Acceptance V Passing

[Guest Zenda]

Kia Ora all,

Now I wonder if any of you out there in cyberland have seriously given it any thought on once completing of your gender affirming stage will your goal be to 'pass' as genetic females/males or just be 'accepted' as ones affirmed gender-AG?...For example my goal was to be 'accepted' as my AG however life fortunately was kinder than I anticipated I achieved more than just acceptance I got a pass mark...I pass around 90- 95% of the time the other 5-10% my passability is accepted or toleranted[i'm given the benefit of the doubt-I guess another way to measure it is in the past seven years since I've been 24/7 I've never been sirred or referred to in the male pronoun]...

There's a big difference between 'passing' and being 'accepted' Passing is when one can go about their everyday lives presenting as their AG without being challenged-Acceptance on the other hand is for example when ones family, friends or work colleagues accepts they as their AG even though ones birth sex is still quite obvious to many. It' a fact that if ones appearance does not 'greatly' challenge society's concept of gender even if one only passes say 15 to 50% of the time as long as they can squeeze themselve into the somewhat tight gender concept box a certain level of 'acceptance' is more or less guaranteed...

I'm sure all Benjamin's Syndrome sufferers goals are to live their life in the correct gender and in most case hope to be seen and treated as such...For some 'acceptance' of their AG by others is all they can look forward too for others because of their looks [and I don't just mean attractiveness-just the fact that they look like the gender they represent] their live will be a lot easier...

If for whatever reason you can't or don't reach society's G.I.R.L [gender identity recogniton limit] will you be happy with just acceptance by some?

It's really important to prepare oneself for the journey's end....No matter what your new life may bring...I hope you will be comfortable with the outcome...

Metta Jendar

[Guest silverpetals]

i've probably said this on lp before but...

you know you're a woman when you stop passing as one.

*substitute 'man' into there if that's you instead*

i'll only 'pass' as long as i need to.

x

[Guest Zenda]

Kia Ora Silverpetals,

What I was questioning is more 'external' forces than internal feelings...Most transsexual people have always felt they were the gender that they begin to affirm-but society does not necessarily 'see' them as such!

I guess I should have made myself clear...when I used the term 'passing' I was meaning when one not only feels like but looks like the sex that they have affirmed and are 'fully' accepted into main stream society and not as a token 'trans' male/female-One does not have to look like the gender they are affirming to be 'accepted' many in this forum have already been accepted by family friend etc.. I suppose I should have used the term 'fully' accepted in society or 'totally blending into society' as oppose to 'passing'

I hope I've cleared up the 'passing' issue...However I do 'fully' understand where you are coming from with your comment...For forty odd years I 'passed' as a male...I had society fooled...sadly I was also fooling myself...Fortunately I can no longer 'pass' for a male and nor do I want too!

Metta Jendar

[Guest Sergei]

I always pass about 99.9% of the time. I really am the luckiest transperson ever before any treatment, because I just look so masculine. But I still feel acceptance is very important to me. That people accept me as a transman. I am very open about it, and never hide the fact that I am, even though I could easily if I wanted to. When I tell people I'm a transgender man they are usually really shocked and tell me they could have never guessed. This always pleases me. But the acceptance is very important, because being transgender to me is part of who I am if a person can't accept who I am then that would bother me more. Even if you don't pass that well you should be accepted as the gender you see youself as. I generally think more people are becoming aware of gender issues, and really want to behave respectfully towards transpeople.

[Guest silverpetals]

i'm not that keen on the term 'passing' anyway, because as i see it you can only pass as something you aren't...(not trying to offend anyone who uses that term btw)

[Guest Madison_Always]

to me i really hope that i can pass well and therefore be accepted as a women by society and not have to worry about that

[Guest Sergei]

i'm not that keen on the term 'passing' anyway, because as i see it you can only pass as something you aren't...(not trying to offend anyone who uses that term btw)

I understand what you mean by this. That's why I think acceptance is more important, because whether you "pass" or not, society should still see you as the gender you are and respect that. I am a man, and I look like one as well, therefore society accepts me as one. But I don't want to be accepted as male because I look like one, I want to be accepted as male because even though I was born as a biological female I am one. That's why I am very open about being a transman even though I don't have to be. I feel more like a man this way, and less like I am just dressing up, and walking around pretending I am one. I hope this makes sense.

[Guest Zenda]

Humm Silverpetal got me thinking about the controversal and somewhat confusing terms 'passing' and acceptance that I used in my post so how about this instead...'FAITS'-Fully Assimilated/Absorbed InTo Society...example "I'm Faits' or I want or hope to be Faits as my affirmed gender-emphasis on the word 'Fully'...Hey it's xmas...you know the silly season...I'm celebrating...

Merry Merry all and I hope you're or will be Faits!

Metta Jendar...

[Guest silverpetals]

Humm Silverpetal got me thinking about the controversal and somewhat confusing terms 'passing' and acceptance that I used in my post so how about this instead...'FAITS'-Fully Assimilated/Absorbed InTo Society...example "I'm Faits' or I want or hope to be Faits as my affirmed gender-emphasis on the word 'Fully'...Hey it's xmas...you know the silly season...I'm celebrating...

Merry Merry all and I hope you're or will be Faits!

Metta Jendar...

i was going to ask, is there an equivalent B.O.Y. for men? but i suppose F.A.I.T.S. is a good idea.

happy christmas anyway! hope you have an awesome year ahead

[Guest Zenda]

How about....

Gender Underlined Young Sir/s G.U.Y.S Example I'm now one of the GUYS

Or

Maleness Affirmed Nationally M.A.N.LY Example I am so MANLY

Just a thought-well one of many...Feel free to have a go-exercise the mind...it's fun !

Metta Jendar

[Guest silverpetals]

How about....

Gender Underlined Young Sir/s G.U.Y.S Example I'm now one of the GUYS

Or

Maleness Affirmed Nationally M.A.N.LY Example I am so MANLY

Just a thought-well one of many...Feel free to have a go-exercise the mind...it's fun !

Metta Jendar

wow you're really good at this

[Guest Mr. Fox]

Anything that talks about assimilation is creepy. It makes me think of a homogenous Orwellian society. Or aliens.

[Guest silverpetals]

Anything that talks about assimilation is creepy. It makes me think of a homogenous Orwellian society. Or aliens.

hmm i don't know. i'd kind of like to assimilate into society. be different and be yourself and stuff, but i'd like to be somewhat 'normal', even if that means being the same as everyone else in some way.

we're all totally different as people, but we're all pretty much the same as humans.

[Guest GoldenKirbichu]

Anything that talks about assimilation is creepy. It makes me think of a homogenous Orwellian society. Or aliens.

We are the Borg. You will be assimilated.

On that note, I don't try to pass. I ~am~. Like Sergei said, I do think the issue of my transgendered state is important. But I don't want to be eternally seen as a "transgendered man". I want to be known as a "man", period. I mean, most people wouldn't look at an XY male and say "cisgendered man" as a description. Although being transgendered is a unique experience, and certainly different from being cisgendered, it's not mutually exclusive. Many things I've experienced are analogous to what cisgendered guys have experienced.

[Guest JoAnnDallas]

To me passing is subjective. When I moved my pictures of my Annual Tri-Ess Banquet to my computer, my wife wanted to see them. She was looking at them and pointed one out and said she looked great in her long gown. I looked at the picture and the girl she was pointing out. I smiled and told her that was "Mary's" wife. She looked again and said, "OH". LOL Determining who or who is not female is subjective. If your more than 50% female looking, then most people who think you not female, they will be polite and will give you the benifit of the doubt just in case they are wrong.

I do go out into the public fully dressed. I have come to the conclusion that I don't pass all the time but if

1. If I can go out and nothing happens, then I passed that time.

2. If I can go out and someone reads me but doesn't care, then I passed that time too. Note: I would not know anyway

3. If I can go out and someone reads me, lets me know with a wink or smile but otherwise doesn't care, again I passed that time too. Only this time I know I was read

If I go out and no matter if some one reads me or not, but treats me with respect and the gender I am presenting, then as far as I am concern, I passed.