'just A Phase'

[Guest Lidian]

I'm getting sick and tired of hearing this...In regards to everything not just transgender..

When i told my mum i was bi sexual she told me it was a phase i'd grow out (unfortunatly reinforced by me dating a guy after i broke up with my then gf..)

When i started cosplaying and attending conventions she told me it was a phase.

When i started drawing...phase..

when i first started preferring boys clothes to girls...you see where this is going...

Now one of my colleagues is saying the same stuff..

Recently we had estates agents come round to value our house, the guy took one look at my room..a brief look at me and congratulated my mum on her sons tidy room, we both found it pretty amusing and i'm a little bit proud since i wasnt even trying XD

I tell K most things, esp things i've found amusing and the look on my mums face at first was hilarious XD and the first thing she says is 'oh your only young once you see your friends settling down you'll grow out of it and do the same'

Yeah my bad for telling her in the first place..but lets assume i wasnt transgender just a tom boy....why the hell would i grow out of that?!? and what the hell is the problem with it? why would i even need to grow out of it?

Why can no one trust me to know what im thinking and feeling? I'm not even a kid anymore! i'm nineteen! I think by now i can be trusted to know my own Gosh darned mind....

*sulks*

sorry for the rant

*returns to sulking*

[Carolyn Marie]

Lidian, I think its a natural way for people, parents especially, to remain in denial about things

they aren't comfortable with. A bit of wishful thinking if you will. If you are patient and just

wait it out, she will see that you're quite serious and won't be "growing out of it." It may take

a while though.

Frankly, Hon, your impatience and frustration is just part of a phase, and you'll grow out of it.

Carolyn Marie

[Guest ~Brenda~]

Hi Lidian,

Indeed, you are well old enough to know your own mind. Many people (even parents) form pre-conceived notions as to who you are early on in your life. So, your mother has seen you from day 1 of your life and formed some notions (without her realizing it) about what kind of person you are. When you express an identity that is counter opposed to that pre-conceived idea of how she sees you.. the knee jerk reaction will be "just a phase".

Try to ignore comments like that (even from your mother) and continue to express who you really are. In time, she will understand that it is not a phase.

If it makes you feel any better.. the typical response of family members of transgendered people is "oh, that's just a phase". They do not mean any harm. It is just their way of coping with something they do not understand.

Love

Brenda

[Guest AlexanderG]

the typical response of family members of transgendered people is "oh, that's just a phase". They do not mean any harm. It is just their way of coping with something they do not understand.

The Rock Chick pretty much summed up what I wanted to say.

& I think you have a good starting point, as apparently your mom too it well that the guy congratulated her with her son (compare with other moms outing you et cetera).

Ax

[Guest N. Jane]

"Just a phase" = parent talk for "ignore it and it will go away (we HOPE!)"

My "phase" was well in bloom by age 5 and is still going strong 55 years later! It's a NICE phase! I like it and it has served me well.

[Guest viv]

Hi Lidian,

You know what hun ?, if your mum lives to be 100 and lets say you are 80 and still kicking around ,,,,,you will still

be getting the same stuff. I know you have heard this thousands of times before and Im adding my tuppence worth now

buuuuuuut, she loves ya hun ,,,yep, loves you now and always will and thats why she has her opinion and I know , this

can sometimes be ""an itch"" but it comes with the territory, way it is. I bet though ,things will improve , hope so , luv,viv

[Paula ult]

Hi Lidian,

This is not quite the same but comes close, i am 57 years old and a woman i have known 15 years or more said if i found a good woman that i would forget this nonsense when i told her, it took her a couple months seeing my changes to realize i was not going to change back to that unhappy person i was before and we talk all the time now.

I have been in this phase 57 years i do not think i will out grow it.

Paula

[Guest Natalie92]

My mother found an old letter I got from a friend when I had come out as bi (I didn't know I had a sole attraction to boys back when this was written, nor did I realize that I was transgender) and said "It's ok, You'll get over this 'phase' soon." It sucks, I know.

Natalie

[Guest Adrian]

I've been called a Tomboy all too often, and it was never a label I was comfortable why.

I'm sure once I come out to my parents I will be quite forceful about who I and what I want. I'm stubborn like this; It's because once I make up my mind, it's a done deal.