I'm Not Very Manly

[Guest Rika-chama]

Now, I know I am a guy and I feel like a guy on the inside but I do not act much like a guy at all. I know not all men act manly but I always see FtMs acting the maliest they can and it bothers me. I'm not into guy stuff. I hate sports, I'm not strong at all, I cry often, I can't fight, and most of my close friends are female. Now, I'm not girly either but I know that if I where truly a guy I would be the girliest hetero guy there is. I know this worry is stupid but it just bother me for some reason.

Even as a kid I didn't have such strong feelings. In grade school a wore dresses and played with barbies. As I got older I refused all dresses and my 3 close friends were 2 boys and 1 very boyish girl. I often wished I was a boy but always shrugged it off. I always here about trans people feeling like this their whole lives and I haven't. Sometimes I feel that I'm wrong about this feeling but then I look and see how depressed I am think that I can't be wrong about it. My mom thinks it might be a "phase" or something but I know it's not. Evertime I get called a "she" it just hurts, a lot.

Online people always think I'm a girl or that I'm gay. The way I talk here is girly and I always use girly names and avatars *points to avatar and username here* Sure, I do that but I'm still a guy. Is this weird and should I be worried about how manly I am?

Ni-paa~

[Flint]

I have never really tried to act 'manly' it just comes natuarally to me. I just always acted in a 'manly' way. Some guys naturallt act more 'girly' than other guys. It dont make you any less of a guy althought i will be honest when my camp side does come out to play i always feel like i'm just made myself not as much as a man. but in reality it dont change that you are a man. Honestly. i suppose i fit into the male stereotype in the way i act. as in i just naturally act like what is expected i suppose for men to act like. I've tried acting more girly to try and please others. But i just couldn't change. You shouldn't have to change the way you are. Your a man maybe not a 'manly' man but to me camp, straight acting whatever if the person feels like a man thats manly enough to make them a man

MB

[Guest Sergei]

You are not alone on this topic. I am an extremely girly guy, and completely comfortable with this. I honestly believe that masculine and feminine have absolutely nothing to do with your gender. I am far more feminine than I am masculine, and there are a lot of bio guys I know who are as well. This has nothing to do with our gender, more to do with personality I think. Just be yourself, and be happy. At the end of the day that is the most important thing in life. We all get to caught up with what is "normal", and stereotypes. Forget them. Be whoever you are.

[Guest Ryan]

I used to play with barbies and wear dresses sometimes, too. And some of my bio guy friends played with dolls also. My brother had a dollhouse, and while he's not always the most masculine or macho guy, he is very secure in his masculinity. It doesn't matter how "manly" you act; it just matters what you know you are inside. If there are things you want to change or are insecure about, go ahead, but if not, why fix a thing that ain't broke? And it's okay to have a complex gender identity or expression, to be a feminine guy. If we all fit the stereotype, this world would be pretty darn dull.

[Guest Rika-chama]

Thanks guys, this helps me a lot. It's nice to know that I'm not alone in this feeling. And you're right Mattias I know I'm a guy even if I don't act much like one Whenever I tell friends that I want to be a boy they always say that they can't see it. I guess that just kind of kept hitting at me. But I'll learn to ignore them and be me even if that me isn't very macho Thanks for the confidence booster guys *huggles all of you*

Ni-paa~

[Guest GoldenKirbichu]

Great to see feminine guys! The last thing we need is to reject ourselves in the search to find who we really are.

[Guest brandt]

i guess everyone pretty much said everything i was gonna say. so yeah. not all guys or girls act the way they are supposed to. its stereotyping. males have feminine sides as well as females have masculine sides. i can say that i wasnt the girliest or the manliest. sorta in between.

[Guest Mr. Fox]

"Just be yourself! Just be yourself and noone else!" (quote from Tubby the Tuba: why did our music teacher make us watch that awful movie every year?)

Well, I feel the same way sometimes, which is why I hate FTM websites. "Huh huh, let's watch football!" "I can bench 12000 pounds!" "Chug chug chug!" Okay, they aren't that bad, but I prefer knitting to football, music to beer, and fashion to (insert stereotypically masculine activity here). However, just think of gay and metrosexual guys you know and be reassured.

[Guest CharlieRose]

Dude I totally identify with like 90% of your post. I loved dresses until I was about 7, and then started refusing them, but I was an otherwise girly girl the rest of my life. Puberty came, and it wasn't "a nightmare where my body was doing everything I didn't want it to do" or whatever it's been described as. I looked forward to it and sometimes even enjoyed it. (but that might be because I had this need to be older when I was younger) I didn't think of myself as a guy until VERY recently. And even now, I hate sports, I love sewing and I watch Project Runway. *shrug* I actually am gay, so I suppose it wouldn't be that bad to be seen as feminine, but, yeah there were a lot of times I doubted myself just because of my lack of "FTM"ness. I didn't realize that the only requirement of wanting to be a guy is wanting to be a guy.

[Guest Rika-chama]

Charlie I cannot tell you how comforting that post is knowing that there is another FtM who feels the same way I do (except that I'm straight) I wouldn't say I'm as girly as you though, I hated puberty and sewing, cooking, stuff like that, boring. Thanks you guys. My confidence has definately gone up. So what if I'm a girly straight guy. I'm sure there are plenty of girls out there who would like a sensitive, wimpy guy, right? Hehe <3 you all

Ni-paa~

[Guest Marco]

it's definetly okay to not be uber-masculine. let's just say that most girls that i've met are repulsed by the "chug, chug, chug" thing. it's a known fact that girls like sensitive guys.

[Guest Sergei]

it's definetly okay to not be uber-masculine. let's just say that most girls that i've met are repulsed by the "chug, chug, chug" thing. it's a known fact that girls like sensitive guys.

I second this, I identify as being a gay man, so society accepts the fact that I behave in quite an effeminate manner anyway. But the female attention I get is way more than my straight male friends. Women love a sensitive man. Be yourself always. xxx

[Guest mr_marc]

my friends are girls and i cant stand sports=-]

and im pretty masculine i like to think.

well, im quite camp XD

but dont worry, mosy guys i know arent that manly really.

ish a metrosexual thing=-]

*metrosexual is a feminine straight guy*<3

[Flint]

I odnt like sports.....My friend says this makes me camp....But i'm probably one of the least camp men in the world.....Okay....I'm a guy who admits to crying...and okay i write lyrics and am seen as the sensetive type...But i think that adds to manliness personaly. Not being afraid to admit to crying. lol

[Guest Rika-chama]

Now I wouldn't consider myself metro I mean when compared to girls I am not like them at all And yes I do not want to be a huge macho man that's not me at all. Thanks for the help guys.

Ni-paa~

[Guest Jake]

Hi there, I'm only new here so I apologise if I do anything wrong or if I need ot "integrate" more before responding but I wanted to respond to this. I'm also quite a sensitive guy, but my view is, with the stress of being TG in the first place, that's hardly surprising. As for stuff like interests and whatnot, I'm not overly masculine - my main interests are art and philosophy which are kind of gender-neutral (though I suppose in terms of "famous" people doing them, more male dominated), and I never kicked up a fuss about being treated female as a kid either. I didn't like it and I was extremely reserved as a child so kept my thoughts to myself, but you're certainly not alone.

J.

[Guest CharlieRose]

I've been thinking about this a bit, FTMs being slightly effeminate, that is. We weren't discouraged from doing things that are thought of as feminine, but aren't really. Like my sewing. Anyone can sew, really, boy and girl things aren't involved in the process. My mom taught me how, and I enjoyed it, so I kept doing it. I didn't have anyone giving me weird looks or telling me not to do it like I would if I was a boy... I've had an opportunity to do and learn things that are normally shut out to boys. I've gotten used to being able to do things like make exaggerated gestures while talking, or express my passion for something; for a girl, it's not "metro". (And, I'm not using these examples in the general sense... There's a certain "metro" way of mannerisms that are simply female mannerisms being used by a male. Like, expressing passion for something, I meant doing things like saying, "OH MY GOD I LOVE THAT MOVIE!!" and jumping up and down. Girls can do it. Guy's can't without being weird)

I'm not sure if I'm making any sense... I'm not very focused today.

[Guest silverpetals]

ya, pretty much what everyone else has said rika-chama.

you know who you are inside.

how you choose to express that is up to you

being trans, i think we're expected to try and 'validate' ourselves somehow, by overexpressing masculinity (or femininity) and play the expected role of our chosen gender, even if that 'role' isn't really who we are. i'm not sure about men, but for transwomen the 'exaggerated femininity' stereotype has pretty much come to define us in the public eye, it is definitely not a good thing.

i think for us the perceived boundaries of 'male' and 'female' are pulled further apart as well, so that as others see it there can't be any overlap. so like, if a transman acts slightly effeminately, it's because he's "still a girl" . same for transwomen, just the other way round.

which is stupid really.

anyway, take care x

[Guest Darrel]

Hey, don't feel too bad. Most of us don't express incredibly manly features. The only problem with not being overly macho is then everyone doubts our wishes to be the gender we are. If you don't act, look, and appear manly, then you are a "poser" in society's eye. It's kind of ironic, really, since a large proportion of bio men have a weak, womanly side, and a lot of bio women have a tough, manly side.

You have nothing to worry about. If you've ever read Japanese manga there are a lot of feminine boys which are mistakened as girls. I happen to act like a shouta boy myself.

[Guest Rika-chama]

Trust me Darrel I've read plenty of manga especially shoujo (girl's) where there are femenine guys on every page I know my worrying seemed kinda stupid but I guess I still find it hard to see me being a "true" guy. Eh, who knows? All I know I'm content with the way I act and if it's a little too girly then so be it

Ni-paa~

[Guest o0tg0o]

hehe, softy guys are just great guys so don't worry about it . You are who you are.

I was recently worrying because I don't get really really strong "urges" to crossdress right now like others might experience. (I want to wait until later on too )

I just want the body to fix up. X-D But yeah, I notice there are others that were similar and felt better, and in the end, we're all from the same tree, but we're all different leaves. Each and every leaf on the same tree is still different ^^.

[Guest Mani]

I'm a feminine guy And I didn't know my whole file that I'm tg. If anything I failed to understand gender at all.

~Mani

[Guest ~}Shadowstorm{~]

being trans, i think we're expected to try and 'validate' ourselves somehow, by overexpressing masculinity (or femininity) and play the expected role of our chosen gender, even if that 'role' isn't really who we are....so like, if a transman acts slightly effeminately, it's because he's "still a girl"

Yes! That's what I was thinking when I first realized that I wasn't considered "good enough."

I always expect FTM people to have the biggest ego's, to try and prove themselves, but it's just the opposite. It sort of bugs me (not that I have that big of an ego, but more so than other FTM people I know). I kinda worry that if they don't act tough and fearless, that people won't take them seriously.

But I think that's because FTM people have already had to think so hard of who they really are, that they just stopped caring of what other people thought of them. I guess I'm just not at that point yet. But honestly, I don't think I really want to stop caring of what people think of me.

Since I'm not really out yet, I try and act like there's nothing wrong with me. Like I'm just like any other guy. And I magnify that image to try and put any doubts out of peoples' minds.

I want them to see that I'm not a freakish girl who wants to be a guy, I'm just a misfortunate guy who's trying to show the world that he exists.

[Guest 2892Bandie]

I know the feeling very well. Part of me loves to be sensitive and i am not the girl that loves football or baseball. I worry sometimes it's jut butch. But, deep down i know i am guy and really nothing says you can't be a feminine or sensitive guy. Kayden is the name i choose and it's got a girly ring to it. So, don't worry man if it's enough for you then thats all that matters.

[Guest GoldenKirbichu]

I sometimes worry if I'm masculine or manly enough... I mean, I know it's not bad to be feminine, but I still find myself constantly measuring, seeing if I measure up.

It's kind of sad in a way.