I Am Getting Closer Than I Thought To Going Full-time

[Guest krisspykriss]

A couple weeks ago I went to a friends birthday party that was held at the local Legion. I went in guy mode, skinny jeans, wifebeater, no make-up, no bra etc. I got called "ma'am...sir..ma'am" when I went up to order my first round. All subsequent trips I was just called sweety. I had compliments from a few people on my hair. I heard a few of my friend's friends asked if I was a woman, or a crossdresser. Everyone was nice. Well you drink a few and you need to use the restroom. So since I was in guy mode I utilized the mens room. While at the urinal (I would rather use it than sit on a public toilet-seat), a man walked in and stopped in his tracks and looks at the door and then me and then the door and asks "Am I in the right restroom?" I said "Yes Sir." The guy looked at me for a second and waited outside for me to finish.

After the party was an after-party for her closest friends. On of them was a guy a little younger than me. Everyone was talking about kids and someone asked how many I had. I said I can't have kids and this guy said "are you, I could help you try again". I was floored by 1) him being so forward among a large group 2) his statement pretty much indicated he thought I was a GG. So later on I went outside to smoke and he followed. It was chilly and I was wearing a tanktop. He offered his jacket. I tried to refuse but he said "At east keep your girls warm" We talked for a bit and then went inside. I asked a girlfriend of mine if he knew exactly what I am and she said it didnt seem like it. Well someone went to him and told him the scoop on the girl he had been hitting on. He left quickly. I think he was embarrassed.

Well, I need to either get into fulltime soon, or start to play-up my masculine features. The reason why I want to wait is because it hurts my feelings a lot when I get spotted when dressed properly. OTOH, when I go out androgynous and get gendered as a female it gives me confidence. However, some of the mundane things in life are getting complicated like which restroom should I utilize that will cause the least drama, guys hitting on me, others being confused about what pronouns to utilize. Being a small, conservative, rural town I am kinda scared to push the button on full-time before I am ready. I want it to be as smooth and as positive as possible. I have thought about going to Indianapolis where I am not known by everyone and there is more diversity. I have all these friends and family here though and really need their support and friendship. I also am involved in some local volunteer work and would hate to lose that as well.

Anyway, I am making progress and that is soooooo kewl. I am just unsure right now on when and where to push the FT button.

thanks for reading my ramblings

Hugz,

Chrissy

[Sakura]

good luck to ya i began transition in small town indiana so it can be rough hope fully your not like me and dosnt know your face and family it makes it just that much harder

evry time i go home to visit i stop at the city limit sign smoke a cig and work up the courage to go in

if you really want to find a diverse place in indiana you could try bloomington IN its like 35 minutes south of indy it also has really good laws protecting people like us also has a transgeneder meeting there second sat of the month * maybe its been 3 years since i have lived in indiana so things change *

any way thought i would give a shout out to another indy girl dont see many on here seems like

Sakura

[Sally]

If you have so many friends and family where you are I have to ask are they supportive?

Because if they are then full time will be pretty easy and I would stay put - but if they don't know, find out if they are on your side or not and it will make the decision about moving for you.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest angie]

Well, I need to either get into fulltime soon, or start to play-up my masculine features. The reason why I want to wait is because it hurts my feelings a lot when I get spotted when dressed properly.

Anyway, I am making progress and that is soooooo kewl. I am just unsure right now on when and where to push the FT button.

thanks for reading my ramblings

Hugz,

Chrissy

Chrissy,

You will get so dang comfortable in role,you will look others in the eye when they(think) they have

made you.Just smile and give a friendly hello.Being so confident and smilingly friendly,well, that always disarms them.And it works like a charm no matter where you are.Being outed happens,being

strong enough to not give a whit,takes time and growing from each experience,until you just don't

give a dang.I had an experience where there were two of us together.A pair of men were standing

there staring.One fool asked us,"Which one of you is a(man)." Showing off for two young ladies waiting for the bus.My reply floored them and embarrassed them because it was delivered with such confidence."You don't ask a lady something like that,it is none of your business.And for your information,we are both women,not men." Both of those foolish men apologized for asking such a stupid question.Inner strength comes with life experience,and you grow with each experience, getting stronger,absorbing,overcoming and forgetting any bad that may come your way. Soon,

like anything good in life,you will forget the bad and only remembering the good.

Hugs Chrissy and you are doing quite well my sister,

Angie

[Guest krisspykriss]

If you have so many friends and family where you are I have to ask are they supportive?

Because if they are then full time will be pretty easy and I would stay put - but if they don't know, find out if they are on your side or not and it will make the decision about moving for you.

Love ya,

Sally

Everyone knows and has known for quite awhile. My friends are supportive and all the close ones have seen me and have hung out with me as Chrissy. They don't want me to go anywhere.

My family is not supportive. When I moved back into town from the city, I helped take care of my mother who only had a few weeks left to live. After she passed away, my brother asked me to stay in he old house and was trying to get the family to be close again. It turned out though, one of the stipulation were me staying quiet about being "gay" and to tone down the effeminate stuff like hair, clothes etc. When I told them I was planning on transitioning, it was a big blowup. I got kicked out of my house (All the bills were paid up and on time). He said because I am a transsexual I was no longer welcome in the family and gave me two weeks to get out of mom's old house. The rest of the family were on his side, except my granmother. Grandma loves me and doesn't care as long as I come see her every couple weeks.

The general public here locally doesn't approve, but they are also a very respectful community. The majority would never say anything mean (to my face) or do anything to make me feel unwelcome. However, I could never be stealth here. I am not sure if being stealth is that important to me anyway though.

hugz

Chrissy

[Guest erikka2046]

Thanks for your sharing Chrissy and your progress is quite well.

I can relate a bit of your experience too. Even not a long time since I start transition, people seems react in a different way from androgynous look to a feminine androgynous look. A few occassions people get confused of my pronoun, its a good thing for me. But I know I'm not ready or condfident enough to go FT yet, hmm eventually I will soon. Like Angie said, as we gain more experience, we'll be more comfortable and confident and won't scare anymore.

I think when time comes you know you'll be ready and press the FT button

Luv

Erikka

[Bulldog1948]

Everyone knows and has known for quite awhile. My friends are supportive and all the close ones have seen me and have hung out with me as Chrissy. They don't want me to go anywhere.

My family is not supportive. When I moved back into town from the city, I helped take care of my mother who only had a few weeks left to live. After she passed away, my brother asked me to stay in he old house and was trying to get the family to be close again. It turned out though, one of the stipulation were me staying quiet about being "gay" and to tone down the effeminate stuff like hair, clothes etc. When I told them I was planning on transitioning, it was a big blowup. I got kicked out of my house (All the bills were paid up and on time). He said because I am a transsexual I was no longer welcome in the family and gave me two weeks to get out of mom's old house. The rest of the family were on his side, except my granmother. Grandma loves me and doesn't care as long as I come see her every couple weeks.

The general public here locally doesn't approve, but they are also a very respectful community. The majority would never say anything mean (to my face) or do anything to make me feel unwelcome. However, I could never be stealth here. I am not sure if being stealth is that important to me anyway though.

hugz

Chrissy

I know that it makes for a very difficult situation when a family fails to support one in such an important undertaking such as transitioning. I'm happy to see that Granny still loves and cares about you. I know that will always help to blount some of the pain.

Since you do have support from friends in town, I'd say " go for it" and the heck with your family's wishes. You have to live your own life and they have to live theirs. Yeah, I knw- they take you as an ebarrassment to the family name. So What! You can reverse it on them and call them an embarassment to you because they won't help and support you.

Since the townspeople aren't threatening to run you outta town, I's go ahead with my life and finish your transitioning. Let your family make up their own minds on whether to come around or not. It's their loss, by not embracing their sister. Once they see that you're being accepted in town, they'll eventually also come around.

I also come from a small rural area, so I've been there & done that.

Mike