Yay For Confustion

[Guest foxy]

well i haven't posted in a while, with everything so hecktic with holidays so close i don't get much time anymore to spend reading how everyone is doing. i have started seeing a GT about 3 months ago, didn't really want post about it because a lot of what was talked about i already knew, though there was quit a bit i didn't and that opened my eyes some what. we talked about life history and such. he basically ended up telling me what i all-ready knew about myself, that my brain was female but my body was male and the choices i made were female but i was forced to portray male or be an outcast. then told me something that basically threw me for a loop, that my old self whom society wanted me to be was not me and who i am now is not who i actually am..... now i am sorry, but if doing what i enjoy acting and being myself and doing everything that i enjoy is not myself then how do you be yourself? its like he was trying to confuse me and what was even worse is just the use of the huge words that just serve to confuse me even more with what i was being told though he did tell me that i was going to have to relive my years from 12 to 21, which i guess means relearning to be myself and not pretending to be some one i am not, though don't understand why i need to relearn to be me when i am me now, ugh

can anyone possibly shed any semblance of light on any of this because its like i understand what he meant by it and why he says i need to do it yet i don't understand the reasoning behind it, and i don't understand how i can be any more me then i already am

as far as work and home goes things keep getting worse, my work said marry Christmas to 175 people 2 weeks before Christmas by firing them, parents taking there stress out on me and doing everything they can to shed all ties with me, just when i thought they had finally accepted me for whom i was it all gets worse doesn't the holidays just bring out the worst in some people?

[Guest i is Sam :-)]

I guess maybe what he was saying is that as you missed out on the chance to develop as a girl, that your personality is different because of it and you won't really find your true self until you have chance to re-explore those years and feelings and everything that goes with it, in your correct gender. It's kinda like how I like to say i'm becoming a girl rather than a woman because in my mind I still have to be a girl first and grow into a woman.

[Paula ult]

Let me start by saying welcome back Foxy,

I will assume you are not on hormones yet, though at 3 months you should be close to getting the letter, i think what he means by "who i am now is not who i actually am" is you will have to learn female mannerisms, all MtF have too , some more than others, i went to the mall and observed how other woman walked, sat interacted with other woman, speech patterns, etc.

As far as reliving 12 - 21 he is referring to you going thru female puberty, where girls develop breasts and basically learn to be woman, i am about 17 right now even though i am 57.

If your therapist uses words you do not understand, stop him and ask what they mean.

Paula

[Guest nova]

Relive the years 12-21? What? I don't get it. I never had to do anything like that. did he mention how many sessions this might take? I am confused too.

[Guest foxy]

Let me start by saying welcome back Foxy,

I will assume you are not on hormones yet, though at 3 months you should be close to getting the letter, i think what he means by "who i am now is not who i actually am" is you will have to learn female mannerisms, all MtF have too , some more than others, i went to the mall and observed how other woman walked, sat interacted with other woman, speech patterns, etc.

As far as reliving 12 - 21 he is referring to you going thru female puberty, where girls develop breasts and basically learn to be woman, i am about 17 right now even though i am 57.

If your therapist uses words you do not understand, stop him and ask what they mean.

Paula

ya i am not on hormones yet, he said it would take 3 months at 2 sessions a month, tho i am doing them once every 3 weeks due to how tight money is. i got the walk and sit part down, though i know my speech needs work... i guess i just assumed since every person talks differently that it was a vary fine line between male n female speech, guess i should take a trip to the local mall for a day and learn there instead of watching my co workers at my job. doubt work and stress help them be themselves since all the firings that are going on. thank you vary much for your incite paula its really helped me understand it a lot better, tho now i'm excited to learn new things

[Guest Joanna Phipps]

What your therapist told you is what many of us on here and on other places have known for ages, even though we have gone through life living behind the mask that we made so we didnt have to be lonely; in many ways it has been our female brains that have been giving the orders all our lives. This is part of the dysphoria, society says that a man shouldnt like the soft things, like looking after babies and kids and doing things that are "Women's work" however what society doesnt know is that somewhere along the line we got put in the wrong body so to us all of those things are natural.

We spend so much time hiding our female self from society that we can actually end up doing a reasonable job of hiding her from ourselves. In many ways we learn to think and act like the gender roll we are playing so we learn the reactions to having fun in that roll. However with it not being who we truly are there is always something that says, "this is fake, this isnt you" but for sanity's sake we learn to bury that feeling.

As you move through transition you will find that reacting like the female you are gets easier and easier; yes there is a relearning period that time where you learn to move, sit, stand, talk and think like a woman but assimilating those things gets easier as time goes on.

What he is saying is that as you begine hormones you actually go through puberty all over again and have to learn what it is to be your right gender. I dont know why he put it the way he did, I think that if he had just said you will go through puberty again it would have been much easier to grasp.

Welcome to the journey sister

[Guest viv]

Hi Foxy,

Hope your fine hun, welcome back. You know, I recon its just maybe your

therapist"s way of putting things across to you . All therapists will want to do their

best for their patients Foxy so I think your cool hun. All the right stuff is happening

hrt and so on . No need to worry , your in good shape. Sorry to hear re work lay

off"s . About your family , lets hope its the time of year and not you , I hope so hun.

Luv,viv

[Guest Miss Aeryn]

I'm confused too. All bar the holidays bit. That is purely human nature.