Worries About Hormones And 'getting Stuck Half Way'

[Guest AmyB]

I'm planning to see Dr Curtis of TransHealth in London sometime in the few weeks to discuss the possibility of starting hormones in the next few months (possibly January?) and the pros and cons of doing so. There's lots to do before I start, such as banking sperm, and loosing a few pounds, so even if he felt able to prescribe them tomorrow I wouldn't be taking them. I want to do everything properly and in the best possible way. There is no chance of unsupervised hormone taking here!

One thing that's come up in counselling is that I'm scared of starting hormones and "getting stuck half way". The two counsellors I've seen say it's understandable but don't really offer anything more. Is it a common fear? At the moment, unless I tell people I'm transgender or I'm wearing something particularly girly (I'm full time andro in public/at university now (girls jeans, tops etc) and obviously girly around home, parents, Sarah etc) people don't generally know I'm transgender, so I can hide from it a little bit when I'm feeling small and frightened.

But once I'm on hormones, I can't help but think that'll change? It'll be in everyone's face and even if Sarah and I like the changes and like changing, I'm worried about presenting as obviously transgender (in the sense of not quite male not quite female) to other people and how they will react; I don't want to be transgender to the casual observer - I want to be a girl. Whilst it would be O.K. to be read as trans for a time, if it was just for the transitioning period - if I knew it would end - I'm worried that I'll some how get stuck half way and be forever read as someone who's transgender and not female. (I've got a pretty good starting point for ending up passable, apart from being tall (6'2")... but then Sarah's tall too (6') so I look less tall by comparison when we're together. )

Is it usual to feel worried about getting stuck "half way"? How do you manage for presenting to other people while you're on hormones and not quite looking girly enough to be a girl and not quite masculine to be male? I feel so naïve about it all.

[Guest Donna Jean]

Amy, Sweetheart....

That's a valid fear.....

I, too, have that lingering fear in my head and I've told people that I will not, under any circumstances, get stuck half way!

But, you know, hon....it's like traveling from Ohio to Tennessee......you have to go through Kentucky!

That is the "Transition period"..... there is no way around it .....

So, there will be a time period that we all are somewhere in the middle...

I feel that along with you......

'I guess that our best hope is to plan well and make our transition as smooth and fast as safely possible...

I hope that this helps a little....

Huggs...

Donna Jean

[Guest Robin Winter]

Hun, I think everyone must feel that way at some point. It's crossed my mind more than a few times.

*Hugs*

Shi

[Guest AmyB]

Thanks for the replies. I'm so much less worried about this now and I've booked my appointment for a couple of weeks time.

Amy

[Guest nymphblossom]

The effects of hormones are often high overrated. Aside from the placebo effect and pushing around some soft tissue, their main purpose is to fool the brain into thinking it is in the right body to help alleviate gender dysphoria. Not everyone who takes them transitions. I know of at least one person who has been on MTF HRT for nearly THREE years and presents 100% male with absolutely no problems.

Blossom

[Sally]

Good for you Amy!

I am so glad that you are moving along as planned.

I had those same fears and if ever there was a candidate for getting stuck in the middle of something it is most definitely me.

A little back story here, I am the poster child for someone who dabbles and then moves on, I have never finished anything that I have started, looking back I can see that so many of those projects remain incomplete due to my Gender Identity Issues, I started them to prove something that was false and could never be proved.

But it left me with all of those what if questions to deal with before I could even think about starting hormones.

It was so easy when talking to my supportive friends here at Laura's to blame the delays on my ex, working through the divorce, my financial status and a million other 'acceptable' excuses but it all boiled down to I was afraid of giving up again and being caught in the middle.

I reached that point of no return when I realized that if I am ever going to be able to find any true meaning to my life that it could only be found within my true self and as long as I kept denying her I would continue to fail or quit for the rest of my life.

There is no turning back for me, I did not start hormones to see how I felt about them, I started on that journey with a new determination and an imperative to complete this one thing in my life.

I want to live whatever time I have left as myself and when I die, I will be a woman and that is for me a statement that I did complete something after all.

Love ya,

Sally

[TassieTiff]

Elle Macpherson is 6 feet tall..... And has never once been accused of being trans

You do all your research up front... you have to go into it with your eyes wide open

Banking the sperm is a Great idea.... Even if you use a surogate... you can have Biological offspring when your life is in order.

Like everything else you approach in life you give it your best shot.... If you Fail... no-one can say you didn't try.

What is the alternative....? Live a lie for the rest of your life ?

when all is said and done the only opinion that really matters is yours.

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

What is the alternative....? Live a lie for the rest of your life ?

IF you can live the lie, for me it would be worse than death to have to turn back now. I am finally on the road to fixing the longest running problem in my life and were I to have to stop...... it wouldnt be pretty

btw, if you are tall and a bit on the heavy side you can still pass. I am 6'2 and around 250 and still have no issues passing

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Good for you Amy!

A little back story here, I am the poster child for someone who dabbles and then moves on, I have never finished anything that I have started, looking back I can see that so many of those projects remain incomplete due to my Gender Identity Issues, I started them to prove something that was false and could never be proved.

tell me bout it sis, all of the hyper male things I did to try and prove to my self I wasnt what my core told me I was, all the failures, my trail of incomplete nearly everything

There is no turning back for me, I did not start hormones to see how I felt about them, I started on that journey with a new determination and an imperative to complete this one thing in my life.

In all likelihood there wouldnt be a rest of my life as I would have been dead or worse.

I want to live whatever time I have left as myself and when I die, I will be a woman and that is for me a statement that I did complete something after all.

complete, life completed and transition done, through he.ll she went to be who she was I think should be my epitaph

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest JCinDenver]

I sure I was the one refered to as having been on HRT for 3 years.

I've been in the middle for a while.

I go to work as male every day.

I could easly pass as female with minimal effort.

I get mam'd offen enough that it doesn't phase me. (There is still an inner voice that cheers)

I'm content where I am. I'm self employeed, with a very good income. I can't afford to lose that.

I've been happily married for over 5 years. You can never be sure if your spouse will stay with you after transitioning. I don't want to take a chance on things not surviving.

So I choose to stay somewhere in between.

I guess what I'm trying to say is being in the middle ain't so bad!

Jamie

[Guest Donna Jean]

JC........

Good for you, Baby........

What we say is that we all need to rise to the level of our own comfort.

One size doesn't fit all!

We all need to only go as far as we are comfortable with.

Some won't have the surgery and will be perfectly happy that way....

Personally, I want it for my comfort level....

We're all different!

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Late reply - just my opinion. I got GREAT results with HRT and super quick! The idea of NOT being changed physically by HRT - was extremely wrong - at least in my case. I was forced into androgyny - and you know what? IT IS WORTH IT! It is so liberating to finally be correcting a mistake of nature. As Donna Jean says, you still have to drive through Kentucky - and its not that much fun sometimes 9transitioning! Kentucky is a wonderful state) - but when you get to the point where you are NOT necessarily presenting female and STILL get called Ma'am (happened to me yesterday - a woman asking for directions rolling down her window - I was walking to my car) oh my oh my oh my...

Soexpect to pass as a (1) male (2) feminine looking male (3) androgynous (4) masculine looking woman (5) woman. It overlaps alot... and it has different degress of people reacting - and the androgynous stage is the most attention getting - more of like... is that a guy or a girl??? When you get to the point hardly anyone notices you anymore - you are there.

And I am 6'-1" tall.

I present and am accepted very well. I NEVER thought I could do it! I will be one year HRT 10 December.

"So girl - don't be afraid. You were made to go and get her. Remember to let her under your skin, then you begin, to make it better!"

HRT - the proper fuel for the proper gender. You will never get stuck halfway - you won't be able to stop once you start. So if it isn't for you - don't start.

Lizzy

[Guest angie]

During transition,we go through the androgynus stage,where we look

neither male,nor female,but a mix of both.That quickly passes as you

take on more female attributes and the woman self starts exerting her

will.Fear not tall sister.Most all of us are tall,it is the rare ones that are

of an average womans height,which would be short for a (man).All my

girlfriends are tall ladies and blend in very well.You find that the more

you live the part,the more others only see a girl,until that is all anyone

see's is a woman.Trust me,I was once a very macho manly man.And

now I am taken as female everywhere I go.

Hugs New Girl,

Angie

[Guest Charlene_Leona]

The only thing left for me to do now is have my SRS done, if I were not allowed to finish transition and got stuck where I'm at it would be deadly for me. I have had the orchi so I would truly be stuck with no way out. That would defiantly kill me. I understand your concern to the utmost degree. But for me the hormones had a very significant impact on my physical appearance, there was not a placebo effect but a truly miraculous change.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Dang Amy. Girl you have hit it on the head!!

I too have fears regarding HRT. One of my fears is some sort of guarantee that HRT will be worthwhile and successful.

Thanks for this topic hon, and thanks all to your replies. You have no idea how all of your comments have helped me

Love

Brenda

[Guest AshleyRF]

The effects of hormones are often high overrated. Aside from the placebo effect and pushing around some soft tissue, their main purpose is to fool the brain into thinking it is in the right body to help alleviate gender dysphoria. Not everyone who takes them transitions. I know of at least one person who has been on MTF HRT for nearly THREE years and presents 100% male with absolutely no problems.

Blossom

I don't know if I agree with this exactly.. Not in my case anyway. I have not noticed any difference in the way I think or feel mentally. It is true that "most' of us can hide being on HRT for a long time or perhaps even forever, a lot of us can't. The physical changes brought on by HRT can be huge, especially if you are fortunate enough to get a decent set of breasts. Hard to hide that.... For me, after 2 months of HRT I gave up trying to present male.... (funny story behind the last time I tried presenting male) I kept getting funny looks when I was presenting male so I just went full time. The main reason I disagree with this is that, while I am totally accepted as my desired gender by everyone around me and have thankfully yet to have any problems from anyone, I still don't feel 100% female. I know the truth and the truth is, I was not born female and it drives me freaking insane knowing this. I know I will never be as good as a genetic girl, nor will I ever really feel like one. Why? Because frankly, I don't know what being a genetic girl feels like.

However.. I am still far far happier than I ever was before, and while I still have issues with my gender dysphoria, I'm still far better off now than I was before.

This is just me, the rest of you may and probably do feel differently.. I hope so. I hope the rest of you feel equal to our genetic counterparts. I just can't say that I am. I missed out on far far to many things that I would have gotten to do if I had grown up a female, and those things would have surely had a HUGE impact on the way I turned out as an adult.

[Guest AmyB]

Wow, this topic suddenly took off. Thanks for all the reassurance and replies, they're great! Things change so fast, today I've been complaining about how even when I'm actively trying to look andro I'm not andro (or ideally feminine) enough Can't wait to get on hormones now. Should have done it years ago.

[Guest nymphblossom]

Blossom wrote:

The effects of hormones are often high overrated.

From Transsexual Roadmap http://www.tsroadmap.com/physical/hormones.html :

"You can hide the effects of hormones from others for as long as you want in virtually every case. Those who say they can't seem to want people to notice"

Blossom