A Brief Introduction

[Guest Jody]

Hello everybody. I think it's about time I acted on this overwhelming and significant part of myself and my life. So, I found this place and registered in the forums in the hope of finding a place where I could belong and find support and advice. My story is long and confusing and in a way I want to blurt everything out right now all at once, but I feel it will be better to just take it one step at a time. I registered as 'Androgyne' but I really think it would be true to say MTF. I do believe that I am a woman, though it's not that I feel female - nor do I feel male, but sometimes I do feel very feminine and (fearfully sometimes) embrace it. It feels so nice and right and all the bad feelings and anxiety seem to be outed by it and I become so calm and peaceful. I sometimes look very feminine as well, especially at the times of the feeling. Which I also like. I believe that I simply 'am' a woman, regardless of any feeling or look. I also went through a very hard time pshycologically where the recurring theme was that I was a woman. My mum said to me not so long ago "when you were ill you never lied to any one (as a comparison to someone else), you just thought you were a girl...". So she is of the belief that I would be deluded if I ever thought I was a girl/woman. I do excuse her since she is very loving and nice and wholesome. She is just old fashioned and not very experienced in this area.

I was diagnosed with Gender Dysphoria about 2 years ago. As with many others I lived in my mothers and sisters closet from around 4 years old. Though I don't now.... I am 31 and have found the blessing that is Ebay lol.

I do not dare to dress in public - I don't have a need to at this time, plus where I live it has got to be one of the worst places in the world to not be the 'same'. One time I saw a lady in my local supermarket where it seemed like the hundreds of shoppers there joined in one mind of hatred, mocking and disgust. She was a very brave woman whos courage I both lack and envy. Though I feel that I am comfortably moving to a place within myself where I don't care what other people think. I've come to realise that some people will just hate you whatever you do, since that is what they are - haters.

I'm mixed race - half West Indian and half white. This is also a problem in the town that I live (it may actually be the least culturally diverse place on this earth). So I already have enough problems with people on this front, plus I have mental health problems which has made me an easy target in the past, so to 'come out' publicly for me at this time is a no no, as I am still trying to stand back up from a big knock. I also will grab at a good opportunity to move from my current town. It is one of those places that slowly but surely sucks all the life from you. Lots of very small minded people. Ok, that's the bitter out

I came out to my ex-girlfriend, who so kindly told her brother within minutes of me telling her, who was in the company of lots of our friends. One of these 'friends' started asking some very personal questions (which I completely regret answering), who found it his place to share with any one he chose - such was his level of respect for me - one of these people was his mother who is a gossip at the local store.... That explained the strange looks I started to get. So as small as this town is, I wouldn't be surprised if nearly everyone knew. But I know people don't say to you what they really think, instead they will laugh and mock at your expense behind your back. WOW! I really do sound angry!! I guess the truth of the matter is that I am. In fact enraged. I have a near 0% trust in people as most of those I have encountered have hurt me or rejected me in some way. I think one of the most important things I trust I will find here is the opposite of what I have encountered most of my life. Acceptance, and a place where I can be free to be (the binary ) me and where I can truly belong and meet others like me.

Anyway... As I said, I am 31, and I live in England. This is a problem as I have been diagnosed with S.A.D, so I plan (hope) to move to a hot sunny country. One thing I would like to do in this fantastical county is start a music career of sorts. I am mad crazy about music and (humbly) feel that I am gifted in this way. But it is not my aim to find fame or fortune. Nope, I just want to give back some of the beauty, pleasure, comfort and understanding (amongst many things) that I have received from this wonderful.... blessing. At this time it is - if you compare it to the life of a person - it is in the stage of conception (though the 9 month rule doesn't apply to this metaphor lol), with many ideas forming and some have joined to make a simple...body part... or something.... couldn't quite keep that one together Plus I have too many distractions at the moment to keep the creative juices flowing.

So that's me in brief. Don't really know what else to say at this stage, so I'll wrap it up.

And thank you for having me.

Jody

[Sally]

Dear Jody,

Thank you for the good introduction, it is so nice to feel that you know the person you are welcoming a little bit, we'll learn more about each other and ourselves in time.

Get all comfy and I will bring you some fresh baked cookies and hot cocoa, hold the mug in both hands and feel the warmth.

That isn't just the cocoa it is the love and acceptance from all of those here like you and yet all so different pulled here for support and finding a home and a place to help others as well - that is where the warmth is coming from.

The rest of the members will be along through out the day to greet you but I would just like to say frome me and all of the members, welcomr to the family.

Love ya,

Sally

[Guest Donna Jean]

Good morning, Jody!

Nice to have you here..

Well, I can see that you are a lot like most of us here...confused, conflicted, driven....yeah, those are the things that give us a commonality...

So, we band together and help and support each other!

I see that Sally has made you comfy...so just relax and enjoy yourself....OK?

Good!

Huggs!

Donna Jean

[Carolyn Marie]

Hi, Jody, and welcome to Laura's.

You have much in common with many of us, so you will find kindred spirits here. You will also

find many fellow Brits as well.

I wish you the best, and hope that this site will benefit you. I know you will make friends and find

this a supportive place to be.

HUGS

Carolyn Marie

[Guest van-na]

Hi Jody,

<<hug>>

Welcome to Laura's Playground.

Please feel free to come over and chat sometime.

The Chat room does require another registration that is separate from from your forums one.

Please read the chat room rules before coming in, and expect a short interview with one of the chat room moderators.

One of the things that they will ask you is if you read the rules.

We have Andro meetings -Wed 7pm est and you are welcome to attend.

We all look forward to seeing you.

vanna

[Guest Jody]

Hey, thank you all for your warm welcome. I'm looking forward to what may come and maybe meeting you all in that truer sense. And sally, you've got me right with the cookies lol, but I'll swap the cocoa for a coffee - not the instant rubbish though!! Yep, "hi, my name's Jody and I'm a coffeeholic".

As for the 'chat' room - is it live chat? I ask because I'm a bit shy in that way and it is something that I that I tend to 'shy' away from. Though I can be outspoken, brash and opinionated in black and white XD But seriously on that note, I can go too far sometimes, but if I do, I mean no harm. I can just get carried away. I'm also part of a gaming community where combat doesn't just exist in-game, so I may have picked up some bad habits!! I apologise in advance I have read the forum rules and will try my damnedest to adhere to them.