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Where Has She Been All My Life?

Guest BeckyTG

By Guest BeckyTG,
in Male to Female (MtF) Discussions

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Guest yvonne

Guest yvonne

Posted
Posted

I'm a girl who's extremely driven and goal oriented, primarily due to my upbringing.

Virtually all my life I've had a terrible time maintaining concentration on anything for very long. The desire to crossdress was intense and could be triggered by seeing nearly anything female, from attractive legs or body parts to underwear or nylon stocking displays.

I struggled to keep them at bay, but it was often a hopeless battle and they dominated my thoughts to the point where I often had trouble getting anything done. It's been like fighting a demon in my head who never gets tired or seems to want to go away for very long.

I didn't understand why I felt this way or had to deal with this. Finally, after accepting the fact that I was in fact, female, my mind has slowly cleared. I don't get these feelings anymore, for I don't need to cross dress. I just dress in clothes that are my natural clothes. I'm a girl. A very happy girl.

I had close dealings with a very attractive woman recently, one with whom I work occasionally. When I used to see her nice outfits and gorgeous legs, it sent me into fits. This time, I saw her legs and thought to myself, "just like mine. That's nice". No fits, no demons to battle, no thoughts to suppress. Just a nice comment. That's it.

Part of my job is to research a project and develop a detailed plan to carry it out. This involves a major amount of work. If you've ever had to do a major research project in school and write a 30 page paper on it, this is the nature and scope of this project. Well, things all coordinated strangely and I had 3 of them due this week.

I just finished the last one and they're true works of innovation. I've had nothing but praise and compliments on them from noteworthy people.

I was able to focus on them like never before. I've never had this level of concentration on anything I've done in my memory.

I'd like to give some credit to my loving sisters here at Laura's. You girls have given me insight into the journey that I've now undertaken and it has set me free. From the highest of highs, to the lowest of lows, you've helped me understand how important it is to accept who we are and just be ourselves.

I'd spent a life time trying to be someone that others thought I should be, but I wasn't and it didn't fit. You've shown me that it's better to find yourself and be that person, wherever that is on the gender spectrum.

Oh, Yvonne, the real me. Where's she been all my life? Locked up and hidden. But no more, she's alive and well inside my head.

And is she ever the productive little girl, now that she has the controls. Wow.

I love you girls.

Hugs to all of you,

Yvonne

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TassieTiff Beryllium Member

TassieTiff

Posted
Posted

The roses and the coffee if you are turning in three 30 page reports.... Sheesh.....

AND you were still able to post here..... You are indeed Wonder Woman

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  • Admin
Carolyn Marie Platinum Member

Carolyn Marie

Posted
  • Admin
Posted

Yvonne, thank you so much for your post. It is inspiring, heartwarming and endearing.

You sound like one incredible woman, with a full life of happiness ahead of you. What a wonderful attitude you have, girl!

Keep you eyes on the prize, Hon. And like Ricka said, stop and smell the roses too. :)

I think your new found ability to focus is a byproduct of not having all the self doubts and stress in your life from trying to figure out

who you were. A clear mind and clear goals lets your mind soar.

All the best to you, Hon.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

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Guest viv

Guest viv

Posted
Posted
I'm a girl who's extremely driven and goal oriented, primarily due to my upbringing.

Virtually all my life I've had a terrible time maintaining concentration on anything for very long. The desire to crossdress was intense and could be triggered by seeing nearly anything female, from attractive legs or body parts to underwear or nylon stocking displays.

I struggled to keep them at bay, but it was often a hopeless battle and they dominated my thoughts to the point where I often had trouble getting anything done. It's been like fighting a demon in my head who never gets tired or seems to want to go away for very long.

I didn't understand why I felt this way or had to deal with this. Finally, after accepting the fact that I was in fact, female, my mind has slowly cleared. I don't get these feelings anymore, for I don't need to cross dress. I just dress in clothes that are my natural clothes. I'm a girl. A very happy girl.

I had close dealings with a very attractive woman recently, one with whom I work occasionally. When I used to see her nice outfits and gorgeous legs, it sent me into fits. This time, I saw her legs and thought to myself, "just like mine. That's nice". No fits, no demons to battle, no thoughts to suppress. Just a nice comment. That's it.

Part of my job is to research a project and develop a detailed plan to carry it out. This involves a major amount of work. If you've ever had to do a major research project in school and write a 30 page paper on it, this is the nature and scope of this project. Well, things all coordinated strangely and I had 3 of them due this week.

I just finished the last one and they're true works of innovation. I've had nothing but praise and compliments on them from noteworthy people.

I was able to focus on them like never before. I've never had this level of concentration on anything I've done in my memory.

I'd like to give some credit to my loving sisters here at Laura's. You girls have given me insight into the journey that I've now undertaken and it has set me free. From the highest of highs, to the lowest of lows, you've helped me understand how important it is to accept who we are and just be ourselves.

I'd spent a life time trying to be someone that others thought I should be, but I wasn't and it didn't fit. You've shown me that it's better to find yourself and be that person, wherever that is on the gender spectrum.

Oh, Yvonne, the real me. Where's she been all my life? Locked up and hidden. But no more, she's alive and well inside my head.

And is she ever the productive little girl, now that she has the controls. Wow.

I love you girls.

Hugs to all of you,

Yvonne

Hi Yvonne,

Optimism is infectious .

It crosses Oceans,

It soars through the air,

It navigates around obstacles,

So you can have your share.

Luv, Viv :)

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Guest Kayliegh

Guest Kayliegh

Posted
Posted

Hi Yvonne –

What an inspiring story about your realization! I think it’s wonderful that you’ve finally realized who you have been meant to be!

We all find out who we are really meant to be at some point in our lives and to hear about how different each of us does so is truly a encouraging for those of us who haven’t reached that point!

Thanks for sharing! - Kayleigh

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Guest yvonne

Guest yvonne

Posted
Posted
PS---I hope this means the woman inside you is taking time out to smell the roses.....

Ricka

I'm working on that part.... :lol:

Now that the projects are reasonably well completed, there will be more time for that. But I still take joy in the simple things in life, the beauty of a bird, a sunrise, a warm autumn sun and the beautiful turning of the leaves. I'm not one to be too much into "stuff" as much as the joy of being alive and enjoying each day.

I'm the eternal smiley face. It seems no matter how bad it gets, I seek out what's good about it or how it's not so bad. Dealing with it shouldn't be a big deal, no matter what it is. Sometimes it's to my detriment, but most often it ends up working to my advantage in the long term.

Hugs to you,

Yvonne

Link to comment
Guest yvonne

Guest yvonne

Posted
Posted
The roses and the coffee if you are turning in three 30 page reports.... Sheesh.....

AND you were still able to post here..... You are indeed Wonder Woman

Tassie,

It sounds worse than it is. I've had the projects in the works for a long time. One for over a year, while I experimented with a strategy and proved it in a test situation that lasted a year. One was in the works for about 4 months and the other one was a deal that people came to me who were in a pickle and said, "can you do this?"

Like an idiot, I said "sure". It just happened that they all were due around the same time, so the "madness" only lasted a few weeks and I have no idea how I pulled it off. I just got lucky, I guess.

The first one is a real home-run and I'm really proud of it. I'll be carrying it forward from here and expect it to be a bigger deal after more refining. I can't seem to quit evaluating and improving things, in about everything I do. There's always some one more little thing that can improve it a little. It starts adding up. The other 2 are decent by my standards.

Posting here is part of my "smelling of the roses". It's turned out to be something that lets me express myself. I not only really enjoy reading about others, I find my own posting brings out my emotions and the whole experience is part of being a girl for me.

As far as Wonder Woman--no way, I'm just another girl like everybody else around here. But if I had her body.... :rolleyes:

Hugs for you,

Yvonne

Link to comment
Guest yvonne

Guest yvonne

Posted
Posted
Yvonne, thank you so much for your post. It is inspiring, heartwarming and endearing.

You sound like one incredible woman, with a full life of happiness ahead of you. What a wonderful attitude you have, girl!

Keep you eyes on the prize, Hon. And like Ricka said, stop and smell the roses too. :)

I think your new found ability to focus is a byproduct of not having all the self doubts and stress in your life from trying to figure out

who you were. A clear mind and clear goals lets your mind soar.

All the best to you, Hon.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

Carolyn Marie,

You have hit the key issue here. My new found ability to focus is most certainly the result of getting rid of all the doubts and tricks my mind had to play on me to keep the truth from me. The truth apparently was such a conflict with what I'd been taught that is was totally unacceptable. The conflict was intense, like an F5 Tornado in my head. Like the tornado that has passed, the immediate aftermath is an incredible calm.

I hope I'm not wearing this out, but I can't believe how calm my head is. All my life it's been like a blender and suddenly it's calm and clear.

Thanks for your support. Coming from girls who've been around a while means a lot to me.

All the best to you, too, girlfriend,

Yvonne

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