Two Years Of Torture And One Step!

[Guest Jenny]

Well I have a little story to tell you all:

Today I had about two hours off from work to handle some administration.So I went home to look for a letter, it's more like a prescription, for custom sized

safety boots. I couldn't find it. So I called the physiotherapist to get a new letter, they told me it wasn't a problem. So I drove to the physiotherapist's

office with the intention of going to the place where I order the boots right away. I made sure I took my cell phone with me.

I got to the physio office and got the letter then I drove to where I have to order the boots. Lo and behold the guy I had to talk to wasn't there, this left me

with an hour left. I was sitting in my car in the parking lot, I looked at my cell phone with my heart beating in my throat. I felt like I was having a heart

attack, breathing almost uncontrollably. I thought the parking lot was too crowded so I put the cell phone away.

I drove around a bit to try and relax and decided on a parking lot that I knew was quiet. When I pulled in and parked, I felt the panic start to set in again

and the parking lot was busier than the first. What are the chances of that. So I decided to drive to another parking lot I knew would be quiet and to try and

relax a bit more. When I got there luckily it was empty.

I parked the car in the corner and turned it off. I pulled out my cell pone and I sat at the precipice thinking if this was it and weighing the pain of the

changes about to come or the pain I would coontinue to feel. I stared at that precipice for moments and tol myself that if I think one more second I won't do it

and to press the button. I repeated it three or four times to myself, press!

So I pressed "send"

All I heard after the ring tone is how can I be of service.

I said I needed a therapist, they said sure we'll book you one right away.

I said well it has to be a little more specific, it has to deal with gender issues.

She said, oh we can book you with a male therapist.

I was confused, then I realized, I said no I am having issues with me being a male.

She said no problem we have people to help you with that, give me your number and I will have the therapist call you to make an appointment.

So I finally did it. I am more scared then ever before but it's more manageable because I feel like a load is off of my shoulders and a wall came down. My

whole body is sore, especially my neck.

[Sally]

Congratulations Jenny!

I remember that feeling, I was terrified and I had already exchanged a number of E-mails with her before I ever had the never to call.

Now I have her as a best friend, I have been released from any required visits and can get my surgical letter if I ever get to a financial point to do that.

I even walk right up to the Pharmacy and pickup my hormones without even blinking - they are issued under my male name because it is my legal name and I present male in public due to work but that will change pretty soon if I can get a couple of other projects going.

So you can see some of the next steps for you.

When the time comes you will need to see other specialists and call other people for the first time, it does get easier, I promise.

So you have taken a big, scary step but you are already on the journey, you started two years ago when you accepted that you might not really be male, then you traveled to where you are now - a female who is starting the process of physical transition.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest viv]

Well I have a little story to tell you all:

Today I had about two hours off from work to handle some administration.So I went home to look for a letter, it's more like a prescription, for custom sized

safety boots. I couldn't find it. So I called the physiotherapist to get a new letter, they told me it wasn't a problem. So I drove to the physiotherapist's

office with the intention of going to the place where I order the boots right away. I made sure I took my cell phone with me.

I got to the physio office and got the letter then I drove to where I have to order the boots. Lo and behold the guy I had to talk to wasn't there, this left me

with an hour left. I was sitting in my car in the parking lot, I looked at my cell phone with my heart beating in my throat. I felt like I was having a heart

attack, breathing almost uncontrollably. I thought the parking lot was too crowded so I put the cell phone away.

I drove around a bit to try and relax and decided on a parking lot that I knew was quiet. When I pulled in and parked, I felt the panic start to set in again

and the parking lot was busier than the first. What are the chances of that. So I decided to drive to another parking lot I knew would be quiet and to try and

relax a bit more. When I got there luckily it was empty.

I parked the car in the corner and turned it off. I pulled out my cell pone and I sat at the precipice thinking if this was it and weighing the pain of the

changes about to come or the pain I would coontinue to feel. I stared at that precipice for moments and tol myself that if I think one more second I won't do it

and to press the button. I repeated it three or four times to myself, press!

So I pressed "send"

All I heard after the ring tone is how can I be of service.

I said I needed a therapist, they said sure we'll book you one right away.

I said well it has to be a little more specific, it has to deal with gender issues.

She said, oh we can book you with a male therapist.

I was confused, then I realized, I said no I am having issues with me being a male.

She said no problem we have people to help you with that, give me your number and I will have the therapist call you to make an appointment.

So I finally did it. I am more scared then ever before but it's more manageable because I feel like a load is off of my shoulders and a wall came down. My

whole body is sore, especially my neck.[/quote

Hi Jenny,

your in the same boat as the rest of hun, and you have every ounce of support we can give. Dont things always look impossibly difficult

just before we have to take an action . What you did took bravery, and you will get your rewards.Your gonna be fine. Luv, viv.

[Carolyn Marie]

Congratulations, Jenny! I know it was really hard, but you've broken through that mental

barrier and taken a huge step in the right direction.

That first therapy session will be another test of nerves, but once you get there, and get comfortable

talking with the G.T., you will see how great an experience it is. You'll wonder why you ever

hesitated.

I was super nervous too, and had to leave a voicemail message that first time that must have

sounded really awkward and scared. But when my G.T. called me back and we had a chance

to talk, and I said the words "I'm transgendered" for the first time, it was a such relief!

It will get easier from here on. You are walking a good path, Jenny. Go for it!

Carolyn Marie

[Guest Donna Jean]

Brave, Jenny....very brave...you did it and I'm proud of you!

But like my sisters said above me here....it does get easier....*whew*

So, now you've cracked that door just a little bit and you can peep through the crack....then you'll open it a little further...then more, until you can walk right through..

I know that you must of been a bundle of nerves, Honey....But, now you've taken that giant step....it's WAY better now, isn't it...?

We're here for you throughout your whole time, so, never be hesitant to come here and talk.....OK?

Good!

LOVE & HUGGS!

[Guest Jenny]

I have to wait for the therapist to call me back, then I guess I go for my first session.

I just came home to find out my wife is heading back to Regina for two and a half weeks, the good news. The bad news is she wants to take all the money to go do stuff while I sit at home.

I usually take these opportunities to break free for awhile. I did a series of purges awhile back. So I have no shoes now and all my clothes are summer clothes. I am also missing some makeup basics.

I was always afraid to go out before, now that I have called for a therapist, I feel I would have a shot at going out in public this time, if I had the clothes and shoes to do it with.

So kind of good news and kind of bad, or at least not so great news.

Where do you get your shoes from? I don't know of any place that carries size 12 shoes.

I don't even want anything fancy, just go out and be myself.

I hate roller coasters!

[Guest Donna Jean]

Honey...thrift stores!!

BINGO!

In Canada where you're at, do you have a Goodwill store or Salvation thrift shop...any thrift store at all...That is what you need to explore!

Now you have the oppertunity, time, conviction and all you need to do is get a few things.....

Let me know......OK?

LOVE

Donna Jean

[Carolyn Marie]

Where do you get your shoes from? I don't know of any place that carries size 12 shoes.

I don't even want anything fancy, just go out and be myself.

Try this site, Hon. http://zappos.com

There are others, I'm sure, but this site has over 10 pages of just pumps in size 12.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest qRachelp]

Well I have a little story to tell you all:

Today I had about two hours off from work to handle some administration.So I went home to look for a letter, it's more like a prescription, for custom sized

safety boots. I couldn't find it. So I called the physiotherapist to get a new letter, they told me it wasn't a problem. So I drove to the physiotherapist's

office with the intention of going to the place where I order the boots right away. I made sure I took my cell phone with me.

I got to the physio office and got the letter then I drove to where I have to order the boots. Lo and behold the guy I had to talk to wasn't there, this left me

with an hour left. I was sitting in my car in the parking lot, I looked at my cell phone with my heart beating in my throat. I felt like I was having a heart

attack, breathing almost uncontrollably. I thought the parking lot was too crowded so I put the cell phone away.

I drove around a bit to try and relax and decided on a parking lot that I knew was quiet. When I pulled in and parked, I felt the panic start to set in again

and the parking lot was busier than the first. What are the chances of that. So I decided to drive to another parking lot I knew would be quiet and to try and

relax a bit more. When I got there luckily it was empty.

I parked the car in the corner and turned it off. I pulled out my cell pone and I sat at the precipice thinking if this was it and weighing the pain of the

changes about to come or the pain I would coontinue to feel. I stared at that precipice for moments and tol myself that if I think one more second I won't do it

and to press the button. I repeated it three or four times to myself, press!

So I pressed "send"

All I heard after the ring tone is how can I be of service.

I said I needed a therapist, they said sure we'll book you one right away.

I said well it has to be a little more specific, it has to deal with gender issues.

She said, oh we can book you with a male therapist.

I was confused, then I realized, I said no I am having issues with me being a male.

She said no problem we have people to help you with that, give me your number and I will have the therapist call you to make an appointment.

So I finally did it. I am more scared then ever before but it's more manageable because I feel like a load is off of my shoulders and a wall came down. My

whole body is sore, especially my neck.

Jenny,

You're a brave woman, girl. Many of us never see the light, but you have opened your eyes.

Much Love And Hope,

Rachel