Technically Female But...

[Guest Lidian]

Ever since i was a kid i've got on way better with boys, preferring their chat, their games, their mannerisms etc.

As i got older i began to suspect i was lesbian, but school was unforgiving and i supressed that part of myself.

At college (UK so i was 16) i found a fantastic group of friends, some of whom were gay, some lesbian and i felt much happier about being myself. i've nevr formally 'come out' as ive never felt a need to the people around me accpet all my oddities so wholey it didn't matter. I've always been pretty tom boyish, and assumed that was all it would ever be, but with the group of friends i had the ability to completely embrace eveything i felt lead to some questionign on my half...

This was three years ago, over those years i've come to terms with my desire to be male.

But it isn't that straight forward.

Gender wise i AM female but i feel male, i want to dress male and i would give anything to get rid of my breasts.

But there is still a part of me that is ok being a girl. sometimes i want to wear skirts and do my hair and put on make up.

I'm not entirely happy with the idea of a prosthetic penis either, something about it just feels wrong...

I know that when i walk down the street i want people to think i'm a guy (i already cross dress with varying degress of success) I think perhaps rather than FMT i identify better as androgyne? if that even make sense...

and i dont unerstnad how i can feel so male, when i have such a girl figure.:S

sexuality wise I tell most people im bisexual but in truth i believe myself to be asexual. I have no interest in sex with anyone, i've had several partners male and female and both i get nervous and uncomfy in sexual situations, and i get no enjoyment whatsoever from it, my libido is pretty much non existant.

I am attracted to people however both sexes, transgender, androgyne it doesnt matter.

i cant work out if im questioning my gender because of my sexuality or vice versa.

Sometimes it seems like iget to a point where everything makes sense and its ok. but then i get this sudden strong feeling or wrongness and it just sets me off again...

this is the first time ive really tried to find out more information about FMT/surgery/living as a male etc...its all kinda overwhelming and scary XD it seems to bring up more questions than it answers and despite the huge dearth of knowlegde and difference here nothing seems to quite fit me!

to be honest..even if nothing usful comes of posting this just writing down is helping..^^:.

[Guest]

I'd work out the gender first and get treated for it. Then the sexuality issue will sort itself out. You're not alone and will find many that feel like you do here. It all starts with a good therapist.

Love and hugs

Laura