'small Things'

[Guest AlexanderG]

My therapist (or, advisor, counsellor whatchamacallit) asked me to think about the 'small' things in life, rahter htan the major themes ('what do I want to do with my life' and such), and see how I felt about my gender in that regard.

I haven't been able to come up with many 'small' things. Everyday issues that are (or are they) influenced by one's gender, I suppose.

Any thoughts?

* clothing

* ???

Thanks.

[Guest kyattei]

Well, here's a few I can think of. I'm not sure if they're what you're looking for, but... I hope they help!

-body motions. For instance, I always sat with my legs closed, or in otherwise 'uncomfortable' positions for a male, because that felt right to me. But in school, even those little things would draw looks and ridicule. Likewise for an FTM, if they felt the desire to sit in a more masculine way like with their legs spread apart, or 'sprawling' out a little and using up lots of room, I'd imagine other people would consider that 'unladylike' and prod them about it? You could bring that up, or other types of body motions, and how being the gender you want would synch better with how you move.

-gender pronouns and how you're addressed. Most MTFs cringe at being called he, him, sir, mister, bro, etc. FTMs would prolly like to deck someone for calling them lady, ma'am, she, or miss. ^^;;;

-first impressions. They last a lifetime, so knowing that everyone you meet is going to see you as the 'wrong' gender and always remember you that way, it can be difficult to want to meet or befriend anyone because of that.

-assumptions and stereotypes. While it's best to ignore and try to transcend them, people will still make all kinds of assumptions about you, and those are extra degrading when you're presenting as the wrong gender. Like a female friend assuming it's okay to man-bash around her FTM friend who hasn't come out yet, or a male coworker constantly trying to talk about hot ladies with his MTF coworker who can't present herself as female yet.

I don't think any one of those are major, but they're all stuff we have to put up with every day pre-transition that are small but constantly wear away at your sanity. ^^;;

[Guest AlexanderG]

Thanks! That's really helpful.

Especially the pronoun thing and the manners-of-sitting ring some bells.

[TassieTiff]

The clothes and the hormones and shopping for a surgeon is a tiny little part of transition.

The big part is the psychological adjustment, the bit no-one can see but you, learning to accept yourself

physical appearance is superficial. you can be an absolute Glamour , but if your mind isn't right it is all for nought.

During transition you have to erase your gender primary socialisation that started the day you were born.. Parents raise girls and boys in different ways, not just the clothes they dress you in... Some of it is subtle. Some of it blatant. BUT all of it to make the babies with dangly bits different to girls. IF we give you the answers to the questions your therapist asks you.... we are doing your transition for you... He asked you cause he needs to know how your mind works... what makes you tick. There may be times when you feel like the hoops and hurdles are torture... there is a reason for it all.

[Guest AlexanderG]

Thanks, Tassie, I hear you.

What he meant though, was in what smaller matters in life I sense or feel that my gender is not in accordance to my sex. So I was ransacking my brain as to what are 'small' things in which things are different for men and women. Like, grocery shopping will hardly be different?

Pronouns are a small thing, but if one enjoys being mistakenly called 'sir' that says something... and though I do feel clothing is superficial and non-absolute (preferring men's clothes doesn't mean one feels like or is a man), all the small things added up might say something.