Just A Jerk White Male?

[Guest tsubasa]

Hi,

I'm a complete misogynist. Go ahead and flame me. I can't help it, and I want to know how to fix it. I know I'm a woman on the inside, but everyone who comes across me tells me that I'm just a jerk white male. I think I know that I'm a woman at least, but then I asked myself, “why?” I couldn't think of any answers, and the misogyny just popped up again to show me all the reasons I can't possibly be a woman. I can't think of a single woman I know—trans or cis for that matter—that can do math or write a computer program.

I once tried to help a woman learn programming. Our task was to write a program in C to output the Fibonacci sequence. It did't go well. When she smashed the stack by going out-of-bounds in an array, she blamed me. I haven't spoken to her since. (However, since computer programming these days is just marketing hype and buzzwords and not so much math and engineering I hear she's doing fairly well getting her degree, but I digress. I suppose the Fibonacci sequence is just more rape, like one of Newton's works.)

I suppose if I haven't been banned by now, I might as well elaborate. I thought more about math and science. I thought about Ada Lovelace and Marie Curie. Then I thought that I've never met anyone like that.

Is doing math really like rape for a woman? I mean, who am I to argue with feminism? If I like math and science, does that mean that there's no way I can be a woman?

Does it seem plausible that I'm just a jerk who can't get laid and is a complete failure at being a man that has some delusion about being a transsexual? I suppose, imagining the responses I'll get if I don't get banned, I suppose maybe I am just some pathetic man. I guess in that case my misogyny would be validated completely.

But how do you get rid of an ugly, horrible monster called jealousy that keeps feeding my misogyny. I've always wanted to be a girl instead, but my parents and everyone in society assured me that being a guy was so much better. Now that I'm a big boy, all I see is that females continue to get pampered in every aspect. When people mistake me for a woman, they smile at me instead of bitching me out. It seems that women have it so much better.

What should I do? I know we love to hate misogynists, but I have a feeling if I can figure out how to stop hating women for what they have, things might get better in my life. Just a few weeks ago I thought I had it all figured out, and I was a woman, but then I learned that even people who have only seen me outside of work—I only wear guy clothes at work any more—think I'm just a jerk white male.

I don't know. I need help. If I woke up tomorrow and I was female, I'd be perfectly happy—especially since then I'd be one of those “women in computer science” but magic doesn't exist. Instead I'm a freak—a jerk white male with breasts. After so many years of counseling, I don't know. My family thinks I'm a delusional freak, and I don't have any friends. If I am just a jerk white male, I guess I've made a complete mistake by posting this, I should be banned, and maybe I could just fade from life entirely.

[Guest jantonio]

Hi and welcome to the playground. First of, you're not a jerk. You are the one who knows who you really are but I would advise you that you try to seek counseling with a gender therapyst. They are there to help us out when it comes to gender disphoria issues. There's nothing wrong in being a woman and liking math and science. There's lots of females who are in that field and they are successful that doesn't make them less of a female. We are who we are and that's that but society has a tendancy to put us in a little box. But anyway I wish you well in discovering yourself remember there's an entire community out there like us who are willing to help out.

Jose...

[Guest Robin Winter]

Wow...Well, first of all, believe it or not, programming is difficult for a LOT of people to wrap themselves around. I only just managed it, myself. But I do know plenty of girls who are at the very least, brilliant scripters (including arrays and even calculating quaternion rotations, which is well beyond my ability to comprehend without some formal training).

I don't see what interest in math and science has to do with being male or female, nor do I understand how anyone managed to equate it with rape...I assume someone must have said this to you at some point, but I can't imagine how they made the connection.

Now, I don't know you, but is it possible that you're not a misogynist, but only resentful of women? I nearly hated my sisters for years, and only recently realized it's because I resented them, and not for anything they did. Or perhaps you're simply disgusted with the version of woman pasted all over the media, I know I am. In any case, it's illogical to paint all women with the same brush, just as it would be illogical to label you "just another jerk white male". Everyone is wired differently, we can't be calculated by our actions and reactions, we're just too complex.

I believe that you are NOT just a jerk, because if you were, I strongly doubt you'd be here trying to figure out how to NOT be a jerk. I think maybe you're an incredibly gifted person, and probably frustrated easily when others can't understand something with as readily you can, but I don't think that makes you a jerk. I think if anything, you might feel doubly isolated, because (and again, I'm making assumptions here, because you appear to feel very strongly about it) you are both transgendered/transsexual and well above average in the intelligence department.

In any case, I am not a psychologist, I can only empathize to some degree, but that's what I think, and you are of course, free to disregard it.

I do hope you find some level of comfort regarding these concerns.

*Hugs*

Shi

[Guest Robin Winter]

I believe that you are NOT just a jerk, because if you were, I strongly doubt you'd be here trying to figure out how to NOT be a jerk. I think maybe you're an incredibly gifted person, and probably frustrated easily when others can't understand something with as readily you can, but I don't think that makes you a jerk. I think if anything, you might feel doubly isolated, because (and again, I'm making assumptions here, because you appear to feel very strongly about it) you are both transgendered/transsexual and well above average in the intelligence department.

That "with" shouldn't be there. Another case of me correcting myself incorrectly

[Guest Zabrak]

If I like math and science, does that mean that there's no way I can be a woman?

ROTFL you're not a jerk, but you're suck on labels.

Sorry, I couldn't help myself. I am NOT making fun of you, but the concept of woman not being good at math or science is such a funny thing I don't know why anyone ever got that idea. I suppose that rumor could of spread before woman were allowed to go to school? How old are you, prehaps its something with older people thats dieing off? None of my male friends/female friends ever bring this up.

If woman couldn't do math and science then there would be no female doctors, right, or female programmers? Try to count how many females are doctors and programmers out there...trust me you'll be shocked.

By the way, I was born female. I am a computer technician and programmer. Besides art, those two things are the only things I'm really good at.

[Guest]

You are putting men and women into a box that is too narrow for the realities of today. That view was valid years ago but is no longer today. Gender roles have crossed into each others turf including carreer wise. There are male nurses and plenty of female scientists and doctors. Did you know that nearly 60% of college graduates are now women. Some are in math and science. There are masculine cisgendered women and feminine cisgendered men. Masculinity and femininity have vastly changed in meaning and practice. Even dating as changed as these days you'll likley split the check. If you remove the sides of the box you built the possibilities become endless. Today I serviced my car and three out of the 8 mechanics were women. Old stereotypes no longer work with such rigidity. Heck we even had a woman run for President. Women even run top Corporations.

As transgender people we have more freedom than ever before to custom build ourselves from scratch. We can mix male and female personalities if we choose. Does my new persona need to purge every male trait including experiences? Certainly one shouldn't get rid of assertivness if it serves you well. More women are assertive these days. Math and science doesn't preclude you from being a woman if that's what you want. The gender bar especially today is far more fluid then you think. Transisitoning is about becoming yourself. It's not necessary to be the ultimate 100% feminine or masculine. Most people are a subtle blend of the two.

Sometimes we get caught up in ideals. Camp out on any street corner and look for women who are 36-24-36 and muscle bound men with 6 pak abs. The count will be rather low even with large crowds. One of the complaints women have about girlie magazines is that most don't look like that. They don't. If they don't all look like that neither should we be required to either. People aren't perfect, most have flaws and few are ideal. That's just reality.

Mysogyny http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Misogyny

Laura

[Guest Wanderer]

LMFAO, a large portion of the earliest programmers were female and my xgf, last I checked, was at least as good as I am at it. Well, talent-wise. She wasn't as far into the curriculum yet (we had mixed level classes, and she was in a class a year or two behind me), but she was doing fine.

Have you heard of Grace Hopper? She was the first programmer to find a bug. It was a literal bug btw, like, an insect in the machine. I think it was a moth. Anyways, that's why they're called 'bugs'.

[Guest Wanderer]

And one thing I noticed earlier, and have more recently been reading in research, is that measurable mental/emotional gender differences tend to vary quite inversely with IQ. That is, if someone is very smart, it will be quite difficult to determine their sex by any means other than the physical.... It's quite interesting. I think this is mostly intelligent women tending towards traditionally "masculine" behaviors, but I've also noticed that genuinely more intelligent men (not just more educated, but actually more intelligent) will tend to be more open about their feminine sides as well. Of course, this is only a tendency. Many guys have biases from experiences with family and such, and sometimes these biases can be inlaid so heavily and so early and such that no reasonable level of intelligence will permit them to cut through the nonsense..... Almost like a kind of psychosis.

But seriously, you shouldn't worry yourself over it too much. And you're not a freak. Don't think that way. Just... don't. It doesn't do anyone any good; especially not you. But it's also important to make sure you're not basing these kinds of decisions in your perceptions of what's easier, such as women being more frequently pampered. You'll be happier to be yourself than to do all you can do to spend your life in the easy chair, just like people who try to get the highest paying least effort-requiring jobs are often less satisfied than the people who find something they just love doing. But if you've been being counseled on the matter as much as you claim, you probably have more reason for this than that.

If you know what you want, then go for it, and I think that as you transition, you'll things a little more clearly.... And we're all here for you too. =P And I'll try to stop laughing also, sorry. v~v