Adrift

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

Having found out recently that what I thought I might be able to rebuild with my wife is not going to be rebuilt and cannot be rebuilt I am now back to drifting along emotionally wanting more than what I have but not knowing where to find it or how to look anymore.

adrift

Friends, yes

never destined to be more

not lovers, never again to be

together yet separate

roads parallel

not on the same one

never to have that closeness

never to feel what once was

not sure what to do

not sure where to turn

lonely but not alone

searching but not finding

wanting more

not knowing where to turn

needing something more

needing that connection

the connection of love

the connection of acceptance

acceptance of what I need

not sure where to find it

I know what I need

I know how it feels

right now I dont have it

not sure when I will

drifting along

wondering when

when I can look

look for that one

my transition ended this one

my sexuality nailed the lid

right now in my own world i live

needing so much more than what I have

there are people I know

from all over the world

none where I live

none who understand

one day, maybe one day

this will all change

and I can be who I am

and find what I seek

[Guest ~Brenda~]

one day, maybe one day

this will all change

and I can be who I am

and find what I seek

Joanna dear,

That day is closer than you realize. You will find peace and happiness.

Love awaits you,

HUGS

Brenda

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

I can only trust you are right Renn, till then it is one day, some day... wishing and hoping... how did that old song go......

[Sally]

Some of us have never experienced a loving relationship like a marriage that works even for a little while, mine was falling apart from the very start - she had hidden emotional problems that surfaced in the second month!

You have got to learn to hold onto the good things in your life - there are good times and good memories in everyone's life.

You have to make a conscience effort to remember good times or bad times so why bother with the bad?

I have been mistreated by many but I choose to think about the ones who treated me well.

Love is not anything that you can plan for, predict or even expect - it just happens and I tried to make it happen and ended up in a bad marriage.

You have had good times, if it does come to an end remember them and forgive and forget the bad - I had good times in mine, I am going to remember them not the screaming fits and flying dishes - literally.

The past is only memories so remember the wonderful times and they will carry you through the hard times.

All of my wonderful memories I was alone - on the bow of a cruise ship watching the stars in the South China Sea on a clear night, listening to a string quartet playing Mozart at the Amphitheater of Ephesus or watching the moon coming out from behind silvery clouds over the lighthouse at Makapuu Point - places and settings ideal for couples but always alone - they were still just as beautiful and that is how I choose to remember them.

So you make the choice - it will make all of the difference - it has for me.

People will be drawn to you when you are at peace with yourself and when you learn to love yourself it is easier to share and receive love.

I do love you and this is just my advice, you don't have to listen.

Love ya,

Sally