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On Being A Burden And Expressing Joy

Guest Erin Quinn

By Guest Erin Quinn,
in Male to Female (MtF) Discussions

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Guest Erin Quinn

Guest Erin Quinn

Posted
Posted

Hi there, I'm sorry to be all moody, I just wasn't sure at all where to post this or who to talk to. I feel very alone right now. Anyway...so I had a really great session with my GT today and came out feeling very relaxed and excited about my journey. I had been feeling a bit anxious and nervous about if I was going about things right, learning enough, and well, I just felt very good afterwards. I had also decided that I'd start electrolysis after the holiday season. I had been thinking about it for a while actually, but it seems like a very simple thing I can do right now, very low risk, to express myself a bit more.

So i shared this with my fiance, and I guess I said it a bit too casually, because she had a very bad reaction. she looked like i had just shaken the foundation of her world. I honestly had NO idea she was this attacked to my facial hair as I usually have to shave it off for work anyway, and even when i grow it on vacation, I don't like how it looks to begin with. So right now i'm feeling very guilty and not sure about anything. I'm doing my best to see things from her side, and Im sure i did this completely wrong...i don't know. I feel like i'm just a burden now. We've come to conclusion that any time now I'm about to take a step, we need to have a big serious conversation, which I guess is expected, it just made me feel like i can't get excited about anything. I don't have a ton of trans friends and I don't want to annoy them either honestly.

Um, i'm rambling, i'm sorry ladies. I was just so happy and getting excited about my progress and happy with myself for how i'm going about things, and i just feel like a hit a wall. Ugh, what a difference a few hours makes.

Side note: my fiance also forgot to tell me one of her friends is coping with a parent about to pass on, so that was also in her mind at the time, but I had no idea. Obviously, I wouldn't have said anything if i'd known that ahead of time. I'm just happy to have a significant other who's willing to do her best to deal with me right now.

Take care you all

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Guest ~Brenda~

Guest ~Brenda~

Posted
Posted

Hi Erin,

I am sorry that you feel alone right now. It sounds like your fiance is generally supportive of you and I do hope that in time she will support you even more. I am sure that she is worried for her friend with an ill parent. Be patient with her and yourself. Things will work out for you :)

Love

Brenda

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Guest viv

Guest viv

Posted
Posted
Hi there, I'm sorry to be all moody, I just wasn't sure at all where to post this or who to talk to. I feel very alone right now. Anyway...so I had a really great session with my GT today and came out feeling very relaxed and excited about my journey. I had been feeling a bit anxious and nervous about if I was going about things right, learning enough, and well, I just felt very good afterwards. I had also decided that I'd start electrolysis after the holiday season. I had been thinking about it for a while actually, but it seems like a very simple thing I can do right now, very low risk, to express myself a bit more.

So i shared this with my fiance, and I guess I said it a bit too casually, because she had a very bad reaction. she looked like i had just shaken the foundation of her world. I honestly had NO idea she was this attacked to my facial hair as I usually have to shave it off for work anyway, and even when i grow it on vacation, I don't like how it looks to begin with. So right now i'm feeling very guilty and not sure about anything. I'm doing my best to see things from her side, and Im sure i did this completely wrong...i don't know. I feel like i'm just a burden now. We've come to conclusion that any time now I'm about to take a step, we need to have a big serious conversation, which I guess is expected, it just made me feel like i can't get excited about anything. I don't have a ton of trans friends and I don't want to annoy them either honestly.

Um, i'm rambling, i'm sorry ladies. I was just so happy and getting excited about my progress and happy with myself for how i'm going about things, and i just feel like a hit a wall. Ugh, what a difference a few hours makes.

Side note: my fiance also forgot to tell me one of her friends is coping with a parent about to pass on, so that was also in her mind at the time, but I had no idea. Obviously, I wouldn't have said anything if i'd known that ahead of time. I'm just happy to have a significant other who's willing to do her best to deal with me right now.

Take care you all

Hi Erin ,

Rambling ????no way sis. We all have good and bad days / you know the drill and your just expressing how you feel , thats cool , thats how it works.

There seems to be a growing number of partners who accept and even help us through transition / Im unlucky there , no partner . Not taking sides here but

neither you or your oh can not read each others minds so these little incidents are gonna happen now and then.I would say to you Erin to be particularly

close to your fiance now , smother her in love , she needs it right now. I split up with my partner ages ago and there are times when I could do with a

shoulder ....you know ???. You will be all the better for this experience as you learn how to deal with same as women do. Burden ???? big NO there too,

give things a little time and you will know your oh"s "got your back". You take care Erin and loose the downer, Luv, Viv. :)

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Guest Donna Jean

Guest Donna Jean

Posted
Posted

Erin, Sweetheart....

Coming out is hard and usually a huge shock for the one that you tell.

And, of course, the timing couldn't have been worse in your case...but, you had no way of knowing...

I had planned to tell my wife about me last year and set a date for it...

Well, as the day drew near I realized that something very significant for her would be just a couple of days past the day I had chosen...

So I held off for a few days and let her enjoy the event before telling her.,..

Unfortunately you didn't have the luxury of knowing...

Viv's advice is really good here, too....

Good luck, Sweetheart...

Donna Jean

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Guest angie

Guest angie

Posted
Posted

I started therapy three years before I came out.

Started going enfemme for my Saturday appointments.

And my wife would lie in bed watching me get ready.

How she didn't catch that this was coming is beyond

my kin.When I came out was at a Red Lobster I took

her to for lunch.I had planned it to the day,and it floored her.

I don't think any SO is ready for the truth of who we are and

us being so sure of where we know we must go.

Warm Hugs Erin,

Angie

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Guest Anna_Banana

Guest Anna_Banana

Posted
Posted
So i shared this with my fiance, and I guess I said it a bit too casually, because she had a very bad reaction. she looked like i had just shaken the foundation of her world. I honestly had NO idea she was this attacked to my facial hair as I usually have to shave it off for work anyway, and even when i grow it on vacation

It's not unusual. My ex-fiance had the exact same reaction. Turns out the facial hair was very important to her and she never told me until I decided to axe it for good. Be careful from here on out, though. I just want to warn you in advance that this could be a sign of things to come. It was for me anyway. My fiance left me for some biker-gang type despite the fact that she was so supportive of my transitioning, even going as far as embracing it and encouraging it. My reluctance to have sex as a male was probably the final straw.

Best Wishes Respectfully,

.Anna

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Guest Erin Quinn

Guest Erin Quinn

Posted
Posted
It's not unusual. My ex-fiance had the exact same reaction. Turns out the facial hair was very important to her and she never told me until I decided to axe it for good. Be careful from here on out, though. I just want to warn you in advance that this could be a sign of things to come. It was for me anyway. My fiance left me for some biker-gang type despite the fact that she was so supportive of my transitioning, even going as far as embracing it and encouraging it. My reluctance to have sex as a male was probably the final straw.

Best Wishes Respectfully,

.Anna

to everyone whose replied, I thank you so much for your warnings, advice, and love. It means a lot to me.

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