Information To Get Me Started

[Guest Melissa09]

well, i have been looking through a lot of forums and the advice is just phenomenal. I really want to be feminine and pass as a woman. I am 22 years old and have been thinking on and off since i was about in grade 9. But since i turned 18 the feelings that I need to change are just overwhelming me. I notice that I spend all my (secret) free time reading about other male to female transitions and their success stories. I wish I could have a success story myself. Any ideas on what I could do to prepare myself in the mean time?

Mel.

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

well, i have been looking through a lot of forums and the advice is just phenomenal. I really want to be feminine and pass as a woman. I am 22 years old and have been thinking on and off since i was about in grade 9. But since i turned 18 the feelings that I need to change are just overwhelming me. I notice that I spend all my (secret) free time reading about other male to female transitions and their success stories. I wish I could have a success story myself. Any ideas on what I could do to prepare myself in the mean time?

Mel.

Mel, you will oneday have your own success story. Each and everyone of us here is a success in our own right. The first step is to locate either a gender counselor in your area or a counselor/therapist who is willing to learn about gender issues. Once you get started on the road, try not to be in the hurry I was. I wanted it all, wanted it now and didnt care that my team had other ideas that would help me out in the long run. It took my wife telling me that id best let them do their jobs or I would get nowhere before I sat down and shut up long enough to find what the issues were and what needed to be done. Forums like this are great but many personal sites have tons of information on them too and they tend to be a bit more personal.

http://joanna.thepumas.net

[Guest SusanKG]

Mel, you will oneday have your own success story. Each and everyone of us here is a success in our own right. The first step is to locate either a gender counselor in your area or a counselor/therapist who is willing to learn about gender issues. Once you get started on the road, try not to be in the hurry I was. I wanted it all, wanted it now and didnt care that my team had other ideas that would help me out in the long run. It took my wife telling me that id best let them do their jobs or I would get nowhere before I sat down and shut up long enough to find what the issues were and what needed to be done. Forums like this are great but many personal sites have tons of information on them too and they tend to be a bit more personal.

http://joanna.thepumas.net

Hi Melissa,

Good advice from Joanna. A gender councelor - one that is truly a gender counselor, not just has read about the subject - is the first major step. Nothing important will happen before that. One thought would be to make an outline of what to you would be your success story. Where do you believe you want to go? Lay out the steps needed to achieve that, from counseling, hormones, S.R.Surgery, legal changes, everything that doing this involves. Start general, leave gaps to fill in as you learn, and then learn. And don't be overwhelmed by all the hurdles this challenge throws at you. There is sort of a trite phrase that however does cover it: Plan your work and work your plan.

That sounds like a bumper sticker slogan and I don't much like bumper stickers, so of course I have one that I really believe in: "Begin, success will follow."

And remember, you have many friends out here, and some of us have great advice, not all of which is a bumper sticker.

Susan

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Remember any journey worth taking wont be easy, and this one is no exception

[Guest Donna Jean]

Melisa.....

You've received sound advice from Joanna and Susan.....

Now it's time to start making your plan....Gender therapist keeps popping up, doesn't it? Well, there must be something to it then...

This is a long road by any standard and it can be lonley...it depends...maybe you'll have support

to help you journey easier, I certainly hope so.....

Good luck with what you do...I understand how it can consume you....It did me, too....

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

[Guest angie]

Just so you know,

Any preconceived ideas about womanhood we may have,

go out the window once you start on this most rewarding

of journey's.Reality trumps what ever notion we may have had.

Follow your heart and do what must be done to make this long held

want,wish and desire real life.We all started where you are at one time

in our journey,and by following the guidelines set down by those that

have come before,you can make it reality.

Hugs,

Angie

[Guest yvonne]

Melissa,

Welcome to Laura's. I've been where you're at, only the times were different and I was stuck for decades. It starts with the Gender Therapist (GT), as others have suggested. The reason is our brains can do strange things to us and cause us to believe things that may not be so.

In my case, accepting my true self, regardless of my physical appearance or role in society, was a key element in calming my mind and being able to concentrate on important things.

Your main mission right now is to equip yourself to support yourself, no matter what and no matter where you may end up. Far too many of us let our minds overwhelm us into believing the only important thing is proper gender identity and physical appearance. So, you get an operation and now you're a girl. Great, now what? No job, no skills, no friends and no life. That's no way to live. I believe this may be one reason the suicide rate is high for us as a group. Life is a journey, not just one event.

It's difficult to think of anything else at times, which is why you need the GT. You have a dual mission, one is in your mind and the other is in your education and preparation for the future.

Believe me, I fully understand how hard it is to concentrate on anything else, but nothing worth having is easy or quick, or everyone would have it.

Stick around, share your thoughts and progress with us. We're all sisters here and we all need each other.

My only regret right now is that I can't share the wonderful feelings I have in my brain with everyone. I'm on a high you just can't get from drugs (yes, even hormones). I can't even sleep late--I'm too excited for another day.

My past Gender Dysphoria has been a curse, now I consider it a gift, a true gift of life. For I now enjoy life as I never have. May you realize one tenth of my joy in your journey, for the happiness will overwhelm you and bring you peace.

Hugs to you and all my sisters,

Yvonne

[Sally]

OK, Melissa,

Here is my advice for passing 100% and I want you to know that I am 6'4" tall and extremely over weight with the concentration around my middle and yet in a recent outing with a couple of my friends I passed without even trying.

What is the secret?

_{Come close to the screen - it is a secret after all.}

Don't try so hard!

That's right if you walk around very feminine and the absolute model of what a woman should be according to the guides from the 50s you will stick out like a sore thumb!

So how to research?

Go to a local mall, go to the food court order a large drink and a small snack that you can play with for a little while and watch all of the girls in the mall as they go by - paying closer attention to the ones about your age.

What are they wearing, how do they walk, sit or do they use their hands when they talk?

See what girls are doing now - less emphasis on a lot of the old stereotypes - when I was your age I would have had to have put on a tailored suit with stockings and heels, gloves and a hat before I could have gone out shopping - wearing slacks was reserved for much more casual activities, when you went to shop it was an event and you needed to dress.

Today that look would draw attention like you would not believe.

Find what you think will work for you and go from there.

If you have great legs go for skirts or shorts if not pants are a good choice - fit the various current styles to your body style because women are not all alike either so find what works for you.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest madelane]

Hi Melissa

Welcome from a newbie. I am sure that you are now quite overwhelmed at the generous and loving support from the members on this site.

I wold like to add one thing which may already be within you and showing or that you are so far unaware of and that is intuition....the male of the species relies very little on instinct other than if it involves protection of himself and his family unit or flight whereas the female of the species, without even thinking about it, quiets the mind and learns at an early age to listen to her inner voice which has all the answers.

This does not come easily as we are wont to interfere with thoughts which cloud that inner voive.

Many of the answers you seek are within you already....

take care

Madelane

[Guest viv]

well, i have been looking through a lot of forums and the advice is just phenomenal. I really want to be feminine and pass as a woman. I am 22 years old and have been thinking on and off since i was about in grade 9. But since i turned 18 the feelings that I need to change are just overwhelming me. I notice that I spend all my (secret) free time reading about other male to female transitions and their success stories. I wish I could have a success story myself. Any ideas on what I could do to prepare myself in the mean time?

Mel.

Hi Melissa09,

If we have not met before let me say welcome to Laura"s . At 22 you are probably pretty certain about all this , but ,

why not go attend a trans meet and just sit there and listen to what the contributors say and how much you relate to it all.

If its for you there will be someone there who can advise you on a good therapist. While you wait re appointments etc its

a good idea to have a good look at your overall health/aerobic fitness/diet habits / weight and so on as, if you go on to transition

the healthier you are the better. Last but not least hun, we are one big happy family here in the garden, you will receive so much

support from all your sisters and you know what???I rekon between us all here we probably have the biggest shoulder in the

world...should you need one . post back soon, Luv,Viv.