My Hearts Breaks A Little

[Guest NatashaJade]

I'm a transsexual and it has taken me a very long time to come to terms with it. But I have and I am moving forward with my life no longer in denial or suffering from the angst of the internal conflict. It has been a long time coming.

That being said, I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It's a hard thing, this. I think I would rather be happy in my skin than anything. But I learned a long time ago that wishes are an incredibly inefficient way to make things happen, so I stopped making them.

Have to write this without crying...my 4 1/2 year old son announced yesterday that he wanted to be a girl. My wife and I are of the opinion that he is most likely jealous of the attention that his little sister gets and that she gets to wear things that he cannot and gets toys that he doesn't. But he was very specific yesterday about his dissatisfaction with his penis. He said he wanted to pee sitting down, for the pee to come out of his butt.

I hope that it is just the jealousy of his sister prompting this. But I also know that GID shows up around his age and I have no idea how to read any of this and I am an awful male role model because I present to him half of the time as female and I can't help but to blame myself in some way even though I know I'm not to blame (much like my wife blames herself for a birth defect she passed on to both of our kids which was not her fault).

He seems like a happy weird little boy and acts like a little boy, doing boy things easily. But he's also a weird little boy the way I was a weird little boy, so who am I to say what he is or how he should be. I know that should he be "just like Dad" that at the very least, he'll have a much easier time coming out...

I'm very depressed about this which is exacerbated by the estrogen...I'm just crying a lot.

Thanks for reading...

Gin

[Guest Kayliegh]

Wow, Gin, Welcome to the “club”!

My now 12 year old has been wanting to be a girl since he was 4 or 5 and only recently really expressed her/his feelings. He is now seeing a therapist who has 40 years in the TG field and Dr. L seems to think that it is a genetic anomaly.

I mirror my son/daughter in quite a few ways and it has been an emotional yet enlightening experience.

Don’t let it get you down – we are all who we are and no one can change that. If I was the cause of my son/daughter’s being TG, it was what God meant it to be.

Hang in there, GF! – Hugs! - Kayleigh

[Guest ChloëC]

Hi Gin,

I'm looking right now at three pictures I have, my father, my son, and his son, all around the same age (5), and except for the age of the paper they're on, most casual people who sort of know one or the other would have (and actually have had) trouble telling which one was which. I look at my daughters and see some traits (of mine) in them that I'm proud of and some I'm not so proud of. I knew my father-in-law for 25 years before dementia started setting in and the similarity of certain traits between him and my wife is so obvious.

My father died (accidently) when I was 4, his father died about 10 years before that, so I really knew neither of them, but I've been researching my family history for some time, and I keep uncovering little things that just amaze me about the two of them, and how I see myself. (and these things do give very slight and not proveable at all, but something to think about, hints that maybe I'm not that unique in my family).

I believe that we all are products of both nature and nuture - heredity and environment - and it wouldn't surprise me in the least that some form or parts of tg can be inherited. I mean we get the genes from our parents and their parents and so on, and I guess the current thinking (remember, it's mostly thinking!!!) is that sometime during the 9 months, something little slipped up. But I don't think any of that is proven at all, and it could just as well be certain combinations coming together. And possibly more readily if certain genes are dominant or easily transmitted to the next generation.

Prior to this current age, for most of history, I suspect that some kind of tg was always present, but either one died young without following through, or just lived with it, trying as best as possible to adapt. Now, we have so much more freedom to follow through, so many more are doing it, and becoming very public. All, for the most part, a good thing.

Yet, I agree, it's still very difficult for us to figure out where we fit in, what we should do, how do we deal with it and with others, and then we have kids and I don't know about you, but I was always afraid I had the distinct possibility of screwing them up (just look at the job my parents did!!!). And really, there is absolutely no guide on how to raise children, only lots and lots of suggestions. When I thought I had a certain way figured out due to mistakes made and lessons learned with one child, the next would just jump ahead and I'd have to start all over again.

I can't tell you about your child, only time will tell. Just give him lots of love. One thing I did learn with all three of mine. I gave them all the same love. Not the same things, because they were totally different and needed different things, but the same love, the same caring, and the same expectations of showing respect for others and their things, and responsiblity for their own lives. And maybe I haven't totally messed them up, because they're all reasonably happy, and at least moderately successful, they have friends, and they're thinking about their futures and acting on it. Or maybe I was just lucky. (as I say to people who look at them and compliment me - just don't look at the whip marks on their backs...that's a joke, because I (and their mother) used corporal punishment (physical) very, very, very, very little and even then with tears in our eyes and tons of misgivings, and vows that took hold quickly of never to do it again.)

But that's just me. I hope the best for you, your spouse, and your children. Life is difficult enough and it takes strong people to overcome all the obstacles. But love goes a long way in helping.

Hugs,

Chloë

[Guest Anna_Banana]

I'm a transsexual and it has taken me a very long time to come to terms with it. But I have and I am moving forward with my life no longer in denial or suffering from the angst of the internal conflict. It has been a long time coming.

That being said, I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It's a hard thing, this. I think I would rather be happy in my skin than anything. But I learned a long time ago that wishes are an incredibly inefficient way to make things happen, so I stopped making them.

Have to write this without crying...my 4 1/2 year old son announced yesterday that he wanted to be a girl. My wife and I are of the opinion that he is most likely jealous of the attention that his little sister gets and that she gets to wear things that he cannot and gets toys that he doesn't. But he was very specific yesterday about his dissatisfaction with his penis. He said he wanted to pee sitting down, for the pee to come out of his butt.

I hope that it is just the jealousy of his sister prompting this. But I also know that GID shows up around his age and I have no idea how to read any of this and I am an awful male role model because I present to him half of the time as female and I can't help but to blame myself in some way even though I know I'm not to blame (much like my wife blames herself for a birth defect she passed on to both of our kids which was not her fault).

He seems like a happy weird little boy and acts like a little boy, doing boy things easily. But he's also a weird little boy the way I was a weird little boy, so who am I to say what he is or how he should be. I know that should he be "just like Dad" that at the very least, he'll have a much easier time coming out...

I'm very depressed about this which is exacerbated by the estrogen...I'm just crying a lot.

Thanks for reading...

Gin

I am truthfully confused as to why this is depressing to you. Your son won't have to experience the same problems you did because you are in control. This means he has the possibility of transitioning pretty easily if he really wants to. You should be glad that your child has you and not someone else who would make this process difficult.

Again, very confused.

.Anna

[Guest ricka]

Gin-- I guess I am looking at this very differently. How lucky your son is to have a parent to be a role model and be there for him through whatever path his little life takes. And if he indeed develops in the manner in which it appears he might be heading then what a special relationship the two of you will have.

My best friend recently told me her very precocious 3 year old grandaughter "Miss Margaret", and her only grandaughter and light of her life has announced she is a boy and her name is "Jack." Grandma is totally cool with Jack and totally cool with doing boy stuff together now. They are reading "Free to Be Me" together.

What a joy that these little ones have a shot at growing up being okay with who they are!!

Ricka

[Guest NatashaJade]

I am truthfully confused as to why this is depressing to you. Your son won't have to experience the same problems you did because you are in control. This means he has the possibility of transitioning pretty easily if he really wants to. You should be glad that your child has you and not someone else who would make this process difficult.

Again, very confused.

.Anna

Anna,

I totally see the bright side of this should he be TG. I am certainly one of the most understanding of parents that he could have and he will never feel the kind of pain and shame that I have (at least from family). That being said, I'm just sad for him that he might have to go through any of it. I'd rather he jut be a happy weird little boy because life is hard enough without this. This is a tough road we're on.

Gin

[Guest NatashaJade]

What a joy that these little ones have a shot at growing up being okay with who they are!!

Ricka

Ricka,

I do see it from both sides. I do. I know that if this is the path he is on, it will be much easier for him because he has me and his mother as very understanding and supportive parents. I would just rather he had some other issue that didn't require name changing...