Ftm (coming Out/passing)

[Guest Silver]

I am an ftm, closeted. I am afraid to come out to my family, even though it is a very open, accepting family, and my parents have assured my sister and I that they would accept anything we do, so long as we don't hurt anyone. Somehow I'm still scared, and I almost feel selfish for it because so many people do not have equaly accepting families.

Also, not matter how hard I try, I don't seem to pass. If anyone can help with either problem, please help! Thanks!

[Guest Rika-chama]

Coming out is hard even if you do have an accepting family. Don't feel selfish about being scared. You are blessed with loving parents but it can still be hard to tell them something this big. As for the passing thing can't help you there I'm not passing currently so I have no ideas. I suggest you just tell your parents and get it over with. Once you do it feels like a huge weight has just been taken off your chest

Ni-paa~

[MaryEllen]

Hello Refugee,

Welcome to Laura's Playground forums. You shouldn't feel selfish because other people have it harder than you. Many of our young people have unaccepting parents but I'm sure they would never begrudge you for having accepting parents. If your parents are as accepting as you say they are, you shouldn't have any problems. I can well understand your fears, though. It's something most of us have had to face at one time or another. As far as passing, try getting a shorter haircut and gradually add some male clothing to your wardrobe. That would be a good start. Good luck.

MaryEllen

[Guest Michelle M]

It might depend on how old you are. The older you are, the complete lack of a beard/shadow is more unbelievable. It might also be your voice or your mannerisms. See if talking in a monotone/boring voice helps.

[Guest Victor]

Hey

about parents, my parents aren't accepting and wont support me for even 1 % but I am happy when i hear that other ppls parents accept them becuse mine don't accept me.

passing as mary-ellen said try a shorter haircut, that helped me alot right now i got like no hair at all, and i suggest u get yourself a binder (if u need one) and when u walk around outside walk with confidence not like u are trying to hide yourself.

[Guest silverpetals]

hi refugee (sorry if you have a different name!) *waves*

coming out is difficult for almost everybody, even if the outcome will probably be okay. please don't feel selfish about it, it will just make you feel worse and sap away the confidence that you'll need to tell your family.

anyway, hopefully as you stay longer on the forums we can help you with the confidence and other issues and stuff, and telling them won't seem that hard . having a (likely) supportive family is one of the best things that you can have through transition, so carpe diem and know that although coming out might be hard, the consequences will be awesome

ummm, passing...usually, a crew cut (short back and sides) is the most masculine haircut you can have, although that 90s boy band hair style is pretty good too, i think . binding is a good idea too, and wearing loose/bulky clothes usually helps. i'm not sure about voice thing for transmen, but i know that it gets better with practice. and T

anyways, like victor said the most important aspect of passing is showing confidence in the gender you're presenting to the world. if you don't look like you believe you're a guy, other people won't either

take care

xx

[Guest Silver]

Thanks everyone! Your advice was so helpful. I think I'm going to like this site!

[Guest Just_Call_Me_Nick]

If I am walking down the street I usually do not pass...however I am not sure if its all the clothes and hair that can make this happen. For me its the attitude...once you are comfortable within your skin...and you accept it...others see it as well.

I noticed that the people I meet face to face and talk with usually thinks I am a man...but if I just wear my clothes and cut my hair short and I am walking by I get the typical "Butch" comment.

I think to me my own thoughts and experience that its how you feel inside that matters...everything else will follow.

Nick~

[Guest JAB]

Hey there..As the others have said coming out is really hard no matter what the circumstances..Dont rush yourself...Arm yourself with information and be prepared to show them in case they are not able to understand right off the bat.. It may take some time for then to understand accept and respect your identity but it sounds like they will be pretty supportive in the long run.

As far as the passing goes... relax a bit it will come... The hormoens will help with the deeper details of masculinity.. For now just let yourself be who you are and how you are.. I know its really hard not focus every other thought on perfecting the art and look of masculinity in the begging but try not to stress yourself too much.

Keep in mind the people around us often see us the way we see ourself.. So if you are confident with your male identity and other people see that it will be much easier for them to believe it, accept it and treat you accordingly.

Fake it till you make it on days youre struggling.. God knows I had to many many days.... You will be alright.. great things ahead in life... embrace your self and the experience as much as possible... Soak up all the useful and supportive information you can and ignore the rest of opinions and statements ... move foward with your head high and know you can and will prevail in the end..

best of Luck

[Guest Jeanie]

I dont get the feeling I'm out, but I'm really open, so if someone asked "Are you Transgender?" or Androgyne instead. I would say yes. I'm proud In a sence. Also, I'm open so theres isn't really anything I can keep in. Mhmmm, I just say, Come out atleast to your parents, they might already have suspicions? And if they ain't giving greif about that, then they should be fine really. I don't know about passing, I do get the odd "freak" or "are you a girl or boy" look, But I think I pass as androgyne in an emo scene sence. I dress in black and Pink, as far as the envioroment is concerned, (the stereotypical part of it) Pink on boys is gay. However, I'm bi-sexual, So maybe it is related to that? I don't know, I also have navel piercings, that is considered as "gay" People except it, but they don't think its straight.

I'm not fussed what they think anyway, I am who I am, Its me, Simple two letters "M.E" They ain't going to change that. If I'm not me, then why am I calling myself Jeanie, Should be calling myself someone else as far as I am concerned.

Get it over and done with, come out, you will know if its a mistake or not. Afterall, everyone makes mistakes and it dosen't nessecery screw there life up.