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By Desert Fox · Posted
I read this thread with great interest…thank you, Sally for sharing your life in this detail. As I too identify as bigender, I suppose I am also looking for validation of my experience because I don’t know many transgender individuals that stay in a long-term part-time situation. For most, bigender seems to be a temporary step to fill-time transition or it is more of something someone puts on, as in cross dressing or drag. I have always struggled to explain how someone could legitimately have two identities sharing one body, yet that’s basically how it has been for me for my whole life, all the way back to early childhood. You and I are roughly in the same era, and growing up with gender variance was different than it is nowadays. Some of our experiences were similar, but generally your life went quite differently than mine. Back in the day, a part-time person was called a transvestite and a full-timer was called a transsexual (often committing to bottom surgery as well), but I’ve really come to dislike the cross dresser/transvestite label because it tends to be associated with those who are fine with being cis, but like to dress in drag for fun or fetish. And that doesn’t describe all part-timers. I would say that I’m actually a transsexual who chose never to transition, and presenting female part-time is how I have coped with lifelong gender dysphoria. I don’t like myself being male, and never did, I simply accept that I am and have lived most of my life that way and just don’t care to put in the effort and money to transition. I’m naturally a pretty girly male but I have to add hair, makeup and clothing to present female and I also try to “tone down” my girliness in male form. True androgyny never worked for me; I always switched between male and female looks, but at least that allowed me to use public bathrooms without issue. I’m very curious - did you have a set of people, ie friends, family, coworkers, who only knew you as “male” and another set who knew you as Sally, with only a few (like your wife) knowing both sides? Such was more or less the case with me. -
By MaeBe · Posted
I bet you looked every pennies worth of that million! I'm sure, even beyond the courtier's interactions it was a very fun evening. -
By MaeBe · Posted
I haven't been posting much, it's been a bit of a whirlwind: My wife took a job in WA State, meaning we're moving halfway across the country by the end of the Summer. I was told "it would be good if you had a new job by the end of the month", meaning I'm getting laid off at the same time. My eldest snuck booze while we were at our friends' house, had a bad interaction with his anti-depressants, and then had the huevos to lie that he wasn't drunk while accusing us of not trusting him. There's been a lot to process lately. That said, I got called ma'am for the first time today while out. Twice! I can't stop thinking about it. Later, my dad showed up without plan to watch the Liverpool match and I was way more girled up (see ma'am) than he's ever seen me; hair, makeup, tight top, skinny jeans, and brand new sandals. At one point he pointed at my boob and asked, "is that 'enhancement'?". If you call a t-shirt bra enhancement, I guess? "Nope, that's just me!". Later, my boss came at me all passive-aggressive via chat after hours, too. I'm kind of tired with his -crap-. I won't have a job in two weeks, so it's cool to just assume I'm sabotaging things? K. /eyeroll It's been an interesting day. -
By Sally Stone · Posted
Post 12 “First Kiss” It was October 29th, 2003. My dear friend Willa had purchased tickets for the two of us to attend “Red Hot Halloween,” a public Halloween party held at the Sanctuary in downtown Pittsburgh. The event was a fund raiser benefitting the Pittsburgh AIDS Task Force. It was a great cause but it was also the perfect opportunity to let the adventurous side of my feminine persona have a little fun. My first question to Willa was: “What should I wear?” “Are you kidding?” She responded. “This is your opportunity to be the Sally of your dreams. I suggest you dress to impress.” My first thought was to dress naughty. It was Halloween, so it could be the perfect venue for something with an erotic edge to it. I thought about going as a dominatrix or a naughty French maid. After we talked about it, and weighed the pros and cons, Willa and I decided against naughty, and instead, chose to wear the fanciest evening gowns we could find. Willa bought an expensive, silver sequined gown, and matching high-heels just for the event. Me, on the other hand, I couldn’t justify spending big bucks on an evening gown for a single event, so I took a less expensive route. It is amazing what you can find on the sale racks at big department stores when you look hard enough. For a mere 30-dollars, I found a black, sleeveless column gown with matching bolero jacket. The dress had a slit up the right leg, and it went all the way to my upper thigh, very sexy. Being a column dress, it was form-fitting, and hugged my curves like a glove. To complement my dress, I wore black patent high-heel pumps, a long blonde wig, and a set of long red fingernails. As I recall, it took me three-hours just to do my makeup. The end result, though, was worth the effort, because I felt like a million bucks. It’s so obvious, why girls love dressing up – it’s an unbelievable high! Inside the club it was a sea of bodies and the costumes were amazing. At one point, I was standing on a balcony that overlooked the dance floor. I was nursing a cocktail and watching the crowd. Suddenly, there was a gentleman standing next to me; I didn’t notice his approach. He told me I looked fabulous and he offered to buy me another drink. I declined his drink offer, but we struck up a conversation. Being a little slow, it took me a while to realize he was hitting on me. I never imagined anyone would ever actually be attracted to Sally, which I think contributed to my cluelessness. So, I was shocked, and initially, a little creeped out as well. After all, I wasn't into guys, and this was new to me. As we continued talking, and he kept throwing accolades my way, I went from being uncomfortable to actually being flattered. The event, being an AIDS fund raiser, had me assuming this guy was hitting on me because he was gay, and he thought I was, as well. I wanted to set the record straight, so I casually mentioned that I wasn’t gay. To my amazement, he responded by saying: “neither am I.” Okay, now what was I supposed to do? I didn’t want to be rude, but I didn’t want to send the wrong message either. While I was trying to decide how to tell him I wasn’t interested, he asked if he could kiss me. Not sure what I was thinking at that moment, I said “okay.” He kissed me, and as strange as it was, I gave into it, not pulling away or disengaging. It wasn’t a super passionate kiss, but it was more than a friendly peck on the lips, and I actually enjoyed it. When we separated; however, I got the sense his passion had cooled. I could only assume that my response to his kiss sent some kind of message that I wasn’t interested. Whatever it was he picked up on, it let me off the hook, and I didn’t have to rebuff any further advances. For this I was grateful, but at the same time, I was actually a little disappointed. Clearly, I wasn’t going to lead him on, but it was so gratifying to know I had sparked his interest. Despite his diminished passion, and his obvious realization I wasn’t going to be his girl, he remained the perfect gentleman. We chatted for a few minutes more, then he gave me the nicest smile. Again, he commented on how terrific I looked. Then he added, “maybe I’ll see you later.” It was hard for me to reconcile how I could have garnered the attention of a man. In my mind’s eye, I knew my feminine presentation didn’t completely mask my birth sex, so why would a self-proclaimed straight guy actually be interested in me? Had it been the only time something like this would happen, I would have chalked it up to random chance. But it wouldn’t be the last time a man would hit on me. It doesn’t happen often, but it still occurs more than I would have guessed, and I'm always surprised. I have never asked, but I have always been curious to know my would-be suitor’s motivations. Were they hitting on me simply because they happened to be fond of trans women, or was their attraction triggered by connecting with my inner woman? And, however unlikely, did they mistake me for a cis woman? I guess it really doesn’t matter much one way or the other, because ultimately, I’m not looking for any kind of a relationship. However, I’d be fibbing if I said I wasn’t at least a little interested in another opportunity to get kissed. Hugs, Sally -
By Ivy · Posted
I see it as simply propaganda. -
By Betty K · Posted
Thanks Davie! And don’t worry, I didn’t take it that way. It’s just such a big topic I can only hope to tackle it one bit at a time. -
By KathyLauren · Posted
This is not uncommon. I started out going to the therapist in androgynous clothing: from the women's department, but plausibly masculine. What made it easier was when I started going to a trans peer support group. Most of the people there were presenting fully feminine, so I looked out of place in my androgynous clothing. The peer pressure made it easier to dress in skirts. I started out changing in a gender-neutral bathroom near the meeting room. But I soon started wearing skirts in the car to and from the meetings. Yes, it was nerve-wracking at first, but I soon realized that no one was looking and no one cared. You can do this. -
By ClaireBloom · Posted
In my last session my therapist is starting to suggest that I need to start exploring my gender identity in a more tangible way through wearing feminine clothing at least during sessions. I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around her seeing me actually en femme. I love and trust her, but the thought of being visibly feminine is scaring (and thrilling) me. Is this a common thing in gender therapy? How do I get past the fear? More importantly, what should I wear? -
By Davie · Posted
USA doctors denounce Cass Report, support trans folks. The Endocrine Society And American Academy Of Pediatrics Respond To Cass, Reject Bans. In recent weeks, the Cass Review out of the United Kingdom has been used to argue for bans on care. The Endocrine Society and American Academy of Pediatrics respond, rejecting such arguments. —Erin Reed https://www.erininthemorning.com/p/endocrine-society-and-american-academy?publication_id=994764&post_id=144592467&isFreemail=true&r=rebf4&triedRedirect=true -
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By Ashley0616 · Posted
I felt the urge to date and felt just like a teenager again. I have recorded my journal titled Ashley's Life From Start to Present. I was very moody and agitated and happy. I think it was my body's way of being in shock. After about two months it got better. Remember that you aren't the only one transitioning because your wife is too. Consider yourself lucky because I lost mine because of it and so have many others. Just enjoy the ride. -
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