*waves* Hey. *hides*

[Guest JeanVier]

Greetings, everyone. I have been lurking for a few weeks, and I decided to join today. (Thanks to Laura for approving my membership so quickly). So, here I am.

I am a rather introverted sort, so introductions are a bit hard. I do best when I have questions to answer, or join a discussion already in progress!

I am a college student in the northeastern U.S., studying Psychology and Creative Writing, looking to move into autoethnography, narrative therapy, or some combination of counseling and writing. I was lucky enough to find myself at a college with an incredible Psyc department, and an incredible mentor who facilitated my exploration of gender; now in my third course with him, I just declared my thesis-- an exploration of alternative and trans-masculinities, the construction and performance...

And, a few months ago, I just realised how close that topic comes to home.

Yet, how do I identify? I do not know... and I am very aware, perhaps too aware, of my current inability to place myself within a [spectrum / grid / matrix / cluster / helix]. I know that I was born female-bodied but that such a form does not fit; that I am in a state of metamorphosis, of renewal and regeneration-- I am in the cocoon, and, I know not if I will emerge a moth, a butterfly, or a lightning bug. I am in this cocoon, distracting myself with daydreams and nightdreams and ultra-abstract theories, I distance, I distract...

Even so, there is a quotient of fear. Fear of what I might discover within myself, fear of what I might discover in family, in workplace, in the world. I proceed tentatively, haltingly, with more questions than answers, with what I am not saying just as important as what I am saying. The space between these paragraphs, the transitional zone where more could be said, but left unsaid, or said differently.

It is so funny when boundaries collapse, shift, disappear. One can be firmly planted on one side of things, with an identity held as faith in gravity, inertia, or the tides. "I know not what I am, but I know that I am X." I am left-handed, 5'10", 20-something years old. What if one was to wake up three feet shorter, ten years older, a beetle in one's own human bed? What words are left, what meaning-making devices, when the self-story one has so carefully constructed changes plot, character, trajectory?

I wonder if I am making sense. I seem to wonder that quite often of late. So, I find myself here, and I find myself moving into speech, and I do not know what will happen, but that I feel this community is welcoming, supportive, and accepting-- something I need right now, and something I can give back to. Thanks.

-JeanVier

[Carolyn Marie]

Hi, JeanVier, and welcome to Laura's!

Please have a comfy seat in the Member's Lounge and I'll get you a nice cup of hot cocoa and some of Sally's home baked cookies.

How's that?

It's great that you found us, honey. You'll find that this place is full of great information and wonderful, supportive people from all over the

planet. Its a fantastic place to make friends and learn.

I always tell our new members not to worry too much about where you fall on the gender spectrum, or what to call yourself. We are less interested

in categories and labels than we are in ensuring that you're happy in your own skin and you get all the information you need to make wise decisions.

The best person to help answer the question of who you are is a good gender therapist. They can be invaluable in finding that inner peace and

understanding you are looking for.

In the meantime, use the resources here to help you understand. There are forums for almost everything, including androgyne, MtF and FtM and

everything in between.

Please do post your questions and comments, and don't be shy. You're among friends!

Carolyn Marie

[gennee]

Hi JeanVier and welcome. Like Carolyn says, don't worry about where you fit in. You'll discover that in due time.

Gennee

[Guest Pól]

Welcome to the playground, JeanVier!

[Guest Kayliegh]

Hi , JeanVier -

And welcome to Laura's!

Glad to meet you! - Kayleigh

[Guest ricka]

Welcome JeanVier!!! I loved your Kafka-esque intro!!! lsn't it a hoot to have been born outside the box and having never learned to think inside the box, then struggle to find some kind of box in which to think.

That said I bet you would be at home with the rich tapestry of Jung. Some of us never knew that those creatures we counted as family pets were supposed to be monsters!

Ricka

[Guest van-na]

Hi JeanVier,

<<hug>>

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.

The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.

Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.

One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules.

We all look forward to seeing you.

vanna

[Guest SusanKG]

Hi JeanVier,

Welcome to the Playground. It's always nice to hear of another introvert here, and I share the traits you mentioned of needing prompting rather than jumping in with something, and I probably ride the backs of other posters to the point of a lather sometimes. I'm sure you will get many questions answered here, and it seems like you may be perfectly capable of answering them as well. Enjoy your stay, the cocoa's real good!

SusanKG

[Guest JeanVier]

*smile*

Thanks for the welcome, everyone!

I decided to join Laura's because, like Carolyn Marie said, this is such an accepting place. The energy is so positive, and everyone seems so helpful. Thank you.

Ricka-- So true! I find myself reading a lot of Jung lately, and I have found strength from this quote:

“Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual’s conscious life, the blacker and denser it is. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. The latter procedure, however, is disagreeable and therefore not popular.” -Jung

Thanks for the cocoa and cookies! Might I offer a plate of my scrumptious homemade vegan raisin-date-fig oatmeal walnut cookies?

-JV

[Guest Donna Jean]

COOKIES!

HECK YEAH!

Hello, Jean (nice name)!

I'll have a couple of those...I'm usually dispensing cookies, but, these are great!

Hi ya, I'm Donna Jean and welcome to the Playground!

I see that Carolyn has gotten you comfy, so just let me say that we are a moderated forum..we read each and every post before it goes up....that keeps it safe for everyone!

And if you haven't yet, please have a look at the forum rules ...there is a link at the top of most pages.....OK?

SUPER!

Now....kick off your shoes and make yourself at home!

Glad to have ya!

HUGGS!

Donna Jean

[Guest JeanVier]

*gives Donna Jean all cookies and scampers off to make more*

Thanks for the welcome! I am very glad the community is moderated (which does not mean censored!), as it makes me feel safer... And I have read the rules, so I should (and will) behave!

*takes off shoes and pads around in socks*

-JV

[Sally]

Hey JV,

I missed your intro until now I saw Donna Jean running off with all of your cookies, that is one kind I have never tried to bake - it sounds delicious, I'm going to go chase down Dee jay and try one.

Glad to have you here and know that you do belong, everyone does.

Welcome to the family.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest HaidyBearxx]

Hello!

Im new too. :3

I would love to chat! <3

Im really hyper this morning lol

Have fun here! Cuz i am.