I Turn To You

[Guest Jennifer T]

Here I sit at 3:00 am, my heart falling apart in so many ways.

In all the uncertainty and sorrow, I cry to Him. This song touches me deeply and moves me to believe that no matter where I am, I can still turn to Him.

"When I am far away from home

and the cold wind starts to blow

when I'm empty and alone

I turn to you

When there's hardness in my heart

and i cannot see truth

and i'm wandering in the dark

I turn to you

and here in your holy presence its all that i can do

I turn to you Jesus

I turn to you Lord

For the youth when I am old

For the strength when I am weak

For the warmth when I am cold

I turn to you.

For the faith to move ahead.

and to let go of the past.

To see me as you do.

I turn to you.

and here in your holy presence

Its all that I can do.

I turn to you Jesus

I turn you Lord

For you alone are worthy the one and only God the ruler of the nations and the father of our hearts

I turn to you Jesus

I turn to you Lord

I turn to you you you you Jesus

I turn to you Lord

When I'm weak I will follow.

In your arms I will stay.

Will you lead me'

only you can save.

I turn to you Jesus

I turn to you."

Sorry, there's alot on my heart right now.

[Sally]

Jennifer,

Never apologize for your beliefs.

They are what pull so many of us through hard times.

I know that it can be very hard to be transgendered and maintain your faith but for me I have found a way.

I no longer actually affiliate with an organized church, I may look again soon but the one where I have been a member since I was 2 has become intolerable for me, all about money and who has control, they even ousted another minister because he would not preach intolerance for anyone.

I follow the teachings of Jesus the Christ and try to love everyone and turn my back on no one.

So often Christians (in name only - not by deed) use the Bible against anyone that the do not like but I have read the Bible - more than once and the underlying theme throughout the New Testament, which is what Christianity is supposed to be based on, is all about love, Jesus told us to love our neighbors as ourselves, to love our enemies and to treat everyone as you would want them to treat you - I find no room in there for prejudice of any kind, and I work very hard to not form any myself and if I do, I must undertake the monumental task of eliminating those feelings.

To me being a Christian is a very inclusive thing and to so many in the various churches it is seen as exclusive more like a Country Club than a place of worship.

You find comfort from a song, a beautiful song with a wonderful message, I try to go somewhere every now and then where man has not left his large and ugly footprint on the land and look at nature, form the simple beauty of the rolling plains to the majesty of mountain ranges, from a single butterfly to pod of Humpback Whales there is beauty and love all around, we just forget to share it.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Jean Davis]

Hi Jennifer

I know how you feel. Try reading THIS it helps me to explain some of the events that unfold in my life.

And remember you don't have to look far to find God, as God is around us always. In everything we experience God is there we just have to try to figure out God's message to us.

LUV

Jean

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Sweetheart,

It is all OK There is never a reason to aplogize. Your love of Jesus is obvious. Your love of mankind is obvious too.

I will share with you a link to my faith.

I hope it helps

http://www.spirituality.com/bible-lesson/a...XTSX1KGL4LYCFEQ

Love

Brenda

[Guest Jennifer T]

Sally, Brenda, Jean... Thank you.

God made a ccovenant relationship with me when I was just a child. I've strayed from Him, but He has never left or forgotten His promise. I know this. I'm not yout typical 'church goer' (though I do go to church) but I believe God loves us all.

Have any of you read "The Shack"? I just recently read it and in it, I found beautiful things about God that somehow I've missed through my life. But one of the points in conversation between Mack (main character) and God is made when God tells Mack that he could never dissappoint him. God already knew Mack; everything about him, and there were no surprises. Hence, no dissappointments. It's an interesting thought.

So I've tried applying that here. God already knows - has known for a very long time - where my heart is and what I desire to be. And so I talk to Him regularly about it now.

Sally, I've read the Bible alot. I agree, the overlying theme is love. And it's God's way of romancing and loving and restoring His creation. He desires deeply for us to know Him the way He knows us. And He calls, "Come, join me in the circle of relationship I created you for."

I love you all.

Jennifer

[Guest Sarinah]

I often turn to music as a way to focus myself on God. Once I am focused on "him" I have the strength to face even the greatest of trials. Focusing on God reminds me that nothing in this world or the next can hurt me because I am loved by the creator of everything.

[Guest Jennifer T]

"to see me as you do"

I wonder how God does see me. Do any of you think about this? I was born and rasied male. I assume to God I am a man. But if in my heart I am not and especially if I am afforded the opportunity to transition, would God then see me as a woman?

Just thinking in the early hours before my day starts.

[Guest Luci]

Have any of you read "The Shack"? I just recently read it and in it, I found beautiful things about God that somehow I've missed through my life. But one of the points in conversation between Mack (main character) and God is made when God tells Mack that he could never dissappoint him. God already knew Mack; everything about him, and there were no surprises. Hence, no dissappointments. It's an interesting thought.

The other part of this is that because God is not surprised by the disasters and upheavals of our lives, his provision is there for you, ready and waiting. Sometimes we miss it because we don't look, sometimes we miss it because his solution is not the one we want. And sometimes the solution is that He delivers us "through" the trial instead of "from" it. There's a reason Paul wrote, "It's a terrifying thing to fall into the hands of a living God."

I love the music of the late Rich Mullins. He was unashamed to wrestle with God in his music. I hope this blesses you as it has me.

Hard to Get

You who live in heaven

Hear the prayers of those of us who live on earth

Who are afraid of being left by those we love

And who get hardened by the hurt

Do you remember when You lived down here where we all scrape

To find the faith to ask for daily bread

Did You forget about us after You had flown away

Well I memorized every word You said

Still I'm so scared, I'm holding my breath

While You're up there just playing hard to get

You who live in radiance

Hear the prayers of those of us who live in skin

We have a love that's not as patient as Yours was

Still we do love now and then

Did You ever know loneliness

Did You ever know need

Do You remember just how long a night can get?

When You were barely holding on

And Your friends fall asleep

And don't see the blood that's running in Your sweat

Will those who mourn be left uncomforted

While You're up there just playing hard to get?

And I know you bore our sorrows

And I know you feel our pain

And I know it would not hurt any less

Even if it could be explained

And I know that I am only lashing out

At the One who loves me most

And after I figured this, somehow

All I really need to know

Is if You who live in eternity

Hear the prayers of those of us who live in time

We can't see what's ahead

And we cannot get free of what we've left behind

I'm reeling from these voices that keep screaming in my ears

All the words of shame and doubt, blame and regret

I can't see how You're leading me unless You've led me here

Where I'm lost enough to let myself be led

And so You've been here all along I guess

It's just Your ways and You are just plain hard to get

[Guest Justme]

Hi Jennifer. I have another song for you to listen to. I had a hard time myself coming to terms with being trans and knowing God loves me. Actually, I have two songs for you....songs that helped me feel God's love. Both songs are by Matthew West. the first is called "the Motions," the second is titled, "You are Everything." Take a listen....and I pray that these songs speak to your heart and strengthen you...as they have for me. Most people expect God to act as He always has. the way the Bible talks about. But, to believe that, is putting God in a box. God acts in unexpected ways. Don't ever think He will let you go because you are trans. I dealt with that for years. and I am here to say....God loves you. Where you are at, is not a suprise to Him. Sing a new song....feel God's love.

[Guest Jennifer T]

I meet this week with the JH folks. I'm nervous. Could use some prayer. Things at home haven't been great.

What the hell am I doing... - rhetorical-

[Guest sarah f]

Never apologize for having faith in God. I still believe no matter what we do we will be forgiven in the end. It doesn't say anything in the bible that being trans is wrong or an obomination. I actually go to church each Sunday myself and am a greeter at my location on every first Sunday of the month.

Just keep believing what you have grown up to and don't think we will think anything different of you.

Love,

Sarah F

[Sally]

Jennifer,

Remain true to your faith, believe in God and you will be fine.

You had mentioned a month ago that you had been raised male and that is how God sees you - that in my mind is not true, God doesn't see you as others do, God sees your heart and your soul gender and sex have little to do with your soul - that is what God sees and the body is a vessel for this spirit nothing more.

God loves us all in spite of our best efforts to deny and defy him.

God is love, unconditional love.

Love, peace and a strong faith,

Sally

[gennee]

Jennifer, those words are poignant. Never feel ashamed of who you are. I am a Christian and love God. I sense that you rather live your testimony. What's so beautiful about God is when we're at our lowest He is always there to comfort us.

Gennee

[Guest Jennifer T]

Gennee, I'd like to think I "live my testimony". Not so sure lately. They say the truth of a person's character is how that person is during tough times. Sadly, I am kind of morose when things are tough. But I think I still do what needs to be done.

But I have never lost my faith in Him. Even when things seem bleak to me, I know who He is. Ad I trust that all things will be made right in the end. I believe in restoration. And Oh!! how I look forward to that.

But until such a time, I seek to do what is right.

Peace.

[Guest Justme]

Hi Jennifer. Never give up on God...He never gives up on you. I'd like to share with you a bible verse. One that I have incorperated into my prayer life. It's from Psalms 143:8 "Cause me to hear Your lovingkindness in the morning, for in You do I trust. cause me to know the way in which i should walk, for I lift up my soul to You." Another verse in psalms, which I hold close is, Psalms 27:1 "The Lord is my light and my salvation, Whom shall I fear. The Lord is the strength of my life, of whom shall I be afraid." I hold close the part of the verse that says," the Lord is the strenght of my life." I know without my faith, I would not be strong enough to be me. So, never let go of God. He is the strength of your life.

Gennee, I'd like to think I "live my testimony". Not so sure lately. They say the truth of a person's character is how that person is during tough times. Sadly, I am kind of morose when things are tough. But I think I still do what needs to be done.

But I have never lost my faith in Him. Even when things seem bleak to me, I know who He is. Ad I trust that all things will be made right in the end. I believe in restoration. And Oh!! how I look forward to that.

But until such a time, I seek to do what is right.

Peace.