that to be hounded from 'both' sides would be at all a pleasant experience...

Metta Jendar

That is not my intention,nor will I.I call her by the male,and will not pressure either.

She is having a hard enough time as it is.But here I prefer to use the pronoun I have

I have always known her as.That doesn't mean I wont and don't respect her wishes.

Angie

[Guest Kayliegh]

Kia Ora,

I know it can be quite hard for most to contemplate ever going back...

I know it's hard, but one should just respect and accept what it is that Jazz is feeling right now-If she/he makes a mistake it's her/his mistake...

When one really accepts a person,[i'm talking about adults here who for the most part are capable of making decissions] one also should respect the decissions they make, even if you feel they are not the right ones...

Jazz still needs your support regardless of which road she/he goes down...

I don't think that to be hounded from 'both' sides would be at all a pleasant experience...

Metta Jendar

Jendar –

I don’t want to be rude, but you seem very skittish of TG’s being who they’re meant to be. I spent three weeks in your beautiful country, both the north and south island, traveling in a motor home and met so many wonderful NZ’ers. They even told me that NZ has a member of Parliament that is TG.

You just seem so “down” on being TG- is this a misperception? We all know it is a tough road to hoe, but each of us feels we need to be happy.

Sorry, but by your posts in this thread and others, I’m confused!

Kayleigh

[Paula ult]

Paula and I are friends of Jazz,

And know that ( I will not use the male pronoun) she has things she must

take care of, inorder for her to be able to try this again.She is very confused,

trying to maintain a facade of someone she let go of in 06.She has to develop

the think skin it takes to be a woman like us.She got hurt to easily by peoples

outing her,jeering at her,laughing at her.That is something that takes time and

life experience to take,blowoff and over come.We can't let others remarks stop

us from meeting our destiny.And I hope Jazz gets her act together,decides that

a woman is who she is. That she is not,can not,and will not ever be the man she

is trying to project as her way of coping.I know she will be back,it's only a matter

of time.

And she knows we are here for her and know she needs us too.

Angelique

I fully support which ever way Jazzy decides to go, at the moment she is mentally broken, she wants and needs to transition but without her family she has nowhere to turn so she says she has to be normal to their standards as much as she can. Her family knows she is trying to get forgiveness for what she has done and holds that over her. Everyone is watching her like a hawk waiting for her to slip up, she even has to watch what she does on the computer, and what friends she sees.

Paula

[Guest Saphiria]

Just to put my two cents in, it's her life choice. Even if you believe this is the wrong choice for her, to respect her wishes of trying to be male it would be best in my opinion to refer to her as he.

I'd imagine it's hard enough to go back after such a long road, but if your old friends are clinging to the past you're trying to avoid. It would make one feel more trapped or recluse, especially if the reason s/he went back was due to people harassing him/her trying to be female.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

I have been reading this topic for the last couple of days and I just feel so bad for Jazz

I do not know Jazz and I do not know her age. At some point in one's life one has to decide what is better for themselves... being who you are, or pleasing one's family. Surely having family support and understanding for being who you are is ideal, but that is not the case for many people.

As an adult, one can make that choice, and if necessary, leave family behind. I know it sounds cold, but sometimes in life one has to make tough choices. When it comes to survival of being who you are, you do what you have to do.

It seems to me that Jazz is in the unfortunate situation of being both dependant upon her family and yet, at the same time totally unsupported by them. It sounds like she is being treated like she committed some crime and now has to be "watched". That is horrendous.

I would suggest to Jazz that she works on becoming emancipated from her family so that she can be herself. In time, her family may come around and get to know her again on her own terms. As long as she lives on their terms. She will never be happy.

Transitioning requires planning, and part of that plan is setting up an environment where one can transition.

Jazz needs to include setting herself up independently of her family as part of her transitioning plans.

Brenda

[Guest Zenda]

Kia Ora Kayleigh,

Sorry if I somewhat confused you –

I’m not down on people who wish to wear the ‘TG’ label, if one chooses to wear it so be it, but for me it was just the condition I suffered from, I no longer see myself as that condition…In other words I was TG/TS before and during my transition after which I’m now just me…[However I still use the ‘trans’ prefix for forum use]…

As far as Jazz is concerned, if Angie told me that ‘Jazz’ still wants to be referred to in the female pronoun then I will honour Jazzes wishes, I was under the impression [going by Angie post at the beginning of this thread] that this was no longer the case-but as a safety measure I used both…

Think about this for a moment…We all want to be referred to as either female[m2f] or male[f2m] with the correct pronouns and some members find it quite hard when others don’t ‘respect’ this…I know Jazz is not a member but why should we treat Jazz any different???

Kayleigh I agree it’s a tough road to travel=two suicide attempts [hospitalised both time having my stomach pumped], two short stints in psyche wards[prior to accepting my true self] Now I'm 'totally' at peace with my 'self'….But…

When the rose coloured glasses come off and reality sets in- some trans-people may find that the frying pan[grinning and bearing it - cross dressing occasionally] is a better option than the fire[transition even though being true to themselves, they face rejected, feeling all alone miserable and suicidal]! Only time will tell if one is truly content with the decision one make …[Jazz as had three years living as a female and still hasn’t found the contentment she/he so desires]...And in five years time who knows he/she might want to try again...

I apologise if I come across as someone who don’t feel that ‘trans-people’ should find happiness-This is not my intention I’m truly sorry…However happiness is not permanent but some form of contentment can be, once one can find the right balance that is… For some ‘trans’-people, to fully transitioning might not be part of the balance…

I guess if I was Jazzes friend, I would just ‘support’ whatever decision Jazz makes ‘unconditionally’…

BTW… It was Georgina Beyers she was the worlds first ‘transsexual’ major and then went on to become a member of parliament –She’s no longer a politician, …How long ago were you here?

Metta Jendar

[Guest Jess_W]

angei, i'm sorry to hear this, i know from just the little i know on here you can be a very good ear and friend, so were really close to your friend.

but i understand, as i know you do, what she's going through, especially if she lives in the conservative land we live in, it can all be a bit overwelming, and untill america, texas, and san antonio itself grows up some more, there will be girls who have to take a break from all of it. Possibly even ones that find they do not have the will or heart to wade through the fight to become what they know they are.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

We are all confused and saddened by the turn of events regarding Jazz.

Jendar hon, I did not see your post as "down" on the term of TG I thought everyone's posts were sincere and all tried to understand and be sensitive to the topic. And above all.. helpful

No one needs to apologize here in this topic for what has been said. The pronoun usage on this topic was thoughtful and I applaud everyone for their sensitivity.

When we work so hard to get up the courage to move forward to transition, we find is disheartening to hear of someone who decides to go back. That fear lerks in many of us, and I think that is why this topic is of so much concern.

De-transitioning is a real part of being transgendered. For whatever reason, some people make this decision for themselves. Be that as it may, we are all here for those who have transitioned, are transitioning, or have decided not to transition, or are de-transitioning.

Being transgendered is tough as we all know and would rather not be transgendered in the first place in many respects.

We are all here together, for each other.

With Love

Brenda

[Guest angie]

When I research,I reseach big time for days.

I read an article that states that of every transsexual interviewed,

all,100%,wished we had been born one gendered.Either female or

male,just not both.To have known what it felt like to happy in our

birth gender,something none of us have ever experienced,even

once in our lives.I count it a blessing to be two natured,for I am

living a unique experience.By having the opportunity to live both

sides of gender in one lifetime.

Angie

[Guest nymphblossom]

My heart goes out to Jazz. No one has mentioned whether or not she is taking or will continue to take hormones. I'm thinking two years into full time transition, she may be and will have to continue HRT. As hard as returning to the life of a man will be for her, she will still have the comfort that comes from estrogen fooling her brain into thinking it is in the right body. I pray she is able to find a balance where she can find peace.

Blossom

[Guest angie]

Jazz had an Orchi in 06,

So she has to make the choice of either T or E there must be one

dominant hormone in her system.Mood swings and the possibility

of osteoperosis(bone loss) is very real,so this is another decision

that will be pounding on her soon.

Angie

[Guest angie]

An update on my friend who is attemping to detransition.

J cannot put on man clothes or underware.Dyed her hair dark blue,

and though having short hair,wears makeup and womans ware right

down to her shoes.Now she is trying to make the choice of hormones.

Everything in her is say NO to taking T,and is willing to live semi female

in appearance and take up her estrogen intake again.She is comfy in her

choice,and how she has to live her life for now.Once through her legal

troubles though,our sister will be back again.

Angie

[Guest viv]

I was just blown away,

A real good friend of mine was just in IM with me.

She( I cannot call her a he) told me that the heat of all the negativity and

her family disowning her,made her make the momentous decision to detransition.

I was stunned,shocked,bewildered and unbelieving.Until she asked me to accept

her webcam invitation.What a mind blowing change in the woman I have known

since we both went fulltime.She says she is gone for good,never(never say never)

to return.I know her well,and know that one day,when her time is right,Jazz will be

be back again.I told her that Jazz is only on indefinent hold.You can not cure transsexualism

just by cutting your hair,changing your clothes,taking back your birth name.

She is a real friend,and I will not turn my back on her,I will be here for her when

she needs a shoulder to cry on,or someone to talk to.But it came as such a shock,

I am sitting here crying as I type this out.

So as you can see,it can and does happen.Not everyone can or will be successful

walking this long difficult path.

Sadly,

Angelique

Jeepers Angie, what a sad story and I dont blame you for crying as I would be too ( i am ) . your friend is going through so much

turmoil now and will need all the help you can give her . I agree, our condition cant be made to go away and Jazz will need to

be herself at sometime in the future. Angie, I hope you have the strength both of you will rely on sometime down the road but

you will have to think of yourself too , in other words look after yourself as well. My thoughts are with both you and Jazz. Love, Viv.

[Guest angie]

Jeepers Angie, what a sad story and I dont blame you for crying as I would be too ( i am ) . your friend is going through so much

turmoil now and will need all the help you can give her . I agree, our condition cant be made to go away and Jazz will need to

be herself at sometime in the future. Angie, I hope you have the strength both of you will rely on sometime down the road but

you will have to think of yourself too , in other words look after yourself as well. My thoughts are with both you and Jazz. Love, Viv.

Oh I am myself and only myself Viv.

I laid all my doubts to bed long before transition.I know who I am,accept myself with open arms.

For I am the happiest I have ever been in my life,living my life openly for all the world to see the woman I waited so long to become.And Miss Jazz is finding out that her path lays on staying true

to her heart as well.

Hugs,

Angie

[TassieTiff]

Angie,

I have a feeling your mate will be back. Now she has had a lick of the ice cream, she can't go back to boiled rice.

This is proof there is worse things than Suicide. I personally have no fear of death, progress as long as it is forward no matter how slow or laborious is motivation enough to go on.

None of us know for sure what is going on at present in your friends mind...Keep her on your messenger Angie... She is probably gunna need you.

Totally understand your sadness

Tiff. (((((ANGIE))))

[TassieTiff]

Jendar –

I don’t want to be rude, but you seem very skittish of TG’s being who they’re meant to be. I spent three weeks in your beautiful country, both the north and south island, traveling in a motor home and met so many wonderful NZ’ers. They even told me that NZ has a member of Parliament that is TG.

You just seem so “down” on being TG- is this a misperception? We all know it is a tough road to hoe, but each of us feels we need to be happy.

Sorry, but by your posts in this thread and others, I’m confused!

Kayleigh

The Politician you are trying to think of is Georgina Beyers... She was a Member of Helen Clark's Labor Government

Google her..... It is a GOOD READ