Who Says You Can't Be A Girl?

[Guest yvonne]

For far too many of us, we have to "cross-dress" more than we want (wearing men's clothing--ick). Don't feel like you're not getting anywhere in your journey. You don't have to walk like a man and you don't have to sit like a man just because you happen to be dressed like one. Twice in the last 2 days, I walked out of a public restroom because the stall was taken, even though the urinal was available. Don't know what those are, don't use them. I had to wait. No problem, it's just a girl thing.

I also realized (slap to the forehead) that you CAN practice your girl voice, even though you're wearing funny clothes and no makeup. I went through a drive-thru today and practiced the order in my head beforehand.

May I take your order? I did my best girl voice and asked, "May I have and is it possible to get while placing the order. I thought it was a great girl voice performance. The cashier seemed to be taken aback at my gender when I pulled around the corner to the window (she's not the only one....) and she called me "sir" very emphatically. Maybe she does that to everyone, but I think I just pulled one off.

And I had to laugh. There's a lot of places to work on the journey, if you just start working with yourself. This is one time to put yourself first.

Hugs to all you sisters,

Yvonne

[Carolyn Marie]

I agree with you completely, Yvonne. I am in male mode every day at work, and haven't started physical transition yet.

But I try hard never to sit with my legs spread apart in typical male fashion - I either cross my legs at the ankles or with one leg crossed

over the other. Because of what's between them I can't cross them in the best ladylike fashion, but I do the best I can.

When not around other people I practice my girl walk. As far as voice goes, I haven't started practicing that yet, but you gave me a

great idea to start doing so. Thanks!

Carolyn Marie

[Guest viv]

For far too many of us, we have to "cross-dress" more than we want (wearing men's clothing--ick). Don't feel like you're not getting anywhere in your journey. You don't have to walk like a man and you don't have to sit like a man just because you happen to be dressed like one. Twice in the last 2 days, I walked out of a public restroom because the stall was taken, even though the urinal was available. Don't know what those are, don't use them. I had to wait. No problem, it's just a girl thing.

I also realized (slap to the forehead) that you CAN practice your girl voice, even though you're wearing funny clothes and no makeup. I went through a drive-thru today and practiced the order in my head beforehand.

May I take your order? I did my best girl voice and asked, "May I have and is it possible to get while placing the order. I thought it was a great girl voice performance. The cashier seemed to be taken aback at my gender when I pulled around the corner to the window (she's not the only one....) and she called me "sir" very emphatically. Maybe she does that to everyone, but I think I just pulled one off.

And I had to laugh. There's a lot of places to work on the journey, if you just start working with yourself. This is one time to put yourself first.

Hugs to all you sisters,

Yvonne

Hi Yvonne,

Im in" male mode"most of the time , by that I mean mens clothing is the way of things for me now . But the day is coming girl - aint nothing gonna get

in its way . It must be so liberating to get rid of every stitch of mens rags, I cant wait / imagine Yvonne, depending solely on a nice skirt ,blouse ,shoes, handbag,

oh you know /the list goes on /and makeup to get through the day just like most other women , ah normality. Re voice, I practice a lot in my car and I am sure

a lot of people have seen my "animation" etc as I drive -if only they knew . Your building a wonderful foundation girl, so thrilled for you. Luv, Viv

[Guest angie]

It has been a looong time since I had to do male mode for anyone.

The day came when I said(This is enough,I can not be(him)anylonger).

And either gave away,or threw away every stitch I owned,down to my

old socks and shoes.That I have a walk in closet full of only the proper

dress,is a testament of my decision to never look back again,cause I

dang sure haven't,not once in all this time.I am far too happy being a

woman on an everyday basis,to miss being(him)ever again.For as I have

a million times...He Is Not Me, and I meant it.(smile)

Congratulations for taking this giant step into your real life my sister.

Big Hugs,

Angie

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Im long past the point of even considering being him again. There is no way I could be comfortable in that skin and persona; even though I have male clothes left that I havent got rid of yet they take up no room in my closet. They are boxed up and waiting to be got rid of.

[Sally]

I am at work all day in male mode and have to speak to customers in a retail environment but over the past few months I have been raising the pitch of my voice a little at a time from my original Bass to the lower limits of Tenor and no one has noticed, I don't do any different in my long skype conversations with my friends here but they don't seem to mind, I do let the inflections creep in a bit.

It is possible to progress while working in male mode it is mostly in your mind set - I view the entire time that I am at work as an elaborate hoax that I am playing on everyone and none of them ever catch on to the joke.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Donna Jean]

Well, I'm in the same position as Sally...I have to do the "Male drag" thing for gainful employment...

That is my only concession, though.

And that line is becoming very blurry, too....

I'm thought of as gay at work for the most part and I don';t really mind...it will make the coming out part more palatable to them...less shocking.

But, as it is, I get Ma'am'd plenty and it won't be much of a stretch to move over to the right side...

I practice voice, too at every opportunity..and walking, sitting, mannerisms I do all the time now anyway!

Huggs

Donna Jean

[Guest angie]

For the first nineteen months of transition I was a courier driver,

that worked around manly men all week long.I wore ladies jeans

and work boots and wore a womans tee and you could see my girls

plainly.Of course I was made fun of on a regular basis,laughed at and

jeered,and called a gay guy.It didn't bother me,money had to be made.

I was fired for being myself,refusing to put on guy mode.It was after I

was let go that my woman really started to take off though.

Angie

[Guest Charlene_Leona]

Back when I came out I decided to go full speed ahead, there were only maybe 7 days after that where I went out in drab and that was only to work a few days and explain to friends What was going on. After that within a month I had boxed up my clothes and sold my 2002 Ford Ranger Pick up to finance the start of my transition. I took the $5000. I got and bought makeup, new and used clothes. Since I was on disability and had an income so I could keep an roof over my head, I figured rightfully so that I had nothing to lose but my life.

You could say I lost my family when I transitioned also but the way I look at it is they bailed out on me when I was a small child, my mother didn't want anything to do with me and dumped me onto my grandmother Leona. But when my father was murdered just before my fifth birthday my grandmother who had lung cancer just gave up and passed three weeks later. So I basically lost everyone who cared for me then. I had an extremely difficult child hood after that, any time I was ill I didn't get to see a doctor. My mother married a southerner who raised my sister as his own but I was left on the outside looking in. Here I was this skinny girly boy who walked, talked, and behaved very feminine. I never did like sports eccept Soccer and always enjoyed spending time and playing with more girls than boys. That was until I started to find boys fun for another reason, at the age of eight to nine I started becoming physically attracted to boys and now that I remember was involved with a few of my boyfriends. I always felt like the girl in any relationship I had, I was always the weaker of the two and liked that very much.

I should of transitioned early in my twenties but I got ill and I thing it was all out of fear of what would my family do to me. I had already been kicked out of the Navy for having a personality disorder and they felt I screwed my entire life up already . But I know they would of stuck me in a mental hospital. Plus my mothers new husband hated me and I was always afraid of what he would do to me.

But once I decided three years ago to transition I said to hell with what other thought of me. If someone had a problem with my transition it was their problem not mine. So I came out like a bat of of hell and have not looked back or regretted it, why should I. I've always been a girl at heart and now I'm a girl full time in real life and it has been the best most healing thing that I have ever done to help myself. That's what we must all do for ourselves is to be who and what we were always meant to be. Don't let others hold you back with their doubts and ignorance live life like it was meant to be, happy and at piece with yourself. Once you step over that line it becomes much easier to do.

Live for yourself be the man or woman you were meant to be and don't look back friends you won't be sorry if you do it from the heart.

Love and Hope for everyone's success

Charlene Leona

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Yep, 24/7 as Joanna. I am lucky that employment was never a problem since my manager and the owner were ok with it. So as I pick up what peices of the family and my friends want to stay with me I move on as who I am supposed to be.

[Guest Elizabeth K]

Yes

I am full time working - and have to be male presenting - BUT I am in my appropriate clothes (female) except for my shirt most days. It's rather easy to dress androgynous in most jobs.

And I always get ma'amed away fron the office anyway - so I guess my voice, speach patterns and long hair cause some confusion.

Just be yourself.

Lizzy

[Guest MrAwesome]

you ladies with your crossed legs and girly voices and using the stalls all civilized like, and your make up and pretty clothes. I Don't know how you do it.

[Guest Erin Quinn]

I'm in male mode most of the time as well, due of course to work. Some days it is hard, some days it doesn't get to me much. I've been trying to work on lil mannerisms and whatnot. Happy to see all of you are doing what you can each little thing is like a layer being pulled away.

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

you ladies with your crossed legs and girly voices and using the stalls all civilized like, and your make up and pretty clothes. I Don't know how you do it.

Practice and attitude. the attitude is I am a woman and this is how I am. the practice is so you move and sound right

I am at the stage where I live an work as a woman, so there are things Ive had to learn how to do faster than some of my sisters who had the oportunity to take their time. Many of you know my gender team decided that I was to be tested so they threw me to the sharks for 2 months before hormones were even a possiblity; ghods that makes you sit up and pay attention since you have to learn in days what others can take months to learn. It has taken nearly 6 months of trying for me to find my voice. One day either I found it or it found me, and now its Ma'am 95% of the time including on the phone.

[Guest yvonne]

you ladies with your crossed legs and girly voices and using the stalls all civilized like, and your make up and pretty clothes. I Don't know how you do it.

And we don't know how you don't......

Maybe some day modern science will figure out a way we can all trade our unwanted stuff and then we'll all be happy.

Yvonne

[Guest angie]

you ladies with your crossed legs and girly voices and using the stalls all civilized like, and your make up and pretty clothes. I Don't know how you do it.

I was sooooooo macho and manly.My whole bearing said powerful man.

I had to overcome a lifetime of learning the art of projecting a masculine man.

It took me years to completely defeat my man it was so ingrained.

That took watching many many women.Choosing how I wished to cross my legs

and stand, hold my hands and arms,gestures,mannerisms,body language... Then

practicing until it came without thinking,it became a habit,until that is how I live.

To look at me now,all one see's,is a very feminine lady,with not an iota of the man

to be found.(thank the godess of womanhood)

That is how many of us change who we once were.

Well,those of us who weren't very femme all ready,and never had to be manly men.(grin)

Angie

[Guest yvonne]

I was sooooooo macho and manly.My whole bearing said powerful man.

I had to overcome a lifetime of learning the art of projecting a masculine man.

It took me years to completely defeat my man it was so ingrained.

That took watching many many women.Choosing how I wished to cross my legs

and stand, hold my hands and arms,gestures,mannerisms,body language... Then

practicing until it came without thinking,it became a habit,until that is how I live.

To look at me now,all one see's,is a very feminine lady,with not an iota of the man

to be found.(thank the godess of womanhood)

That is how many of us change who we once were.

Well,those of us who weren't very femme all ready,and never had to be manly men.(grin)

Angie

Angie,

What great advice. That's the mode I'm currently in right now.

Oh, the memories of boyhood--playing football (although I was way too small), riding a bull (really) and boxing. All just to try to convince myself. It didn't sell.....

Thanks for the direction and support, sister. I need it right now.

Yvonne

[Guest krisspykriss]

I am in guy mode half the time and girl mode half the time. It all depends on where I am (physically) at right now. If I am in this small rural town, it is usually femme guy mode. If I am in the city, it is always girl mode. I am still debating on whether to go full time where I am at or in the big city of Indianapolis. I might go to Bloomington Indiana though since they have anti-discrimination laws there for trans people that cover about everything.

Anyway, when in guy mode I still practice my voice, mannerisms, walk, body language etc. I don't go out ever as a "manly man" so there isnt much of a discrepancy between how I act and look.

[Guest amie]

For the most part, unless someone points it out or places emphasis on paying mind to it, I don't know what in the hell girl and guy mode is.

I'm just myself, take it or leave it.

Now, or especially now stemming strongly from a recent incident, I am completely out and will never attempt to modify my behavior again for anyone or anything.

But as I attempted to convey, I'm not feeling a difference in that particular aspect, which I think speaks volumes for myself and my convictions on the matter of my gender identity.

Call it cheezy, but it's true and I love sayin' it: "Be yourself, everyone else is taken!!!"

Since I've been here I've read of some pretty innovative approaches to feelin' comfy in and functioning well in one's birthflesh, if you will?

Which is cool, I guess? Whatever works for yu!

I just don't foresee or could imagine acting much differently if at all if SRS were to become a reality. I honestly can't/don't. I don't get it???

I'm delighted to be comfortable with and love who I am inside because I've seen (and I'm currently seeing) many on here that don't. I find it quite sad.

I've never b4 been involved with a group of people that in addition to having great adversity and pressures upon them, almost choose to apply more of the same to themselves by way of often discouraging and self-defeating behavior applications to try and be something they're not.

Guess what, Folks? If you're not feminine acting (or girly-girl, W/E), limp-wristed and tippy-toed then guess what? You're not.

The same applies to masculine or boy-like behavior.

Just be you!!!

Truth is, if you're at least semi-charming and have a splash of social grace on your tongue, you can get along with almost anyone with a little effort.

Contrary to what most might think, this carries a considerable amount of weight in terms of passing.

[Guest krisspykriss]

If your "comfortable in your birthflesh" your not trans.

Being limpwristed and prancing around etc. is something some people have had to trained themselves out of doing. Call it an unlearned motor skill.

What most of us are attempting to do is express who we are inside.

People who don't go out dressed really have no clue about passing. It is something that you can sit at home and hypothesis about from now 'till eternity and not have a real clue. Going out and meeting people is where the learning is at. If you want to pass, put yourself out there and give it a go.

[Guest angie]

Actually,

We don't walk around limp wristed,that is for swishy feminine gay men.

Chrissy is right about life experience.If you don't break out of your little

box of safety that is your home,and get out in public interacting,you stagnate

and don't continue growing into the role you are striving to acheive.

Angie

[Guest amie]

If your "comfortable in your birthflesh" your not trans.

Being limpwristed and prancing around etc. is something some people have had to trained themselves out of doing. Call it an unlearned motor skill.

What most of us are attempting to do is express who we are inside.

People who don't go out dressed really have no clue about passing. It is something that you can sit at home and hypothesis about from now 'till eternity and not have a real clue. Going out and meeting people is where the learning is at. If you want to pass, put yourself out there and give it a go.

Who says I'm comfortable in my birthflesh? I've never said that.

Love my inside, I just gotta prob. with the outside.

I've gone out dressed on a few occasions. Just because I don't do it on a reg. doesn't mean I don't have a clue as to what it's like.

Personally, the clothes aren't gonna be a big part of my life, tranz of no tranz anyway.

It's just never been that important to me.

It doesn't make me any less a girl/more a boy, W/E.

At least I don't think so.

[Guest amie]

Actually,

We don't walk around limp wristed,that is for swishy feminine gay men.

Chrissy is right about life experience.If you don't break out of your little

box of safety that is your home,and get out in public interacting,you stagnate

and don't continue growing into the role you are striving to acheive.

Angie

In more cases than I could begin to count, I've come across as very feminine to those out in public anyway.

And in these cases (or at least I remember no conscious effort), I didn't attempt to speak in a higher voice, limp my wrist or hop on my toes.

Granted, they may have thought I was gay. Hell, due to the fact I wasn't in a dress and reeking of a Elizabeth Taylor fragrance, they probably did.

I don't care.

If I were to have SRS I'd go out dressed often very much the way I do now, I just wouldn't act any differently. I like this.

I like this due to what I said up there ^^^. In terms of mannerisms and overall expression, I'm passin' like a mofo.

[Guest krisspykriss]

Passing as a femme gay guy is different from passing as a woman. People still treat you like a man, not a woman. People interact with you as a man and not a woman. Women look at you as a gay man and not one of the girls. Guys will start fights with you for being a femme gay guy, but not with a woman most wont even with a partially passing transwoman. There are so many ways that being a femme gay guy are different from being a tgirl. I have tried both. I know both sides. They are different. Also the men a femme gay guy dates are different from the men a tgirl dates. Gay femme guys date gay men and even if they are the macho masculine type, they are still different from the way a straight man treats a woman (trans or otherwise). The differences are in the way society as a whole interacts with you. Another difference is as a femme gay guy, there are times people will tell you to "man up" when times are tough. A woman gets sympathy and compassion instead.

They are two different things and unless your trans and get some real life experience in the female role, I am not sure anyone can really comprehend all that well what great differences there are.

It isnt about clothing, that is what crossdrssing is about. It is about how you and society interact.

[Guest amie]

Passing as a femme gay guy is different from passing as a woman. People still treat you like a man, not a woman. People interact with you as a man and not a woman. Women look at you as a gay man and not one of the girls. Guys will start fights with you for being a femme gay guy, but not with a woman most wont even with a partially passing transwoman. There are so many ways that being a femme gay guy are different from being a tgirl. I have tried both. I know both sides. They are different. Also the men a femme gay guy dates are different from the men a tgirl dates. Gay femme guys date gay men and even if they are the macho masculine type, they are still different from the way a straight man treats a woman (trans or otherwise). The differences are in the way society as a whole interacts with you. Another difference is as a femme gay guy, there are times people will tell you to "man up" when times are tough. A woman gets sympathy and compassion instead.

They are two different things and unless your trans and get some real life experience in the female role, I am not sure anyone can really comprehend all that well what great differences there are.

It isnt about clothing, that is what crossdrssing is about. It is about how you and society interact.

I'm confident in how I'd adjust just knowing there was a decent opportunity to achieve SRS and I'm certain I'd adjust well following the procedure.

A great deal of it has to do with confidence and believing in yourself.

It's amazing what a little opportunity can do for the spirit of some of us.

Example: I was just informed this week that I will now have a sustainable income and hip-replacement surgery and I'm ready to take on the world.

I can't wait to get out there with my revived energy level and a optimistic perspective.

That's money for basic needs and a splash of social mobility/corrective orthopedic surgery.

Could you imagine my zeal for life and how I'd beam with confidence @ the news I'm gonna have SRS?

Thinking positive makes a difference.