Gender Detectives

[Guest NatashaJade]

I work closely with a gender detective. He is constantly trying to figure out if she is(was) really a he. His main target is one teacher in particular. I always try to kill the discussion, thwart his investigation with a quick denial of his suspicion (if she is trans, she's so stealth I cannot tell), but he is rather piggish in his jocular thug musings...

Anyone else have any experience with these gender dicks? How do you handle it?

Gin

[Guest Donna Jean]

Yes, Gin....

Had that experience in the past with some cretin...

And I did like you and killed the discussion because it was hitting dangerously close to home....me!

We get to the point where we just want to be able to blend in...

We don't need some idiot trying to "figure it out"!

It doesn't require being figured out!

And if anyone has any good ideas on how to handle them...I'd like to hear it, too....

Donna Jean

[Guest NatalieRene]

I think I would probably turn it around on the person and infer that I think they are an trans person. And if they are asking open endedly without naming names I would choose to misunderstand it and act like they where beating around the bush about coming out themselves. It's more aggressive then I usually am but these sort of things need to be nipped in the butt

[Guest Miss Aeryn]

And if anyone has any good ideas on how to handle them...I'd like to hear it, too....

I say this completely tongue-in-cheek:

'It's like I've always said. You can get more with a kind word and two-by-four than you can with just a kind word.' Marcus, Babylon 5

[Guest Astro_Liz]

Babylon 5

Now THERE is a show I miss! Lots of great little quippy lines.

I didn't even know gender detectives existed. Nothing better to do with their time, seriously? *rolls eyes*

[Guest NatashaJade]

I say this completely tongue-in-cheek:

'It's like I've always said. You can get more with a kind word and two-by-four than you can with just a kind word.' Marcus, Babylon 5

Ahhh, B5. I miss thee

[Guest julia_d]

2x4 .. indeed.. just never needed any after 2 years as a rock club bouncer.

Last idiot I encountered like this had more than enough skeletons in closets for me to scare them off easily after just a little digging..

[Guest Janessa]

People like that really make me angry. There was this one guy online that kept calling me a boy just because I wouldn't show him a picture as proof of my sex, despite me constantly saying I don't want my picture on the net and accusing him of being a stalker. I didn't give him one of course, but it took so long just to get rid of him. >.>

I really think they need to mind their own business both online and offline. Disappointing it happens offline too, but not a surprise. =\

[Guest Eth]

I've seen this tons online, but not much in the "real world". Then again, it's not like I ever try to make any contact with the "real world"...

愛 Eth

[Guest AshleyRF]

I work closely with a gender detective. He is constantly trying to figure out if she is(was) really a he. His main target is one teacher in particular. I always try to kill the discussion, thwart his investigation with a quick denial of his suspicion (if she is trans, she's so stealth I cannot tell), but he is rather piggish in his jocular thug musings...

Anyone else have any experience with these gender dicks? How do you handle it?

Gin

Why does it matter to this person so much? Are the people in question potential dates? Is he going to physically harm them if they are? Or is he just a chaser? I think this person has far to much time on their hands.

[Guest Ryles_D]

I try to figure it out sometimes, too. But I don't try to find out if "she" used to be "he" and I'd never confront them about it or tell anyone who might not be accepting. It doesn't matter if she's trans or cis- that's just not nice.

I think the best thing you can do is thwart his plans, and the idea of joking about his interest being because he's trans might work. People like this annoy me. :/

[Guest Steven22]

Anyone else have any experience with these gender dicks? How do you handle it?

Gin

My personal favorite, Duct Tape or my favorite substitute, Epoxy.

[Guest NatashaJade]

Why does it matter to this person so much? Are the people in question potential dates? Is he going to physically harm them if they are? Or is he just a chaser? I think this person has far to much time on their hands.

I think this particular teacher rubs him the wrong way and he thinks it's funny to mock her by calling her a man. I have seen him question the gender of other women, though. I don't think he would physically harm anyone. He's not the type. He's just kind of a jerk and, sadly, I have to work with him a lot and I'm not in a position to mock him or do anything more than quickly change the subject.

Years ago I worked on a play about a transsexual (Charlemagne by Sarah Miles) and there was, naturally, a bit of interest from the trans community in the work. Every night, there were a couple of techs at the theatre who would play the "is she or isn't she" game, but it wasn't as mean spirited as this teacher is. I was out today in androgynous mode and I'm finally getting to the point that even if strangers notice that my jeans are ladies styled (flare legged...Old Navy rocks!), they wouldn't say anything to me and, if they did, so what? While there may be some gender dicks out there, so long as they keep it to themselves, it doesn't bother me one bit, so I don't have to think about it. I wish I didn't have to work with it though.

Gin

[Guest nova]

I was detained by one of these crotch police in a restroom. He had always been suspicious of me and came barging in as I was trying to exit and ordered me to pull my pants down. He said if I didn't he would "throw me out the (4th floor) window". So I started screaming, people came running down the hallway, and he ran. That was a couple years ago. Once some guy kept walking by me, back and forth, trying to flirt with me and I was ignoring him because he was gross. Then he got mad and walked right up to me and got within inches of me and started to stare at my face. Then he started to examine every detail and finally said, "are you a man or a woman?" I said, "I'm somebody who knows how to mind her own business and you don't have permission to speak to me". He just walked off mumbling and looking like he had been hit in the head with a lead pipe!

[Guest sphere]

Wow Nova, that sounds pretty scary! I don't think I would be able to stop myself from punching those types of people in the stomach.

I have been asked on multiple occasions if I was a guy or girl, and I always answer, "It doesn't matter" or "none of your business" or something similar. Oh, the stigma.

Whenever I DO pass if a teacher thinks I am male and calls me by the correct pronouns, there will have to always be some idiot gender cup cake to stand up and yell "THAT'S A GIRL I'M GOING TO CRUSH YOUR DREAMS AHAHAHAHAH!" :|

Whywhywhy are people so insecure that they have to tightly categorize people, and just CAN'T stand it if anyone is anywhere close from being the perfect stereotype of those categories?

[Guest ChloëC]

"Whywhywhy are people so insecure that they have to tightly categorize people, and just CAN'T stand it if anyone is anywhere close from being the perfect stereotype of those categories?"

I don't think it's so much a perfect stereotype as a fear of someone being a deviation from what some people consider as normal. Some of the reasons they 'hate' us is that they fear us, like people fear anything that is different - color of one's skin, religion, part of the country, economic status. It just goes on and on. If ts/tg people are allowed to be, these insecure people will have to wonder about their own spouse/significant other/themselves. A lot just don't ever want to have to go there.

Also, I think some people are just born with a 'hate' gene and as certain segments of life get closed off to them to 'hate' because the law (and society in general) says you can't do that anymore, they will turn to still safe groups to attack, like ts/tg people.

The example I often use, is - I'm walking down the street minding my own business and a dog sees me and barks at me until I am way out sight. I'm walking down another street and a cat sees me and instead of meowing at me, finds somewhere else to be. Which is the more civilized/mature/intelligent? Which would I rather try be a friend to? It's not even close.

Chloë

[Guest Miss Aeryn]

Sphere, that would have been the least of my response(s).

Suffering bullying and multiple mild-concussions since the age of four through four different schools over 15 years certainly taught me to defend my space, my body, my life. I study kung-fu. Opened up a whole new world.

I'm what you call a believer of dis-proportionate response. The trick is knowing what level of violence to use and when to stop, that can be justified/explained rationally in a court of law as justifiable self-defence, Your Honour...

[Guest viv]

Hi Gin,

It really melts my head the amount of freakin idiots out there.

I dont have a problem with innocent mistakes, I do that constantly

much to my embarasment , (read back some of my stuff )

but some folk out there are up to no good and that makes me mad.

That rear end for brains would be outa my circle of friends pronto.

Take care hun, Luv,viv

[Guest NatashaJade]

That rear end for brains would be outa my circle of friends pronto.

Sadly, he's not in my circle of friends but in a very inner circle of coworkers (just the kind I cannot afford to tip off at any point in the near future). Fortunately, the conversations we have generally are not about the trans community and its possible members.

Gin

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

I think that most of their problem is that we upset so many apple carts with being transsexual. Face it we were raised with the concept that you are male or female and that is it. Then later on we discover the truth and take the stand ok, that maybe so but I need to switch which one I am. They stand there with their beliefs shaken to the core and their psyche crumbling and can only think of one thing to do, try to ruin our lives because their world view was too narrow to accept that gender (or sex as they might say) is a spectrum, not two fixed points.