Just Told My Mom, Now What?

[Guest Tara7]

Hi,

I am 25 years old and just out of the Navy and am currently going to college. I'm staying with my mom and step dad right now and couldn't be happier. I am only staying here until i can find a nice apartment. I am new to the playground but have found it to be such a wonderful place. Everyone here is so nice and accepting. After searching this site i decided to tell my mom that i CD.

I started cross dressing when i was very young, around 4th or 5th grade. The only time i have ever been ashamed or guilty of this is when i was in high school. During that time i would buy panties and throw them away as soon as i wore them for a few hours (i was ashamed). while i was in the Navy i began to really get into wearing womens clothes. I started buying everything i would need to be a woman. This time in my life was great because i excepted me for me. I never thought i would feel guilty again for my life style. This isn't true i only "thought" i would never feel guilty again.

Well, i told my mom that i CD 3 days ago. She is such an amazing person that she excepted it and said she didn't care. She told me that it was perfectly fine and that i shouldn't feel bad about it. This was such a relief because i wasn't sure how she would take it. BUT, ever since i told her i've had these feelings of guilt that have started to emerge again, even though she is so understanding and accepting. I i feel like i shouldn't have told her, but, i couldn't be happier for letting her know because she is such a great person.

A week ago i thought that i actually excepted the fact that i am a cross dresser, I couldn't be more wrong! I really want to be me because i enjoy it so much , but i don't know if i can now. I thought about throwing away my extensive wardrobe but i have read online that it doesn't work and it can be very expensive, so, i decided to keep it. THANK YOU LAURAS PLAGROUND!!

I'm sorry for being so winded and i'm not sure what i'm trying to get out of this blog, but thank you for listening.

XOXO

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hi Tara and Welcome

Sweetie, I moved your post to the intro forum so that you can get the Laura's Playground welcome

Be prepared, you are going to be given so much virtual cookies and cocoa and more food than you could imagine!!

Purging is something that we crossdresser's do go through from time to time when we feel like we are going to be found out.

The shame feeling is normal at first. I will tell you this hon, in time, the shame will fade. I used to feel guilty and ashamed when I wore womens clothing and would quicky purge at the slightest thing. I do not feel ashamed any more I always wear some article of women's clothing at all times. Sometimes I am completely dressed in nothing but women's clothing, and sometimes only some of the clothes that I am wearing are women's, but I am always wearing some article of womens clothing. You will find that over time, you actually stop thinking in terms of "women's" clothing and you start to see it as your clothing!! When that happens, you are no longer ashamed of who you are.

Welcome Sweetheart

Love

Brenda

[Guest ChloëC]

Hi, Tara!

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

I can't speak for everyone, but I know from bitter experience that my feelings and desires to cross dress didn't ever go away no matter how I tried, and I was several years older than 25 when I had my last purge. If I had to do it over, I certainly would never have done it.

I also felt ashamed for a long time, like it was some kind of mental illness causing an addiction of sorts. If I could only just kick it. Years of reading, investigating, and learning to accept myself is actually what it took, and finding this forum to validate that I was certain there were others out there like me. I 'knew' I wasn't alone, I just couldn't find the right place. And now I have.

And you are so lucky that not only have you confide in your Mom but that she is as supportive as she is.

I know you do have to work out your own feelings, but you are so much further along than a lot of us were at your age. Just keep at it, use the resources listed here if you feel the need, share if you want. We'll all be as supportive as we can be.

Chloë

[Guest Tara7]

Hi Tara and Welcome

Sweetie, I moved your post to the intro forum so that you can get the Laura's Playground welcome

Be prepared, you are going to be given so much virtual cookies and cocoa and more food than you could imagine!!

Purging is something that we crossdresser's do go through from time to time when we feel like we are going to be found out.

The shame feeling is normal at first. I will tell you this hon, in time, the shame will fade. I used to feel guilty and ashamed when I wore womens clothing and would quicky purge at the slightest thing. I do not feel ashamed any more I always wear some article of women's clothing at all times. Sometimes I am completely dressed in nothing but women's clothing, and sometimes only some of the clothes that I am wearing are women's, but I am always wearing some article of womens clothing. You will find that over time, you actually stop thinking in terms of "women's" clothing and you start to see it as your clothing!! When that happens, you are no longer ashamed of who you are.

Welcome Sweetheart

Love

Brenda

Thank you for the welcome and for being so nice. I also wear some sort of womens clothing under my guy attire and it makes me feel so wonderfull. I know, because i read it all over the enternet, that this is something that is within all of us. I have recently wished that this is something that i could cure, but, i know i cannot. CD is something that makes me feel like i am whole and actually happy. I know within my soul i don't want to stop dressing but i know i need to. I'm, very soon, starting a new carreer that will not even begin to tolerate my way of life (CD). I'm so confused as what to do.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Tara hon,

Life is always evolving and changing. You will find a balance in your life to be able to express who you are and to follow your career goals too. Take your time, take things slowly, you will find your way.

Love

Brenda

[Guest Edu]

I am new to the playground but have found it to be such a wonderful place. Everyone here is so nice and accepting.

Yep, that's what this site is all about: support and acceptance without judgment

Well, i told my mom that i CD 3 days ago. She is such an amazing person that she excepted it and said she didn't care. She told me that it was perfectly fine and that i shouldn't feel bad about it. This was such a relief because i wasn't sure how she would take it. BUT, ever since i told her i've had these feelings of guilt that have started to emerge again, even though she is so understanding and accepting. I i feel like i shouldn't have told her, but, i couldn't be happier for letting her know because she is such a great person.

I'm glad for you that your mum was so accepting

Don't worry about those guilt feelings: I have been through something like that, and I'd bet most of the people here have gone through it as well. It's our "modern" society that pushes us to feel bad for not conforming to the norm; but at the end it's all those who stay out of the norm and the topics who make a difference and bring change to the world (William Wallace in the middle age lead Scotland to freedom, Albert Einstein settled the bases of modern physics, and Mahatma Gandhi brought India to its independence through a peaceful revolution, among many others). So, don't feel bad for being different: none of us can't decide how we are, we only decide what to do about it; and at the end being ourselves and staying true to what we feel and/or believe is the only sane option.

I'm sorry for being so winded and i'm not sure what i'm trying to get out of this blog, but thank you for listening.

I have noticed that just taking out this kind of feelings (be it here, or on a diary, or speaking with some friend, or any other way) is often quite helpful. You don't need to apologize for doing so: you've found a great place to take these things out, and unlike a diary, here you may get feedback from other people who are going or have gone through something similar

I'm, very soon, starting a new carreer that will not even begin to tolerate my way of life (CD). I'm so confused as what to do.

I can't see how your choice of underwear could affect any career . Of course, you may meet many people who are not tolerant, but do they really need to know? You will also find people who are 100% tolerant and supportive (just look around here: thousands of people who know how hard it can be to deal with any form of transgenderism and are willing to support each other).

If you are planning or willing to go more open (like wearing dresses or make up, for example), it may be harder to hide from those who aren't tolerant, although maybe still possible. We are making progress on the long struggle against hatred and homophobia, but this battle is still far from won... that's all I can say from the few details you provide; and I won't ask you to provide more since I don't know if you'd be comfortable about sharing them.

Just remember: you are yourself, whatever that is, and won't be someone else, regardless of how hard you could try. Let the "true you" be, because s/he needs to be.

Regards,

Ethain

[Guest Kayliegh]

Hi Tara and welcome!

So glad that you mom is so accepting. It's great to get the support of family and I think it's wonderful that you spoke with your mom!

As far as purging, like the other girls have told you, it only lessens the "guilt" for a short period and then you'll be out buying a new wardrobe. I think all of us, at one time or another, have felt the guilt that you speak of and over time, it dissipates or disappears.

One more thing I think you should think about is seeing a gender therapist. They’ll help you sort things out and will help you deal with those guilty feelings.

Big Hugs! = Kayleigh

[Guest Leigh T]

Welcome Tara.

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

transition can be very much like the old addage, Hurry up and wait, we seem to spend our time working hard to get things accomplished only to find that there is another built in hold. Once you come out to parents/spouses etc there is a hold while they process what you were, what you are, and what you will become. The same is true of cross dressers, even though you are not going to be a 24/7 woman it can be quite a shock to those close to us when they find that we are not quite what they thought we were.