Your Depression/rage When Not Dressed

[Guest MissAmy]

I don't feel the need to be dressed 24/7, I would love it but I can deal with it. But how many of you get sad or angry when you haven't worn anything girly in awhile. This what I had been for a very long time. The only time when I got to wear girl clothes was when everyone in the house was gone and I did a little "borrowing" except I coudln't wear them for long since If I wore something all day, someobody would notice.

Eventually I stopped "borrowing", and I got very sad and angry. It's like an addiction, at times I felt fine, but once the topic got into my head, my heart would break a little. You don't know how many times I've been in a department store and I would take a quick glance at the women's and lingerie's section just wishing that I could go in that department without fear and buy the clothes I wanted to wear without judgement from anyone.

Now that I got my own clothes I felt much better, but I can't believe how I made it through all those years.

[Guest MissAmy]

I wish I had a wife that knew. I wouldn't mind going into those sections with her and saying "look at this baby, this would look great on YOU"

[Guest ChloëC]

Hi MissAmy,

Well, I've never been particularly angry. Just sad and mostly disappointed. And I understand completely about the department store lingerie section.

A little aside, back between highschool and college, I got a summer job as a stock boy in women's sportswear in a very large department store in a big city. The store had also hired college juniors to add to the salestaff and model some of the apparel while selling. Being the least obnoxious (or threatening, lol) stockboy on the entire floor, I became friends with some them for time we were there. That was a very enjoyable summer, except for the fact I could only look and imagine.

Oh, well.

Chloë

[Guest Danilynne]

This is a good topic and as a matter of fact a bone of contention with my wife, who stuggles to be supportive. Her point is if she is what I need to be happy, then why do I seem to sink into a sort of depression in which I snap out of after allowed to dress. To step back and look, I can't say that I disagree with her point of view.

For me, the point is to realize that there will be time in the future, and the more positive I stay, the better chance it will be sooner than later. Also, I have realized that this whole feeling is not just clothing related but emotional, and the more I can let that side of my personality come out, the more positive I can stay. I do little things like keep my eyebrows neat, nails looking good, reading a less than manly type of book, sorts of things that are not perceptable along with trying to show more compassion and understanding and trying not to be the man' s man that I put up as a front for so long.

[Sally]

Miss Amy,

This is indeed a very good topic and one that hits straight to the heart of the problems of all transgendered.

Why do we get depressed when we can not dress?

It is an affirmation to us that we are still unacceptable to everyone, no matter how much someone says that they accept you but don't go out dressed just undermines the acceptance, it is only partial.

Danilynne, the best thing that I can think of to tell your wife is that she is all you need to be happy but that you can not be fully yourself without expressing your feminine side so that expression being denied makes you depressed it in no way replaces her as your love and source of happiness it is just necessary for your feelings of self.

A little hard for her to understand but try, she seems to want to understand but is trying to accept some sort of blame for your depression while she is one of the most important elements of your happiness.

I have reached a point that while I am at home alone whenever I am not working but I am so tired and I guess lazy that I don't even bother dressing, I just wear whatever I wore to work and most often wake up in my recliner still wearing the same clothes until I get ready to go to work again - I wish that I could get motivated but I have reached that point where everything is just done when it is absolutely necessary.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Dianna Rose]

I find that I get very frustrated and angry and depressed the longer I go in boy mode. I find that if I can just do *something* feminine, I can get through a while longer--today, for instance, I bought my first a pair of earrings and a pair of pantyhose, and the saleslady didn't even blink (though she did seem just a tiny bit *too* cheerful, though that may just be her nature). This simple thing lifted my spirits on what was otherwise a pretty down day.

A lot of my anger and depression comes from the fact that my wife--to whom I came out just over a week ago--has said this is something she doesn't and can never accept. Truth be told, she can't even acknowledge it. She wants me to continue lying to her about it, doesn't want to know anything about it, doesn't even want me joining any forums or anything (well, okay, I'm ignoring that one, but if she asks I'm going to lie to her about it just like she asked.)

Her inability to handle my "problem" (her word) means I have to be very, very careful about not getting discovered, but I'm finding that lately I need to express my female self a lot more. Not a situation conducive to comfort. So I get hit by bouts of depression and anger fairly often. A couple days a week I can manage to wear a pair of panties and/or pantyhose under my jeans all day, and this helps some. Weekends tend to be *very* long for me.

In a couple of weeks my wife will be out of town for a couple of days, which means (God willing and His grace upon me), I'll be able to dress to the nines for two entire days (well, while the kids are at school, anyway), and I'm hoping this will keep me going for a long time afterward. I even bought my first dress and heels for the occasion.

I have to say the the *only* thing keeping me sane through all this is God. I mean, I can't even talk to my best friend about it, so He has been my only support and lifeline. Every time I've sunk into the pit, every time my fingers slipped from the end of my rope, He has caught me and lifted me. I'd be utterly lost without Him.

[Guest Amy LeBlanc]

Hello MrsAmy:

I know exactily how you feel. I feel the same way when I dont dress. I want to dress 24/7 but with work and home life I am afraid of the redicule. I want to also go out and shop in the ladys department and pick out clothes for me but there is that fear.

I get stressed out and angary when I dont dress and I really dont like being the person I am. I feel like that I should be a girl and live a girls life and not be a guy.

Talk to you all later

Amy

[Guest mia 1]

I get itchy for clothes, but n ever angry if I can't wear them..my wife knows I'm a "gender bender" but she doesn't care to participate.....