An Account Of My Life, As Told By Me.

[Guest anika]

During childhood I was sure I was different than everyone else, but wasn't sure how. Around the age of I think 9, I started to realize what was up, and even then it took me a long time to accept it. It was my well kept secret.

In high school I met a girl, my first girlfriend, and she eventually moved in to my parents' house because her mother had passed away the year before and her sister could no longer take care of her. She was my best friend, after all, so I came out to her just before Christmas in 1996. After the initial shock and emotional trauma passed, she came to support my in every way, and she was the primary reason I had the courage to transition at all. This I did at around 18, and through the more frowned upon methods since I am from a very small town with no resources.

We rented the small house my father owned, which was next door, and there ensued much angst and drama and arguing, but also much exploration of the world and ourselves, and we were still best friends. In 2001, in early February, We packed up an elderly Buick with whatever would fit in the trunk, the back seats, and across our laps (which wasn't much) and drove 10 hours to Rochester, NY, mostly on a whim. We had $1100 combined, and found a small, hot and cramped studio apartment above a bar.

It was this in Rochester that we ceased to be in a relationship but instead became quite akin to sisters, and this was also the most formative period in my life, and I look back on it very fondly and with great nostalgia. Sadly, there were some issues with our ability to pay rent, as I was the only one employed after 10 months, and then at minimum wage, and so my parents had to come to NY to pick us up (the elderly Buick had long since passed away).

For three years we lived at my parents' house, and during this time I learned that though my mother said she accepted me, she was in reality embarrassed. I also learned that my father did accept me, and wanted me to just be happy.

After moving to a larger city in Michigan, and eventually my friend met a man and got married. I consider this man a friend, but he was very territorial, and had jealousy issues and I did not enjoy living in the same house. Eventually, I moved out, as was requested of me. This friend is still very much like a sister, but I don't see her very often because she has a very busy work schedule as well as other factors (hubby). For the last 5 months, I have felt kind of adrift, being separated from my best friend.

My current roommate knows about me. After we both got excessively intoxicated and he proceeded to hit on me, I told him. That didn't really discourage him, and things happened, but since that night things have been sort of awkward between us. I don't really have anyone to confide in. I have one friend from work that I hang out with quite often, and I have told her about my situation. She doesn't think it's a big deal, which I suppose is good, but she also, I think get's tired of hearing about it.

At this point in my life I have a constant feeling of waiting..for something different. But nothing ever changes, day after day, and I am hoping to breakout of this rut somehow. I don't have a car, so I feel trapped in my house most of the time, and I don't feel like I can meet people in this city unless I go to bars, which I loathe. A lot.

So, instead I sill my spare time reading, and learning things. German, for instance, or about quantum mechanics (though I am terrible at math, the concepts fascinate me). I'm trying to teach myself piano. That's not working so well.

Anyway, maybe that's why I came to these forums. My life seems to be lacking vibrancy. I feel like I'm sleepwalking through it and I wanted to interact withe people I can relate to.

Told ya I was verbose.

This cheap camera has messed up perspective because I am not this cute IRL.

So, that's my story.

[Guest Donna Jean]

You've had an interesting time, Honey!

I'm sorry that you have to miss your girlfriend so much..She sounds like a wonderful friend.

And you look totally awesome! Cute little smile, beautiful eyes and straight nose...And, that long slender neck!

You're gonna knock 'em dead, Baby!

LOVE

Donna Jean

[Guest anika]

Thanks. It looks totally different from the side!

[Guest Donna Jean]

Thanks. It looks totally different from the side!

Of course it does....I'd be looking in your ear!

Don't be so hard on yourself, Honey...you look really good!

LOVE

Donna Jean

[Guest i is Sam :-)]

Where do I get a cheap camera that makes me look _that_ cute please? Cos either you're a very fine looking young lady, or there's some sort of magic optics going on.

[Guest anika]

Aww thanks. The camera actually is broken, it drains batteries in a couple of minutes. So, when I get a new one I'm going to take this one apart and see if I can make an infrared camera out of it. I love IR photography, but have never tried it.

[gennee]

Hi Anika. Thank you for sharing your story. You are an attractive young lady with beautiful eyes.

Have you found any people to befriend?

Gennee

[Guest anika]

Hi Anika. Thank you for sharing your story. You are an attractive young lady with beautiful eyes.

Have you found any people to befriend?

Gennee

Thank you! I know lots of people, but I have few people I would call good friends. These are the people that would do anything for me, and I would do likewise for them. A friend of mine told me 9 years ago that by the time I was 30, I'd be amazed at how many people had come into and out of my life, and relationships and friendships that seem permanent are really fleeting in retrospect. I didn't believe her then, but now I see how right she was.

[Guest Steph70]

This cheap camera has messed up perspective because I am not this cute IRL. I think you're lying about the camera, there is obviously nothing wrong with it . You are very pretty. And I can guarantee you can find people to relate to here, people to confide in, people to give you cookies! Just be careful...you may end up in a cookie coma.

Stephanie