I Hate Labels But I Feel Like I Need One

[Guest aotearoa]

Kia Ora!

I have been cruising around this site, reading stuff, thinking, reading more stuff and one question keeps banging around in my brain... I know I am 'not female' even though biologically I am, I don't know if I would say I am 'totally male' either. So, what am I? I get that I can define that myself and that we are all different and there are lots of variables on the gender spectrum however that doesn't necessarily make it easier to explain to myself or anyone else. There are aspects of my personality that are more traditionally seen as female like empathy and caring and intuition and then there are aspects that are more traditionally male like strong logic, pragmatism and task orientation. I like all those aspects. My anxiety lies in other people's reaction to me, their unsureness of my gender. I can't handle being teased or comments about how I look, which is more male. I don't know why this is such an issue for me. Please help me shed some light on what is becoming a dark place. Ao

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Kia Ora

I am glad that you have asked this question. First, I want you to know that many many people ask this question. So do not feel alone on this issue.

Many of us present gender ambiguity. It is almost like we present the gender conflict that is within us.

I am sorry about the teasing. I will tell you this, as you get older and your peers mature, the teasing will stop.

When you get the chance, go to the Transgender FAQ page here at Laura's. There you will see questions posed that are similar to yours. Additionally, read this forum, you will see how many people have the same questions as yourself.

Be proud of who you are Present the way that you feel comfortable.

Love

Brenda

[Guest Jean Davis]

Hi honey

I see you want a label, well just so happens I have 2 for you.

Wanna hear them?

Well the first is "Human", anyone that doesn't treat you as such isn't worth your time.

The other is "Friend", your friends will always treat you well and those are the only people that should matter.

So please keep your focus on those that treat you well and you'll find that the rest after awhile just won't bother you as much.

How does that grab you for nifty labels. WOW I can't believe I used the word "nifty", now I feel old.

LUV

Jean

[Guest aotearoa]

Kia Ora

I am glad that you have asked this question. First, I want you to know that many many people ask this question. So do not feel alone on this issue.

Many of us present gender ambiguity. It is almost like we present the gender conflict that is within us.

I am sorry about the teasing. I will tell you this, as you get older and your peers mature, the teasing will stop.

When you get the chance, go to the Transgender FAQ page here at Laura's. There you will see questions posed that are similar to yours. Additionally, read this forum, you will see how many people have the same questions as yourself.

Be proud of who you are Present the way that you feel comfortable.

Love

Brenda

Kia Ora Brenda!

Thank you for your reply. The gender ambiguity stuff resonates with me. I think I definately present the gender conflct within and maybe that's what people react to. In the past I have taken on the persona of my job like being a truck driver or a person that loads aircraft. Those being male dominated arenas I felt quite comfortable there. Now I'm a stay at home parent/mum and I struggle to find a persona to put on that lines up with that. I think that is why the urgency of this gender stuff has come up. I am immensely proud of my daughter and mostly like who I am as a parent (I think I'm a bit soft on her though coz she seems to be able to flash a smile at me and wrap me round her finger!!!) I am very fortunate to be living with my brother and his wife and they accept me as I am, no major questions asked so this is a good place to work this stuff through. I've not talked to them about it but I feel pretty able to just be me here.

Im doing lots of reading around the site and have been able to eliminate some things that don't fit with me so that's a good start I reckon. Maybe by the process of elimination I will discover who I am.

Keep smiling coz it makes people wonder what you're up to! Have a great day!

Arohanui ki a koe (Big love to you!)

Ao

[Guest aotearoa]

Hi honey

I see you want a label, well just so happens I have 2 for you.

Wanna hear them?

Well the first is "Human", anyone that doesn't treat you as such isn't worth your time.

The other is "Friend", your friends will always treat you well and those are the only people that should matter.

So please keep your focus on those that treat you well and you'll find that the rest after awhile just won't bother you as much.

How does that grab you for nifty labels. WOW I can't believe I used the word "nifty", now I feel old.

LUV

Jean

Kia Ora Jean!

Thank you for your reply. I dig the labels! And I say things are neat! and my friends kids look at me like I'm an alien!

I'll keep cruising the site and things will become clear. I have faith in that.

Be well and happy!

Arohanui ki a koe! (Big love to you!)

Ao