Hey There. :)

[Guest Reflective]

Well hello there people, so where to begin...

Okay, first off, I'm a 19 year old MTF, or hoping to start on that path asap anyway. As it stands I don't really pass for a female no matter how hard I try to doll myself up so needless to say I'm no where close to living full time, although that's not to stop me from indulging myself at home!

Umm, as far as names go I keep going back and forth thinking of what my favorite female name is, and I don't feel comfortable with my birth name sooo... I'll just go with my screen name for now.

A bit more about my personal situation, uhm, well as far back as I can remember I always identified with females more so than males, however, I also grew up very, very sheltered being the firstborn child, so I was unaware of a LOT of things in life. On with the the story, I distinctly remember that until about the time I entered kindergarten I was far more interested in playing with my mother's old dolls than with any of the abundance of hotwheels I'd been given. Now, my parents never had any problems with this looking back, although I do recall the phrase "It's just a phase" being uttered by my mother several times.

Then, school time... My personality was very easily suggestible at that time, so needless to say the introduction to other younger males who told me that I wasn't supposed to be playing with dolls because I was a boy took a great toll. Over the years in elementary school I'd play with stuff the other guys were into, beetleborgs, transformers, now I'm aware those things aren't necessarily solely for males, but you get my point. Anyway, I knew what I wanted to be doing, which was namely what the girls were apparently "supposed" to be doing. Although, that was purely how I felt from an objective standpoint, but around the time I turned 13 things started happening that I didn't understand. I grew very envious of the way other females were developing and began to loath my own body, but again I couldn't understand where this anger was coming from, so as a result of my own ignorance I became very depressed and suicidal. Luckily of course, I never went through with it or even made an attempt. That phase of my life came to an end around the time I turned 15, which was when I experienced my first crush... on a guy(shocker right?), I ventured a little further with him and began experimenting with my sexuality. Needless to say for the first little while I felt somewhat okay with who I was, but then the first time I actually, well, I'll leave the details out, but anywayy.. I knew that something wasn't right. I definitely felt okay with the concept of being with another male, but for me personally, I couldn't imagine myself in the relationship as I was. All the while of course still being jealous of how girls were treated, looked at, thought of, looked, etc.

On to part two, when I entered my grad year I was about 17, and my first semester I had two spares in my schedule so I'd either start school at 11:45, or leave for home at 11:00. This extra time at home alone of course was when I first started to indulge my curiosities and make myself over as a female for that short while I had to myself. The main thing I can remember about doing such things was that it felt.. well to describe it in a word.. right. I'd always experimented with wearing lipstick or mascara or something.. but that was the first time I ever thought of myself as female. So I started to look into it, and well, the feelings just got stronger and stronger as time went on, until it got to a point where well.. I ended up repeating the state of depression I was in entering puberty, not to the same degree, but it still took it's toll. Landing me where I am now, typing this.

Of course, that makes my life sound entirely negative, when it's really not that bad, as far coming out goes, I've told my mother, and she's made a few purchases for me that I'm too shy to make and been nothing but supportive, so she's an absolute doll. As for my father and brother, my father would do what he could to support me, buttt... I've gotta get over my own stigma that is the image of the first born son I'm supposed to uphold. My brother well... he's still in high school, and well, having a sister who used to be your brother makes him as big a target as being the girl him(uhh... her, or him)self.

However that's just family, realistically I would lose my current job if I tried going full time now, and I don't have the financial means to start college and pursue becoming my desired gender so... yeah. :l

*breathes*

That's pretty much my situation, I came across Laura's a few months ago and finally got around to making an account now that I'm actually slowly starting to come out. Anyway the needlessly long life story aside, I'm looking forward to maybe getting to know other people who're either in or have gone through a situation similar to mine in these forums. For now though, yeah, that's all from me for now, so off I go to a job I despise with people that repulse me. Woo!

XOXOXO! <3

~Reflective~

[Guest Jean Davis]

Hi honey

Welcome to the family, so nice to see you have found us.

LUV

Jean

[Guest Donna Jean]

Hey, Reflective!

How you doin', Hon?

Let me just wheel out the cart here and I'll pour you some hot coco and I think that we have Sally's Double Chocolate Chip cookies tonight!

My, your post tells us a lot...thanks for that!

I'll bet that you'll like it here with us...you'll be surprised how many here have similar stories to yours!

We're a moderated site and we keep the meanies out of here!

Please be sure to read the forum rules at the top of almost every page....OK? (you only need to read them once....lol!)

So, sit over here and get all comfy....

It's so nice to have you!

Relax and enjoy!

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

[Guest Sephora]

Hey there, Reflective! I'm Sera. It's nice to meet a friendly face like yours. Your post was very interesting, thanks for going into so much detail. It's always nice to read about where people are coming from. I hope you enjoy it around here. Feel free to send a message my way if you ever feel like chatting.

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Welcome Reflective

You are now safe among us. After you have five posts your PM system will be enabled. Know that this site is moderated and therefore kept safe by people like me for everyone. The moderators, and the admins work very hard to ensure the safety of all the members here at Laura's. If you ever need to talk to someone. We are just a PM away to help.

Post hon

Welcome, Welcome to the friendliest place on earth.

Love

Brenda

[Guest viv]

Well hello there people, so where to begin...

Okay, first off, I'm a 19 year old MTF, or hoping to start on that path asap anyway. As it stands I don't really pass for a female no matter how hard I try to doll myself up so needless to say I'm no where close to living full time, although that's not to stop me from indulging myself at home!

Umm, as far as names go I keep going back and forth thinking of what my favorite female name is, and I don't feel comfortable with my birth name sooo... I'll just go with my screen name for now.

A bit more about my personal situation, uhm, well as far back as I can remember I always identified with females more so than males, however, I also grew up very, very sheltered being the firstborn child, so I was unaware of a LOT of things in life. On with the the story, I distinctly remember that until about the time I entered kindergarten I was far more interested in playing with my mother's old dolls than with any of the abundance of hotwheels I'd been given. Now, my parents never had any problems with this looking back, although I do recall the phrase "It's just a phase" being uttered by my mother several times.

Then, school time... My personality was very easily suggestible at that time, so needless to say the introduction to other younger males who told me that I wasn't supposed to be playing with dolls because I was a boy took a great toll. Over the years in elementary school I'd play with stuff the other guys were into, beetleborgs, transformers, now I'm aware those things aren't necessarily solely for males, but you get my point. Anyway, I knew what I wanted to be doing, which was namely what the girls were apparently "supposed" to be doing. Although, that was purely how I felt from an objective standpoint, but around the time I turned 13 things started happening that I didn't understand. I grew very envious of the way other females were developing and began to loath my own body, but again I couldn't understand where this anger was coming from, so as a result of my own ignorance I became very depressed and suicidal. Luckily of course, I never went through with it or even made an attempt. That phase of my life came to an end around the time I turned 15, which was when I experienced my first crush... on a guy(shocker right?), I ventured a little further with him and began experimenting with my sexuality. Needless to say for the first little while I felt somewhat okay with who I was, but then the first time I actually, well, I'll leave the details out, but anywayy.. I knew that something wasn't right. I definitely felt okay with the concept of being with another male, but for me personally, I couldn't imagine myself in the relationship as I was. All the while of course still being jealous of how girls were treated, looked at, thought of, looked, etc.

On to part two, when I entered my grad year I was about 17, and my first semester I had two spares in my schedule so I'd either start school at 11:45, or leave for home at 11:00. This extra time at home alone of course was when I first started to indulge my curiosities and make myself over as a female for that short while I had to myself. The main thing I can remember about doing such things was that it felt.. well to describe it in a word.. right. I'd always experimented with wearing lipstick or mascara or something.. but that was the first time I ever thought of myself as female. So I started to look into it, and well, the feelings just got stronger and stronger as time went on, until it got to a point where well.. I ended up repeating the state of depression I was in entering puberty, not to the same degree, but it still took it's toll. Landing me where I am now, typing this.

Of course, that makes my life sound entirely negative, when it's really not that bad, as far coming out goes, I've told my mother, and she's made a few purchases for me that I'm too shy to make and been nothing but supportive, so she's an absolute doll. As for my father and brother, my father would do what he could to support me, buttt... I've gotta get over my own stigma that is the image of the first born son I'm supposed to uphold. My brother well... he's still in high school, and well, having a sister who used to be your brother makes him as big a target as being the girl him(uhh... her, or him)self.

However that's just family, realistically I would lose my current job if I tried going full time now, and I don't have the financial means to start college and pursue becoming my desired gender so... yeah. :l

*breathes*

That's pretty much my situation, I came across Laura's a few months ago and finally got around to making an account now that I'm actually slowly starting to come out. Anyway the needlessly long life story aside, I'm looking forward to maybe getting to know other people who're either in or have gone through a situation similar to mine in these forums. For now though, yeah, that's all from me for now, so off I go to a job I despise with people that repulse me. Woo!

XOXOXO! <3

~Reflective~

Oh hi hun,

Nice to see you have joined us here in our Garden. With the help and advice you get here your journey will be so much easier. Hope you stay . Luv, viv

[Guest SusanKG]

Hello Reflective,

Welcome to the Playground. I see the cocoa and cookies have made the rounds. I see you have been around for a while, and checked out the nooks and crannies for information. That is just what you need to do. And remember, this is a journey of many steps, a lot of which are subtle - make a list and decide on the order of things, and on a schedule for doing them. Which, by the way, is not limited to GID issues. This is your human life, not just a possible gender transition. I'm glad you're here.

SusanKG

[Guest Reflective]

Hehe, awwe yay cookies, and chocolate ones, even better! *noms*

Yess I did go a little in depth with my story but hey, I like to talk/type, and when I started explaining my life it all just kinda flowed out, guess I predicted a friendly atmosphere. :x

Rawr, lol I always read the forum rules before posting anywhere, little habit of mine, so no worries there. :]

Finally, I think I will stay a while, looking around the site seems like fun, and the members seem really nice. Makes me all happy knowing people like you gals and guys exist. <3

Kisses! <3

~Reflective~

[Guest SusanKG]

Hi again, Reflective,

Don't worry about saying/posting too much. That is what the forum is for. I envy the ability to open up and talk it out, I have problems in that area.

(Followed by the sounds of many people choking on their cocoa, saying they thought Susan says way too much as it is!

SusanKG

[Guest qRachelp]

Welcome to one of THE BEST places that you could be for interacting with "like-minds who understand". And most of these ladies here have experience that you can definitely benefit from, I assure you.

Rachel

[Sally]

Hello Reflective,

I am glad to have you here and happy that you liked the cookies!

I also am very pleased that you have told us so much about yourself, some of us start out so shy that we almost never post, I said started out so don't listen to all of that laughter around the Playground - I sort of came out of my shell here in Laura's.

The friendships and feelings of caring and warmth from people who are really like yourself is second to none.

So relax and just be yourself, girl - welcome to the family.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Shane_82]

Welcome

~ Shane

[Guest van-na]

Hi Reflective,

<<hug>>

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.

The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.

Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.

One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules.

We have MTF meetings-Mon & Sat 9pm est, and Teens meetings -Sat 1pm est & Sunday 8pm est and you are welcome to attend.

We all look forward to seeing you.

vanna