Crying And Being A Girl, What A Challenge

[Guest yvonne]

Hello dear sisters,

I'm in full therapy mode now and comfortable with it, got my "letter", got my first appt with an endo within the month. All systems go and I'm happy as I can be. I'm on top of the world.

Wife says no to HRT. I immediately hit the bottom of the world and all these new emotions roll over me.

My first response was to go into a room by myself and cry, wail and sob uncontrollably for nearly an hour, a totally new experience for me. OK, I've cried before in the last few months, but nothing like this.

Hours and hours of talking with my wife to convince her that HRT wasn't about me wanting to look different, it was about fixing my brain. My brain has been clear and I've been able to concentrate for the first time in my life since I undertook the mental attitude that I'm a girl and I'm on the road to my journey step by step.

The idea that the train had just derailed was devastating and brought out a whole bunch of emotions I didn't want. The therapy has helped me realize the seriousness of my condition. If I don't get proper treatment, I'll probably die from this, as either the stress will kill me, taking stuff on my own will kill me or I'll just give up and end up living under a bridge somewhere and die from exposure. Really.

I had to convince her that I was out of strength to fight this any longer and simply couldn't continue to live this way.

I printed out the Standards of Care, 6th edition, by a panel of Medical professionals, which clearly outline many of the symptoms consistent with my condition. I showed her the letter and had to explain this wasn't a game, it was life threatening. I'd really been diagnosed by an experienced professional as GID and required treatment.

I couldn't have been lower mentally and I really took a hard emotional hit.

I suspect my new radical emotions (which I've never experienced to this extreme before) were due to my increasing feminizing as I converted my brain to it's rightful function.

The wife finally accepted the real seriousness of this and gave her OK.

I also had a momentary loss of my temper at work this week. It only lasted about 30 seconds, but it caught me off guard. Afterwards, I was embarrassed and apologetic. I've read of similar experiences by others here.

So, how long does it take to begin to get control of these new emotions? I realize my life will be much different emotionally and that's fine. I'm just seeing a little loss of control here that's new and wondering how long it takes to start to get used to it enough that I begin to get some measure of control.

By the way, the next day, I'm fine again as order is restored and the train is back on the tracks....

Your emotional sister,

Yvonne

:o

[Guest viv]

Hi Yvonne,

Your last sentence makes my reply easier hun. But first , glad ( and emotionally so) your wife is with you

and on your side , what a wonderful person she is. Yvonne , you have been on an emotional roller coaster for a

while now and it is to be expected you will cry/ jeeze hun, you are human too you know , loosing your temper ...

same thing / you have been two mile up and two mile down. We have a saying here hun, ""let the hair sit",what

that means is let things settle down themselves , everything will be fine (hope that makes sense Yvonne).You

have put so much of yourself into this , I just know you will reap your rewards. Please hun, if you can find the

time to meditate that will work wonders for you ,( pm me re same if you want ). You be good to yourself Yvonne

will you ??. Luv, viv

[Guest Donna Jean]

Yvonne......

I totally understand what happened from all angles...

My wife also shot down HRT originally...

But, HRT is an important part of the treatment...

My wife Googled every hormone horror story on the internet to show me...

I reciprocated with success stories which far outweigh the others..

I said that to not do HRT after you are declared Transsexual is like being diagnosed with any other medical condition and refusing the treatment...

There are a couple of girls here that were recently diagnosed with diabetes and thought that HRT was dead to them and they were devastated...It won't stop transition and now they are happy again!

I'm going into month 10 right now.

As far as the emotions...Well, what can I say? Hang on, Girlfriend!

Seriously, pre HRT when I first came out and accepted myself was when the waterworks turned on...my whole being changed before I ever took a single pill...

You unlock everything deep within you and it all comes out..

Sure, the hormones make the moods go all over and it's like throwing an accelerant on an already burning fire...

Also....the anti-androgen that you take in concert with Estrogen will kill the Testosterone and with it much of the anger goes ...

That doesn't mean that you won't get angry...just less of it!

Honey....I'm glad that you're back on track!

Love & Huggs!

Donna Jean

[Sally]

Let's see I'm on month four and Dee Jay is on month ten nd when we talk it is unusual to get through more than about ten minutes without one of us sobbing.

No we aren't mean to each other, we are just so empathetic that we tend to over react to each others problems.

You will never fully control them - men don't either but woman are allowed a bit more leeway by society.

So enjoy that feeling right after a good cry when it seems that all of the problems just washed away.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

OMG you gals are so right, I never know when the fountain will start or what will trigger it. Honestly it can be something as simple as a broken nail or misplacing an egg that I took out to cook for brekky. I know my wife gets a good laugh out of it some times but she isnt laughing at me she is lauging with me, and when she does one of those classic woman oppses i can look at her shake my head and smile. She knows im not being harsh, just understanding, the only bad point is when they trigger at work so far its been nothing I cant choke back till i get home.

I am in my 4th month on HRT and have been like this since my second month. I spent two weeks of the first one in perpetual PMS much to the chagrine of my wife.

[Guest Cait]

Never, from what I've seen. I have a bad habit of crying when alone at different places. Once the music at the Mall made me cry.

I'm sure in time you can control emotions if you know they are coming. I don't have alot of repressed emotions though, but i have

been fired and banned alot this year.

try for a happy medium,

Katie

[Guest N. Jane]

So, how long does it take to begin to get control of these new emotions?

I'll let you know - I am 60 and I am not there yet! I think it just comes with the territory.

[Guest angie]

Babygirl,

Wait until you are writting a post and the tears just start flowing,

you will find yourself laughing at being such a girl.(smile)

Hugs Ms Yvonne

Your girlfriend,

Miss Angie

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Babygirl,

Wait until you are writting a post and the tears just start flowing,

you will find yourself laughing at being such a girl.(smile)

Hugs Ms Yvonne

Your girlfriend,

Miss Angie

Or you come across an old thread of yours and cant read the messages for tears

[Guest Donna Jean]

Yvonne....

I love to be able to let it all loose, but....

With having to work while still in the male mode, the crying can come at the most inopportune times! I'll be so glad when I'm full time and can just cut loose anytime..

Luckily the restroom is right around the corner from my office and many times I have to lock myself in there to cry...

News stories, letters on Laura's, even music make me cry (which ain't good 'cause I'm a musician!)

My wife, too, gets a laugh out of my crying over the dumbest things..

Oh well, what you gonna do?

snif'....snif'...

Donna Jean

[Guest julia_d]

Controlling emotions?.. well they are new experiences now you have accepted and started being honest. It takes a while, because what you are going through is an emotional experience. 12 years in and I still get upset (personal reasons I won't go into)

Now about the things that are making you so down.. "wife says no hrt" .. tough!.. sorry.. I'm brutally honest. What do YOU want to do? .. doing what other people want only leads to more denial, and in 2 or 5 or 10 years you can take it from me.. you will be however many years older with more mental scars and more self hate and very likely a serious mental health problem to boot, and still needing to transition.. It doesn't go away, it just gets worse. (I know the older transitioners here can readily tell horror stories of denial and self loathing because of holding on and on and on for family and others)

Sometimes we have to bite the bullet.. transitioning really isn't a choice is it? .. what do you feel? I always put myself first in these things. If other people "don't like it" or "don't agree" well they can either stfu , put up and shut up, or ship out.. because as a musician I have very long middle fingers. Often it's easier to walk.. seriously.. Sometimes we lose everything we think we value, but in the process we find who we really are and gain real insights into ourselves and the way this nasty petty small minded world works. Attachments are things which can be a cause of great suffering. If they cause pain they need to go. XD

If a family member or SO can't handle it to the point of trying to stop you then it's time to take a long cold look at the situation re: the relationship you don't have.. and take appropriate steps.