He's Still The Same Person, But Different

[Guest New2AllOfThis]

It happened just before xmas - my boyfriend of two years told me he's really a woman inside, and he wants to be one on the outside, too. He's never told anyone except me.

I'm a female, and I thought I was straight. Does this make me a lesbian? I guess it doesn't really matter, because I am in love with (and sexually attracted to) him, and no one else, whatever is decided. I didn't fall in love with a boy thing, I fell in love with my best friend, and a sex change won't change that.

I've been very accepting. So much so that I'm worried maybe I don't understand it all quite yet. There's so much to consider - money, the kids I hoped we'd have, family, religion. It doesn't feel like those things should matter, but they do. Especially the having kids thing. I guess I'm here to learn more and understand what this means for both of us. If anyone has good books, movies, or websites I can gather more information from, I'd be very appreciative. I've chatted with some of you a bit, and it's great to know that there are other people I can talk to until my partner and I decide to tell people we know in person.

I guess that's it for now. My boyfriend recommended this site to me. I assume he's already a member, and maybe some of you know him and his story. I don't know what his user name is.

Hope to talk to you again soon!

[Guest Rika-chama]

It's wonderful that you are supportive of your boyfriend er...girlfriend? And no I do not think this makes you a lesbian. You like her for her and her sex won't change that. You can still be straight and just happen to be in love with a female.

As for kids there's always adoption. It's not the same as having your own but you can give a child in need a great home to grow up in. As for family don't worry about them. You love her and you know that nothing can change that.

So glad you found this site. I hope we can be of some help

Ni-paa~

[MaryEllen]

Hi New,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. Have you considered having some sperm stored in a sperm bank for a possible future pregnancy?? Whatever questions you have, don't be afraid to ask.

MaryEllen

[Guest New2AllOfThis]

Hi New,

Welcome to Laura's Playground. Have you considered having some sperm stored in a sperm bank for a possible future pregnancy?? Whatever questions you have, don't be afraid to ask.

MaryEllen

Thanks, MaryEllen.

Yes, we've talked about that option. Since we're both young, artificial insemination or in vitro fertilization would probably be pretty effective using stored sperm. But it can get pretty expensive, I'm sure. There's usually a yearly fee to store sperm, and we're not sure how long we will wait until having children. Plus it may take more than one try for successful conception, each requiring a (costly) visit to the doctor's office. I don't know if health insurance will cover it, considering it won't cover SRS or FFS. If we did nothing about my partnet's desire to transition, we'd eliminate all these costs, and conceive naturally, and the insurance companies would probably use that to argue that it shouldnt' be covered.

Being so young, it's hard to imagine all these new expenses coming up before I even get a real job (I'm still in college!) But I'm sure it will be worth it to know my partner is happy.

Does anyone know anything about this sort of thing from experience? Costs, effectiveness, personal attitudes, etc?

I appreciate the help!

[Guest New2AllOfThis]

It's wonderful that you are supportive of your boyfriend er...girlfriend? And no I do not think this makes you a lesbian. You like her for her and her sex won't change that. You can still be straight and just happen to be in love with a female.

As for kids there's always adoption. It's not the same as having your own but you can give a child in need a great home to grow up in. As for family don't worry about them. You love her and you know that nothing can change that.

So glad you found this site. I hope we can be of some help

Ni-paa~

I don't think I could adopt knowing that we could have our own child. I want our children to be just that...OUR children. I can't really explain it. There's just something about knowing that you and your partner have a child who is part of both of you, and who was born because of your love for each other. I've wanted to have my own children since I was young. Giving up that ability would be devastating to me.

[MaryEllen]

Hi New,

Try some of the links on this Google page. Possibly some of your questions may be answered.

MaryEllen

http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=navc...f+storing+sperm

[Guest brandt]

It's wonderful that you are supportive of your boyfriend er...girlfriend? And no I do not think this makes you a lesbian. You like her for her and her sex won't change that. You can still be straight and just happen to be in love with a female.

As for kids there's always adoption. It's not the same as having your own but you can give a child in need a great home to grow up in. As for family don't worry about them. You love her and you know that nothing can change that.

So glad you found this site. I hope we can be of some help

Ni-paa~

i'm sure its better to use female prounouns for her. She is still one of the girls and always will be even if she is biologically male. and i know i'd be furious if i was referred to as she or her.

as for being a lesbian. no you are not because she is a girl and she is your girlfriend no matter what sex she biologically is. so in conclusion. i'm sure you're straight for loving this girl. and i'm very appreciative of your support for you girlfriend. i know i would love to have this much support from a girlfriend of mine. ( when ever that is )

and the having kids part. i've always wanted kids too. but i just really never thought of me giving birth. i just always thought i would be the daddy. but i don't know how. and i'm curious to know how it would be possible to have a kid of my own and not really give birth, because i gotta tell ya the giving birth thing just creeps me out. i want a wife and at least 2 kids. and i know what you mean when there is something about it when you actually have kids of your own together and it just makes the love better. and i'm not too fond of freezing my own eggs. i don't want my eggs. id rather have sperm but you know i can't produce that.

good luck with everything.

[Guest brandt]

i'm sure its better to use female prounouns for her. She is still one of the girls and always will be even if she is biologically male. and i know i'd be furious if i was referred to as she or her.

i meant : I'm sure its better to use male prounouns for him. he is still one of the guys and always will be even if he is biologically male.

is it me or somehow this got changed. cuz i know i said this the first time i typed it up. but oh well.

[MaryEllen]

Ummmm Brandt. New2AllOfThis's boyfriend is a Male to Female and should be refered to with the proper pronouns. ie. she, her. To address her with male pronouns is not only very insulting but against our rules and regulations. I'm sure this was just an innocent mistake on your part.

MaryEllen

[Guest New2AllOfThis]

Ummmm Brandt. New2AllOfThis's boyfriend is a Male to Female and should be refered to with the proper pronouns. ie. she, her. To address her with male pronouns is not only very insulting but against our rules and regulations. I'm sure this was just an innocent mistake on your part.

MaryEllen

Thanks for the concern, Brandt and MaryEllen.

I know it's technically against the rules, but for now my partner is "he." (I have been trying to avoid this by saying "partner" instead of boyfriend or girlfriend). According to my partner, "It's just a pronoun." It's not insulting either way. Eventually I'll probably call him "she" but until then, we'll probably continue using "he" because he and I are the only people who know/talk about his true gender, and using one pronoun at home and another in public could result in a slip-up that would leave us in an uncomfortable situation. I want my partner to tell other people about this when he's ready, not because I call him my "girlfriend" in public.

If it makes you feel more comfortable to say "she," go ahead. We don't mind. As long as you don't say "it" my partner won't be offended.

Another note about "partner:" My partner doesn't seem to have a preference, but I do prefer to call him my "partner." This is not only because of the gender issue, but also because we live in a sort of conservative region, and to a lot of people, living together as ___friend and girlfriend is unholy, or not considered as valid of a relatioship as "husband and wife" is. It's unfortunate. But saying "I live with my partner" or better yet, "I live with my best friend" feels a little less awkward sometimes than "I live with my boyfriend." It spares me the evil eye, and most of the time my marital status is irrelevent to the conversation.

Does anyone else run into the problem of the evil eye when you are asked about your relationship and answer honestly? Sometimes I get so mad I just want to tell the person to straw inhaler it up and that it's not the 1800s (or something far more inappropriate), but most of the time I just smile through it. I guess the gender change will make this situation more complicated.

What is it about marriage that makes people say "Oh, good. Now you two are legit." Any thoughts on this issue and how to deal with it?

[MaryEllen]

Thanks for the concern, Brandt and MaryEllen.

I know it's technically against the rules, but for now my partner is "he." (I have been trying to avoid this by saying "partner" instead of boyfriend or girlfriend). According to my partner, "It's just a pronoun." It's not insulting either way. Eventually I'll probably call him "she" but until then, we'll probably continue using "he" because he and I are the only people who know/talk about his true gender, and using one pronoun at home and another in public could result in a slip-up that would leave us in an uncomfortable situation. I want my partner to tell other people about this when he's ready, not because I call him my "girlfriend" in public.

If it makes you feel more comfortable to say "she," go ahead. We don't mind. As long as you don't say "it" my partner won't be offended.

Hi New2AllOF This,

However you wish to address your partner in private is up to you but here in the forums, we insist that the proper pronouns be used. This is rule #1 in the rules and regs forum.

Quote

1) Rule number 1 here is that proper pronouns will be used at all times when talking to other users. You may not refer to an MTF as a man or "he". You may not refer to an FTM as a woman or "she". We have many different gender variations here. It's not everyone who fits into the male or female genere. If you are not sure, ask. Nothing starts a gender or transgender war faster then calling someone the wrong gender or gender pronouns. It will not be tolerated here.

End Quote

We must abide by these rules to keep the forums running smoothly and without conflicts. I hope you understand why we have to do this. Thanks for your patience and understanding.

MaryEllen

[Guest brandt]

ooooh woops . haha i'm sorry.

i must have misunderstood. i didn't mean to . sorry. i should stop assuming. eh im 15 what do i know huh? lol sorry for the misunderstandment.

[MaryEllen]

Hi Brandt,

No problem. You're forgiven.

MaryEllen

[Guest brandt]

alright thanks maryellen =] and sorry again to new2allofthis