My Child: What Do I Do?

[Guest CutieNaomi]

My Daughter is an Infant, 2 months old. My wife knows and everything, and she's supportive. Even takes me shopping.

so, my dilemma is: do I let my baby daughter know and grow up with this part of me shining through? or do I hide it from her, and tell her when she's definitely older, if I don't end up changing? I just don't want my wife or daughter to have a hard time, knowing the prejudice flating about.

Thanks!

~Naomi ♫

[Guest CutieNaomi]

Maybe I should have clarified more at the beginning... ;

My wife knows about my cross-dressing and everything, and I'm concerned about how my daughter's life will come around this?

[TassieTiff]

Naomi,

Chill.... OK..... Kids are little people... I have five of them. To be perfectly honest I wish I had OUTED myself to the kids much sooner... As it turned out they were more supportive than my S/O. There is Lesbian couples who raise children... OK they don't use conventional means to procreate the child BUT two parents of any Gender who want a child and give them all your love has to be better than living in a single parent family... right ? At 2 months old your daughter has no concept of gender, by the time she is old enough to recognise gender she will have two Mums.... That isn't as big a stigma as you think. IF you are planning a Sibling for your daughter... and HRT for yourself don't forget to bank some viable sperm while you still can.... AS 6 months into it you will probably be sterile. Believe me now is a better time to get things under way if you are sure that is what you want to do.... WILL be a lot more confusing for her and any other subsequent children when she is older.

Don't underestimate kids.... they are SPECIAL little people who will love you no matter how you dress.

Regards, Tiff.

[Guest Anna_Banana]

Kids only perceive something as wrong if you tell them its wrong. Just look at how many kids are trying to stick their fingers into electrical sockets, or eat worms in the mud. Sure, while the two examples I just pointed out are obviously wrong and potentially harmful (though I've had people debate with me about the worms...), the point is, for a young child, you are God so to speak. You dictate the law of the land. If you say something is good, it's good. If you say something is bad, it's bad, mmkay? They aren't going to know straight out of the womb.

If you raise them to believe that being a crossdresser is natural, they won't see it as anything else. Peers may try to persuade them otherwise, but in the end, they'll still look to your years of guidance before making a decision.

.Anna

[Guest rachael1]

Your daughter is only two months old so there is no rush. I would talk it over with your wife and get her opinion on whether you should tell her once she is old enough to understand. My daughter is 8 but she doesn't know about me and doesn't need to know either. I would only ever consider telling her if I ever decided to transition.

I have read that it is better to either tell them before puberty or else wait until their late teens when they have finished with puberty and their hormones have settled down.

I will add that you should ensure your daughter is exposed to your female side from a young age and she will think nothing is unusual about this. I regularly plait my daugther's hair and recently made her some pyjama shorts during my sewing lesson. She loved them by the way.

Rachael

[Guest ChloëC]

Naomi,

There are no guarantees in life, which I'm sure you know. But I can offer an additional suggestion. Be there for your child (and any more children). I don't mean as a friend, but as a loving parent. Rachael suggested some things, but being there and showing in all the little things (day to day) that you care about her is probably more important then when you tell her.

It is a fine line, I know parents that are seldom there (games, concerts, open houses, conferences) and I know parents that look almost smothering of their children. Being there, showing that you care and love your child - which sometimes tough love (rules, restrictions, expectations!) is a part of it - will go far to make any announcement you make or perhaps even your child makes to you, that much easier for both

Hugs

Chloë

[Guest Pól]

I think you should tell her. She'd likely be more upset to find out you'd been keeping a part of your identity secret from her than if this is just how you've always been. If you're secure with yourself, and that comes across in how you act every day, then she'll likely be fine with it. If you act like it's something to be ashamed of, then she will too.

[Guest DeniseNM]

Naomi I had some of the same questions you do in regards to my 5 year son, you are lucky in that your daughter is so very young. I will tell you the same thing I was told. It is a good thing that your wife supports you but you do need to talk with her and both of you decide if you want to let her know. If you are going to let her know then start while she is still young or wait until she is well into her teens (nearly out of high school if you go that route). My wife and i talked about it and we have let our son know and have talked with him about it on his level. I agree with Rachel that if you are going to let her know then expose her to your crossdressing so it isn't seen as wrong or strange. My son has seen me with nail polish, earrings and with my breast forms on so he doesn't see it as strange. Just my opinion.

Denise

[Guest Anna_Banana]

There really isn't anything to be understood here. This really is making something more complicated then it really is. She's two months old! There is nothing to understand. Go ahead and crossdress in front of her right now. She won't see anything as off or wrong. Kids do not start to grasp gender differences until about two or three years old, and they only grasp those differences because someone (namely the parents) tell them there is a difference. If she were seven or eight, you'd have a different story. It's not like you have to have a conversation with your child. You simply go ahead and dress the way you want to. She won't give a hoot, I promise. And when she starts interacting with other children, since you've introduced crossdressing to her at a young age as being morally correct, she might even stand up for you when others talk bad about CD'ers.

.Anna

[Guest AlexiThink]

The only concern that I have regarding our daughter knowing about Naomi's cross-dressing/gender identity is that once she is older and begins to talk to people, there's no way to tell her that she has to keep it a secret from certain people without her thinking there's something wrong with it. And as my wife isn't out to her parents or mine, that could cause complications. I really don't want to hide this from her throughout her childhood however.

[Guest CutieNaomi]

My wife's Mother is Catholic, and her father is a priest, so imagine how things would go if they found out...?

[Guest Nelly]

Hi,

I hope I will get your problem soon as we plan to have a child too. My wife know me and I can dress whatever I want in front of her. but I also get the same thinking like you. What if we have a child? I have the same meaning as all otheres before me. For the child it is no matter what you are. They believe in all what you say so go ahaed. But on the other hand, if they get in contact to others and they can speak, time is over to hide your crossdressing from the society. They will out you sooner or later. This is the point you must handle.

Greetings

Nelly

[Guest Emily H]

Unfortunately, I can only currently think of a negative spin my girlfriend at one point put on it. this goes specifically for crossdressing.

You tell your child.

They tell their friends "My daddy where's girls clothes?"

"Whattt? Whyy?"

"I don't know..."

The kid's friend tells their parents. All of the other parents don't want their kids hanging around the crossdressser's kid, or going to their house.

Must be a bad influence, right?

Of course, if you are always going to be mommy, that might not be a problem.

~Andrea

[Guest rachael1]

Unfortunately, I can only currently think of a negative spin my girlfriend at one point put on it. this goes specifically for crossdressing.

You tell your child.

They tell their friends "My daddy where's girls clothes?"

"Whattt? Whyy?"

"I don't know..."

The kid's friend tells their parents. All of the other parents don't want their kids hanging around the crossdressser's kid, or going to their house.

Must be a bad influence, right?

Of course, if you are always going to be mommy, that might not be a problem.

~Andrea

Very good point Andrea,

It would be really sad for the child of a crossdresser to suffer socially due to inadvertantly outing her father.

Rachael

[Guest Rebecca Quentin]

My advice would be - be open as you can about it, as your daughter grows up. One of my friend's dad is a crossdresser, she tells me that she thinks nothing unusual of it, because its just her dad being himself/herself as she has always known him to be. She even helps make his femme clothes, corsets etc for him. He's mostly always dressed at home and still very happily married to her mum. So, that's why I would give you this advice.